random rants, random raves

Tucker Max Can Blow Me — But No Way Am I Gay.

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Tucker Max

I started this blog as nothing more than an outlet. I never expected any sort of readership — let alone “fans” — but I’ve got both now…which, of course, can be a good thing — or a bad thing.

With readership comes criticism, and there’s two types of that: critics that have something constructive to say, and those whose agenda it is to simply bash. And I don’t care what anyone says, either one can be tough to swallow.

It’s always nice to hear good things about your work, and when someone has something bad to say…well, at least they’re saying something, right? Cause that’s better than when no one has anything to say at all.

One of my fans IM’s me via yahoo chat. He’ll ask how I’m doing, and who I’ve shot, and who I’m going to shoot, and he’ll tell me what scenes I’ve shot that he likes, and the ones that are just so-so, and the ones that he feels failed…and I’m OK with anything anyone has to say about my movies, cause…well, it’s just porn, right?

Then he shows me this.

I’m OK with what people have to say about my movies; the writing is a different story.

…he seems so bored with his job that it doesn’t really make me want to read about it.

I really don’t take the movies I make very seriously. Which isn’t to say I don’t put 100% into them. It takes a lot of time to cast and to schedule, along with everything else that goes along with preproduction; I make sure my production values are right on while I’m shooting; I treat my actors with respect; I change up scenarios so no one gets bored; which is to say I take my job very seriously and I do my best. But to me, porn is porn, and the sole purpose of porn is to make sure the consumer blows his wad.

The End.

[I Shoot Porn] elicited absolutely zero from me. It didn’t make me frown or smile. No pity, no thought, no inspiration, not even desire. The porn stars all had the expected histories. He was expectedly cordial and friendly and complimentary of all the girls. The photos were more skeevy than sexy. None of the cartoons were funny.

I can hear the surf pound the sand. I’m sitting in a beach-side rental near San Diego, banging this out. The weather is perfect and there’s a million hot chicks running around in bikinis, and I’m amazed how almost each and every one of them is flawless in their own way…and that turns me on way more than anything I’ve ever shot before.

Some of the best (comparatively) writing was the stuff that made little or no reference to porn. Maybe he’s just painted himself into a corner?

I just scored tickets to two Wilco shows: Berkeley (August 24th) and Los Angeles (the following Wednesday). I haven’t traveled to see a band since I started going to concerts in 1978 (8th grade, Van Halen, $3.93 at the Celebrity Theater, Phoenix Arizona), and I’m geeked on going…although the LA show can’t really be considered traveling. I’m still trying to figure out if I just like the new record, Sky Blue Sky, or if I really like Sky Blue Sky.

I didn’t hate it, I didn’t love it. I was rather indifferent. It was like mediocre porn — redundant and eventually boring. Porn shouldn’t be boring.

I’ve had the weirdest shit happen to me this summer, and summer just started: a family member of a Porn Whore I work with called my cell phone and accused me of giving her booze and drugs so she’d do the things she’s done over the past 3 and 1/2 years, which is not only absurd, but painful and disturbing on all sorts of levels as well; the local charity case in my building — a guy we’ve fed and given work and helped the best we could — went postal and decided he wanted to kill everyone in sight…literally; Barbie Cummings got pulled over by a cop, and need I say more (cause I’m sure you know all about it already!) and now she’s just married a dude she met only days earlier; finally, I’ve had to kill two scenes over the last two weeks, and I haven’t had to do that since I started shooting smut almost 5 years ago.

It’s some regular seeming dude, doing what about 75% of guys secretly aspire to do. IE give up a crummy job and bang hot chicks.

Speaking of banging hot chicks, I shot Madison Scott recently for Manojob. Nope, I didn’t bang her, but god damn I wanted a piece of that ass. Why do people think because I shoot porn, I bang hot chicks? Or any chicks, for that matter?! As a matter of fact, I hardly get laid at all. Maybe it has something to do with something that (Not the Real) Ron Jeremy wrote in about, or simply the fact that I’m caring less and less about getting laid lately? Maybe I need to get on that testosterone therapy treatment I’ve been reading about.

He can write clearly and has a interesting point of view. It’s not just about porn, and it humanizes that side of the business.

There’s a couple of reasons my mind goes back and forth so much with Sky Blue Sky. It’s not obvious, and that can be a good thing…or it can be a bad thing. With anything that’s art, only time will tell. The song “Impossible Germany” drives me whacky, even though all the critics think it’s the best track on the CD. When I listen to parts of the record it kinda reminds me of when I was a kid — growing up in Chicago — and all I ever listened to was WLS: Wings and Steely Dan and 10cc.

I don’t think the average woman will find it interesting but they might learn something from it.

Did I mention I bought Sky Blue Sky on CD and vinyl? Here’s the cool thing — if you buy the vinyl, they throw the CD in, and there’s DVD stuff on it. I have no idea what it is, cause the record’s at home, and I’m in California.

He’s funny at times, but not enough and not very insightful or compelling.

After San Diego, it’s LA Erotica this weekend; in fact, it’s going on right now. I like the big events for one reason — the girls get treated like stars. Instead of getting bashed for what they do, they get positive attention from fans, and they sign autographs and pose for pictures and all in all that’s a good thing.

Obviously porn is an interesting subject but like everyone else is saying, the guy’s too bland. In a lot of ways he’s just your typical so-so blogger, except that his life happens to include some things people want to hear about.

My blogging has slowed down cause I feel like I’m running out of things to say. I’ve had people tell me I need to blog everyday in order to keep my traffic up. I’ve had people tell me what I can and can’t blog. I’ve had people tell me they love my blog. I’ve had people tell me my blog sucks.

As long as I have something to say, I’ll say it. Might not be everyday, and you might not always like it…but, just like anything else, if you like it you can read it, and if you don’t, then just don’t come back.

In the meantime, I’m back to Sky Blue Sky.

Wilco Sky Blue Sky

Super Fun E-mails, Whatever Happened to Her?

Super Fun E-mails.

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Spring Thomas

Will D. writes:

Dear Billy,

I was just wondering, what do porn whore’s usually do when they are done with porn?

I enjoy reading your blog, but after reading some updates I was left with this question in my head.

I mean do super whore’s like Ruth, Barbie, and Spring ever want to setle down?

Write back as soon as possible please,I hate being baffled. lol

Sicerelly
Will D.

Heya Will D.

Excellent question. I’ve always kinda wondered that myself…especially before I got into this biz. And I must admit…it’s almost as much of a mystery to me now as it was then.

I guess the short answer to your question is “yes” — super whores do settle down; however, I can’t tell you exactly when this happens. Again, it’s another mystery, akin to, perhaps, the existence of Sasquatch…or Nessy, The Loch Ness Monster.

Did I tell you that a few years ago I met Seka at AVN’s in Vegas? She’s bookable, too! Nina Hartley is, too! I’ve seen Ginger Lynn around more than once at porno meetings of one sort or another, as well as Christy Canyon.

I think, for the most part, once a Porn Whore retires from in front of a camera, most stay in the sex business, cause the money’s so good. It might not be the thing they spend the most time doing…but they dabble in it, so to speak: escorting and feature dancing immediately come to mind.

Some end up behind the camera, or doing make-up on porn sets, or PA-ing, or running a talent agency.

Some end up with their Sugar Daddy. Or they straight up marry a dude who has met the Porn Whore through some sort of sexual tryst, cause, for some reason, there’s dudes out there who love to “save” a whore.

I’ve heard of these dudes referred to as “Captain Save-a-ho”.

Others go back to school, which is usually where they came from. In other words, they were a college student, and they needed a little extra money, and they made a dirty movie, and they realized there was way more money in dirty movies than there was in whatever career choice they were studying in college, so they left college to make dirty movies all the time, and then, after a while, they got burnt out making dirty movies, so they wind up back in school, ready to move on to a “normal life”.

And finally, Will D., some simply just disappear and go on living their lives completely away from the sex business, cause they want their alter-ego Porn Whore Identity to go away forever…and since porn has such a short shelf life, they do, in fact, achieve this.

Hope you’re no longer baffled.

Your pal — Billy

Ruth Blackwell and Katie Thomas

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#30) — Bree Barrett

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Bree Barrett interview

I interviewed Bree Barrett right before we made a trip out to one of the cruisy gloryholes in town…and then back to the studio for Blacks on Blondes. She took a liking to Gia Paloma’s dog, Diego.

I Shoot Porn: You’re the 30th interviewee for my blog! How does that make you feel?

Bree Barrett: 3’s my lucky number!

ISP: For real?

BB: Yea! Good things come in 3’s. In the movie Lucky Number Sleven, Josh Hartnet says bad things come in 3’s. For me it’s the opposite.

ISP: How does a sweet, innocent girl like you get into the filthy, dirty adult entertainment business?

BB: Maybe I’m not as innocent as I look.

ISP: Gimme an example.

BB: Oh, recently I had sex on the counter of American Eagle…it’s a store in the mall in Salt Lake City. The store was closed, but it was still fun. I also had sex in my car, while driving! I was steering, he was working the pedals. I was sitting on his dick to the “Pump It Up” song. I fucked him to the beat!

ISP: Wait a sec. You mentioned Salt Lake City. Are you LDS?

BB: Yes. Well, my family is.

ISP: Good old Joseph Smith. I like to credit him and his silly religion with the start of many porn girls’ careers.

BB: South Park put it best: Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb!

ISP: How do you like this biz so far?

BB: The sets are fun. I like to fuck. But the environment is a lot different than what I’m used to.

ISP: Example?

BB: Scandalous, two-faced people are everywhere. Let’s put it like this — it’s hard to trust anyone.

ISP: But that’s kinda like the real world, isn’t it?

BB: I have great family and friends. I don’t lie, cheat, or steal. So it’s hard to fathom how much everyone else does in the industry.

ISP: I concur. What’s the dumbest thing a director’s ever asked you to do?

BB: Oh…that’s hard. Um. I was asked to be “romantic” in doggy style. I don’t understand how that works. What am I supped to do? Hand the dude a bottle of champagne? Tell him how lovely his face is? What?!

ISP: I have an idea. Let me show you. Go ahead and get nude, then get on your hands and knees, and I’ll romance you.

BB: LOL — you know what “LOL” means, right?

Bree Barrett interview

Barbie Cummings, random raves, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Back In Splooge Land

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Ruth Blackwell and Amanda Bell

What a week.

I got back from my European jaunt and got to relax at my Phoenix bachelor pad for two whole days before I packed Maggie and Me and the new Wilco CD into my car and headed west on I-10 to Los Angeles — or, as my pal Nicky Milo likes to call it — Splooge Land.

If you’re self-employed, you know that going on a vacation means (most of the time) more work — both before you leave, and after you get back. Sometimes, it’s almost not even worth it.

When I was On The Clock, and working for The Man, I couldn’t wait for vacation.

Now I kinda almost dread them.

Anyways, I got back on Sunday night, and had Ruth Blackwell in my studio Monday and Tuesday. All in all, I’d say 4 more great shoots to add to a great site. Shit, there’s times I wished I owned that site, cause I gotta tell you very few times does a Ruth Blackwell scene go sour. In fact, I can’t even think of a time when that’s happened.

Oh sure, you’re thinking I’m just saying this cause I direct the scenes, but really…I’m serious. Ruth can put on a great show, and the girls that come into the scenes kinda follow Ruth’s lead, and that makes for Hot Action.

If you’re wondering who the girl in the pic is, the one getting converted into a BCS, it’s Amanda Bell, and no…you don’t recognize her. You don’t know her work cause she’s so new to Splooge Land that none of her work’s been released yet. So consider this pic a teaser, of sorts. I kinda liked it when, on camera, I asked her what she did back home for a living (she worked at a call center answering phones) and how much she made ($600 every other week) and then I asked her how she liked her new job: the one where a big black dick made her cum 3 times and she got paid more in 2 hours than she did in 2 weeks answering the telephone.

She likes her new job.

I also shot a few Gloryhole-Initiations, too. Those scenes cater to the Connoisseur of Porn that likes his girls black…and his dicks white.

Got in a Blacks On Blondes, as well…with Evie Delatosso. Evie was an interesting casting choice, and I went with her cause:

1) She’s never done 2 guys in her life before…on or off-camera. So I booked her with two well-hung young African-American studs.

2) Having all blondes…or white girls…whatever….well, that can get a little boring, right? Why not spice it up with a Latina? A Latina, I might add, who has a bangin’ ass and huge, natural fun bags.

Oh! Did I mention that the (now) infamous Barbie Cummings stopped by to knock out four scenes for her site? Yes…this fine young lady graced us with her presence before leaving, in somewhat of a hurry, to join her new man on their trip to Las Vegas…and The Altar.

A dude she met a few days ago…at the airport.

And just when I thought shit couldn’t get any weirder in Splooge Land…

Evie Delatosso interracial sex

Nothing To Do With Porn

Par Lay Vew, Frenchy?

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It’s 6.30 am. I got up two hours ago.

I haven’t been up this early since I had a “normal” job. Come to think of it, I haven’t been up at 4.30 am since I was head of the human resource department at a small stock brokerage firm over a decade ago. But I’m laggin’ man, as in Jet Lag, cause I’m back on home soil after my grand tour of France and Belgium.

What does a pornographer do on vacation? Perhaps the same shit you do: in Paris, I rode around the city in one of those open air tour buses with my headphones securely fastened while a pre-recorded voice told me all about everything I was looking at; I scoured the second-hand dealers that set up along with River Seine, looking for weird books and ephemera (scores include 2 copies of Jazz Journal from 1960 with great cover shots of Miles Davis and Julian “Cannonball” Adderley); I hit a few smut shops on Rue Denis and visited all my old friends whose faces are plastered on all the American Porno that seems to dominate the Parisian adult book stores; I ate a whole lot, too; in Normandy I took the D-Day tour and saw old German guns in old German bunkers while I ate a whole lot; in Bayeux, which is near Normandy, I walked around a medieval town and looked at super old churches and ate a whole lot; in Brugge, Belgium, I walked around a medieval town and looked at super old churches and ate a whole lot; in Leuven, Belgium, I walked around a medieval town and looked at super old churches and ate a whole lot; in Brussels, Belgium, I walked around a big old city and looked at super old churches and ate a whole lot.

Man there’s a lot of old churches in France and Belgium, and the food is really good there, too. Except, I think, the French have figured out food better than the Flemish have…although the chocolate and beer in Belgium kicks a whole lot of ass.

But there’s more to life than chocolate and beer.

Maybe not.

I think I’ll go clean my tiny little bachelor pad. It’s filthy, and what else to do at half past six in the morning but clean? And take my first listen to Sky Blue Sky, the brand new Wilco record; I’m quite sure it will be the highlight of my June.

Listening to Jeff Tweedy and his band mates, that is…not cleaning my house.

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, random raves, Super Fun E-mails

Super Fun E-mails.

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Molly Mason

Faceblaster writes:

I watched a bunch of stuff from your sites. Here is my vote for best of the best:

The Dick Suckers: Emily Evermore. Holy shit, That girl is great in this one. I know she is a privates girl……hook me up. I got some new money to blow.

Mano Job: Cadence Caliber! I can’t get past the part where she rubs the dick on her pussy lips. Never heard of this girl, but she makes my pee-pee vomit.

JOMG: Kelly Kline. Man oh man, that girl is so sexy. Good outdoor stuff

Also love that girl Spunkmouth Sugar scene. Pigtales! Yumm.

Kevin and Alexia Sky is a good set-up, but her attitude sucks. “I like to be in control, I won’t beg for nut” Fuck you, teen ho.

Lexxi Lynn Manojob: Oh Fuck! I built a loop of her whispering the word “please” just as the guy unloads and saying “Thank you” as the blasts continue. Maybe the best popshot ever filmed.

Molly Mason Eat Some Ass: Cutest newbie scene in the bunch. Green eyed brunette! When you talk about that “deer in the headlights” look, this should be the template.

That’s it for now. I’m back from work and bangin Ho’s off craigslist.

Face Blaster!

I gotta tell ya, I really appreciate this e-mail, and I wanna tell everyone reading now this is an unsolicited e-mail!! That’s right… real customer feedback.

Emily Evermore is a whore’s whore, a real slut who loves her work as much as life itself.

And what can I say about Cadence Caliber? Here’s the dealio: she’s new to adult, and she might be out soon. That’s the way it works around here, and sometimes it’s a good thing…and sometimes it’s bad. I think Cadence is superb, so it’s a bad thing that she’s going away. She’s off to greener pastures; she’s not out cause she hates porno at all.

Kelly Kline! An old pal. I shot her ages ago, when she first got into the biz. It was a Spunkmouth scene, and it was a great one. I think it was her 3rd or 4th scene in the biz, ever, and her newbie-ness shows. Which, to me, makes it even hotter.

Sugar, on Spunkmouth, was shot by The Whoremonger. I didn’t shoot that one. I don’t know Sugar. I don’t even think she’s around anymore. I think she was a Vegas girl, but I could be wrong. But damn, our members lover her.

Alexia Sky. A new whore on the circuit, and yea, you’re right. She’s got ‘tude. I shot her an Alexia Sky Manojob scene and and Alexia Sky Dick Suckers scene, too. I even did an Alexia Sky interview. She’s sassy cause she’s just 18, and like all the porno whores who come to Porno Land that are barely-legal, she wants to be the next Jenna Jameson. I don’t think she has what it takes, though…although she did get absolutely creamed at the filthy adult bookstore I took her to for that Spunkmouth scene…and it took the wind out of her sails, so to speak. So that should make you happier.

Funny thing about the Lexi Lynn popshot for Manojob. Well, funny thing about shooting pop shots. They’re super tricky to shoot, cause there’s no rehearsing them. I mean once you pop, you pop…and no one knows that better than Faceblaster himself. Remember when you blasted Jacky Joy for Eat Some Ass? To me that was the best pop I’ve ever captured…but yea, this Lexi Lynn one is great, too…cause if I woulda told Lexi to whisper “please” before the pop and to thank him during it, well…the scene wouldn’t have gone down like it did. And thanks a ton for saying it was the best pop captured on film. I’d have to give those honors to a Peter North scene myself…but hey, I’ll take that praise!

Last, but not least, Molly Mason. I liked her so much I POV’d her myself…and since it’s at my clip store, you can see the Molly Mason Amateur creampie scene without having to join a whole site! Just DL the clip and enjoy!

A shameless plug, from a shameless pornographer.

Come to think of it, this whole blog was nothing but that.

Shameless.

Cadence Caliber

Interview with a Pornstar, Miss Wolfe

Interview with a Porn Star (#29) — Miss Wolfe

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Miss Wolfe Sex In The Capitol

I’m sitting at a cafe in Paris thinking of stuff to blog about when I see Miss Wolfe log on to Yahoo! chat. It hit me then — interview her. And why not? Her blog, Love in the Capitol, is a fun read; even more fun are her IM chats with me…oh, things like chatting to me that there’s a “hot” guy sitting near her at the library while she’s studying, and the next thing I know she goes and blows him. Right there. In her lonely corner of the University library. Things like that.

So, on a nice Parisian afternoon, while sitting in the middle of a cafe overlooking the Eiffel Tower and sipping on my latte, I conducted this international IM chat interview via Yahoo Messenger.

Fun, huh?

I Shoot Porn: You’re the first girl I’ve interviewed that isn’t a porn star. How does that make you feel?

Miss Wolfe: i don’t know. i guess its good because it shows the men out there that there are girls who love sex just as much as they do and they don’t have to turn to a movie to see it. i do love all the readers i gained from my first interview.

ISP: Well, it wasn’t really an interview…more like a IM log. But no biggie. Let’s talk about your blog. What made you want to publish your slutty stories to the world?

MW: I have always kept a journal. I started the blog for myself because i got sick of writing and buying those blank books. i didn’t think anyone would read my blog at first because there are so many sex blogs. when i blog about my sex life it is more for myself than my readers. i use it to look at myself. somehow, it helps me see who i am, a form of self discovery.

ISP: Sounds like me and the impetus to my blog. So what’s your damage? The only reason I ask this is society can’t handle The Slut yet. Society wants to blame your slutty ways on Dope, or your Daddy banging you when Mommy wasn’t around. Maybe you’re adopted?

MW: i know that is so cliché. the girl that likes sex must be damaged in some way. there is no damage here. i honestly just like to have sex. I come from a loving caring home. my parents didn’t screw me up.

ISP: then let’s talk about Frat Houses and BJ Trains.

MW: what can i say, i was at a party and had more than a couple drinks. I was 17 at the time. i was really turned on by this one guy and not wanting to have sex. he was pushing and i wasn’t at the sex point. I offered him a blow job. you know men, he took me up on the offer. to make this somewhat short, i was blowing him and his friend walked in the room. he watched and at the end he was looking like he wanted one. so i blew the friend. a couple guys showed up and i just kept going.

ISP: what was the final tally?

MW: 7 or 8 guys.

ISP: To me, that’s way hotter than a Blacks On Blondes scene or a Manojob. Cause it’s real. That’s why I dig you so much. No one had to pay your “rate” for that.

MW: like i said before, i just like sex and sexual things. i get a lot of shit because of it from women. i just prefer to think of it as being like a man when it comes to sex. why should they be able to be sexually free without being an outcast

ISP: Well, you can thank The Church for that. Are you religious?

MW: religious no. i believe in god, i think churches are bad for religion. they set up dumb rules and take peoples money. i believe if i treat people with respect and kindness i will end up in heaven.

ISP: Amen sister. Are you bi?

MW: i don’t consider it bi, but i have been with women.

ISP: Please, elaborate. Give my readers something to jack to…

MW: i don’t think i could go into jacking material in a short format. i will say that i think girls look and feel great. i love the curves. i have been in mff and fff threesomes. i have been interested in girls just as long as men but i am mostly a man lover. i promise i will post something this week about a girl girl experience on my blog. i always had fun at sleep overs…i had a couple friends when i would stay at their house or them at mine, we would explore each other. i taught a couple how to masturbate.

ISP: Wait a sec. Please please please elaborate on that last sentence. “i taught a couple how to masturbate.”

MW: well, i learned relatively young how to masturbate from the lovely ginger lynn, she is my sexual hero. when i started to do it, i was curious if other girls were doing that sort of thing. i asked a couple of my friends and they said no. they were curious, so i showed a couple. at a sleep over, i would sit there in front of them and masturbate to show them what i did.

ISP: Would they follow your lesson?

MW: duh, yes they did.

ISP: what age we talking here?

MW: 14, 15.

ISP: I want you to know I now have a boner in the middle of this Parisian cafe.

MW: that reminds me of a story…of jacking a guy off in a restaurant: i was 16 the first time i did it. he was teasing me throughout the dinner by rubbing my thigh. i thought it was completely unfair that i was sitting there with soaking panties. i reached over and pulled his cock out of his pants. i started to stroke him under the table. i think he was overexcited because he shot his load in like a minute. no one said anything but the next person that sat at the seat had a table cloth with cum on it
though.

ISP: OK, we have to stop the dirty talk or I’ll blow a load on the nice lady next to me sipping on her Latte. How did you get to be such a smarty-pants at school?

MW: i blame my parents. they are both PhD’s and always encouraged my brothers and myself to ask questions. they passed on their thirst for knowledge.

ISP: Who do you blame on your thirst for jizz?

MW: i only blame myself. i read a study that women can become addicted to the mood elevating effects of cum. the only problem is where do i go for a cum addiction? i don’t think there is a cum addiction anonymous group.

ISP: Oh yes there is…didn’t I tell you? It’s at my studio in Los Angeles, and I’ll be your counselor to get you through your terrible crisis.

Miss Wolfe Sex In The Capitol

Guest Bloggers

Today’s Guest Blogger: The Minion.

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The Minion and The Sandman

From time to time I have guests blog whatever it is they feel like blogging. I will not tell them what to blog; I won’t edit it; I won’t influence the Guest Blogger in any way.

The Minion. Pro Wrestling. Being (and not being) recognized as a “porn star”. Can I tell you guys that in my Producer’s vault lay 100+ scenes of The Minion fucking the hottest new (well, they’re not so new anymore) Porn Whores? That’s right…all 350 pounds of him with his steamin’ 4 inch dick. I’ve been on set a few times when it all went down, and I gotta tell you…when this shit hits the net, things just won’t be the same anymore.

Stay tuned, my brothers — your pal, Billy.

We are all in the porn business and run the risk of getting STD’s, woodless scenes, and being recognized by the public. I was Chico Wang’s right-hand man for quite a while and he shot me with some of the best cum sucking whores out there. I popped my video cherry in November 2003 with Mason Storm. She showed absolutely no mercy as she sat on my face, ridiculed my physique, and urinated on me all in the basement of Boogie Nights 2.0. I knew at that moment that my life would take a different turn since G-d knows how many people would end up watching it.

Fast forward months after that and the Wang has me knee deep in pussy all the while he’s trying not to shake the camera too much from his constant laughter from girls beating the daylights out of me. No problem was to be had, except for the constant lack of wood on my part and bloated belly as a result of mass quantities of food involved.

Wait, I’m going to make a point here sooner rather than later. I knew I would eventually be recognized in public by those not in the “jizz bizz”. I was waiting for the moment I would be in a 7-11 getting some chocodiles or nachos with cheese (who only knows how long that cheese has been in that machine!) and being called out by some onlooker with words of, “Hey, you’re the Minion!” It’s happened only a few times and I want to document to you when it happened.

I’m a huge Extreme Chapionship Wrestling Fan — the ’92 – 2001 years and not the shit on tv now. When I was told of a reunion show that several of their alumni were holding in Philadelphia, I made plans to attend. Then the WWE announced they were having an ECW show entitled “ECW:One Night Stand” in New York 2 days after the Philly show. I made plans to fly out with porn mope, Manuel Laybor, and left Porn Valley for a few days.

Now picture in your mind the following: A Bingo Hall in a horrible part of Philadelhia, the same building at about 115 degrees fahrenheit, and 1100 screaming fans inside and you have an idea of what I was surrounded by. It was a fucking oven inside and I was sweating crisco. It was then time for intermission and I made my way to get some fresh air outside when these words stopped me in my tracks: “Dude………………you’re the Minion!”

I had to think to myself if I heard what I thought I heard. In fact, yes I did. I turned to my right and saw a guy with some of his pals and he had the same kind of smile a 5 year old kid has when you take him to the mall to meet Mr.T. I shot the shit with him for a while and all was good. Remember, I’m almost 3000 miles away from the comfort of Chatsworth and the marketing machine known as Chico Wang was able to get my face and name known on the opposite side of the country. I thought it was a fluke and left the building for a few minutes to get a cheesesteak sandwich that wasn’t so good.

It’s now Monday, the day after the WWE show, and I’m in JFK airport ready to come back home. Again, I get recognized, but this time it’s by a traveler and not a wrestling fan. He tells me he knows about the insane shit I’ve done on camera and whatnot. So in the course of 2 days I was spotted by 2 people on the East Coast and it made my trip better.

But New York pizza was actually greater than being recognized.

The Minion

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

I Be Google’n

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Spring Thomas and Shane Diesel

From time to time I check out my stats. When I refer to them as “my stats” I mean traffic stats, as in who is coming to my blog, how they’re getting to my blog, what other websites they’re coming from, and what they’re typing into search engines in order to wind up at — you guessed it — my blog.

I’ve done this before, I’m doing it now, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. I don’t do it as much as I used to, but damn…I laugh my ass off when I read what people actually type into Google. I’d like to reiterate I don’t make this shit up. These are all real, unedited search engine phrases that were typed into Google and resulted in a hit for I Shoot Porn.

I’ll take the time and respond to them as well. But you know that already, don’t you? And with that said, let the Google fun commence:

“how much does it cost to fuck a porn star” — Good question! Some porn stars do what’s called a “private”. I think I’ve mentioned privates here before. They’re kinda funny, too…not the privates themselves, but the porn stars who do — and don’t — do them. Some Porn Whores love the side cash, and they realize they’re a whore (as defined), which means they’ll have sex for money. Where they (the Porn Whores) get confused is this whole idea of whether a camera is actually capturing the sex on tape. See, some Porn Whores don’t do privates cause they “are not” a whore. To these Silly Rabbits, they’re “actresses” who have sex on tape as part of their job. They reject the idea that they’re a whore, which means they’ll never do a private, to which I say, More Power To Ya, Whore!

“how much cash do porn models make” — Currently it’s $100 an hour (or so) for “solo” work (masturbation / toys); $250 – $400 to suck cock; $700 – $900 to lez out; and $900 – $2500 to fuck a boy. This is the girlie rate; I won’t get into what dudes make, and I could get more detailed, but I won’t. Search my blog for more complete information on Pay Days in Porno Land.

“easter porn stories” — Sometimes I wonder how much people have to drink when they sit down at night to Google various shit.

“ebay porn penis sucking cumshots” — Sometimes I wonder how many drugs people have ingested when they sit down at night to Google various shit.

“girl started crying in the middle of a porno scene” — I’ve been on set when this has happened. In, like, 500+ scenes, it’s happened maybe 3 times. It’s always a little weird and really uncomfortable, cause of the business we’re in, and how everyone automatically thinks females are victims in my line of work, and honestly, every single time a girl’s cried on set in front of me it’s always been about being a crybaby and not being a victim at all. But you’re never going to believe that one, are you?

“big titted slutty porno whores” Gianna. Kylie G Worthy. Natasha Nice. Adrianna Nicole. Eve Lawrence. Barbie Cummings. I could go on and on…

“naked porn birthday comments for myspace” — What do you think for this one…too much booze? Drugs? Both??

“phone numbers to horny girls creagslist” — When I was 18, me pal and I drove up Sunset Strip, from about Fairfax east to the 101, and it was Whore Alley. Apparently, they’re all on Craigslist now. I dunno how many of them are horny, but if you’ve cashed your payday check, you might wanna check out all the whores there. Just go to your local Craigslist and click on “erotic” under “services”.

“shane diesel porn star history” Once upon a time there was a man named Agustus. It was a silly name, and he knew that, so he changed his name to Mr. Thick. He stuck with Mr. Thick for a while, cause it made sense, and it was a pretty cool name. I’ve always told Shane it’s my favorite of all his names. It’s kinda tough without being corny, you know? When I shot Shane for the first time, it was with Spring Thomas, and he had just changed his name to Shane, and my friend Silvio made the introduction. That’s it. Shane. He kept that for a while, and I shot him a bunch of times with Spring, like when he brought his friend Dre over, and one time Shane even flew to where Spring and I were living and fucked the living daylights out of her, and one other time when Shane and Spring Thomas fucked on a mink bed. Not too much after that he turned his name into Shane Diesel, and the rest is history.

“knoxville nude moms” — This is a good one for Barbie Cummings to reply to. Hey Barbie! Where are you? In San Francisco, doing a private?!

“free porn without having a membership” — Cheap bastards! Hey…remember the old days? When you paid $7.95 for Hustler, and you got 3 pictorials with about 6 pages a piece of stroke material…and a WHOLE bunch of ads? And let’s face it…nothing EVER was worth reading in that shit mag, except maybe Chester The Molester, and that wasn’t even reading. It was a fucking cartoon. Today, if you join, say, Blacks on Blondes, or Manojob, you get literally thousands of pics and movies! If you adjust accordingly for inflation, joining a porn site today is a bargain.