Imagine you’re in a public park – maybe on a picnic – and you have to pee. And there’s a public toilet just down at the bottom of the hill. You tell your girlie you have to make a Number 1, and you head to the head.

And you walk in to find a heet taking a piss right in front of you. Get this – she doesn’t freak out. Oh sure, she’s nervous at first, then she smirks and asks, “Are you a man whore?”

Of course I am, my darling. Let’s just make this quick, cause my girl is at the top of the hill, breaking out the ham and cheese sandwiches, and if I’m not back soon, she may get a little curious.

Porn star Tory Lane is simply off the hook. I mean there’s almost no porno girls like her working the circuit right now. Don’t think she’s an actress, cause what you see in her fuck scenes is genuine; Tory simply loves sex. No wonder she quit Hooter’s, left Florida, and hit Porno Land. And do you think her recent marriage to Rick Shameless forced her out of the game? Well…for a short time she was only doing g/g and solo stuff…but that didn’t last long. I don’t know this for fact, but I can only imagine the “talk” she had with Rick.

I could imagine it went something like, “Um honey, I’m going to start fucking guys again. I mean I’m not making all that much money doing solo work and girls, and I kinda miss all that dick.”

Rick’s a cool cat, too. Maybe there was no “talk”. Who knows. Who cares, really.

I dunno if you’ve seen the Spunkmouth Tory Lane episode, but it’s one of the few times I’ve actually had my head spin while shooting the scene. Why? After our stranger blasts her face with man goo, she notices a large wad on the filthy floor. And without any direction from me, she got down on her hands and knees, crawled slowly over to the goopy mess, and sucked it right into her mouth…and then looked at me and spit it all right into my camera lens.

“Now turn the camera off!” she demanded.

What’s a guy to do? Except meekly say, “Um, Tory…you missed my lens. I mean that’s a really hot idea there….Um…well…um…can I ask you a big favor. I mean…um…really big? Can you do it again? And this time hit my lens?”

And how did Tory react? I was worried she’d get pissed and tell me to forget it. Once is enough. Certainly not be too happy about the deal. She did the whole thing…all over again. Crawled back, found some more spunk on the floor, sucked it up with a smile on her face. And this time – bullseye!

Since she’s doing guys again, I want to shoot her at least one more time – badly.

Is there any way she’ll do interracial?

Everyone likes toplists, so I’ve decided, over the next few months, to make some toplists of the scenes I’ve shot for various sites. I’ll group each toplist by the site, and each day I’ll present an entry to the list, starting from the number 5 position and moving up. I’ll take into consideration the obvious (how hot the girl is, how hot the scene is, etc etc) as well as the not-so-obvious (girl’s attitude, her willingness to do various naughty things, etc etc). So let’s start.

#5: Spunkmouth Kaya – Kaya’s second Spunkmouth scene, starring Kaya, Sean, and Big Dick Nickel, was the very first b/b/g scene I ever shot. (“b/b/g” being “boy-boy-girl”, as opposed to a “2 on 1”, which was what I always called this sort of debauchery before I got into this biz.)

Big Dick Nickel was this local dude I met when I was running an ad for local amateur talent in a weekly rag that’s fairly popular in Phoenix. He started recruiting girls for me, not cause he wanted to help me out, but so he could fuck them while I rolled camera. Most of the girls this dude introduced me to were butt-ugly, but one stood out head and shoulders above almost anyone working the porn circuit today – and I mean the LA porno game…not the silly Phoenix porno game.

Kaya is a hint over 5 feet tall, and she weighed maybe 100 pounds…and trust me, 25 of those pounds were all tits. She’s cute and lovely and nice to talk with, and those sorts of qualities – even in a porno girl – score high in my book. She’s also part-Asian, which scores huge in a lot of dudes’ books, and her skin was soft and supple and perfectly tanned.

In other words – a total heet.

I had shot a scene with her and Sean already, and when I asked Kaya if she would like to work with Sean and Big Dick, she immediately agreed.

We shot the scene in an empty warehouse in Sunnyslope I had access to for a while. If you don’t know Phoenix, the suburb of Sunnyslope means nothing to you…and if you know Phoenix, then you know every crystal meth, MegaDeath worshippin’ dirthead, missin’ his front teeth and driving around town in a car with no air conditioning in 118 degree July heat, fondly calls home.

In other words, it’s a perfect place to shoot porn in Phoenix.

It was August, too, and there was no air in that place, but we had plenty of water, and I told Kaya and Sean and Dick that sweating a whole bunch during sex on film is really sexy…just cause I felt so bad for them. And boy, did they sweat. So did I, cause…well…it was a fucking sexy scene. Sean and Dick went to town on Kaya, and she loved every second of it.

Kaya went away after I shot this. I tried to call her for more work, but she was out of the game. Word had it that family members discovered her work, and she was forced to toss in the towel. What a shame…she coulda been a great one. I think I told you guys this, too…but a year or so ago, a pal of mine was eating at a corporate establishment, and who waited on him?

You guessed it.