myspace fun, Nothing To Do With Porn

Super Fun E-mails…or, in this particular instance, Super Fun myspace messages.

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REM Reckoning

In order to protect the innocent, I’ll refer to her simply as “LC”.

LC is my pen pal from myspace, and it’s fun having a penpal, right? Especially one from the opposite sex! One you can flirt with, and know, with quite certainty, that no matter how much I offer her, she’ll never fuck a stranger on camera while I hold it.

The camera, that is…

Which creates a somewhat warm and fuzzy feeling for me.

Her last message was short and sweet — the part I’m going to show you, anyway.

—————– Original Message —————–

Date: Mar 28, 2007 3:40 PM

Right now I’m just being thankful French Surrealism did not survive as a genre of film.

What’s your favorite record right now?

The only background information I’m offering up on LC is she’s a college student, and taking a film class, and I’m laughing as I type this, cause she’s a college senior without a declared major, which, in my book, ranks her as a freshman at best.

And here’s what I said back to her:

I’ll cut to the chase for a quick reply: A Ghost is Born.

Now, let’s see how long I feel like writing, cause it’s been a long, smut-filled day.

My favorite records, at any given moment, change all the time. Over the past however long I’ve been listening to music, there are a few that always seem to make the Top 10.

Then, there’s “period” records — for lack of a better term. Just so I don’t come off like a total dork, let me (briefly) explain:

Middle school was a period, right? And like all adolescent boys my age, I listened to a whole lot of Ted Nugent and Led Zeppelin (II and IV) and Blue Oyster Cult and Boston and Peter Frampton and that sort of fodder.

High school was much of the same (sans Boston and Frampton), but, for some silly reason, more metalesque and all horribly embarrassing: Judas Priest, Ozzy, Aerosmith, Ted Nugent, and Led Zep, and Blue Oyster Cult, and the Scorpions (gasp) and UFO (gasp) and Cheap Trick and I could go on and on.

I’d like to add, that at night, when whatever girl I was dating would sneak into my window at night would sneak into my window, I’d have the blacklights on and it was Genesis (only the records in which Peter Gabriel was still part of the band) or Pink Floyd or Kraftwerk or David Gilmour’s solo record was playing, and I’d pray to Jesus for a handjob.

All of these bands had records that, at one time or another, were “favorites”.

11th grade Pat Crane walks up to me in the parking lot, hears what I’m playing in my car, calls me a name, and hands me London Calling, and it totally changed my life, and the things I listened to, which is, of course, a totally clichéd thing to say.

Sex Pistols and Ian Dury and Klark Kent and Dead Kennedys and Sham 69 and Sex Pistols and Clash and Sex Pistols and Clash and Sex Pistols.

Did I mention Never Mind The Bullocks?

Or London Calling?

College meant X and REM and Suburban Lawns and Wall of VooDoo and Oingo Boingo and The Jesus and Mary Chain and The Replacements and REM and any band on SST or IRS: Fleshtones, Meat Puppets, Minute Men, Husker Du…all of these bands had records that, at one time or another, were “favorites”; the only difference between the college favorites and my adolescent favorites is some of those college favorites are still favorites…except Zeppelin.

It was about this time that I completely dismissed Zeppelin, as well as Pink Floyd. But I realize now how silly that was.

Is any of this making sense?

I think I shall copy and paste this blabber and call it a blog.

I (think I) figured out jazz about a decade (or less) ago: Miles and Coltrane and Coleman and Dizzy and Stitt and Rollins and Thelonius Monk — Monk being my very favorite.

And sure, a decade (or so) ago it was Nirvana and Super Chunk and Hole and The Chili Peppers and Pavement and The Butthole Surfers and Stone Temple Pilots and Archers of Loaf and all the rest of them.

Wait a sec. The Red Hot Chili Peppers happened two decades ago…while I was still in college. Put them in between The Replacements and REM, and place them as the very best live show I think I’ve ever seen…1985, playing Hendrix with nothing but socks over their wieners…the only show I’ve ever seen the cops shut down.

I’m on a Wilco kick at the moment, and it’s very embarrassing, cause, really, it’s all I listen to; specifically, A Ghost is Born (or the live record from Chicago) is all that’s ever on my stereo.

Which, of course, is a lie.

Why didn’t I mention the Velvet Underground? Or Big Star? Where’s The Gorillaz? The Beastie Boys? How about Harry Smith’s Anthology of American Folk Music, which I’m obsessed with (another lie…I’m obsessed with Harry). And how can I blabber about Wilco without once uttering the words Uncle Tupelo?

Which will lead me to the most embarrassing part of this whole deal: I’m stuck on a desert island, and I’m all alone, and I stub my toe on the bottle that releases the genie:

10) Paul’s Boutique

9) London Calling

8) Never Mind The Bullocks

7) Revolver

6) Kind of Blue

5) Led Zeppelin 3

4) A Ghost is Born

3) “The Beatles”

2) Thelonious Alone In San Francisco

1) Reckoning

Immediately looking at this list makes me think I need to rework the entire thing, or to delete this all and forget I ever thought about it.

Sometimes I think revealing your true musical tastes is a lot like stripping in front of a stranger and hoping for the best possible reaction there is to expect, which could range from laughter to true love.

Alone in San Francisco

Nothing To Do With Porn

No Apologies Here.

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Chelci Fox

I’ve clicked through a lot of blogs, and it’s common to see writers apologizing for their lack of updates. And let’s face it, once a blog hasn’t been updated in a few weeks, it’s as good as dead.

Which is to say you’re only as good as your last blog, right?

I dunno. But lately, I just haven’t had much to say: my health is fine, shooting’s going as expected, and my personal life is as good as it gets.

I don’t want ISP to sound like a broken record.

How much can I say about Ruth Blackwell, and gloryholes, and Spring Thomas, and spunky mouths, and Katie Thomas, and handjobs, and Chelci Fox, and interracial sex, and jizz on a girl’s glasses and eating a whole bunch of ass?

And do I really open up and talk about my private life outside of porn?

See what I mean?

Ruth Blackwell is kicking ass.

The gloryholes are all real.

Spring Thomas loves her vacation.

Spunkmouth is spunky.

I dunno what to say about Katie.

Handjobs rule cause it’s the safest sex around.

Chelci Fox has the best tits in the business, and that’s why I built a site around her.

Why do people love interracial sex so much?

Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses…NOT.

Ask any porn whore and they’ll tall ya…eating ass is yummy.

Maybe you thought I was joking…but I really don’t have much to say.

Gimme a few days. I promise I’ll have something fun for you!

In the meantime, go read Barbie’s blog. I find it wonderfully demented.

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Suicide George and Piss in my Face

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Alyssa Jordan in the gloryhole

For the first time that I can remember, I went out drinking with co-workers: Ruth Blackwell, Cherry Poppens, and a new girl on the Porno Circuit, Alyssa Jordan.

First, a few words about Alyssa: she’s 26, and she looks like she’s barely-legal cause she’s in braces; I shot her that day in her very first interracial scene for Blacks on Blondes, right after we got back from the filthy dirty gloryhole; she doesn’t have a lot of friends in Porno Land yet cause she just moved here from far away, and she’s just as fucked up as the rest of us…but of course I say that in a good way.

After we wrapped, we headed to Fred 62, my very favorite place to eat dinner right now, and then strolled down to The Dresden, a bar made popular from the movie “Swingers”. We listened to Marty and Elayne sing funky, jazzed up versions of “Muskrat Love” and “My Funny Valentine”, drank Key Lime martinis, and listened to this kooky regular named George tell us about his life, which mainly consisted of staving off suicide one day at a time.

We grew tired of George, and Marty and Elayne went on break, so we walked down the block to a total dive bar and drank more.

Lots more.

Well…not all of us. I was drinking a lot, but for me, anything after a 3rd beer is a lot; Cherry’s a natural drunk; Ruth was throwing them back for sure; Alyssa had an audition the next morning and was taking it easy….well, easier than we were.

On our little walk to the dive bar, Ruth Blackwell decided to be Ruth Blackwell and spit in my mouth as we strolled down the sidewalk. I was drunk enough not to care much, either, so I let her. I kinda enjoyed it, as a matter of fact, which probably means there’s something terribly wrong with me.

As we crossed the street and headed for the dive bar, I decided to grope Alyssa. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and it was…cause when I felt her up, I felt what had to be the wettest pair of panties I’ve ever felt in my life.

Wet. As in she just pissed her pants wet.

I don’t recall asking her if she actually did piss her pants, but I do recall she told me her pussy is that wet “all the time”.

Wet pussies and alcohol seem to trigger my pervy-creepy side, and suddenly I got a total boner, and, to make a long story short, proceeded to finger Alyssa’s soaking wet twat at the bar as we drank some more.

Which didn’t seem to bother Alyssa at all.

Ever try to carry on a normal conversation at a bar while fingered the girl you’re talking to? While watching her eyes roll up in to the back of her head? While people are all around, drinking and laughing and having a good time?

“Your panties are getting in my way,” I said. “Please go do the ladies’ room and take them off.”

(Note the appropriate place for the apostrophe in “ladies’ room” please).

“No,” she said.

(Note the lack of an exclamation point after her reply, so we all know what that means.)

“Get into that fucking bathroom and peel off those dripping wet panties and get back here right away!”

(Do I really have to talk about punctuation any more?)

Which is to say she got up and walked directly into the ladies’ room, and came back immediately and sat down right next to me, and we continued our nice, normal conversation as Cherry Poppens watched.

But we all grew bored after a few minutes, so Alyssa went to flirt with a “cute boy” at the end of the bar as Cherry and I had more quality conversation:

“Go piss in your beer bottle and bring it back to me. I want to drink it,” Cherry said.

“Right away, my love,” I said, then pecked her on the cheek.

And I did.

And she did…but first she performed fellatio on the beer bottle, then took a big gulp of my piss, and then spit it right into my face.

My Piss.

My Face.

Then, a tap on my shoulder.

It was Suicide George, from The Dresden. He wanted to talk to us. He was lonely. He wanted to “flirt with porn stars”, too, and tell us about his problems, and after he told us about his life, and how he’s “between suicides” each and every day, I asked Suicide George if he’d like Cherry Poppens to spit in his face.

“Um OK,” mumbled Suicide George.

Cherry smiled and turned Suicide George’s face into a target, and he enjoyed each and every loogie Cherry served up.

We closed that bar down.

We said bye to Suicide George as he stumbled home, and I still smelled like piss, even though my shirt was dry, and we all walked all the way back to my car, which really wasn’t all that far at all, and Cherry tried a number of times to jam her finger up my ass, which isn’t a very appropriate thing to do, especially on a public sidewalk.

Barbie Cummings, Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star

Barbie Cummings and her new blog.

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Barbie Cummings

What more can I possibly say about Barbie Cummings?

I know I went over the very first time we met, and I interviewed her. It was last June, closing in on a year! Barbie was a Porno Newbie, and we got her to fuck a black dude just after the interview for Spunkmouth.

I liked working with Barbie so much, I booked her immediately for Blacks On Blondes, where Brian Pumper and Jason Brown railed her.

Did I tell you about our trip to the gloryhole?

Or the second time we visited a seedy, filthy adult bookstore and she jacked-off a stranger through the hole?

Did you know Barbie is an LMT? And her specialty is The Happy Ending?

I had to tell you about the time I was the luckiest guy in the whole wide world and Barbie Cummings and Cherry Poppens took turns jacking off my pee-pee!

We’ve had late night talks, I’ve written bad poetry about the newest version of her tits, and she’s even been a guest blogger here.

I guess it was that guest blog that turned Barbie into a blogger, too. It’s funny, cause this dude named Londo Cat, who runs the Mr Marcus Forum, e-mailed me after her guest blog and said something like it was a “great marketing tool” towards the new site Blacks on Blondes is building around her.

I told Londo Cat that wasn’t me writing as Barbie…that was Barbie’s writing. And everything she wrote was true.

And it was.

And it is now…cause Barbie has her own blog. The Barbie Cummings Blog. It’s really her. The stories you’re going to read there are true. Only the names have been changed — to protect the innocent.

Barbie’s not afraid to tell it like it is…even if that means some people’s feelings are going to get hurt in the process.

Personally, I find her adventures totally jackable, cause I know they’re real, and I know she isn’t getting paid and doing it in front of a camera, and she’s as slutty as a dude…even sluttier, I think, which, of course, is fucking hot.

Who knows…Barbie’s talked to me about selling stuff off her blog too. Wouldn’t it be fun to own a pair of her soiled panties? Maybe after her pussy’s oozed a bunch of Frat Boy Jizz after a college party? You know Barbie loves a good creampie…

So sit back, surf over to BarbieCummings.com, and watch her strap one on and shove it up your ass — I’m sure you’re going to love it as much as this dude did.

Barbie Cummings

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#26) — Alexia Sky

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Alexia Sky

Alexia Sky: I want a middle name. I want to be different. But they won’t let me do it…I want to be Alexia Malibu Sky.

I Shoot Porn: Hold on. I ask the questions. But continue. Why do you want to be Alexia Malibu Sky?

AS: I dunno.

ISP: Wait a second! Is that a hickey on your neck?!

AS: NO!

ISP: Yes it is!

AS: Um, yea. I got it from this girl I’m fighting with. She’s like a roommate and we’re fighting now.

ISP: Are you guys in love?

AS: No. It was just a one-night thing.

ISP: So you guys did dyke out, right?

AS: There was a guy involved. I think his name is Nick Manning. That’s his name, right? He looks like the guy from Beauty and the Beast…the guy at the end of the movie. Not the Beast…but the guy with the long hair.

ISP: I think they’re making fun of Nick Manning on the Howard Stern show. He screams real loud when he cums, and he says stupid things…is that him?

AS: I dunno.

ISP: But wait a second. So you guys had a three way?

AS: Yes.

ISP: Off camera, right?

AS: Yea. It’s funny. He walks around in a robe whenever he’s home, and when he wants sex, he just opens his robe, and then he drops it, and he’s just naked.

ISP: And then you fucked him?

AS: (Laughing hard) Yes! It’s so stupid that you’re writing this!

ISP: Was it any good?

AS: It was fun having a threesome.

ISP: Why are you and the girl fighting?

AS: Maybe it’s because we’ve been out here a month, staying in a hotel, stuck around each other…we’re just getting tired of each other. She’s just jealous, too. Cause she’s in love with Tommy Gun, and he flirted with me.

ISP: So how did you get the hickey?

AS: How do you think?

ISP: Well…was it a nice hickey? Or a sexed-up hickey? Or was she marking you??

AS: Pretty much I guess. I mean I have to look at the hickey every time I look in the mirror. So she marked me.

ISP: How’d you get into this biz?

AS: I was a dancer at Escapades in Fort Myers, FL. That’s how I met Persia. She used to be in porn, and I was like “I wanna try it” and the next thing you know I’m on a plane coming out to LA.

ISP: How many scenes have you shot so far?

AS: I dunno. Maybe 10 at the most.

ISP: Do you do anal?

AS: Fuck no! I don’t like that at all…even in my personal life. I hate it.

ISP: Are you slutty in your personal life?

AS: Yes. Look at my shorts! (She came to my studio in the shortest shorts I’ve ever seen a girl wear in public). I got kicked out of the mall back home by the security guards!! They said I wasn’t allowed to wear these anymore at the mall! See, when I go to the mall, I like attention. I get all sorts of attention when I wear these. Anyways, I was like “what’s going on?” cause every security guard in the mall was following me. I was worried they thought I stole something. One of the guards came up to me and said “next time you come to this mall wear longer shorts!!” I said yea, and he looked at my ass while I walked away.

ISP: That’s great. What’s the sluttiest thing you’ve ever done?

AS: One time me and Persia met a cute guy. He was sleeping in his room, at Nick Manning’s house. Anyways we decided to rape him. He didn’t want to, cause he’s in the business, and he had a scene the next day, but we assured him he was dreaming and that everything was OK. And we raped him.

ISP: God I love you. Will you marry me?

AS: It was funny though, cause we just walked into his room, and he was sleeping, and me and Persia jumped his bones and fucked him.

ISP: God I love you. Will you marry me?

AS: (Laughs) He didn’t even nut. I was so pissed. He wouldn’t nut cause he had a scene the next day, and he had to save his nut for that. He still did us. Of course he wouldn’t do that. It was hot. I wanna do that again.

ISP: God I love you. Will you marry me?

AS: I mean imagine that he was really sleeping! I wanna rape a guy while he’s sleeping!

ISP: God I love you. Will you marry me?

AS: (Laughs harder) Do I have to answer that?

ISP: Yes. Right now.

AS: No comment!

Alexia Sky

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#25) — Sasha Grey

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Sasha Grey

I Shoot Porn: It’s your birthday today. How’s it feel to be 19?

Sasha Grey: I’m glad that the 18 year old thing can no longer be applied to my scenes.

ISP: But it’s just a marketing tool, right?

SG: Exactly.

ISP: What kind of guitar do you play? And can you play it well?

SG: It’s a Epiphone acoustic. And I have a really shitty Strat, cause it’s not a real Fender. And I can’t play either one well at all.

ISP: Who’s the greatest guitar player ever?

SG: I’d start with Hendrix. Then Tony Iommi, and Eric Clapton. Jimmy Page. And Billy Corghan is pretty good. Peter Hook’s an amazing bass player…it’s how he stylized his playing. Not really his playing, per se. It’s his style and sound. You hear that a lot now.

ISP: Um…Corghan ain’t no Hendrix.

SG: But he’s good. And he does all the work.

ISP: So you’re saying that Japanese guy in Smashing Pumpkins didn’t work?

SG: You mean Jimmy? Yea, Billy did most of the work.

ISP: It’s not often you have a porn actress that’s into Italian neo-realism and foreign art house movies. Where’d that come from?

SG: I was always interested in film. When I was 15 I started going to an art house in Sacramento. My teacher just fed it to me. Gave me a list of movies to watch, and I did it.

ISP: Did you ever find the copy of “Salo” you were looking for?

SG: No! But Criterion’s got a sister company that’s reissuing it.

ISP: There’s a ton of porn whores from Sac Town.

SG: I know Trina Michaels is…and Monique Alexander. Someone told me that about Monique, anyway…but I dunno.

ISP: Cherry Poppens is from Sacremento. And so is Kaycee Dean…just off the top of my head.

SG: I haven’t heard of them.

ISP: Where do you want to go with porn… beyond porn. And what do you see Sasha Grey doing 5 years from now?

SG: I want to direct movies of my own. In five years I see myself doing that, and maybe still directing. Also traveling the world and making films.

ISP: You mean serious film?

SG: Yes. Indie films.

ISP: Can porn be art?

SG: Of course it can!

ISP: I totally disagree with you. But don’t get me started. What’s the dumbest thing a director’s asked you to do?

SG: Oh god! There’s many of those! Um, I had to fuck this ridiculously large dildo. And pretend it was a real cock. They’re nice people, but it’s a fake dick.

ISP: Yea, that’s dumb. At Blacks On Blondes we only use the real thing. Did you like your birthday present today?

SG: Yes! I did. It was very fulfilling!

ISP: What do you got to plug?

SG: Sasha Gray dot com — of course!

Sasha Grey

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Alexa Lynn’s Ear is Way Better than Van Gogh’s.

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Alexa Lynn Mano Job

I like Alexa Lynn.

A whole lot.

There’s a number of reasons why:

1) I shot one of her earliest scenes for Blacks On Blondes, when she was a total Porno Newbie, and it was a really hot scene cause she did so well (considering the fact that she took on Max Black and Justin Long that day, which is about 22 inches of dick).

2) Right after Justin and Max Black double-donged her, I took her and Actor Pal out to Thai dinner, and she had never eaten Thai, and it was so funny I blogged about it a long time ago, and if you want you can read it again.

3) We’ve jumped in the white van and driven out to a dirty, filthy gloryhole.

4) She’s going to be the next ass muncher at Eat Some Ass any day now.

If all those reasons weren’t enough, here’s another: recently, at a Manojob shoot, she jerked a huge dong and it blew a giant load directly into her ear.

Now, I’ve never had a wad of jizz in my ear, but if I did, I can guarantee you I wouldn’t be too happy about it. I was a bit worried Alexa might get upset, or just turn kinda bitchy, or stomp off set right away and clean it out.

But not Alexa!

She’s a true Porno Sport. A real Trooper. In fact, as the dick was blowing its wad into her ear, she didn’t point it away, nor slow down whilst jerking, nor in any way hinder the wad as it coated the side of her head, which are all tricks an experienced Porno Whore would pull if a dick was unloading a massive amount of goo into one’s ear.

I’d also like to add a few more things: this wasn’t Alexa’s first time to Manojob — here’s her first scene, where she plays an LMT massaging an injury out of a basketball player who’s hung like a horse; we laughed about her earful of jizz after it went down; and finally, I’m having Alexa back to my studio this week for my first ever “4 Bang” at Blacks on Blondes.

I’d like to tell you what a 4 Bang is, but I can’t. Cause I invented it, and if I tell everyone about it now, no doubt people will steal my ingenious idea and call it their own. Oh sure, eventually people will start shooting scenes like I’m about to shoot and call it their own…I realize that.

But I’ll derail those copy-cat bastards as long as I can.

Alexa Lynn Mano Job