Monthly Archives: March 2007

Lesbian Training, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Gia Paloma Trains Heather Presley in the Art of Lesbianism

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Gia Paloma Lesbian Trainer

Since I had fucked Gia Paloma on camera for my pal, why not hire her for my brand new client — Lesbian Training.com?

I really haven’t talked about this much, so I guess this time’s as good as any. I was recently hired to start shooting content for Lesbian Training, and, to be totally honest with you, I couldn’t be happier. Don’t get me wrong — I’m totally happy shooting all the other sites, from Blacks On Blondes and Gloryhole to Spunkmouth and Manojob. But the reason I’m so psyched to shoot girl – girl luvin’ is primarily because I don’t have to wait on wood or a pop shot.

It can be a real pain in the ass when you’re shooting male talent and they’re having a problem performing. It happens quite a bit, too…more than you’d imagine. I can’t blame the dudes, either, although there’s times I lose my patience with them…especially the newbies who think they can walk on set and just fuck a porn whore silly without any problems.

When there’s only girls on set, there’s no wood…and no pops. And no waiting around.

Which isn’t to say shooting lesbians is easy; in fact, I really think if you’re not into watching whatever porn it is you’re shooting, well…you can easily fuck shit up.

And the last thing I want to do with a new client is fuck shit up.

That’s the real reason I called Gia first. Really — it had nothing to do with our on-screen fucking. It had everything to do with her being a master of the craft…and I say that with all sincerity.

Once I got Gia, I had to find a bottom. A trainee. A girl who had no idea — at least from looking at her — about the ways of Sapphic love.

Enter Heather Presley.

When I saw Heather’s pic, she just looked like the type who likes girls, but had never had a lezbo encounter. Which is to say she’s a tomboy. I imagined Heather being the type that hung out with someone like her older brother, and got into dirt clod fights with her guy pals, and let them feel her up afterward, but always really wanted to hook up with the cute cheerleader who lived in the cul-de-sac and dated the quarterback of the football team.

I think have a good eye. Cause that was just about the case. And Gia ate her up alive. It also didn’t hurt that Heather was totally into Gia and was excited to have Gia fuck her on camera. Really excited. Heather showed up at my studio totally excited, to the point that her pussy was wet. Off-screen attractions like that only add the scene.

I won’t get into specifics here, but if you’re into girl-girl shit you really need to check the scene out. I will say this: Gia pulled out a Hitachi vibrator, and that toy sent Heather into multiple orgasms. If you don’t have one of these at your house, I’d seriously go buy one.

In fact, I did — for real. They’re $54 bucks and I guarantee you it’s the best 54 smacks you’ll spend on a girl. With the Hitachi in my pad, I no loner have to worry about my totally average wiener not being able to satisfy whoever it is I’m lucky enough to actually get into my bedroom…which, if things continue as they have in the past, it’ll be 2011 before I get to use it.

Gia Paloma Lesbian Trainer

Will I Get In Trouble For This?

Super Fun E-Mails

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The Cripples

Jack writes:

Hello Mr. Watson. My Name is Jack. I’m just wondering if you may need an actor to eather co star with any of you’re porno lady stars. Because I’m looking for work/I thought that you might be Interetsed. I’m 5 feet 10 inches high. I weigh 234 lbs. I’m alittle over weight but i have the streanth of 4 men my size. I also have a hard dick that’s big enough to fit my hand. So if you need another actor. Oh! i should mention that i also have a slight Disability. But that won’t stop me from taking Direction. Please e-mail me back at this e-mail address. Thank you for you’rwe time.

Hi Jack!

Funny you write…I was just talking to some business partners about starting a site in which an overweight disabled man with the strength of four men and a small dick fucks porno lady stars. I said we should call it “Crippys on Chippys”, but they found my idea highly offensive and asked me to leave. Oh well. Sorry I can’t be of any help.

Your pal – Billy

Super Fun E-mails

Super Fun E-Mails

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Jasmine Tame and her Cuckold

Trixa The Honky Cuckold writes:

whats up billy its the honky trixta again, long time since i wrote and found out to my disappointment that you would not help me on my quest to be the newest and most frail weenied cuckhold of them all. i just finished watching some spring thomas and i jacked off twice. Two big loads(for a white guy) so i know im not just talkin with my dick while im writing all this. i really feal im a genuine white guy who appreciates a good white chick that fucks the brothas, black cock whores that please black dudes hand and foot. i jerk off when i come home from the office because i have to have some kinda release from being hard all day watching hot white bitches flirting with all the buff brothas. There not even in high positions, shit some of them are in the mailroom, yet smokin hot white chicks are sizing them up ovulating and strategically positioning themselves for that black baby batter in their pussies. I figure if you cant beet em join em. I dont just wanna sit back while this whole takeover of Negroes is producing fatherless mulatto children , i wanna be a part of the action. Thats why i would be very excited to do my part by acting out the wimpy honky who gets robbed abused (both by the negros and the white girls who submit to them) and then showing my level on the food chain,by eating her box and asshole out after the negros have had their fill. Now as a person like yourself who could appreciate this threw the lens and live entertainment is it to much to ask that you help me make this possible. It will be like apollo creed giving rocky an unknown nobody underdog a chance to fight in the ring. Pass this letter on to spring and all the brothas and see what they have to say, they just might wanna give this little non girthy inky winky pencil dick honky a chance. thank you

Trixa?

I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ve ever heard from you. Perhaps your e-mail ended up in my bulk e-mails, and I trashed it? Anyway, I’m not a huge fan of cuckoldry; I just give the fans what they ask for. I remember shooting my first Spring Thomas Cuckold Movie. It was really fun and really weird at the same time. Since then, I’ve done it a bunch. In fact, members like it so much we’re starting a whole site around a girl and her cuckold lovers. Think you’re going to like it, my friend. Too bad I can’t tell you more.

I get a lot of e-mails from hapless white boy cuckolds like yourself, and while I try to include them in my movies, I’m always a bit hesitant…for a few reasons. You’re probably a complete creep and someone I really don’t want to be around; in addition, you probably live far away from my studio and can’t get here; finally, you were probably drunk when you wrote this, and since you’ve nutted from the thought of someone reading your fantasy, your head is clear now, and you really don’t want to subject yourself to actually carrying out your cuckoldry on camera, for the whole world to watch.

And remember, Trixa, most fantasies are best at being just that — a fantasy.

Your pal, Billy

Jasmine Tame and her Cuckold

random raves

My Brain Is Toast. Dry. But With A Speck of Buttah.

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Jacky Joy And Her Feet

My recent cry baby blog elicited more than a handful of e-mails, all of which were very nice. Everyone who wrote asked about my well-being; some told me to quit porn right away and do something else; some told me to take time off; some asked to take over my job.

Thanks guys.

Porn’s turned into a job for me, and it’s been that way for a while; still, it’s a job I’m not about to walk away from. I mean what would you rather do: teach 7th graders how to write paragraphs, or take pictures and movies of hot naked girls getting railed?

I still choose the latter.

Here’s another pic from the Jacky Joy jerk off session; it’s a close-up, and I’m still gnawing on her foot, and looking at the side of my over-sized skull makes me think of a Jeff Tweedy lyric:

One by one my hair is turning gray / One by one my dreams are fading fast away…

(IMPORTANT AFTERWARD: I’ve come to find out Woody Guthrie wrote the above lyric; Jeff Tweedy put it to music. Thanks for the heads-up bro!)

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Jayno Oso and Her Second Trip To The Gloryhole

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Jayna Oso Gloryhole

I booked Jayna Oso for a Blacks on Blondes scene and a trip to the Gloryhole.

Jayna’s been in the business for a while and has quite a name. I wouldn’t go as far as say she’s a “porn star”, but my criteria for porn star status is tough; there’s a lot of girls calling themselves stars, but until their name transcends the adult entertainment business, I’ll call them porno girls.

Porn Whores.

That sort of thing.

I dunno why I hadn’t booked Jayna, cause she’s hot, and I heard she gives a great scene. And when she showed up, I was kinda kicking myself for not booking her sooner.

But it turns out I had.

Or SS had.

Or Dogfart.

Someone did, cause a long time ago, when we were living in Dogfart’s secret mansion, Jayna Oso found her way up to the Mansion.

But she wasn’t calling herself Jayna Oso then. But I’ll get to that in a second.

When I was going over the scenes with Jayna, and I told her we were getting into the white van to head out to the newest gloryhole discovery at my favorite adult bookstore, Jayna said, “I’ve done a gloryhole before. For the Blacks on Blondes guys.”

I looked up at her. “That’s impossible. I’ve shot each and every one of these scenes, and I never booked you.”

Jayna kinda looked at me like she said something she shouldn’t have said. Turns out she might have. Cause, for a few months a long time ago, Jayna wasn’t Jayna…she was Malaysia.

And I did shoot Malaysia. In a Gloryhole. And I think SS or Dogfart shot her for Blacks On Blondes. I was running second camera back then, and I don’t remember her Blacks On Blondes scene…but I remember her Gloryhole.

“Well, I haven’t used that name for a long time. Not a lot of people know about it. I was Malaysia for a couple months, then I quit for a while, and then I came back as Jayna Oso.”

Now what do I do? I like to shoot as many different girls as I can. Which isn’t to say I don’t invite girls back to my sets, cause I do…a lot. So we took the trip to the gloryhole, and, afterward, Tone Capone came over and fucked Jayna Oso’s ass over a toilet in my studio.

I gotta say this – Jayna is way hotter than Malaysia ever was.

Jayna Oso Gloryhole

random rants

My Brain Is Toast. Dry. No Peanut Butter. No Jelly. Not Even A Speck of Buttah.

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Jacky Joy Mano Job

And I have no idea why. I guess it’s the first time I’ve really experienced writer’s block, and honestly, I’ve been suffering through it for about a month now. I really feel like there’s not much more to tell you guys. I mean how many stories of porn whores, behind-the-scene antics, pop shots gone bad (or good), gloryhole madness, or big black dicks stuffed into little white chicks can you handle?

But there’s a pic of me working with Jacky Joy and Lucky Starr. Jacky’s agent took the picture.

And to tell you the truth, I’m kinda tired of it all: shooting porn, waiting for talent to show up at my place, the freaky-deaks I surround myself with; I’m tired of living in two cities, 6 hour commutes, and agents who try to get me to book ugly girls; I’m tired of black cock sluts, black cock whores, and almost anything else having to do with big, black dicks; I’m really tired of Gloryholes, Katie Thomas, pill poppers, waiting on male talent to pop, and the popping sound my brain is making right now.

My brain hurts right this very second, as I try to bang out another installment of a blog that’s now nearing 350 posts.

A friend of mine who works Pinkworld says just write anything, and make sure it updates, so you don’t lose your traffic. Did you notice the last batch of blogs from about a week ago? All the short ones that were, like…here’s so and so…she’s the newest update on (fill in the name of the website here)…it was a really good shoot…blah blah blah, bing bam boom.

Remember the last thing Johnny Rotten said before he left the stage in San Fransisco? The last time the Sex Pistols played with Sid? Of course you don’t, cause that was 1977, and you weren’t even born then, were you? I dunno…maybe it was 1978. I certainly wasn’t there, but I was born; and, in fact, was old enough to know who The Sex Pistols were, but I didn’t give a shit about them, cause I was very much into Van Halen’s first record that year.

(Did I ever tell you I was convinced Kiss’s Gene Simmons was, in fact, VH’s Michael Anthony — without make-up? Before you laugh too loudly, there’s proof in the pudding…just read the list of who VH thanks on the back of that record.)

Anyways…do you ever feel like you’ve been cheated?

I got an e-mail from some poor guy in the UK who joined (I assume) Spunkmouth and felt like I ripped him off. He took it very personally, and I felt bad. I even replied to his complaint, but I haven’t heard anything back.

I feel like I can’t blog anymore; I feel like I’m done. And now I’m cheating you again.

Go read Lorilei’s blog…or Barbie’s blog. They’re way more entertaining than this mess. In fact, Barbie’s dirty, slutty stories are totally real, and I wouldn’t read them if you’re at work…you might end up beating your meat under the desk, or something.

Spring Thomas called me the other day. We really don’t talk much, anymore. She said my blog has gotten her in trouble with her boyfriend. When I ask her to elaborate, she can’t, really. Which means she doesn’t want to. Which means it’s time to hang up the phone.

Here’s another pic of me, gnawing on Jacky Joy’s toes. I don’t have a foot fetish; I just thought it would make for an entertaining, behind-the-scenes snapshot.

Because, as of now, that’s about all I’ve got to show you.

Jacky Joy Mano Job