My studio partner just handed me a copy of Anal Pleasure & Health, by Jack Morin, Ph.D.

Apparently, Dr. Jack is an anus expert. A whiz kid when it comes to bungholes. His book is the “first and only researched-based guide for the millions of men and women – of all sexual orientation – who want to include the anal area in their sensuality and eroticism.”

Count me out as one of those millions.

Oh sure, I’ve tried to get in to pounding my girlfriends’ asses. Trust me, I’ve had my share of colon invasions. When my last ex was in a really horny mood – and in the middle of her period – she’s jump right on and stick it in her butt. To me, it was no big deal.

Maybe if I was in the mindset of an Alpha Dog at the dogpark I frequent, it would be another deal. Cause let’s face it – getting off on banging a girl’s ass is all about control and domination.

End of story.

Well, it’s really naughty, too…and dirty. Literally dirty. I’ve had my dick looking like a fudgescicle after pulling out of a pooper, so I know. I guess I shoulda had his book next to my bed. I especially like the illustrations in Dr. Jack’s book: at the begininng of Chapter 9 (“Discovering the Rectum”) there’s a great one feturing a dude fisting himself; there’s positions for self-examintation; there’s a whole page dedicated to objects for rectal stimulation; it’s really pretty inclusive.

I’ve shot my share of anal scenes, too, and let me say this – it can get really messy. Or, put it this way: what you see on camera ain’t what’s happening on the set. Once, at Dogfart’s secret mansion, Wesley Pipes was pounding the shit out of some girl’s ass. In other words, interracial sodomy. When he pulled his dick out, a long, thick stream of diarrhea followed. I don’t recall where it went, or who cleaned it up.

I can guarantee it didn’t make the final cut on tape.

So here’s a few tips from me – when you’re cuddling around the TV with your significant other, and the porno’s running, and it’s all about ass, don’t think that if you attempt what you’re watching on camera the results are going to be the same.

And buy Dr. Jack’s book, so you don’t end up like Wesley Pipes.