How’s Your Work Ethic?

My friend Nicky M The Pro Photographer just left a message on my voicemail. I think it sums up the work ethic of porn girls brilliantly:

“Hey man! Why is it the only time a porn star feels well is when she’s looking for work?! I mean, when you’re about to work with them, they just started their period, they’ve got a head ache, a stomach ache, a foot ache; they’re hungover, they have the flu, food poisoning, they just got in a car wreck, or some close relative of theirs has just passed away…but when they’re looking for work, and they call to see if you have any, they’re feeling great…they’ve never been better…things are really going well.”

Ah Nicky, this is one of many Porn Star Mysteries.

Spring Thomas, part 1

Spring Thomas

Three years ago this month, I met Spring Thomas at the downtown Starbucks for an interview. I was interviewing girls for my new website – – and when I saw her pull up my jaw just about dropped. I already knew who she was from some of her previous work.

“You’re Serina from Amature Allure.

“No I’m not,” she lied.

These were the days before I knew about things like porno agents. We ran an ad in the local weekly, saying something like Porn Stars Make More in One Day that Most People Make in a Week! and for the most part, it worked. I’d get about 10 calls a day, and I’d set up meetings (usually at Starbucks) one day a week. I could usually set up 10 meetings, so I’d be there from noon till about 5.

Out of 10 meetings, 5 girls would flake.

Out of those 5, you wouldn’t want to see 3 of them nude, let alone fuck anyone.

That leaves 2. One girl would invariably change her mind, so we’d get about a girl a week. Sometimes more, most times less.

Spring Thomas looked like a porn star before she was a porn star. She just exuded sexuality, and watching guys watch her walk through that Starbucks made me laugh. She was 18, still in braces, and I felt something sitting there next to her I never felt through any of these other interviews – comfort. I was totally comfortable with her, and as we talked that day, I was getting the vibe she felt the same towards me.

So after that awkward opening, we ending up chatting for maybe an hour. She had no problem talking about the work she did on Sweet Apples, and I did something that day I never did on any of these interviews: shared stuff from my private life. She did the same, and I found out she went to high school not far from where I went, and, in fact, she knew some of the teachers I had long ago.

We cut a deal right there and then, and she ended up on Spunkmouth not once, but twice. These would go down as her first two sex scenes ever caught on tape.

And obviously, it didn’t end here.

I’m Kinda Pissed Right Now.


I’ve been swamped with work lately, and Kimmy’s been blowing up my cell looking for work.

I’m sure you don’t know who Kimmy is, so I’ll introduce you now. Meet Kimmy when I shot her for Spunkmouth; here she is for the JOMG scene I did with her.

So I’m thinking personal assistant. Yea yea yea…laugh all you want, but why not? I’ve known her a couple years now, and she’s kinda cool, she’s intelligent, and she’s looking for work. She really didn’t have any career in porn, so to speak of; she did a few scenes for me – a couple on Spunkmouth, one on JOMG, and one I directed for Blacks On Blondes. She did something once for a site called Johnson’s Journal, but that site doesn’t exist anymore. I met her through Dr. Z, who hooked up with her once a long time ago. The thing that turned me on about Kimmy was how much she loved getting dicked. She doesn’t do much in the way of dirty talking or acting, but once she’s getting her pussy licked or fucked, she loses her mind.

And no, she’s not interested in being in front of a camera anymore, and I respect that.

How cool would it be to have a personal assistant? Well, then I really think about it. People that have personal assistants are just lazy slobs that don’t want to do the menial, daily tasks we take for granted. People who have personal assistants are stuck-up assholes who have more money than they need. People who have personal assistants are way more important than you or me.

But now I wanna be one of those fat, stuck-up assholes.

Problem is I’m can’t afford it. Well, maybe not. Kimmy says she only wants 10 hours a week. She wants $11 an hour. She knows it’s kinda brainless work, but she really wants to work.



I tell her to call me at 9am sharp the next day. We’ll meet at my office, and I’ll go over all the stuff I have to do. She’s really “ready to go!”

And at 9 am my phone rings. Kimmy can’t make it. Excuse this, excuse that.

Now I don’t know what I wanna do. And when you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything at all…

My First Post

So it’s a little past 1 am, I’m watching VH-1 Classic, and a band I can’t name (but I can remember the song) is playing. I just finished updating Spring Thomas’s site. Watching the video, I almost forgot what the 80’s was all about, but this pretty much sums up: a bad hair bad, lots of bad hair in the audience, too; and now it’s Depeche Mode. Everything Counts in Large Amounts. Get The Balance Right. Galaxian. Ginger Lynn. Missile Command. Peter North. VCR’s cost over $350, and that was The New Technology.

I think the first porno I ever rented was around this time, and I can’t recall what it was: The Grafenberg Spot…A Star is Porn…who knows. Actually, now that I think about it, I was at Gary’s house, and I was with Celeste, and he was with a girl named Chris, and we watched something dirty, and Celeste kinda rubbed my dick over my pants in the dark room while Gary and Chris made out.

We watched the movie; they made out.

In 1983 I was 19 years old and all sorts of things were new and cool: MTV, my first apartment, New Wave, REM, and no pagers, cell phones, or internet. My girlfriend Michelle. And college. Watching Thriller at the Dash Inn the very first time it ever aired. Timothy O’Tooles and Donny O’Briens. And my earliest experiences with punk rock: Black Flag, Meat Puppets, X, and the local band scene like Mighty Sphinctor and JFA. My girlfriend Michelle had her car battery stolen from a Bad Brains show at the Calderon Ballroom — an early venue for punk rock shows in Phoenix, AZ.

New Wave Wednesdays at The Devil house. Bow Wow Wow – “I Want Candy”.

I stood about 4 feet away from Annabella as she belted that out on stage at Graham Central Station. Graham Central was a cowboy bar in Phoenix, and every once in a while they’d book a punk gig. The English Beat opened that show, and to this day, it might be the best show I’ve ever seen: The English Beat and Bow Wow Wow. Annabella was something like 15, and I couldn’t believe she was standing in front of me in her little Pocahontas get-up. The guitarist had a purple robe on, and it was velvet, and it was trimmed in fake cheetah fur.

This was 1983.

So now I’m sitting here — almost 23 years later — thinking about what my porno blog is gonna be all about: porn girls, the drama that comes with them…and do I include personal stuff? Where do I draw the line between two? Why are you even reading this?

Right now porn is my life, for the most part.

I think I’ll at least list pics and movie samples from the stuff I’ve made, and comment on them, too. Tell it like it is, cause almost no one ever does that in this biz. Just tell it like it is, whether or not I piss anyone off.

If anyone back then woulda told me I was going to make dirty movies and work with porn stars as a living, I woulda laughed in their face.