Category Archives: myspace fun

Super Fun mySpace Messages: “Mask Porn”!

The Mask and Minion Porn

Art mySpaces me:

Hello Mr. Watson,

First, I wanted to let you know that I’ve enjoyed your blog, especially the behind-the-scenes anecdotes. After reading through all of the archives I think I have a casual understanding of the porn business; however, one area that you haven’t discussed is the role of agents in the business. You’ve expressed some hostility towards them (I believe you’ve called them ‘scum’ or worse but I’m currently too lazy to go look it up) but you really haven’t discussed their activities in any detail. Not that I want to tell you what to blog about (although I guess that’s what I’m doing… well, lets think of it as a friendly suggestion) but i think it would be interesting to more about porn agents and/or agencies.

Second, after reading through your blog I had an idea for a porn site — Mask Porn. My first thought was to keep the idea for myself and try to set up a site but then reality set in. I don’t know how to find and hire the talent, shoot the talent, set up the website, market the site, understand the legal environment (I’m an American living in London, UK), and I’m not really interested in giving up my nice job and move my wife and 2 kids to LA to shoot porn. Oh, and I’m also too lazy and risk-averse to try this on my own. Anyway, here the basic idea is to shoot porn where the woman (or man) is wearing a mask. I thought that this would have several advantages over regular porn, which include:

(1) Hire women who are ‘less facially attractive’ but have good bodies. Hopefully these woman would be cheaper.

(2) Attract woman who need $$ but normally wouldn’t consider porn because they were afraid of being recognized.

(3) Possibly attract current porn actresses and get them to do things (interracial, anal, etc.) that they otherwise wouldn’t do on camera for marketing reasons (although I’m skeptical that there are many of these actresses). There is also the possibility that the actresses/woman will be more uninhibited w/ the mask since they can’t be recognized.

(4) Since the women are wearing a mask you can shoot them multiple times by changing the mask. My guess that it is the faces which tend to get ‘shot out’ and not the bodies but maybe I’m wrong here.

There are alot of variations that could be added to keep the idea fresh… for example, changing up the masks (eye masks, hockey masks, animal mascot heads/masks, a brown paper bag (brown-baggers or double-baggers!), maybe using funky makeup instead of a mask, etc.). Maybe making up the women to resemble other porn actresses (hair, tats, etc.) and then giving them a similar porn name (Eva Brangelina, Jenna Jameson, etc.). Or making gay porn (No Way Am I Gay).

Anyway, I think it would work from a cost and talent perspective, but I’m not sure if there is any demand for guys to watch porn where you can’t see the woman’s face (or at least enough of her face to recognize her). Again, maybe some people would like the funky masks, while others would like the ‘mystery’ of the mask and allow their fantasy/mind to fill in the face. I just don’t really know…

Oh, and sorry for contacting you via myspace (I don’t really do the myspace thing but I couldn’t find an email address on your blog).

cheers,

Art
———————————————————————————

Hi Art!

Porno agents — like most things porno — are an interesting breed. I’m sure you know they find “work” for the models they represent. I pay them an “agent fee” that ranges from $50 to $100 per girl per day. Usually, if a job is less than $500 (blow jobs and hand jobs, for example) then I usually pay the agent $50. If the job is more than $500 (say, a full blown boy girl scene) then I pay them $100.

The girl gives a legit agent 10% to 15% of her earnings — 10% if the girl drives herself to set and 15% if the agent hires a driver…or drives the girls himself).

Pretty good gig, huh? Let’s do the math!

30 b/g gigs for the agent means $3000 that he’ll earn from the producer.

30 b/g gigs means another $3000 the agent from the girl.

Per girl.

If the agent has 10 girls under management — $30K a month!

Can you live off $30,000 a month?

I won’t talk shit about agents, but, for the most part, they’re a sleazy crew. Some are good; most are bad.

As far as Bag-Over-The-Head Porn…well, I don’t think that’s gonna amount to much. I might be wrong, so I took a pic of my pal, The Minion, posing with a porn whore, just to make sure.

What do you think?

Super Fun mySpace messages: “Crap”?

Terri Lynn Doss

Terri Lynn Doss mySpaces me:

its terri doss….plzzzz remove your crap about me from the internet….id be really greatful!!!

————————————————————

Crap?

Crap!

Wait a sec. I went back and reread my original post about super hot Terri Lynn Doss, and I’m searching all over the place for the doo-doo Ms. Doss is claiming.

Where is it?

OK — I admit to beating off to her Playboy pictorial, but isn’t that part of the reason you posed for Playboy?

Besides, isn’t it a compliment when a dude admits he jerked to you?

Anyways, I can’t find a hint of crap anywhere in that post, although that doesn’t mean my writing isn’t crappy.

There’s just no crap about Terri Lynn Doss — none that I could detect, anyway.

I tried to myspace Ms. Doss back to ask her exactly what crap she was talking about, but the only people she allows to message her via mySpace are her friends, and I’m not one of them.

So let the crap stand!

After all, if it wasn’t for all my crap, there’s nothing to I Shoot Porn.

Super Fun E-mails…or, in this particular instance, Super Fun myspace messages.

REM Reckoning

In order to protect the innocent, I’ll refer to her simply as “LC”.

LC is my pen pal from myspace, and it’s fun having a penpal, right? Especially one from the opposite sex! One you can flirt with, and know, with quite certainty, that no matter how much I offer her, she’ll never fuck a stranger on camera while I hold it.

The camera, that is…

Which creates a somewhat warm and fuzzy feeling for me.

Her last message was short and sweet — the part I’m going to show you, anyway.

—————– Original Message —————–

Date: Mar 28, 2007 3:40 PM

Right now I’m just being thankful French Surrealism did not survive as a genre of film.

What’s your favorite record right now?

The only background information I’m offering up on LC is she’s a college student, and taking a film class, and I’m laughing as I type this, cause she’s a college senior without a declared major, which, in my book, ranks her as a freshman at best.

And here’s what I said back to her:

I’ll cut to the chase for a quick reply: A Ghost is Born.

Now, let’s see how long I feel like writing, cause it’s been a long, smut-filled day.

My favorite records, at any given moment, change all the time. Over the past however long I’ve been listening to music, there are a few that always seem to make the Top 10.

Then, there’s “period” records — for lack of a better term. Just so I don’t come off like a total dork, let me (briefly) explain:

Middle school was a period, right? And like all adolescent boys my age, I listened to a whole lot of Ted Nugent and Led Zeppelin (II and IV) and Blue Oyster Cult and Boston and Peter Frampton and that sort of fodder.

High school was much of the same (sans Boston and Frampton), but, for some silly reason, more metalesque and all horribly embarrassing: Judas Priest, Ozzy, Aerosmith, Ted Nugent, and Led Zep, and Blue Oyster Cult, and the Scorpions (gasp) and UFO (gasp) and Cheap Trick and I could go on and on.

I’d like to add, that at night, when whatever girl I was dating would sneak into my window at night would sneak into my window, I’d have the blacklights on and it was Genesis (only the records in which Peter Gabriel was still part of the band) or Pink Floyd or Kraftwerk or David Gilmour’s solo record was playing, and I’d pray to Jesus for a handjob.

All of these bands had records that, at one time or another, were “favorites”.

11th grade Pat Crane walks up to me in the parking lot, hears what I’m playing in my car, calls me a name, and hands me London Calling, and it totally changed my life, and the things I listened to, which is, of course, a totally clich├ęd thing to say.

Sex Pistols and Ian Dury and Klark Kent and Dead Kennedys and Sham 69 and Sex Pistols and Clash and Sex Pistols and Clash and Sex Pistols.

Did I mention Never Mind The Bullocks?

Or London Calling?

College meant X and REM and Suburban Lawns and Wall of VooDoo and Oingo Boingo and The Jesus and Mary Chain and The Replacements and REM and any band on SST or IRS: Fleshtones, Meat Puppets, Minute Men, Husker Du…all of these bands had records that, at one time or another, were “favorites”; the only difference between the college favorites and my adolescent favorites is some of those college favorites are still favorites…except Zeppelin.

It was about this time that I completely dismissed Zeppelin, as well as Pink Floyd. But I realize now how silly that was.

Is any of this making sense?

I think I shall copy and paste this blabber and call it a blog.

I (think I) figured out jazz about a decade (or less) ago: Miles and Coltrane and Coleman and Dizzy and Stitt and Rollins and Thelonius Monk — Monk being my very favorite.

And sure, a decade (or so) ago it was Nirvana and Super Chunk and Hole and The Chili Peppers and Pavement and The Butthole Surfers and Stone Temple Pilots and Archers of Loaf and all the rest of them.

Wait a sec. The Red Hot Chili Peppers happened two decades ago…while I was still in college. Put them in between The Replacements and REM, and place them as the very best live show I think I’ve ever seen…1985, playing Hendrix with nothing but socks over their wieners…the only show I’ve ever seen the cops shut down.

I’m on a Wilco kick at the moment, and it’s very embarrassing, cause, really, it’s all I listen to; specifically, A Ghost is Born (or the live record from Chicago) is all that’s ever on my stereo.

Which, of course, is a lie.

Why didn’t I mention the Velvet Underground? Or Big Star? Where’s The Gorillaz? The Beastie Boys? How about Harry Smith’s Anthology of American Folk Music, which I’m obsessed with (another lie…I’m obsessed with Harry). And how can I blabber about Wilco without once uttering the words Uncle Tupelo?

Which will lead me to the most embarrassing part of this whole deal: I’m stuck on a desert island, and I’m all alone, and I stub my toe on the bottle that releases the genie:

10) Paul’s Boutique

9) London Calling

8) Never Mind The Bullocks

7) Revolver

6) Kind of Blue

5) Led Zeppelin 3

4) A Ghost is Born

3) “The Beatles”

2) Thelonious Alone In San Francisco

1) Reckoning

Immediately looking at this list makes me think I need to rework the entire thing, or to delete this all and forget I ever thought about it.

Sometimes I think revealing your true musical tastes is a lot like stripping in front of a stranger and hoping for the best possible reaction there is to expect, which could range from laughter to true love.

Alone in San Francisco