Monthly Archives: October 2010

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, Worst of Billy Watson

Let’s Talk About Riley Mason!

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Riley Mason free hand job movies
When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records on one of those small turntables you’d get from the school’s A/V department, while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his favorite records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst of”…until now.

For a minute and a half, Riley Mason was the shit in Porn Valley. Her fan base was fairly diverse, but the “Indie Rock Dudes” nationwide took a particular liking to her…as did I. In a nutshell, anything “indie” (music, art, film) means it just hasn’t reached the masses yet. Anyone “Indie” means they stumbled upon it before you did, which, of course, makes them cooler than you.

Riley was Pure Indie, and one of the first Indie Chicks to start fucking and sucking on camera for the world to see. This drove the Indie Dudes mad, and I mean literally mad. They loved to beat off to her, and once they blew their load, they loved to shit talk her. I’ve come to discover it’s a pretty common guilt complex. Anyway, a lot of them frequented a chat board called “Hipinion“, and it’s still around, although I have no idea how relevant it is anymore. But these Indie Dudes would just rail on poor Riley, and do stupid things like post her real name, and her computer chat names, and then harass her endlessly. I jumped in to the drama a bit, and then came after me, too, proposing a variety of ill wills pointed my way. Must be nice when you have that much time on your hands. But what do you expect from a bunch of “pasty losers and alcoholics”? (Note: Urban Dictionary’s words…not mine).

Rereading this brings back all those memories, plus more, cause I mention Chico Wang here, and as you probably know he was found dead a few years ago in a cheap motel in Northern California after some particular gnarly nastiness.

Ah — those wanton days of yesteryear!

This blog’s original air date: February 11, 2006.

So I’m at Chico Wang’s, cause I booked Riley for my site — the world’s greatest hand job site — Mano Job! I’m at Chico’s shooting cause…well, I kinda like it over there. It’s dirty and depraved, just like a true Porno House in Porn Valley is supposed to be. I booked Riley Mason again cause I love her looks, and I think she’s one of the hottest girls in the game right now, and she’s a pleasure to be around.

Right before we started rolling film, we sat down for a brief chat. An impromptu interview, so to speak. It got very intense at times. I listened carefully as Riley explained some of the things going on in her life right now. I didn’t have a pen and paper, and my memory is weak, so I won’t quote her here…but these are some of the topics we touched upon:

1) The Indie Rock Dudes who constantly harass her online.

2) The “fat pic” roaming around the internet that’s supposedly her.

3) A general overview of her life in porn.

I tried to explain to Riley that indie rock dudes, as a whole, are a nutty bunch. They’re very repressed individuals, usually, that don’t get laid too much, and when they do, it’s fodder for the next 10 years of their life. Like…they’ll be at a Death Cab For Cutie show bragging about the girl they banged in 92, right after the Superchunk show. That sort of thing.

Then Riley brought up the published chat logs, most of which are fabricated, at least in part. Some of the things in these chat logs she really did type out, but most of it she didn’t.

“That’s cause they like you a whole lot, Riley. And besides, I’ve read some of those chats, and I think it’s pretty obvious when it’s you and when it’s not.”

She said that was a weird way of showing affection.

“I know Riley, but remember, this is a weird bunch of guys. They seldom talk to girls, unless they’re clerking in the used record store they work at…a job that usually pays them minimum wage; a job that’s very important to them and makes them cool people. It’s also the only time girls approach them – generally. That or when they’re at the Indie Club listening to Indy Rock and the girl spent her last sawski and only then she might approach Dude and ask him to buy her a beer. That’s about it, really.”

She’s bummed though. When they discovered her screen name, they published it all over the net, then hit her up for chat all the time, then made up some chat and turned it into her words, and then found this pic of a fat girl that somewhat resembles her, and spread that all over the place saying it was her, and on and on.

“That’s cause they like you a whole lot, Riley. And they have a whole lot of time on their hands.”

We kinda left it at that. But overall, Riley Mason likes her life in porn right now. She’s having a fun time and making good money, and life’s generally very good for her. At least that’s what it seems like to me.

Too bad the same thing can’t be said for all those Indie Rock Dudes.

Random Thoughts

Super fun e-Mails: What is it about The Porn Surfer and Super Huge Ween?

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Kristina Rose interracial anal movies
JMC writes:

I’ve been reader of your blog for nearly a year, but due to my computer illiteracy was unable to post a comment on your blog. I even signed up for wordpress, and tried to make a comment…but all for naught.

I was surfing wikipedia the other day, and looked up “O.G. Mudbone”. Although he didn’t have a page, it listed him as deceased: (1980-2009). I’m well aware of wikipedia’s frequent vandalism and inaccuracies, but am still intrigued. I was wondering if there was any truth to his death, if you have ever worked with Mr. Mudbone and that artificial penis he wields, or had any interesting stories about him.
—————————-
I have no idea who O.G. Mudbone is. I know nothing about the “artificial penis” he wields (your words). I have no idea if he’s alive — or dead. I also don’t know about the surfers who buy into this stuff, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned now that I’ve been Porno for 8 years, it’s that there’s an audience for just about everything.

I do know all of the black cocks I hire for the world famous Blacks on Blondes are real. Every single one of them. I’ve captured some enormous ones, too. In fact, most of them are quite impressive.

I often wonder, though, about the surfer who comments on the cock…even more than the pussy. What’s up with that?

Bisexuality.

I once asked Über-Whore Ava Devine what the most requested, most secretive thing her Tricks ask of her. If you don’t already know, Ava Devine might be Queen of the Whores, and she’d be the first to take that as a compliment. I bet she’s turned thousands of tricks, and when you talk to her about them, she remembers a lot.

“Oh that’s easy!” Ava exclaimed. “A lot of men want to be cock suckers!”

Note the emphasis on a lot.

Note the Ü (U-umlaut) I used for “Über-Whore”.

From Wikipedia: “Letter Ü: The letter Ü occurs in the Hungarian, Karelian, Turkish, Uyghur latin Script, Estonian, Azeri, Turkmen, Crimean Tatar and Tatar Latin alphabets, where it represents a close front rounded vowel ([y]). It is a distinct letter, collated separately, and not considered a simple modification of [u] or [i]. It is distinct from “UE”.”

And, in case you didn’t know, “Über (sometimes spelled ueber, uber, the former being a correct form in German just like über) comes from the German language. It is a cognate of both Latin super and Greek ὑπέρ (hyper), as well as English over and above. It is also sometimes used as a hyphenated prefix in informal English, usually for emphasis. Both uses indicate a state or action involving increased elevation or quantity in the physical sense, or superiority or excess in the abstract.”

Ava Devine is, in fact, a whore of increased elevation or quantity in the physical sense, as well as a whore of superiority or excess in the abstract. Over and above the rest.

How ’bout them apples?

Back to your desire to suck cock.

Admit it. It’s ok. Secretly, deep in your subconscious mind, you want to drop to your knees, JMC, and open your mouth wide for O.G. Mudbone’s huge black cock…and when you heard of his passing, it made you so sad you felt the need to e-mail me and ask about any interesting stories featuring your favorite black cock. Right?

Let me reiterate: it’s OK to suck cock if you’re a dude. Really, it is. Sure, it’s a “gay” activity, but you’re only gay if you’re waking up next to the dude you call a “life partner”, right?

Did I ever tell you Barb Cummings stuck her finger up my butt?

Did I ever tell you Barb Cummings isn’t Barbie Cummings anymore cause a corporation that makes toys didn’t think it was in their best interest to allow Barb Cummings to be Barbie Cummings?

Anyway, for about a second and a half Barb and I were “close”, and one night she felt the need to invade my colon with her middle finger. To which I squealed like a little girl. And then, like a little girl, I spread my legs open so she could have her way with me. At first I felt a traumatic experience about to occur…but then, I noticed something.

Something I didn’t think I’d ever admit to admitting.

I liked it.

As Barb moved her finger around in my rectum and sucked my balls, it felt truly amazing.

No Way Am I Gay!

I blew a load quick…but looking down after I blew, I realized I didn’t even blow. It just felt like I did. Suddenly, I blew again…and again. But I didn’t really blow! And then, when I blew for real, I was Peter North!

No Way Is Peter North gay!

So, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say unless you wake up next to your “partner”, you’re not really gay, even though you might do some sexy thangs that might be considered gay…like saying “thang” instead of “thing”.

No, wait. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say unless you make out with a dude, which, by my definition means french kissing a dude, you’re not really gay, even though you might do some sexy thangs that might be considered gay.

Here’s one last fun fact I’m gonna toss your way, just for fun: 90% of the dudes in Porn Valley are bisexual. Not gay. Just bi. In fact, I’d be willing to go far out on a limb and say over half the dudes walking the Earth are, at the very least, bi.

Except me.

No Way.

Random Thoughts

Lil’ Miss Kitty, The Actor, and Me (Part 2).

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Lil Miss Kitty free blow job movies
I was talking to The Actor after dinner one night. We went to this Thai place on Vermont a few times, and he’d always flirt with the waitresses. I got a kick out of the way he’d flirt with them, in his broken Thai and big, cheezy smile. In addition to being a good actor, he was also pretty good at working the ladies. I never really had any interest, though, cause all he ever had interest in were Asians; I like ’em white.

Anyway, we’re sitting in the parking lot of my porno studio after dinner, and it was getting kind of late. And, as you can imagine, the neighborhood wasn’t the greatest. (What porno studio is in a good neighborhood?) And he’s telling some great stories.

I mean great ones.

I dunno if they’re the kind of stories that would interest you, but they kept my attention. Some of them were about actors he had worked with…some of whom that had been in Hollywood since the 40’s and 50’s. Some stories were about the real-life characters he had played in his movies. Some were about how he had pissed off directors and other actors off…and some of his stories had nothing to do with movies at all.

That’s when I brought up the memorabilia, cause I’m a geek-boy collector at heart.

“Hey, did you ever keep any of your movie props? Or clothes? Some of that shit is worth a lot.”

He never really did.

“You saved the vest, right? I mean that vest is gonna be iconic.” It might have been a silly thing to suggest, but with the billboard for the video game based on the movie looming right over us (really, it was…they put an ad on a billboard right in front of my place for the game), it seemed to make sense at the time. That’s when he confessed he had given it to an old ex, right after the movie was released.

“Holy shit no!” I exclaimed. “It’s not like that was Geronimo’s vest or something! You were the baddest bad ass in that movie!”

“Cochise,” he mumbled. Then, after a few seconds of hard thought, “You really don’t think it’s worth that much, do you?”

“Shit bro, did you see what John Travolta’s disco jumpsuit got at auction?”

I’m terrible. Really, I am. Cause I was just bustin’ his balls. Don’t get me wrong, though; I bet you could get a decent amount for the vest…but still. I was getting him all riled up more than anything else.

“Maybe I could find her after all these years and get it back,” he said, joking. We both laughed, and that’s when I noticed the three dudes approaching us. There were three of them, and I knew we were in trouble cause as they approached us, they broke up: one stayed on the street, one a few feet closer in the sidewalk, and the third walked right up to us and told The Actor, “Hey Holmes, gimme a dollar.”

My heart sank. I felt my knees get week. I had trouble thinking, and everything seemed to suddenly turn into slow motion.

Not so for The Actor. He maintained eye contact with The Dude and said, “Sorry pal…I don’t have any money.”

“Sure about that, Holmes?”

The Actor didn’t answer right away. “Oh wait…oh yes. I do have something. Let me get it out of the trunk.” He walked over to the trunk, and he kept his glare on The Dude, who was now back peddling and looking over at his friends. His demeanor changed, too. He was done being a nice guy.

“Shit! I thought I had it in the trunk! I know where it is! Just don’t move, cause I got something for you in my glove compartment. Gimme a sec while I grab it.” Then The Actor quickly glanced at me and said under his breath, “get in the fuckin’ car, Billy.”

Now The Three Dudes were standing together out in the street, looking at us. We jumped into the car, and The Actor started the engine, threw it into reverse, and almost ran them over as we sailed by. One of The Dudes held up his hand like he had a pistol and screamed something I couldn’t make out.

We drove around the blocks a couple times. “You got a gun?” I asked. “No,” he said. “Nothing good comes of them.” We talked about what just happened, and how lucky we were, and I thanked him for getting me out of a potentially life-threatening jam, and I complimented him on acting like a bad ass, especially after I acted like a big vagina. Then I realized I had left the door to my studio open. As in wide open. Which is a really dumb thing to do in any sort of neighborhood, let alone the one I was in.

This didn’t seem to bother The Actor one bit. “Shit, we’ll just have to go back and do a walk-through!” Which we did, and the whole time I dreaded it. The Actor seemed to enjoy himself.

After declaring it safe, The Actor reminded me again which Porno Princess he’d like to meet, then took off. I stayed up the whole night…worried The Three Dudes might just pop out from one of the 7500 square feet The Actor might have missed.

random rants

In Defense of Pornography.

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Madison Scott free hand job movies
If you haven’t heard, this past week has been a stressful one for Porn Valley, as there’s been a confirmed case of HIV. Due to privacy laws, no one — at this point — is certain of Patient Zero’s identity. And the only way we’re gonna know for sure is if Patient Zero stands up in the crowd, raises his hand, and says, “it’s me.” And in the meantime, Patient Zero, anyone who banged him, and the people down a couple levels have had their name removed from the database (and added to a quarantine list) that producers/directors check to make sure a performer is up to snuff with testing.

Which is the way it should be.

This is a business where everyone seems to know everyone else, so rumors are flying: a gay-for-pay performer who has appeared in some straights scenes and, up til recently, advertised his services at Rentboy (“Pimp Yourself Now!” – Rentboy’s motto) is a bettor’s favorite for being Patient Zero — at even money.

He also dates a (former) female performer; in fact, there’s a handful of bi-sex scenes featuring said performers as they bang (and get banged) by various boys: June 25th – Today I’m debuting a brand new interaction shoot with the boy next door Cameron who brought along his real life girlfriend Casey to get in on the fun. July 2 – The games continues with Cameron and Casey. Watch us heat things up as we finish off our spin the bottle game and get to the real fun. July 10 – With the games over its raw action from here on out watch us takes thing to the next level before we wrap up this smoking hot shoot.

Raw action? Hmm. Unless I’m totally missing the something here, raw action means barebackin’ means sex sans condom means insane behavior in the world of gay sex between men — unless practiced by a monogamous couple who know each other’s sexual histories very well.

I’d like to add no one knows who, exactly, Patient Zero is right now — except Patient Zero and the administrators at the clinic where most of today’s performers get their monthly health check-up.

I’d also like to add that the two performers listed at Club Dean (“Cameron” and “Casey”) are, in fact, MIA…and removed from their agency’s web site.

Where there’s smoke there’s fire?

All of the people in Porn Valley make their living in a controversial, hotly debated industry. Sex is a controversial, hotly debated topic…especially in the great country I call home. I’m not so narrow-minded as to wonder why some people hate what we do; I wonder, however, why the people who attack us most viciously are often our best customers.

All jobs have their risks, and each and every sex worker knows what they’re getting into — whether or not they want to admit it.

A quick Google search to make a point:

Commercial Fishing: 129 deaths per 100,000 people employed in the industry and 61 injuries per 100,000 for 2008.

The Timber Industry includes loggers, lumberjacks, and helpers. It held the Number One spot for many years with 92.4 deaths per 100,000 workers in 2006 – a decrease from 118 in 2002. In 2008, fatalities increased to 116 Deaths per 100,000 workers.

Collectors of Refuse and Recyclables – Garbage Collectors and Professional Recyclers. These jobs have increased in numbers and have become deadlier. With the increasing number of businesses, dwellings, and vehicles in America, drivers and material movers are at increased risk of traffic-related accidents and/or being some other way injured by their machinery. Drivers of trucks and other sorts of commercial vehicles are more at risk as greater numbers of vehicles are put onto the streets as populations grow.

I could go on and on and talk about people who install power lines, cops and firefighters, oil and gas crews, cement makers, cabbies and chauffeurs, slaughter house employees and security guards…but I won’t.

People like eating fish; they’re ok talking about that, too. People like using products made from wood; they’re ok talking about that, too. Same goes for all the other jobs listed above…except when it comes to their masturbatory habits, which is something almost no one likes to talk about — let alone even admit.

There’s ways to make all workers safe…and safer. I dunno what lumberjacks do to protect themselves, nor garbage men, nor the fine folks who install our power lines.

I do know sex workers get tested every 30 days for HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhea, as well as bi-annually for syphilis…and I think it’s time the male talent all start wearing rubbers, too. But that isn’t the case…yet.

The problem?

You silly pervs don’t like to buy safe porn. Kills “the fantasy”. Puts an “artificial barrier” between the actors. And, for you really twisted, sick fucks who dig interracial sex, how in the world can a white girl get knocked up by a black dude who’s wearing a rubber?

So Cal OSHA steps in, makes condom use mandatory in California; hence, all the producers flee Cal OSHA’s regulations (and Porn Valley) to places like Vegas and Miami…or, as I refer to them, the left and right armpits of America.

Not really. Gary, Indiana is actually the armpit of America. Well, that and Trenton, New Jersey.

I won’t shoot porn where it’s illegal to shoot porn, which leaves me LA County and New Hampshire, and I don’t see much of a porn scene there.

So, I’ll continue to shoot in Los Angeles, and I’m gonna keep my male talent pool limited to the dudes who, for the most part, are straight (yea, I’m laughing, too), and I’ll welcome mandatory condom use if (and when) it ever happens (don’t get me started on an actor’s First Amendment right to Free Expression, which includes the right to express oneself without using a condom) and I’m sure, like each and every HIV case I’ve made it through, this, like all other things, shall pass.

Mind if I keep ranting? Cause just a few days ago Madison Scott agreed to do a silly article appearing in my hometown paper, and it really pissed me off.

Once upon a time I wasn’t involved with the sex industry, and during that time I liked to beat off using pornography. It’s a great masturbatory aid — the world’s most cost effective masturbatory aid — and that’s all I ever used it for. Which is to say I fast-forwarded through the silly acting and dumb, dumb dialogue and went right to the fucking, where I’d FF through when it got boring, to the pop shot, where I usually popped. This took anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes, and at that time I’d either start, resume, or end my day (with a better-than-average night’s rest).

I also like to drink from time to time. I’ll gamble when I’m in Vegas (up to my loss limit of $50)…but I’ve never, ever smoked a cigarette.

I know lots of people with drinking problems. A lot of them smoke while they’re drinking, too. In fact, it’s taken the life of more than one of my family members.

I know lots of people who gamble. A lot of them smoke while they’re gambling, too. In fact, it’s taken tolls on relationships (and bank accounts) of more than one of my friends.

Gambling, smoking, boozing, and beating off are just a few things that make life worth living. They’re super fun to do (well, I can’t argue for smoking, but I’ll take it from the smokers), as long as you do them within reason (except smoking, which, at last count, is killing 1200 people PER DAY), and while I hate to see people let their vices ruin their lives, I’m certainly not about to advocate outlawing them.

I am an advocate to population control, and I think smoking is doing a great job of that…but I often wonder why the Shelly Luebens of the world aren’t spending their time eliminating smoking, which, in addition to killing a while bunch of people, is draining our health care system. I mean how about at least help the Porno Princesses quit smoking, Shelly?

Well, cause it’s easy to point the finger at porn.

Are you getting tired of my rant? Cause I’m getting tired of writing it…but real quick, lemme add something: before I got into porn, I couldn’t imagine what would make a cute, wholesome girl commit filthy, despicable acts for the world to see. Before I got into porn, I thought The Bang Bus was real. Before I got into porn, I really thought someone held a gun to Linda Lovelace’s head and made her suck a bunch of cock. Before I got into porn, I really thought Traci Lords was stoned for 3 years straight and didn’t know what she was doing.

Before I got into porn…

If you took the time to read Madison Scott’s story, let me clarify a few things: she didn’t make a million dollars in porn, and she didn’t spend anywhere near that on drugs to cure herself from STD’s, and she didn’t spend anywhere near that on drugs to party with; in reality, I never saw one dirty AIM test for Madison Scott (and I’ve looked at MANY) and I know Madison Scott didn’t party to excess (she was too busy taking care of her little girl).

I do know Madison Scott feels like she has a lot of explaining to do (mainly to people who don’t give a shit about her) about her porn career, and instead of just telling people something like, hey, I fucked and sucked a whole bunch for a lot money, and now I’m broke cause I never really learned how to manage it, let’s just tell something The People want to hear. Something that will make sense to Them. And make me, Madison Scott, look like a good girl who made a terrible, terrible mistake…such a big one that I’m gonna ask The Big Man to forgive me — cause that’s the only way The People will.

Besides, how else am I gonna get my kid good daycare after everyone finds out I was a porn star?

OK — rant over. I could go on and on. I was gonna address my friend Mark G. from Down Under and his silly statements attacking porn, but they’re so ‘tarded they don’t even justify being addressed, and I’ve ranted enough, and besides, I got the new Superchunk record, and it’s way better than I thought it was gonna be, which is a great surprise, so I’m gonna so listen to some ‘Chunk and enjoy the rest of my Saturday editing porn and listening to music at unhealthy levels.

My poor ears.

But, in the end, when I’m a deaf old man, and I can’t hear what the nurse says to me while I get my sponge bath, I’m gonna blame myself — not the music.