The Dirty Bookstores on Rue St. Denis
All posts by Billy Watson
The Dirty Bookstores on Rue St. Denis
Come Meet The Living Legend.
You Tube Tuesday.
Penis Size and its Myth.
When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst” of…until now.
This blog’s original air date: February 26, 2006
My dick is six inches long.
I know, cause I measured it. I started measuring my wiener in, like, 8th grade, and I think I quit when I was around 20. It wasn’t a daily ritual, or even a monthly one; however, I bet I checked every six months or so.
Why was I checking?
Same reason you did: to see if the fucker got any bigger.
And no, I didn’t keep a chart, but now I kinda wish I did.
It’s OK to measure your pee-pee!
It’s not OK to lie about it.
Society has fucked up men when it comes to penis size…perhaps more than it’s fucked up women on the size of their breastuses.
I love all the liars who have “no idea” how big their dick is; they’re the same liars who have never beat off.
I’ve even had the size lie told to me on set. More than once. Spring Thomas, Size Queen Extraordinaire, has asked the male talent, on more than one occasion, about the size of their dick.
“I dunno,” they lie.
I hate to admit it, but dick size is the most important thing when it comes to porn. American society has taught us that. I’d go as far as saying that every society in the history of mankind has done the same, but I’m not a student of human sexuality, although I think I could carry a 45 minute lecture of my choice in a human sexuality class, if given the chance.
Anyway, if you’ve read my blog more than once or twice, you know I direct for Blacks On Blondes. And I’ve been on most sets as either a director or second cameraman since late ’02. And in January of ’03 we started rolling on Spring Thomas, and I shot and booked every one of those scenes. So, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.
Black dudes, as a whole, are not any larger than white dudes.
I’m going to go as far as calling this fact. But before we go there, let’s take a look at the graph I ripped off from someone else’s website. I know it doesn’t take race into consideration, but it’s pretty accurate. It’s accurate cause it’s based on Alfred Kinsey’s studies. He found, after measuring something like 10,000 dicks from 1938 to 1963, that they’re usually 5 – 6 inches long.
Some are smaller, some are bigger.
(Know what else he found out? 92% of all those dudes reported they beat it, while only 62% of the ladies admitted to rubbing one out. Of all those ladies, over 80% rubbed it out using both labia and clitoral stimulation.)
Back to pee-pees: According to Gebhard and Johnson (1979), the average erect penis of males in the US is 5-7 inches and the average circumference is 4-6 inches. I only wish Gebhard and Johnson would have gone to Africa and researched dick size, cause I think they woulda found out the same thing I already know.
While booking the early Spring Thomas interracial sex movies, I actually placed an ad in Adult Friend Finder. I wasn’t shooting in Los Angeles then, but I still had to find black dudes…which I did.
Guess what?
5 to 7 inches.
We found one hung dude – Slim – and that’s about it.
And honestly, check out the Los Angeles talent pool. Once you get beyond the freaks of nature (Mandingo, Jack Napier, Shane Diesel, and Boz The Animal)…well, we’re back to 5 to 7 inches.
In fact, I can’t book a lot of the black guys running around Los Angeles calling themselves male talent, especially for Blacks On Blondes, cause The Producer is very picky about size, and, well, look back up at the chart and see what happens to the blue lines once you get past 7 inches.
I know, I know…I sound like a small-dicked, frustrated white boy.
But I’m not. Really. Just ask Kinsey.
Here’s the catch with Kinsey though. One thing I can’t find in his research, something it appears he didn’t measure, was a woman’s perception on dick size. And yea, this may sound gay, but bigger looks better, and even though most of her nerve endings are in her clit and outer labia, the perception of getting “filled up” feels better; hence, if you ain’t packing 8 inches, you’re doomed to failure in the bedroom…unless you’re a Gold Medal winner at Pussy Licking.
So here’s my final take on all this: you’re probably 5 to 7 inches long, so don’t sweat it. If you’re worried about your size, lose some weight (if needed), trim up those pubes (if needed) and learn to eat poon (if needed).
If you’re over the mark, congrats…you cocky motherfucker…still, lose some weight (if needed), trim up those pubes (if needed), and learn to eat poon (definitely needed).
And if you’re under…well, learn to eat poon (probably not needed). Lose some weight and trim your pubes (again, if needed). Just don’t waste your money on pills or pumps or stretching devices. And whatever you do, don’t get into your Hummer (or Vette, or Macho Trans Am) and head to the doctor’s for a surgical enhancement.
Cause the only thing worse than having a small dick is having Frankenstein’s dick.
There’s Something About Jayma.
I log into the members’ area at Blacks on Blondes, usually on Mondays (cause that’s when it updates). I log in so I can see how the members rate my work.
Their favorite scene features Annette Schwartz, the German Wonder.
Their second-favorite scene features Annette Schwartz, the German Wonder.
The bronze medal winner usually varies, but it’s usually Bree Olson, Sasha Gray, or Dana DeArmond.
There’s probably 300+ scenes at Blacks on Blondes –60 (or so) DVD’s worth — and when we’re talking Annette, or Bree, or Sasha, or Dana, we’re talking the cream of the porno crop.
But I didn’t really have to tell you that.
Maybe that’s why they get paid the big bucks?
Anyway, sometimes when I log in to see what the members are thinking, I poke around the site…sorta like a stroll down memory lane. It’s fun, too, cause there’s some many memories for me packed into that site.
Like Jayma.
Hanging with Jayma at the Chateau Marmont.
Swimming with Jayma in Hawaii.
Watching Chico Wang direct Jayma in a “love making scene” with The Minion.
Jayma getting railed in a museum by a crew of ill-behaved Negros.
Jayma Jayma Jayma!
The next thing I know I’m beating it.
To her scene at Blacks on Blondes, of course…the one I just mentioned. Max Black is a rap star, and he’s with his posse at a museum, and Jayma’s a student, and she’s studying Egyptology, and Max and his crew is clowning, and making all sorts of noise, and Jayma asks them to be quiet, and the next thing you know there’s all sorts of debauchery and tom foolery going down.
And I’m beating off like a monkey in the zoo.
This is big news for me. Very big news. Cause I’ve never jerked to a movie I’ve directed. And I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve jerked to porn since I started making porn.
And my load?
Mighty.
Toe-curling.
I’m pretty sure I moaned like a bitch; I should have rubbed my nipples as I was cumming like a bitch, too.
In other words, No Way Am I Gay.
Then, something really weird: during the clean-up process, I couldn’t find the load. I went and got baby wipes from the bathroom, and I searched high and low for the mess…but nothing.
Maybe I lost it in the area rug?
Maybe it’s like one of those massive poops you think you just dropped in the toilet…but it turns out to be a mouse turd?
Maybe I was Ben Stiller, searching for the load that was stuck to the side of my head? So I ran into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
But nothing.
After 10 fruitless minutes of searching for The Massive Load That Wasn’t, it was time for nite nite.
The Massive Load That Wasn’t wore me out.
And in the morning, The Massive Load That Wasn’t remained a mystery to me…until I discovered my DVD player — the one I keep next to my desk –was glazed in a yellowy-white frosting that was beginning to curl at its hardened edges. The same DVD player in which I practice my yoga with my beloved yogi, Karen Voight. It’s a good 3 feet away, and when I tell you it was covered in my old, foul splooge…well, it was.
The Massive Load That Wasn’t really was.
Oh, joy!
A little Windex and piece of paper towel meant clean-up was a snap.
Gloryhole Math.
Bizkit the Sleep Walking Dog
Go Utah! You’re Number 1!
Jayma Reed writes:
Hey Billy! Hope you’re well! Did you see this story from the Utah Daily News? I just wanted to let you know where you’re true fan base is!
MWAH!
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Dear Jayma:
Why is this not surprising?
The same thing that makes people wanna buy porn is, ironically, the same thing that turns girls into porn stars, for the most part: just keep telling young people, over and over, how bad human sexuality is, and then refuse to talk about it after that…and wah lah!
Porn flourishes!
Oh wait — don’t forget to add a strong chaser of Christianity into that cocktail, too.
It’s really so simple.
Let’s take a look at the top 10 states, as ranked by the Smarty-Pants School Everyone Knows, as well as their criterion: “The Harvard study used credit card subscription data from a top Internet porn company. It ranked states on a per-capita basis, comparing paid subscriptions with the number of high-speed Internet connections.”
Wonder what site they utilized?
And here’s the Top 10 Porn States:
1. Utah
2. Alaska
3. Mississippi
4. Hawaii
5. Oklahoma
6. Arkansas
7. North Dakota
8. Louisiana
9. Florida
10. West Virginia
Out of those ten states, either there’s absolutely nothing else to do but watch porn — or they’re in the Bible Belt.
‘Nuff said.
Oh…If you’re thinking there’s LOTS to do in Hawaii, try living there longer than 7 days.
Pamela Atkinson chairs the Utah Coalition Against Pornography. “I think this study actually confirms what many of us has known for a number of years, that the addiction use of pornography is growing more and more each year,” she said.
Um, no it doesn’t. There’s absolutely no data presented in this study on porn consumption prior to the year they conducted their study. What a dumb thing to say. I mean if this study presented a graph to go along with data showing a rise in porn consumption over a range of time, well then yea…I could maybe see her point.
Well…no.
I can’t see her point.
Cause porn isn’t addicting.
Porn is nothing more than
1) a great time
or
2) avoidance behavior
But I’ve blogged that to death already.
Atkinson believes Utah’s more repressive culture pushes some people to the Internet. “It’s because we don’t have the adult movie stores as much as they do in other states. And people have come to realize that you can access this material quite easily,” she said.
Um, I doubt it. Tell me, Ms. Atkinson, just how many adult book stores are there in Utah…and how do they stack up against, say, the Bible Belt states? You won’t be able to answer that, cause you really don’t know. I’d like to add the internet has been putting the brick-and-mortar porn businesses out of business since it got popular. And ain’t that a grand thing? Cause — let’s face it — porno stores are nothing more than seedy shit holes where creeps cruise for porn, or fags cruise for sex, or both.
Not that there’s anything wrong with creeps cruising for sex…but let’s leave that mess for the privacy of their own homes.
And not that there’s anything wrong with fags cruising for sex…but let’s leave that mess for the public parks.
And airport bathrooms.
And Interstate Rest Stops.
But the very best thing about this article isn’t dopey Pamela Atkinson, or Jill Manning’s desperate attempts to explain away Utah’s top ranking; it’s the comments left by the fine people of the great state of Utah.
Trust me, there’s LOTS of them…but here’s some of the better ones:
we have a younger demographic which tend to be more addicted to porn.
Avoidance behavior, damnit. Quit blaming porn, you stupid motherfuckers! OK, I’m gonna make this distinction — if you’re jerking to dirty movies for, say, under 30 minutes a day, it’s fun. Anything more than that and you’re avoiding something: work, your wife, your boyfriend, Life in General…or all the above.
I believe one of those ZIP codes [from the sample] was for the U of U, not for BYU.
Those U o fU sleaze balls! The students at BYU would NEVER do such a filthy thing as to jerk to online porn.
The story states: “Idaho and Montana had the lowest subscription rates.” That’s because Idaho and Montana residents are sexually assaulting sheep and mountain goats instead of surfing the net for porn!!!
AWESOME-O.
The non-LDS can’t get any in this state so they have to turn to porn.
For those of you who don’t know, LDS = Latter Day Saints = Mormons. And — DUH! — non-LDS are the only ones jacking to porn…cause the LDS get laid all the time. Between all the wives and nieces and cousins, everyone in the Church is banging!
Boys can’t have sex so they turn to porn to ‘know how to do it’ after they get married. Also they are curious.
Oh yea…it’s so hard to figure out sex. Once they can have sex, that is.
Here’s how tough it is:
1) get boner.
2) stick it in a hole.
Wonder what kind of “curious” are this post was referring to? Perhaps someone’s sitting on the Bi Fence?
It kind of reverts back to the church because the girls won’t do “it” and the boys want to know how to do “it”!
“Kind of reverts back to the Church”. Uh huh. Mormon girls do it, by the way…just not in their V-Jay. I learned this when I dated a Mormon girl in high school. Her hand, as well as two out of three of her holes, were open 24/7.
like Brigham Young said, “We have the best of the best and the worst of the worst.
Huh?
Porn has been around for hundreds of years and it doesn’t hurt a sole.
Maybe Brigham Young was referring to the spellers of Utah.
A man who had 30+ wifes probably isn’t the best person to quote a this time.
Yes, indeed. Brigham was referring to spelling.
late husband loved Playboy, as long as he was looking at porn he didn’t get the real thing.
Didn’t I mention avoidance behavior somewhere in this blog?
the fact that Utah has fat women. Come on, ladies, quit stuffing your faces and start fix yourself up a bit!
I couldn’t end this blog on a better note.
Even if I tried.
Super fun e-Mails: Porn’s Monosyllabic Glory.
Lil’ Miss Molly writes:
If you knew how many times I have tried to comment on your blog you’d laugh (created WordPress account, etc)… but this time it warranted an email. I just wanted to let you know that I am glad to see the term ‘porn whore’ put to bed (no pun intended). It really bugged the crap out of me, not sure why. Also I prefer porn to porno. ‘Porno’ sounds antiquated. ‘Porn’ is more edgy, younger, fresher. ‘Porn’ in all its monosyllabic glory conveys brevity with a hint of elegance. ‘Porno’ feels like shag carpeting and Studio54. Ok, done with rant.
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Lil’ Miss Molly — Every day I wake up to check comments on my blog, and no one ever does. This makes me feel like a failed blogger.
It makes me feel inadequate.
Unloved.
Ignored.
So now I guess I can laugh at myself for not having fixed whatever it is that’s broken and kept your comments from all to read — and making my day.
Porn Priestess.
Porno Priestess.
Porn Priestess — brevity, with a hint of elegance?
Porno Priestess — antiquated?
Porn Priestess.
Porno Priestess.
Porn Priestess: edgy, younger, fresher.
Porno Priestess: shag carpeting and Studio54?
Hmmm…gimme a few blogs using both to make a final decision.
In the meantime, take a look at super cute, super fresh Porn Priestess Mia Lina as she jerks a dick. Mia is Latina! She’s also edgy, younger, and fresher…certainly more so than Porno Priestess Mia Lina?