random rants

Inside the Porn Biz

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Riley Mason

I get so many people asking me how exactly do you make money, Billy? that I thought I’d school you guys a bit on the inner-workings of the porn biz…at least as far as I can tell. I say “as far as I can tell” cause there’s certain things I don’t do…and never will: namely, SPAMMING. So I really can’t tell you about SPAMMING. I can’t tell you about DVD distribution, either, cause I’m an internet guy.

But I can tell you the online porn biz is based on two business models: one I’ll call the “Mary Kay” model, and the other the “LA Fitness” model.

I dunno much about Mary Kay. I dunno much about her cosmetics, but I sure see her pink cadillacs driving around town. And they’re being driven around by women who sell her stuff. Let’s call them “resellers”.

Porn sites have resellers, too. In fact, there’s a bunch of people out beating the bush for my site, Spunkmouth. And JOMG. Just like there’s resellers for Spring Thomas, and Blacks on Blondes, and all the other sites I shoot. The resellers point their “traffic” to our sites, and there’s some code in the URL that tells our credit card processors to give them a split of the sale.

Like when you see the pic of Riley Mason I took, and you click on it, and you go to my site…I even get my split!

Just like the folks who sell Mary Kay get their split of the make-up money, our resellers get a split of the porno bread. Isn’t this simple?

Now, on to the LA Fitness model. Ever join a health club? If so, you know they take your credit card, they give you unlimited access to their facilities, and every month your card gets charged. No matter what. Work out 100 hours a week, and you get hit for your monthly dues. Never work out, ever? You still get hit for your monthly dues. See, I told you this is simple!

Join Spunkmouth. Enjoy our site 100 hours a week. Join our site, look once, and never come back. We still get our monthly dues.

Here’s some common fallacies about my buisness:

1) Once you join a porn site, they charge your card forever, no matter what. You can never quit…unless you cancel your card.

False.

Once upon a time, this statement was, in fact, true. Lotsa scumbags out there recurring credit cards no matter what. Well, VISA put an end to all that bullshit. No more. In fact, the VISA regulations are tight in the porn biz. And since we can’t run a business without VISA, we’re kissing their ass all the time.

2) I joined for the trial period, and then I quit, but they charged my card anyway!

False.

Our scripts don’t make a mistake. Especially when time is concerned. I don’t care if you got an hour, a day, or a week trail period. You joined, you knew when you were gonna get charged, and you didn’t care…cause deep down inside, you knew you were gonna throw a fit anyway once your card was hit, and, hopefully, you’d get it all for free, anyway. And since the pornographers are “bad” and you’re “good”, then VISA will certainly believe you. And if they don’t, just yell. Really loud. And keep saying, over and over, the pornographers are evil! THEY’RE ALL EVIL!

3) Pornographers are evil and will do all sorts of things with my credit card. They’ll steal my identity, my credit card number, and who knows…since they’re so evil, they may even show up at my house and try to extort money from me.

False.

I know there’s lots of evil in the world, but don’t blame us, even though it’s the easiest thing to do. Oh, I’m sure there might be some people in porn that steal identities, but I bet you have – or know someone who has – an evil cousin, or an evil uncle…or sibling…that’s done the same thing. Most large adult sites are in it for the long run. We make our money peddling smut…not your personal info.

4) Porn sites are expensive.

False.

Let’s see…when I was buying stroke mags, in, like, 1983, they were 5 or 6 bucks a pop. And the stroke mags from Europe? With the nasty smut in them? They were like 20 or 30 bucks! And what did you really get? A bunch of shitty ads, a 7 or 8 page photo spread for each girl (and there were ususally 3 spreads) and a whole bunch of stories and bullshit no one ever read.

For 30 bucks today you get admission into just about any site I can think of, and there’s tons of movies and hundreds of pictures of TONS of girls! Look at the newest Spunkmouth update featuring Riley Mason: 280 pics in a hirez setting, 200 pics taken directly from the video, and 30 minutes of film showing Riley getting pounded by our big-dicked stud James Dean.

That’s a lot of value.

So next you’re on the cusp, and you’re dick is hard but you haven’t shot that load yet, cause, let’s face it, you’ve been whacking to free porn for soooo long you can’t bust to it anymore, give your favorite site a try.

Pretty soon, you’ll be addicted, and you’ll never be able to quit watching porn, and the evil pornographers will steal your soul.

That’s really what we want.

So here’s a pic of Riley Mason, to do exactly that…steal your soul.

random raves, Super Fun E-mails

The Secret Handshake.

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Kitty

Fnord writes:

Hey, Billy.

What kind of gear are you using? To shoot with, that is. Er, I mean photos.

Cameras. I saw an F717 in one shot of you. Any particular reason you use it (as opposed to a DX2 or D20, etc)? I can think of a
couple (tilt lens, night shooting, nice glass) but wondered if we were thinking along the same lines there. Fast and wide glass for
the most part, or just your standard 50mm f1.8? I can’t fathom long glass being any advantage in porn.

Also, what are you guys using for lighting? Hotlights, I assume? Something standard?

Ok, *this* is your dumbest question of the day. I stand corrected. How does someone who doesn’t want to get into the biz for the (highly dubious) glamour get into the biz behind the lens? Does one need representation? An art school degree? A portfolio review? The secret handshake?

Thanks,

Fnord

Hi Fnord!

How did you ever get the name Fnord? Is this some sort of Norwegian thing? Icelandic? Do you like The Sugarcubes? And remember Fnord, the only dumb question is the question you never asked.

The F-717 you refer to is actually a F-707. It’s a Sony, and when it was new, it was pretty cool, and it’s still pretty cool. I like the way the lens tilts up and down, and its ease-of-use, and the pictures it takes.

But before I go there, let’s just say when I starting shooting porn, I pretty much had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Sometimes I still think I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. Shit, I didn’t even shoot stills on my very first scenes for Spunkmouth; instead, I was convinced my Canon GL-2 was so clean and crisp I could just take vidcaps off the film and be A-OK.

Silly me.

I still shoot with a Canon GL-2. In fact, here I am shooting Kitty while she’s getting banged doggy-style. The GL2 is close by my side! I love it. It’s easy to shoot. It’s light. And the movies the GL2 spit out as .wmv/mpeg files my members download and beat off to are just splendid. Better than anything else, in my opinion. And while I’m beginning to think it’s time to move to a HD camera, I don’t think I’m going to yet. I also like my GL-2 much better than my studio partner’s Sony. And I’ve never really shot/used a JVC or Panasonic, so that’s all I can tell you about that. Except if you’re gonna start shooting video make sure you get a “3 chip” camera…although I hear the single chip cameras out now are so good you have to set a movie taken with a 3 chipper next to the single chip movie before you notice the single chip is inferior.

But you asked about still cameras, and here I am rambling about video.

After shooting with the F-707 for a few years, I’ve recently graduated to a Canon D10 with full-on strobes. Image that. I’ve even got a Norman power pack! And I’m leaning all about f-stops and shutter speeds and depth-of-field and all sorts of fucking bullshit I never really knew existed before. When I shot with the 707, I used hot lights, yep. I white balanced off something white…after I learned about white balance. Everything else I set on “auto” and just pointed and clicked.

I bought my D10 used. I can’t afford a D20, let alone the brand new D5. That’s why I got the used D10; it was cheap. I also just got a Pocket Wizard, as well as a light meter, which was a dumb thing to buy. Neither of those were cheap.

Don’t forget, I’m a total amateur. I’ve gone from totally clueless to barely capable to where I am now. Partly cause I never took pictures before I got into this biz, and partly cause…well, I’m making porn here. This ain’t Cindy Sherman. This ain’t Mapplethorpe or Arbus. And it certainly ain’t WeeGee.

It’s porn. And porn isn’t – nor will ever be – art. Make sure it’s fairly well-lit and all the action is somewhat framed and there you have it!

So, wanna get behind the camera and shoot porn? Good news is, anyone can! Forget about art school…no need for that! Don’t sweat any portfolio reviews, either. I’m not sure there’s a whole lot of people in porn who know what a portfolio is, in any sense of the word. And fuck representation. Who wants to give their money to someone else for nothing?

However, there is a secret handshake. It’s actually part of a whole secret porno ritual, and because I like you Fnord, and everyone else who reads ISP, I’m going to share it with you all now. It goes something like this: walk up to your potential subject(s), introduce yourself, and then ask them if they want to do something naughty in front of you while you capture it on film. If they say yes, then smile, set your studio up, and take your pictures. Roll video too, for god’s sake!

Now, on to the handshake part: after they’ve signed a model release and given you proper ID, hold your hand out in a firm, confident manner, and hand them their money…either a check or hard, cold cash. (My accountant says to always pay with a check). After they take the money, squeeze their hand firmly – but not too firm – and say “thanks for the great work!”

Congratulations! You know the secret handshake and can now call yourself a pornographer!

You might also want to change your name from Fnord to something tough and pornoesque, like “Johnny Dangerous” or “Big Dick McGee” or “Samuel Rock”. I’ve got one director friend who’s calling himself “Rick Shameless”. And there’s always my old pal “Brandon Iron”.

Chico Wang?

Just don’t use Billy Watson. I don’t need to tell you – it’s already taken.

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#3) — Erin Moore

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Erin Moore

IShootPorn: Vitals first please – Name, age, height, weight, and all that…

Erin Moore: I’m Erin Moore, and my birthday is Friday! I’ll be 22. I’m 5’4″, and I weigh about 110, and I’m fuckin’ hot!

ISP: You are fuckin’ hot. Jeez, your tits look bigger than ever, too…just how big are those bad boys?

EM: They’re a 34D!

ISP: My God. Can I suck on them?

EM: Why not? Everyone else has!

(I suck her tits for a good 1/2 hour.)

ISP: Now that I’m all done sucking your beautiful hooters, what do you have to pimp?

EM: Well, I’m getting a new identity for a site I can’t talk about yet…I’ll have a new name, and the site’s gonna rule! I can talk about my Yahoo group that has almost 1600 members! And there’s like almost 10,000 hits to it since it opened!

ISP: Sweet…what’s the weirdest request you’ve had in your e-mail box?

EM: A lot of guys want my used panties from shoots.

ISP: Are they full of jizz? The panties, that is…

EM: Oh sure! And they taste sweet!

Erin

ISP: How long you been in the biz?

EM: Three years this February.

ISP: Favorite scene you’ve ever done? You can also tell me who your favorite performer is.

EM: I’d have to say, for interracial, Boz. Remember the cuckold movie we did? And white guys I’d have to say Kris Slater. I have to say Kris Slater, cause he’s my boyfriend, and if I say anyone else, he’ll kill me.

ISP: I remember the cuckold thing very well. I just mentioned that on ISP the other day. Speaking of that, does size really matter?

EM: I’ve taken everything from Joey Ray to Mandingo, and trust me, I love all dick!

ISP: Do you wanna tell everyone where you’re from?

EM: Yea, Arizona. I hate Arizona. It’s way too hot, and plus I work in LA, so it’s easier just to be in LA. I grew up in Minnesota, and that’s too cold. LA is great, other than the traffic, so I think I’ll be here for a while. And since I’m getting a new condo, I gotta stay!

ISP: How much longer do you wanna be in the biz? I mean, are you getting tired of all the dick?

EM: I wanna stay a performer, but I also wanna produce, too. Sites, and that sort of thing. In a couple years I wanna be behind the camera, not in front of it.

ISP: So you love porn?

EM: I love porn. It’s a job where I get to fuck for a living…and it’s easy…and the money’s great…and 99% of the people are actually OK.

ISP: Can I fuck you right now really quick?

EM: Uh huh!

(I take Erin to my little porno studio bedroom and fuck her silly for the next few hours. Trust me, it was good).

Erin

The First Time I Met Her, Thumb Galleries You Might Dig

Back to Work…

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Katie-Ray and Ruth

I returned to The Dark Side today around noon, on a flight out of Phoenix. I’m now referring to Los Angeles as The Dark Side, for a three reasons, just off the top of my head:

1) There’s so much smog in the air when my plane landed, it looked we were about to land in a bowl of diarrhea soup.

2) It’s the Porn Capital of the World.

3) It took me an hour to drive 3 blocks to the grocery store to buy some food.

Anyway, after the place touched down, I hurried to my studio to prep for the two scenes booked; one’s a site I can’t talk about yet, and the other is a Gloryhole. Besides dressing the set, I had to clean, which I usually don’t have to do…but Axel Braun shot here the last few days, and the place was a pig pen.

No need to digress any further.

Instead, take a look at Katie Ray and Ruth! They’re in the dressing room, getting ready for the first scene, – the site I can’t talk about. All I can say is I think the site’s gonna be huge, and as always, I’m trying to direct the dirty, nastiest scenes I possibly can. In fact, I will tell you today Katie Ray ate a pussy full of cum…does that qualify as nasty in your book?

Never heard of Katie Ray? Well, she’s a barely-legal, I think she’s a heet, and she loves black dudes. Ummm, she’s sweet and nice and loves sex. She smokes a whole lot, and she’s from the mid-west, and you’ll hear more about her soon, I’d imagine.

After Katie Ray cleaned up from scene #1, it was on to the secret Gloryhole! Sure enough, there were dudes all over the place, and it went down without a hitch. I guess you’ll just have to check her out on the site, once her scene goes up…should be about 5 weeks, give or take.

Lots happening this week during my stay at The Dark Side – Spring Thomas flies in Wednesday, and there’s her little sister’s new site, which is almost up, and the secret site I can’t talk about yet. And, of course, Gloryholes. I’m sure by Sunday I’ll want out, but I’m fresh and rested and ready to go. Who wouldn’t be, with all this pussy around me?

Oh…since the blog looks kinda skimpy today, here’s some free Spring Thomas movies. Since I talked about cuckolds yesterday, why not show you some more today! (And you thought I was kidding about cuckolds…yea, right). Anyway, this movie is interesting, cause it’s one of the few times a white guy has ever busted a nut on Spring…so enjoy, you fuckin’ pervs!

And here’s one last peek at Katie Ray and Ruth, before it all went down…

KatieRay and Ruth

Super Fun E-mails

Porn Star Candy Star?

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Samantha

Candy Star writes:

I have recently started reading your blog and I saw where a girl sent you a picture of herself and asked you if you thought she has what it takes to be in porn. So I was wondering if you would look at my pictures and tell me what you think. Am I cute enough? Pretty enough? Do my breasts look okay? I have recently joined a gym and am working hard to lose my belly and thunderthighs. Feel free to include my pictures of your blog. Thanks for your time.

Candy

Samantha

Dear Candy –

First off, I love your porno name – Candy Star. Nice move there, honey bunny. And I must say, that first pic of you, laying on your floor, and sexy and sultry…I’d say definately porn star material. And you look pretty damn cute, too; I’d rate your looks in this pic a solid 7. But I need to see the goods. So, if I swung by your pad, I’d probably snap some pics…kinda like the ones you’re sending me now.

And I gotta tell you, that second pic doesn’t do you any favors. Nor does the third pic you sent:

Samantha

Now remember, this the the brutally honest part of ISP, as opposed to, say…when I tell porno stories; those stories are only honest. And you know the rules here: no ones out to make anyone feel bad, or self-conscience, nor am I a misogynistic asshole who enjoys denegrating women…I LOVE WOMEN! All shapes and sizes. The problem is, the porn consumer doesn’t. So with that being said, at this point in time I’m probably not booking you for a scene.

But we still have to see the goods.

candy_star04

Boy, I wish you woulda pointed your ass my way, right into your camera lens. It looks like, although your ass might be kinda big, it also might be kinda tight. That’s a big positive…but I’d have no way of knowing in this pic…although for some reason, I think Doggie Style is your favorite position. Let’s take a close look at your fun bags.

Samantha

From the look on your face, it appears you’re the proud parent of natural C-cuppers. Am I right? They look pretty damn good. Firm. Fun. Nipples aren’t too bad either. Not the greatest, but by no means are they pygmy gumdrops.

My final thoughts here, Candy Star, are to stay the course. Keep at it in the gym. Yoga. Cut out pasta from the diet. Yoga. Don’t eat any bread. Yoga. Forget about potatoes, too. And did I mention Yoga?

And finally, Candy, you asked if you “had what it takes” to be in porn. Well, after a few months of Yoga everyday and watching you eat, your body might have what it takes to do porn…but will your head be able to handle it? See, that’s what no one seems to ask…lots and lots of girls have the bod to do porn. Not many can handle it mentally.

So your first assignment from me, if you still wanna do porn, is to jump in the van and head to a secret gloryhole. Let’s wait around for a super big black dick to poke through. I’d love for you to show off your cocksucking skills! And trust me, with a total stranger’s dick in your mouth, you kneeling naked on that dirty, yucky floor, in a place where we could get caught at any time, we’ll see if you really have what it takes to be a porn star.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!!

Your pal, Billy.

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, random raves, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Jasmine Tame, Supa Dupa Star

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Jasmine Tame

For some reason, I feel an overwhelming need to write about Jasmine Tame tonight. For a couple reasons, one of which is she’s a heet. A total heet. Another cause she’ll do just about anything a director asks. She’s also great to work with. And finally, what stamina! She’s so good, in fact, I’ve named a special award for her. But first, on to her story.

She shows up at my porno studio for an 11 am call time. And she’s on time. That’s always refreshing in Porno Land. First up is a b/b/g scene for Blacks On Blondes. She shows up with her dude, who’s supposed to hang out in my green room and watch TV while Jasmine worked. So why not put The Dude to work?

I ask The Dude, “hey, you wanna watch Jasmine get pounded by two brothers? You just sit around and play with your winky while she takes two big black dicks…you down?

To my surprise, he agrees…and so does she. (Well, it helped that I paid him).

If you’re wondering does this sort of thing have a name? it sure does. Jasmine’s dude has now entered the wonderful world of a “cuckold”…something you may, or may not have heard about. The first time I encountered a cuckhold wasn’t in a porn studio…but in my Chaucer class in college. One of his Canterbury Tales (The Miller’s Tale, if I remember correctly) features a man who has an unfaithful wife…and he’s content with it. Hence, he’s a cuckold.

So Jasmine’s cuckold puts on a mask just so no one back home recognizes him, and we’re off for Scene #1. I wish I had a gallery to show you, but I don’t…so, to make everyone happy, here’s some free cuckold movies I shot with another cucky couple, Aiden and her man…whose name I forget.

Scene #2: Gloryhole Jasmine Tame. Well, we pack into the van and head out to a sleazy public restroom in a secret place near downtown Los Angeles for Jasmine’s second job. On the way there, we talk about where she’s from, and how she likes LA, and bladda-bladda-blah. We get into the bathroom, and sure enough, a dude’s there, and we roll…and 15 minutes later, we’re running out, jumping in the van, and heading back to the studio…just in time to meet her man for the next job.

Scene #3: Spunkmouth Jasmine Tame. I hired Billy Banks to pound Jasmine next. And what a pounding it was! Jasmine’s one of the girls in the biz who loves sex; hence, she’ll be around for a while. I don’t think Billy’s busted a nut in quite sometime, cause when he unloaded, boy, did he unload! We wrap, she runs back to the dressing room, gets cleaned up, cause her talent just arrived for the next shoot.

Scene #4: JOMG Jasmine Tame. Me and my pals were sitting around one night, thinking up something naughty for you, our beloved porn surfers, when B. suddenly blurted out “I have it! JOMG!!” J. looked at me, and I looked at J., and then J. took a long swing off his India Pale Ale and said “what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Jizz On My Glasses.”

B. said it slow and steady. He was very serious. It was obvious then he hit paydirt, so JOMG it was. And Jasmine’s glasses, after it was all said and done, certainly weren’t fit to see through anymore. On to The Next.

Scene #5: Mano Job Jasmine Tame. Here’s her first easy scene for the day. No big deal…just a quick handie for my new site, Mano Job…get it? Mano? My little bro came up with the name. He cracks me up sometimes. Since there’s no stills, we done in just under 15 minutes.

Scene #6: Top-Secret-Newest-Website Jasmine Tame. Our latest creation that will make most peoples’ heads spin. It’s such a naughty, dirty site I’m almost embarassed to mention it to anyone…even the dirtiest minds who read ISP. And since it’s not online yet, the only place you can see it is in the member’s area of Spunkmouth. Or JOMG.

Do I need to tell you Jasmine’s performance was unreal? That after 5 scenes she pulled off her 6th without a problem? Tired as she was, she performed, and there’s not a lot of talent out there that can pull off 6 scenes in a day. Even with help, I had a hard time shooting and directing…and that’s nothing compared to performing. And the dirtiest, naughtiest scene of the day! Way naughtier (in my opinion) than the Blacks On Blondes cuckold thingy.

That’s why, as of right now, I, William J. Watson III, hereby nominate Jasmine Tame, as ISP’s first Supa Dupa Star. I have no idea what that means, exactly…it won’t get her anything…and, in fact, she probably doesn’t care one bit about being my first Supa Dupa Star. It did get her a $2500 payday, so that’s kinda cool.

So here’s to you, Jasmine Tame. ISP’s very first Supa Dupa Star.

Jasmine, my love, do with it what you will.

Jasmine Tame

random raves, The First Time I Met Her, Thumb Galleries You Might Dig

Spunkmouth Mackenzie

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Rainbow Brite

Mackenzie writes about her Halloween:

Hey! I’m Fucking Rainbow Brite! I had people yelling at me across the street that my costume was so good, and plenty of compliments the rest of the night. This is no doubt the best Halloween costume ever…How funny….I was actually going to suggest for IShootPorn putting some crazy ass story about me; either the 7 or 8 guy scene I did (when I unexpectedly got off MAD loud on the pool table) or one of the other ones we did (there are plenty!). Of course, you could always title it “You can be smart and retarded at the same time”. Haha. Of course, I’d be happy to be surprised with any story that came from you since I know it would be 100% true. You have my complete permission to post something about me with the pic (but please, be nice at least!). I suppose you probably have plenty from the stories I’ve told you, and the fact that I am the industry’s BIGGEST oddity in the business. Who else never masturbates before they’re on film and have sex only once before? Little naive me….. Porn was so good for me.

Mak

Makenzie is one of the industry’s biggest oddities, that’s for sure! She’s being serious about the “masturbates before they’re on film and have sex only once before” statement. Here’s another oddity: she’s actually using the sex business to her advantage and paying for a very pricey grad-school program…and she’s kicking ass and getting good grades!

Imagine that, all you Porn Haters…”porn was good to me”. And good grades from a porno girl? Imagine that.

Oh, and get this – the scene she’s referring to was on my site, Spunkmouth. We had to remove it for a re-edit. The scene was one of the highest rated in Spunk Mouth, so we pulled it down to polish it up a bit, add a full-length version, and increase the bitrate setting…so when it’s up, you’d swear you’re watching a DVD instead of a crummy little computer file.

The members have to wait to see cute little Makenzie suck off a whole bunch of guys. It was a super hot scene. Makenzie told me, during her initial interview, she would never have b/g sex on camera. That’s where it all ends for her…vaginal sex on camera. This kinda bummed me out, cause I wanted to shoot her bad…and all the scenes on Spunkmouth feature b/g sex. Well, all the scenes on Spunkmouth except Makenzie’s.

While thinking of an alternative to b/g sex, I don’t recall if Makenzie said “How about I suck off a bunch of dudes around a pool table!?” or if I came up with the sceanrio. But it went down. And she performed like a champ. Big dicks, small dicks, black ones and white ones, she went to town.

A few weeks later we dragged the poor girl out to a new house, still under construction, and she did a JOMG movie for us! How about that? In the middle of a new house, with workmen all around. And damn those pesky real estate agents!

So I dunno…maybe you can be smart and retarded at the same time…I guess it just depends on how you define “retarded”. For me it’s having an IQ at or below 80. For some, it’s doing something naughty in a dirty movie.

I’ll stick with the IQ thing. It makes more sense.

And Mak…you’re lucky I wasn’t around you on Halloween night, running around in that Rainbow Brite get up…I woulda been all over your shit.

Your pal,

Billy

random rants, Super Fun E-mails

The Wonderous Vagina

1 Comment

Meatflaps

The Slob writes:

Dear Billy,

I was reading your post the other day and critique of wannabe porn star “Samanthaâ€? and was wondering…Does the look of the pussy matter when a girl applies to be in porn? I mean, I’ve seen some horrible meat curtains in my day and I can tell you that as an avid fan of porn, I like to see a nice, neat package on a woman! There is nothing worse that getting all pumped up to see a girl get naked only to have her drop her panties to reveal what can only be described as an Arby’s Roast Beef sandwich!!! Talk about a boner-killer!

The other part of the woman’s care package that I have issues with is hair. Now I’m fully aware that some of the boys out there like a hairy, 70’s looking pussy on a girl that is reminiscent of old “Debbie Does Dallasâ€? style porn, but not me. I like a hardwood floor down there whenever possible. If there must be hair, neatly groomed into a “Runwayâ€? or “Hitler’s Mustacheâ€? is best. It’s nearly impossible to catch a nut looking at a girl with a hairy beaver. It brings a mental comparison of eating her out to making out with Castro!!! GAH!

On a final note, the worst B.E. (bush etiquette) infraction on a chick I can think of is the “Mossy Raisin�. This is a condition found when a girl has a full hedge of hair around her wrinkled penny (asshole)!! That is just no good!

So what’s the skinny for critiquing a girl’s “Down Stairsâ€? before shooting here? And can we have a look at Samantha’s pie?

Slob

Dearest Slob:

You’ve brought up some very good points here, my brotha. First off, a woman’s vagina is the greatest thing God ever created. It is a splendid, wonderous invention. What comes close to a vagina? I can’t think of anything. And I’m thinking Eiffle Tower…Great Pyramids of Egypt…man’s walk on the moon…The Velvet Underground’s first record…

Let’s face it, we’re slaves to vagina. We do things we really don’t want to do for vagina. This is why we are weak and they are strong. Shit, I wish I had a dollar for every minute every man on the face of the Earth thinks about vagina…for just one day! I’d have more money than Wal-Mart, and I wouldn’t have to make any kids work their fingers to the bone to get all that money. I’d even have more money than the guy who owns Blacks On Blondes.

But you bring up something else, my friend, and I need to make a point here. While you might not like the Kentucky Meat Flaps shown here, trust me, there’s a whole lotta guys that do. Not that you’d want to know any of them…or have a beer with them, but trust me, they exist. Just like guys who dig a super-hairy bush. And just like the guys who worship bald beaver.

In fact, I shot this ba-gina in a Gloryhole scene just cause of that meaty vulva you see here today.

Anyway, my tastes run akin to yours, Dr. Slob. I think a woman who pays a whole lotta attetion to her vagina (whether she’s single and hasn’t had sex in 3 years…or she’s getting banged by her boyfriend daily) is super-duper hot. Paying attention to a vagina means it’s either shaved, or trimmed neatly, and hell yea – no hairy bungholes, please. If I wanted to see a hairy ass, I’d be gay.

I myself perfer the two-finger width Brazilian landing strip. But what do we know?

I guess, Slob, the old cliche is true – for every old foot, there’s a shoe.

Your pal, Billy.

PS – Samantha has not replied to my post…so no, I don’t think we’ll be getting a peek at her poonanny anytime soon.

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star

Chelci Fox, Redux

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Spunkmouth Chelci Fox

I just read a brief paragraph about my blog, and for the most part, it was positive. The only negative thing they said was I don’t show a whole lotta nudie pics here. And in fact, I don’t. Sometimes you get one – like today – and sometimes you get none. And sometimes, when I’m feeling really pervy, I’ll toss a handful your way. Besides, who do you think I am, anyway…The Hun? Furthermore, a lot of the nudie pics I post here you can only find here, so quit busting my balls, would ya?

Anyway, after I read about the lack of nudity, I thought I’d give ya a big ol’ present today. Chelci Fox, in the buff. Oh sure, you get to see my chubby ass in there, too. (Look at how pathetic I am, trying to blow a kiss to her.)

And because there’s no warning page on ISP, I had Chelci cover her coochie. Wouldn’t want any minors seeing a vagina.

God forbid.

Oh, did I mention Chelci’s out of the game? She quit. Stone Cold. All done. With shoots booked this month, no less. She’s pissed off a few producers, but I don’t blame her. This is a rough game, and a lot of times it ain’t girl-friendly. She’s available for nudes and solo masturbation stuff, so who knows. Maybe you’ll see her in one of your favorite stroke mags.

Did I mention Chelci’s got just about the nicest set of juggs I’ve ever seen?

It’s late, and I’m sick. I’m starting to ramble. I just walked in from a strip joint. I’ve been to a strip joint twice in the last 5 years, and before tonight it was last month, when Julia Bond danced at Stevie’s Cabaret. I’ll go to Stevie’s tomorrow night, only to say hi to my pal Taryn Thomas. I went tonight cause I felt the need to see some tits.

Taryn Thomas!

I shot her when she was still Britt. Before she left for LA. Before hair extensions. Now she’s all that. And all I can say is right on. You go girl. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person. Of course I’m sincere when I say all this, cause Taryn really wants to be a big star…and she’s almost there. Taryn’s got a sex drive like a dude, and that’s why she’s in this business. It’s not about abuse, or being fucked up on drugs, or supporting a suitcase pimp. Imagine having a girlfriend who loves to fuck!

The last time I talked to her, she called me all giggly and bubbly before her MeatHoles scene; that should tell you something about Taryn’s personality.

Anyway, I’m sick. And tired. But not sick and tired, even though I sound like it from time to time. In a few days I’m back to Los Angeles – The Dark Side – to make more dirty movies. So I better go rest up for now…and let’s see if I can get some nudie pics of Taryn for you guys tomorrow. If she says OK, I’ll post them here tomorrow night. Promise.

I gotta keep giving you a reason to come back here anyway, right?

random rants, random raves, Super Fun E-mails

S.S. and Billy

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All Done

I think before I post S.S.’s latest e-mail, you need some sort of background info on S.S. That’s me on the right. S.S. is supporting the very big hair to your left. Pic snapped at Dogfart’s secret mansion, high on the hill looking out over the Pacific Ocean, 3 years ago. See, during the day, we were churning out interracial sex scenes for Blacks On Blondes at an alarming rate.

And then, at night, the debauchery went down.

The pic you see here is me and S.S., and the height of our misdeeds to society. Coulda been after a jacuzzi session with a barely-legal heet. Coulda been after all the talent flaked on us and no one made their money that day. Coulda been after a scene where the female talent has a break down on set and gets carried out of the mansion in a fetal ball. Coulda been after the black dudes fight among themselves, and we’re all worried about our safety.

All of which went down.

Now S.S. shoots interracial gay porn for Blacks On Blondes sister site, Blacks On Boys.

So, with that intro laid down, S.S. writes to me today:

what’s up billy! how’s life. and business? guess what? i’m outta here. december is going to be my last month . . . it’s just gotten to be too much. i’d like to think that i’m over the porno biz. we’ll see if the seperation is forever, but at the very least it’s gonna be for a while. i…i actually doubt i could mentally / emotionally handle the typical bullshit that comes with this crap more than i already do now. i literally hate being around these people . . so i don’t think i’ll go crazy with shooting before i go, no matter how much i could use the money. fuck it. eventually the money runs out anyway, ya know? eventually it always does. if i want to get away from porno, the main thing i’ll need to do is figure out how to financially make it w/out the easy money! i haven’t earned outside porn cash since 2000!! that is crazy. anyway man hope you are doing well. holler at me – s.s.

See…you all fuckers that read IShootPorn think this is all easy. Fun and laughs. Shits and giggles. Whoop de doo. In fact tonight, at the dinner table, my little brother’s friend comes up to me and laughs the typical laugh when he asks “How’s your work, Billy?”

How come when I run into people who know what I do for a living they chuckle and giggle? Do they giggle and laugh when they ask, say, an accountant how their day went? (I know…I know. Dumb question.)

But the answer to how I’m doing is something close to what my old friend S.S. says above. This shit ain’t easy, my brothas. Don’t envy me. Don’t envy S.S. The porn you pervy bastards beat your meat to – the stuff that doesn’t hit the editing room floor – ain’t what goes down on a set…that’s for sure.

A lot of the people who are talent in my business do what they do cause they can’t function in any other aspect of society. A lot were, in fact, drug dealers and gangsters and fuck-ups of varying degrees. And we deal with them on a daily basis.

Now don’t get me wrong. I ain’t complaining. There’s a reason why me and S.S. are acting all stooopid in that pic. I mean there’s days when shooting porn rules, and I wouldn’t do anything else. But I also wanted to show you that shooting porn ain’t a big ol’ sex orgy.

This ain’t no party. This ain’t no disco. This ain’t no foolin’ around.

This is work. A lot of time it’s hard work.

In other words, it’s a lot like what you do for a living.

Maybe it’s a lot like life.