I Shoot Porn: So describe, in a somewhat detailed manner, what went down with your parents the other day.

Audrey Elson: For starters, I’d like to say that I love my parents…to death.

ISP: So that means daddy didn’t bang you when you were 12?

AE: Absolutely not.

ISP: That’s a common misconception…that all porno girls were a victim of sexual abuse as a child.

AE: I agree. I’m often asked that question. I had a fairly normal childhood. I grew up in the Midwest with my folks and my siblings, and we did things like family vacations and piano lessons. Pretty typical.

ISP: So continue with what went down.

AE: Right…so, this past weekend my father received a package in the mail from…well, I don’t know who. I have no idea.

ISP: Its contents?

AE: It was literally a big package of porn. My porn. Porn that I am in.

ISP: Continue.

AE: I’d like to add right now that whoever sent that package is an asshole and did a very mean, rotten thing.

ISP: It’s actually a very cowardly, selfish act. Totally juvenile and stupid. If they really cared about you, they would have driven over to your parent’s house and talked to them face-to-face.

AE: Anyways, there were DVD’s and photographs, as well as a listing of my IMDB titles that I appear in. The photographs were computer printouts and stills of me getting banged out like a motherfucker by all sorts of dudes…black, white. All sorts. Not to mention the bondage scene with Steven St. Croix that looked like I’m being raped. But I wasn’t, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thoroughly.

ISP: Describe your father’s reaction to the pics from the Blacks on Blondes scene.

AE: My father reacted like any father would. He was absolutely horrified. Visibly shaken. If you can visualize someone on the other end of the phone.

ISP: And someone who’s like 6’5″ and about 300 pounds. Am I on a hit list now?

AE: Not for this.

ISP: What the fuck am I on the hit list for?

AE: Breaking my heart, you evil porn director.

ISP: Wait a second. I didn’t break your heart. You ended it with me.

AE: Bullshitsky my dear. Bullshitsky.

ISP: Anyways…what else did your dad do?

AE: I liked how you climbed out of that last one right there. I’ll save that for another time.

ISP: Anyways…what else did your dad do?

AE: OK fine! Lemme think here…(she thinks). He didn’t say much after the initial few sentences of his phone call. Speaking for him was my stepmother. She was screaming in the background.

ISP: I’m sorry. That’s really awful, and something that we have to deal with in our business. Not only from your end, but mine too, cause I feel like I’m part of your parent’s anguish…even though you came to me, got a job, and did exactly what you were hired to do.

AE: Exactly. There’s an enormous misconception in society that women in this business are forced to do things they don’t want to do. I’ve never done anything to earn a paycheck against my will. Porn is a well-paying job, a safe job, and has a community-feel amongst its workers. We all stick together. I’ve never worked a job where people have had that sort of comradery and understanding of each other.

ISP: I think that’s what PT Anderson caught so well at the end of Boogie Nights. When they were all at Jack’s house…functioning as a family.

AE: A lot of people in this business — because of what they do — have lost their essential family relationships and support. It’s no coincidence that people in our business get along well and end up having relationships and spending a lot of time together. Who better to understand the pain of living a double life in a…what’s the word I’m looking for?

ISP: Fucking stupid, judgmental, retarded, Republican World?

AE: You took the words right out of my mouth. Porn doesn’t hurt anyone. If anything, it helps people. But I’m not going to stand on a pedestal…but after all, it’s just porn.

ISP: So have you talked to your parents since it all went down?

AE: Sadly, no.

ISP: You have — or had — a good relationship with them, too.

AE: They’ll get over it. What choice does a parent have? I’ll be 23 this year. I’m a grown woman, and to quote Shorty Mac, you can’t tell me what to do cause I’m grown and I smoke cigarettes.

ISP: He does say that. May I add here that your rack is one of the very finest I’ve ever suckled?

AE: Yes you may.

I Shoot Porn: You just enjoyed a yummy PB & J made by yours truly! With a tall, cold glass of milk. Is that your favorite food group?

Jaelyn Fox: I like ribs and I like Taco Bell. Those are my favorite foods.

ISP: How did you find your way into the Porn Biz?

JF: My ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend was watching me have sex and decided that I’d be good for porn. She had dated a porn producer and she flew me to LA. He got me an agent.

ISP: How was your first scene ever? Who was it with…and who was it for….and did it go like you thought it would?

JF: I shot my first scene for Hillary Scott. This was 5 months ago for Cum Eating Teens. I don’t know what number it is. Hillary was directing it. I was just hanging out on set with the producer I was just telling you about. Hillary liked me and threw me in a bj scene.

ISP: So you weren’t booked for the scene?

JF: No. I was just hanging out with the producer and the next thing I know I’m sucking Joe Blow’s dick!

ISP: What was your childhood like?

JF: It was pretty good. I was a responsible kid from an early age. My parents never really had to tell me to do my homework or anything like that.

ISP: So you didn’t get into any kind of trouble?

JF: I always got into trouble. But it was for stupid shit, and it was never my fault.

ISP: Never?

JF: Fuck no! I got into trouble for my little sister not doing her homework. Anything my little sister fucked up with I got into trouble for. My parents never raised me or my sister. I raised my sister. My parents were gone all the time.

ISP: How did you feel about your high school years?

JF: I liked high school. Until the end. I was popular. I was captain of the cheer leading squad. I was a snowboarder. I was involved in my academics. I was in National Honors Society. I started college to go to nursing school, but I had a crazy boyfriend, so I left it all to come out here and do porn. Cause honestly, I’ve always wanted to be a porn star…since like 2nd grade.

ISP: You knew about porn in 2nd grade??

JF: I caught my parents watching it. Then I got all horny. I was a horny girl. Like, whenever I got home from school, I’d jack off until my parents got home!

ISP: Shut up.

JF: (Laughs). I’d go to my dad’s computer, look at his history, and then I’d print out dirty pictures and take them to my room and jack off to them.

ISP: I think it’s hot when a girl says she “jacks off” instead of “play with myself” or “masturbate”.

JF: I jacked off 20 times yesterday. I was out of control.

ISP: Why?

JF: I dunno. I was really horny.

ISP: Are you a slut off camera, too? Or is sex just a paycheck?

JF: I’m a true slut. I don’t believe in being a slut for money.

ISP: What’s the sluttiest thing you’ve done without a camera rolling?

ISP: Um…ah…my ex boyfriend called 5 of his buddies to come over and bang me. I didn’t know any of them. They fucked me while he watched.

ISP: That’s hot.

JF: It’s so hot. (Jaelyn leans over and kisses my shoulder). You’re so cute.

ISP: You’re just saying that.

JF: No! You are. I wanna suck your dick. Your wiener.

ISP: Gotta boyfriend? A girlfriend? In or out of the biz? If out, how do they feel about you fucking for money?

JF: Nope. For the first time since second grade I’m single. Ever since I’ve been in the business, my boyfriends have been in the business. I do girls, but I don’t date them…cause I can’t put up with their bullshit. I did date one guy who wasn’t in the business while I was in the business. It was hard.

ISP: What’s the biggest lie about porn?

JF: That it’s dirty and people in the biz have STD’s.

ISP: Do you feel exploited?

JF: Fuck no. I feel fulfilled.

ISP: What would you like to do besides porn?

JF: Um…I’m into psychology. Figure out why the fuck people think they way they do.

ISP: Hmmm…I’m thinking right now. Thinking very hard. I think I want you to be my girlfriend.

JF: Doesn’t everybody?

I Shoot Porn: I’m totally fascinated with the history of our business, and I love talking to people who have been in this silly game for longer than a few months…which is the average length of a porn girl’s career. When did you do your first scene, and who was it with?

Kylie Ireland: My first scene was in March of ’94, for Sin City, and the movie was Lil’ Ms. Behaved. I fucked Randy West, and I was really nervous.

ISP: And who got you that gig?

KI: I got it through a recommendation from Sunset Thomas.

ISP: Who is now a star on that reality show about The Bunny Ranch. Have you ever escorted?

KI: No I haven’t, and no I won’t. It’s just not my cup of tea. My naughty adventures stay in front of a camera.

ISP: Did you know Savannah?

KI: I never met her, but I was in the business for about 4 months before she killed herself. Want me to be truthful?

ISP: Sure.

KI: I heard she was cunty. I never knew her, but that’s what I heard.

ISP: Is Peter North cunty?

KI: Only if you touch his hair.

ISP: Who are your best porno pals?

KI: Ginger Lynn, Nina Hartley…but you know what? I’m kinda a loner.

ISP: Can I book Ginger?

KI: If you have a lot of money.

ISP: Will she do black guys anymore?

KI: Oh yea. She used to work with Sean Michaels all the time.

ISP: What did you want to be when you were 10 years old?

KI: I wanted to be a veterinarian. Then I found out there was a lot of math to be a vet, so I changed my mind.

ISP: What’s the difference between a porn star and a porn whore?

KI: Porn stars don’t really happen anymore. I’m in a small group of The Last of The Free Range Porn Stars. Who’s left, really? The Class of ’94 rocked! Me and Asia Carrerra, Misty Rain, Chasey Lain, Jenna…but she disappeared after that.

ISP: What do you think about Bree Olson?

KI: I met her once or twice, briefly. She’s cute as a button, used to be nasty as hell, seems like she has a good head on her shoulders, and hopefully her contract with Adam & Eve doesn’t make her Soft ‘n Fluffy. And I hope she doesn’t catch Contractgirlitis.

ISP: When did you figure out you wanted to be in porn?

KI: I was dancing in Denver at a place called The Diamond Cabaret. I was stripping my way through college. I was a broadcast journalism major, and one day a talent scout came to the club, searching for girls to do layouts in magazines. That’s how I ended up in New York with Julie Ashton. Julie’s the first girl I ever had sex with…before we were in porn! We went to NYC and did some test shots, and it ended up somewhere…but I can’t remember! Cherri…High Society. I don’t really remember! The photographer asked me if I ever thought about being in movies. He hooked me up with Sunset, and the rest is history. I really only planned on doing a couple movies for shits ‘n giggles, and the business wouldn’t let me go home. I packed it all up and moved to LA.

ISP: How did you come up with your porn name?

KI: Kylie cause I like the sound of it. My husband mighta thought it up. He was my husband at the time. I’m not married anymore. It was Saint Pattie’s day, and we were thinking of a last name, and we got drunk on Maragarita’s (they were green) and Ireland just stuck. After a few movies I realized it sounded like Kathy Ireland, which proves you shouldn’t pick a porno name while drunk.

ISP: What is your favorite fantasy, and the one you are most ashamed of?

KI: Oh Christ! See, now that I direct and own my own company, if I come up with my own fantasy, I live it out on film. As fas as being ashamed of anything, I’m so fucking perverted I can do it all: fisting, pissing, bondage…it’s all on my site. I’m always working on SlutWerkz. It’s under construction now, but you can sign up for the newsletter. It’s all about no-holes-barred-everything-goes porn with all-female directors shooting the hardest filth possible.

ISP: Like?

KI: Ginger Lynn, Katja Kassin, Nina’s gonna do some scenes, and I’m doing it. Julie Knight. Kimberly Kane. Oh…there’s so many more! I tell the girls to shoot whatever they want, and it’s really depraved, fucked-up shit. You wouldn’t believe what these girls are coming up with! Ginger’s the most perverted so far. Her perversions put mine to shame. I can’t even describe what she’s doing.

ISP: What profession other than porn would you like to attempt?

KI: Um, if I was going to do something non-porn, it would probably be radio.

ISP: You got a show on Sirius!

KI: It’s channel 198, and it’s a talk show and I encourage callers to call me with their dirty stories. I share mine, too.

ISP: What classes did you like in high school?

KI: English, Journalism, and History.

ISP: What ones did you hate?

KI: Math math math and math. And PE.

ISP: What’s the dumbest thing a director’s ever asked you to do?

KI: Picking up a black guy on the sidewalk.

ISP: Hey! We just did that!! OK…last question: ever feel exploited by being in porn?

KI: My personal motto is “Exploiting Myself”. That’s what it says on my ADT profile…Kylie Ireland, Exploiting Myself!

I Shoot Porn: How’d a sweet gal like you end up in the silly game o’ porn?

Jenna Doll: Well, I sent pictures pictures to a while bunch of mainstream modeling agencies — and one porn agency — but I didn’t know it was a porn agency. The mainstream modeling agencies turned out to be scams, and the porn agency was for real! So, I went to Miami and got a job on Big Naturals! From there it was to Los Angeles, and here I am!

ISP: Isn’t it funny that the mainstream agencies were bullshit, and the porno agency wasn’t?

JD: Yea, they wanted money upfront and then they’d give you jobs. I paid them, and I didn’t get a single job. They never even called me after I gave them the money.

ISP: So, in other words, the mainstream folks fucked you more than we have! And do you feel exploited working in porn?

JD: Well, honestly, I’ve felt exploited after walking off a porno set.

ISP: Wanna tell me as much as you can?

JD: Well…let me see. I was told it was one job that paid a certain amount of money, and then when I got there, it was less money and something I didn’t want to do.

ISP: Can you be more specific?

JD: Well, it was a boy/girl scene for $1400, and it was payroll, which means they take taxes out, so it woulda only been like $800, and they wanted me to do two guys instead of one, and I was told I wouldn’t get my check for two weeks. Turns out my check didn’t come for a month, and it was for $1000 — not $1400. It doesn’t sound like that big a deal.

ISP: But you were lied to. No one accepts that. I’m assuming you did both guys?

JD: Yes.

ISP: High school — super duper fun or nightmare from hell?

JD: A little bit of both. 9th and 10th grade was good, then I moved a lot, so I was always the “new girl” after that.

ISP: I can’t help but stare at your enourmous fun bags. How big are those Bad Girls?

JD: 34DDD.

ISP: When did they sprout?

JD: When I was 13, I had C cups, and by 14, Triple D’s. They really sprouted between middle school and high school!

ISP: Can I suck ’em?

JD: No…but, I will say this…I had a lot of girls as enemies growing up…and all the boys loved me.

ISP: Tell us about any interesting, early experiences with sex. Like…did you have a “crazy” sex life before you got into the business? Examples: ever done a three-some or a gangbang?

JD: I didn’t do like threesomes or gangbangs, but I had sex in weird places.

ISP: Example.

JD: Let’s just say I wasn’t supposed to have a boyfriend, and I would sneak out and we would have sex on playgrounds, or in fields, or at school.

ISP: Craziest place you ever did it?

JD: I did it at the Great Escape. It’s an amusement park. We did it on The Mystery Ride, which was a room and every week the ride changed, so you never knew what the ride was until you got on…hence, Mystery Ride. It was always dark, and so, um…we didn’t go on the ride. We’d sneak off into a corner in the dark and fuck.

ISP: What was your first boy-girl scene like?

JD: I laughed a lot while riding the dude. I was scared. Plus, they put oil on me, and I was slipping all over the place. They kept yelling at me cause I was falling off this stupid stool they put me on.

ISP: They shouldn’t yell about that.

JD: They made me cry! They were so mean! It was my first time, and they expected me to know it all…it sucked.

ISP: What would I find in your refrigerator?

JD: Cream cheese. I use it on everything. Pickles….sounds kinda gross. Juice. Kool Aid. I love it. Strawberry Kiwi. Yum!

ISP: How can the fans contact you?

JD: I have a myspace.

ISP: What about being a porn girl has turned out different than you expected?

JD: I really didn’t know what to expect.

ISP: Do you like being in porn?

JD: Only sometimes. It depends on the directors and the guys I work with…basically, everyone around you. If they’re professional and organized it’s good.

ISP: Ever done any escorting…or, as they say in the biz, “privates”?

JD: No. I only have sex on camera. I have a fiancé.

ISP: Does he know what you do?

JD: Yea, but he didn’t know at first.

ISP: How’d he find out?

JD: I told him I was doing only girl/girl.

ISP: That’s what they all do.

JD: And then, two doors down from my house at home, there’s a girl who likes my fiancé. She hates me, and she found my Big Naturals scene. My fiancé was coming home, and she ran to his car with her laptop and showed it to him.

ISP: Did you wail on her?

JD: No. She even tried getting me kicked out of my house. She took the video to my landlords, and they’re old ladies, so they were gonna kick me out, but they researched it and found out porn is legal.

ISP: Wow. That’s Fucking Drama.

JD: Yea, it was pretty bad. She popped my tire the next day. But she’s eventually gone away.

ISP: You’re about to give a dude you just met a Manojob. How’s that make you feel?

JD: Honestly? Disgusting. I’m not really a slut.

ISP: Um…sure you aren’t, my dear. Uh huh.

I Shoot Porn: Before your illustrious career as a porn whore, what did you do?

Phoenix Marie: Finance for Yamaha, Honda, Polaris, Harley Davidson, and Kawasaki. I was a finance manager, actually.

ISP: Wow! That means you can add and subtract. You know, most Porno Stars can’t.

PM: Hey, I’m a high school and college grad!

ISP: Yipee! Where from?

PM: Riverside, CA. I went to UCR.

ISP: Isn’t Riverside where all the meth in California is made?

PM: No, that’s actually Hemet.

ISP: Do you have a drug problem?

PM: Nope. Never even had a single cigarette even.

ISP: Were you molested as a child?

PM: Nope.

ISP: Does your suitcase pimp show his love with a strong backhand?

PM: Not thus far! I’m a good whore!! Really, I don’t have a pimp, except my agent, LA Direct!

ISP: Do you ever feel exploited after walking off a porno set?

PM: Nope. I always feel respected and I have a lot of fun at my job. There’s never a 9 to 5 day here.

ISP: So how many scenes have you done so far?

PM: Our trip to the Gloryhole was my 8th scene ever.

ISP: What did you think about the dirty filthy gloryhole?

PM: Very, very naughty. I can’t believe I actually did it.

ISP: Oh, it gets better! Now you’re going to experience Ruth Blackwell and her black best pal. Any feelings on black cock?

PM: Um, the bigger the better.

ISP: Were you a super slut before you got into porno?

PM: I’ve only been with 6 guys in my life before porn.

ISP: That’s crazy. What up with that?

PM: I’ve always been in a monogamous, serious relationship.

ISP: What was the craziest thing you ever did sexually, off camera??

PM: Do you wanna hear about the Harley or the jet ski…or both?

ISP: Water and sex always make for fun.

PM: I’m with my dude, we’re at the river in Laughlin, families all around us — his and mine — middle of the afternoon. It’s a stand up jet ski. So we started playing around…you know, typical grabbing my boobs, bending me over like he was gonna bang me, and finally he turned me so I was facing him, laying down on the jet ski, then he pulled my bikini bottoms to the side, and he inserted his big dick in my pussy, and then started the jet ski and we drove around in the open water while he was fucking me.

ISP: Wait a sec. Your family was watching?

PM: We were trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. But they got a show, yea. His mom and step dad more so, and when we came back they gave him a bunch of shit! Step dad said, “Not only does she have air bags, your jet ski does too, now!”

ISP: May I see your beautiful air bags?

I Shoot Porn: A porno newbie! I love it! Tell everyone something about Lena Hawkins.

Lena Hawkins: Um, I’m from Corsicana, Texas, but I just moved to Dallas. That’s where I started escorting. Actually, I moved to Dallas to become an escort.

ISP: Wait a sec! You’re an escort?

LH: That’s right. I even have my own website.

ISP: So you’re OK talking about being an escort?

LH: Uh huh!

ISP: So what’s an hour of your time worth?

LH: $300.

ISP: And for that, I get?

LH: You get to have fun with me. Whatever you want. If you want sex, you only get to cum once. If you want multiple pops, it’ll cost 200 more.

ISP: What’s your average call like?

LH: An hour. They all want sex.

ISP: Do you ever get lonely hearts that just wanna talk?

LH: That’s boring, but…if they’re paying for it, I’ll talk to them.

ISP: What’s your limits?

LH: I don’t do anal, and I don’t bareback, and a lot of guys don’t like it, but oh well.

ISP: Are you GFE?

LH: No. I don’t consider myself GFE.

ISP: So there’s no kissing you?

LH: No, I’m clean.

ISP: Wait a sec. So kissing is dirty?

LH: If they’re out there kissing everyone else, then yea, to me it’s dirty.

ISP: What’s the most you ever made on a call?

LH: I’d say $1700 on one call.

ISP: What’s involved with a $1700 call?

LH: Just sex. For like, 5 hours. We talked, too, so mostly talking and fucking. Oh, and we ate.

ISP: Where did Mr. Big take you to dinner?

LH: Chick Filet. Kinda like McDonald’s. Do they have those around here?

ISP: Nope, but I guess after dropping $1700 on you that’s all he could afford.

LH: (Laughs)

ISP: How do you like porno so far?

LH: I love it. I think it’s fun.

ISP: Besides the camera rolling, what’s the difference between porn and escorting?

LH: Just that people get to watch the porn.

ISP: Dumb question, huh? How many scenes have you done so far?

LH: Seven so far. Three B/G’s, a G/G, and a solo. Oh, and I just gave a manojob!

ISP: You certainly did. And you’re about to become a DickSucker!

LH: I love giving blowjobs. It’s my favorite thing to do!

ISP: If I want to hire you for a BJ off camera, what’s that gonna set me back?

LH: (Laughs) Like…$300.

ISP: Can I cum in your mouth?

LH: Yes, of course!

ISP: So you let customers cum in your mouth?

LH: Oh no! But I’d let you. I’ve seen your test.

ISP: Indeed you have. I’m clean clean clean! Would you take $175 for the BJ?

LH: (Laughs) Hell ya! I love giving head…let’s go!

I Shoot Porn: What’s up with all those tats? And your name! Are you trying to be cool or something?

Scarlett Pain: I’ve always wanted tats since I was a little girl. When I finally turned 18 I went crazy, and I dunno if it’s about looking hard, but I like the way it looks. It’s art, and it’s nice to have art on your body! And no, I’m not trying to be cool. But hey, let’s face it, I rock!

ISP: Anyways, I think you’re kinda cool, and I really don’t even know you. I’m basing this all on meeting you in the parking lot and walking you up to the studio and shooting your scene. But…would you describe yourself as kinda cool and kinda angry, all at the same time?

SP: Everyone thinks I’m a bitch by the way I look, but when they meet me, some get disappointed, cause I’m laid back and easy going.

ISP: Describe your childhood.

SP: I was a spoiled brat. My parents gave me pretty much whatever I wanted, so once I became an adult it was hard to accept responsibilities and become independant.

ISP: But wait, you weren’t abused as a kid, like all porn girls?

SP: Nope. Not abused nor molested sexually in any way. I lost my virginity when I was 18, which is old for people these days, I think.

ISP: High school — love it or hate it.

SP: Loved high school. I was a cheerleader and I was in choir, and my junior year I was kicked out and went to continuation.

ISP: Why were you kicked out?

SP: For a whole lot of little reasons that became a big reason. But I graduated, and I graduated from the high school I started at.

ISP: You just had sexual intercourse with an African American for the very first time for the world’s greatest interracial adult website, Blacks on Blondes. This is very real. A movie of you does not exist fuckin’ & suckin’ a black male until this very monent. How do you feel after it’s all said and one?

SP: It was awesome. It was a great scene and I had a really good time!

ISP: If you were having a dinner party and could invite three famous people, who would they be?

SP: Steve Buscemi, Rizza from Wu Tang Clan….god, there’s so many. Um. Vince Vaughn.

ISP: Did you have a “crazy” sex life before she got into the business, like you ever do a 3some or a gangbang without getting paid and having it filmed?

SP: Yes, I did a 3some, but never a gang bang. I’d like to think my sex life was pretty much normal. Nothing super crazy weird.

ISP: Do you like your bacon thin and crispy or thick and chewy?

SP: Thin and crispy.

ISP: OK, I have to take a picture of you for the blog interview. Please show me your beautiful knockers once more.

SP: Wait! NO! My make-up looks terrible! I just got done with my scene!

ISP: That’s cool. Fucked up make-up is hot.

(We take the pics.)

ISP: Gimme one guilty pleasure of yours. Like, lately mine has been The Electric Light Orchestra. What’s yours?

SP: Bowling. I just bowled a 170.

ISP: I hate to admit this, but my other guilty pleasure is myspace. Wanna be my friend?

SP: Of course.

ISP: Do you feel exploited?

SP: No, never. No one ever makes me do anything I don’t wanna do. Why would I feel expolited?

ISP: So do you want to go have sex with me in the bathroom right now?

SP: How much are you paying me?

I Shoot Porn: Let’s talk about young lesbian love.

Lucy Fire: OK.

ISP: When’s the first time you got with a girl?

LF: When I was 13. The girl was 22.

ISP: Um, go on.

LF: I lied and told her I was 18. She’d picked me up from high school when I was a freshman, and I’d tell her I was a senior…one year held back!

ISP: You really think she bought that?

LF: I really think she did! She’d be telling me like, “in three more years you’ll be 21 and I can take you to the bars!” and I’d be all “Um, yea!”

ISP: That’s great. OK. So you’re 13, and you’re about to fuck her. Where would you two usually do it?

LF: Well, we fucked all over the place. Since it’s two girls, we could go into the bathroom, or like a dressing room. There’s no restricted rooms, like “MALE” and “FEMALE” so we’d do it pretty much anywhere we could get away with it.

ISP: Such as…

LF: I used to work at Macy’s. I used to fuck her in the room where we kept the testers — cause I was a make-up artist — so we’d go up there and lay in between the shelves, on the floor. We’d just lay on the floor and fuck there. During Christmastime, one of the fragrances sent in a bunch of promo stuff, like teddy bears and Christmas pillows…and I took her up there during lunch break, cause all I wanted to do was give her a teddy bear, but we ended up fucking on the teddy bears, and later, during that day, I remember handing out teddy bears to shoppers with pussy juice all over them.

ISP: I have a boner.

LF: Wait til you hear this. This weekend with my current girlfriend…now, don’t image your “pretty fem girl” or lipstick lesbo. She’s a pretty stud.

ISP: A stud? How can a girl be a stud? You mean she’s a dyke?

LF: To me, a stud is a pretty girl that’s hot, with female features, but dresses like a guy. A dyke is more of a dude. They’re testosterone-takin’ pussy eaters. They’re manly. They look butch. When I see a naked stud, she still has female features.

ISP: Your girl now is a stud?

LF: She has sexy features! Anyways, she pulled out her strap-on and fucked the shit out of me. If she was a dude, I’d be making her do porn with me!!

ISP: How did you get into porn?

LF: A friend of mine knew Elena Rivera. I called her and she told me about it, and here I am now. But I’ve gone through my fair share of suitcase pimps and shady agents.

ISP: That’s so rough to hear. Want me to send a hit squad out after anyone?

LF: (Laughs). I’m sure there’s a couple people I can think of…

ISP: Does your family know you’re porno?

LF: Do you want a background on my family first?

ISP: Yea, I do.

LF: My dad’s a pastor. My mom’s a Pentecostal Christian Minister. I grew up going to church three days a week. I used to teach Sunday school. My parents were very strict. No Halloween. No shopping malls. No going out with friends without parental supervision, and my mom had to have chaperone’s names and numbers. No dates.

ISP: I now know the recipe for a porn whore: a generous amount of hard core religion added to a lack of parenting and/or being adopted. Lack of a dad, usually. Or mom. Or both. Add in growing up poor, and wah-lah! Porn Star! Or stripper. Or both.

LF: I’m a daddy’s girl. I’m close to him. He knows what I do, and we hang out. My mom’s nice to me, but porn’s just another thing she has on me. It seems to me like my mom’s always been jealous of my relationship with my dad.

ISP: What’s the dumbest thing’s a director asked you to do?

LF: Make me spend the night at his house before the shoot…or else he wouldn’t shoot me.

ISP: Wanna say who it was?

LF: No. I’m not one to gossip.

ISP: What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done in your life?

LF: I had sex once on a display bed during store hours…dude nutted on the floor next to the bed. I used to sneak out of my house every night from age 13 and go sit in the parking lot of Wild Rivers Water Park in the OC and fuck my older girlfriend. I spent the night in a grave yard once and ended up being tricked into smoking a blunt laced with acid so the next thing I know everything’s moving…tombstones crawling towards me, little rocks and stones turning into goblins. It was bad. I beat that boy’s ass when I sobered up.

ISP: Do you feel exploited when you’re shooting a dirty movie?

LF: If I want to be taken advantage of I’ll let them. I don’t. Ever. I do what I do cause I want to do it.

I interviewed Bree Barrett right before we made a trip out to one of the cruisy gloryholes in town…and then back to the studio for Blacks on Blondes. She took a liking to Gia Paloma’s dog, Diego.

I Shoot Porn: You’re the 30th interviewee for my blog! How does that make you feel?

Bree Barrett: 3’s my lucky number!

ISP: For real?

BB: Yea! Good things come in 3’s. In the movie Lucky Number Sleven, Josh Hartnet says bad things come in 3’s. For me it’s the opposite.

ISP: How does a sweet, innocent girl like you get into the filthy, dirty adult entertainment business?

BB: Maybe I’m not as innocent as I look.

ISP: Gimme an example.

BB: Oh, recently I had sex on the counter of American Eagle…it’s a store in the mall in Salt Lake City. The store was closed, but it was still fun. I also had sex in my car, while driving! I was steering, he was working the pedals. I was sitting on his dick to the “Pump It Up” song. I fucked him to the beat!

ISP: Wait a sec. You mentioned Salt Lake City. Are you LDS?

BB: Yes. Well, my family is.

ISP: Good old Joseph Smith. I like to credit him and his silly religion with the start of many porn girls’ careers.

BB: South Park put it best: Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb!

ISP: How do you like this biz so far?

BB: The sets are fun. I like to fuck. But the environment is a lot different than what I’m used to.

ISP: Example?

BB: Scandalous, two-faced people are everywhere. Let’s put it like this — it’s hard to trust anyone.

ISP: But that’s kinda like the real world, isn’t it?

BB: I have great family and friends. I don’t lie, cheat, or steal. So it’s hard to fathom how much everyone else does in the industry.

ISP: I concur. What’s the dumbest thing a director’s ever asked you to do?

BB: Oh…that’s hard. Um. I was asked to be “romantic” in doggy style. I don’t understand how that works. What am I supped to do? Hand the dude a bottle of champagne? Tell him how lovely his face is? What?!

ISP: I have an idea. Let me show you. Go ahead and get nude, then get on your hands and knees, and I’ll romance you.

BB: LOL — you know what “LOL” means, right?