This is a true story. All the stories you read here are true, and this one is truer than most.

A long time ago I was an Arizona State Sundevil. I was struggling with my classes and being a dumb jock. One night, while I was studying for my Criminal Justice final, I realized it was time to poop. I don’t know about you, but I’m a home field guy; I don’t like to make a number 2 on unfamiliar turf.

But damn…I had to go. Really go.

So I hold it best I can, decide to give up the good fight, and make a decision: do I get on my bike and ride home? Or do I hit the can in the library?

I hit the can in the library.

I check all the stalls, choose the cleanest, and go to work. And as I’m sitting there, I notice a big fucking hole drilled out of the stall’s wall. I swear! I was so intent on making sure the toilet was clean whilst choosing stalls, I overlooked the fact that some homo drilled a gloryhole into the wall. Of course I had no idea then it was a gloryhole; in fact, I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on! Was someone going to try and peep on me while pooping? Was this some sort of janitorial aid?

Fuck it – I came to do a job, and I finished up and hauled my ass outta there. I was alone from start to finish, so that was a good thing.

Fast forward 15 years or so. We’re sitting around Dogfart’s secret mansion, trying to come up with new ideas for websites. Someone yells out GLORYHOLE! We laugh, especially when I recalled the story I just shared with you.

Dogfart didn’t laugh. Next thing I know, we’re in the van, cameras in tow, scouting public restrooms, adult bookshops, and all-around nasty ass places I know I could never poop at…I’d make in my pants before I sat my fat white ass on a toilet seat in any of these places.

Boy do I have a lot of Gloryhole stories. I shot every single scene on Gloryhole.com, some with Dogfart, most without. There were times me and the porn girls had to haul ass out of the place. And like all work there’s the good, the bad, and the ugly. You’re looking at the good here. I made Spring Thomas come with me while I shot the gloryhole Sophia scene. Sophia worked the hole; Spring Thomas was on the lookout for cops and/or people we didn’t want to come in contact with. A great scene with my two favorite girls in the whole wide world.

Nasty, filthy sex doesn’t get any better than this.

Dogfart took this picture, right before this Blacks On Blondes shoot at his secret mansion. So now let’s play Guess Who!

Guess who? Tony EverReady! (Tony just got out of the slam about a month ago for an assault rap. Someone called him out, and Tony knocked him out. I like Tony, but sometimes he makes me nervous. I think I was the first to hire him after he got released. Tony’s from the Inland Empire, and he’s O.G. The first time he showed up at the mansion, he didn’t even hide his firearm…instead, he wore it proudly on his hip.)

Guess who? the porn girl we shot! (I don’t even remember her name. I think it’s Renee. I remember she was from New Zeland, and she was really nice, and she put on a helluva scene. I don’t think she’s in the game anymore.)

Guess who? Byron Long! (He still lives and works in Porno Land. He’s a total pro, and a super cool cat. He likes to fish. A lot. He also has the best weed around. Strictly medicinal, you know…and his brother Kilo and I became fast friends, too. Kilo was Byron’s driver.)

Guess who? Wesley Pipes! (The most dangerous man I know, and I am not fucking around. I love shooting Wes, cause he’s Wes, and he has a rap like no other. He’s bad to the bone. He’s still in the game, too.)

Now guess which one is me.

Spring Thomas loves to have a boyfriend or three. And eventually she tells them what she does for a living, which makes them either run for cover, or, like her more…and some who end up sticking around for a while have made a foolish attempt at porno stardom.

Enter poor ol’ Billy Bob.

I think Spring Thomas had a class with Billy Bob. I don’t recall now. He’s your average typical Joe, and like most of Spring’s dudes, I have no idea what she saw in him…but that’s another story. Anyway, one day Spring calls me and says Billy Bob wants to be in a porno flick.

“Is he sure about this?”

“Oh yea. And obviously he can’t be on my site, so will you hire him for Spunkmouth?”

“But who’s he gonna fuck?”

“Sophia!”

She answered without hesitation, which made me think she had something up her sleeve. I was right. Billy Bob had been bugging Spring to star in a porno. Spring gave in, and thought it would be a good idea if he fucked Sophia. I thought it might be OK, too. A total amateur dude and a super hot porn starlet would make for something interesting.

And it did.

Sophia ate him up alive, right on film, for the world to see. I’ll hand it to Billy Bob – he started strong. But one he was in the pussy, he couldn’t hold it anymore. Which is to say he lost his nut almost immeditately. Then he assured me he could get wood again and keep going. He’s a young buck, so I’m thinking right on…but he was wrong.

Sophia carried the scene best she could, and honestly, it turned out much better once I edited it. I mean it sounds like a bad scene, but it wasn’t.

And it taught ol’ Billy Bob a lesson – fucking on camera for money ain’t like fucking at home with the lights dimmed while listening to a slow song by your favorite country band and sippin’ on a Coors Light.

We wrapped, I paid everyone, and that’s the last time I saw Billy Bob. I think Spring dumped him not too long after.