And that makes me kinda sad.
No Jayma, No Mo’
All posts by Billy Watson
Interview with a Porn Star (#21) — Daryn Darby
I Shoot Porn: You’re Mormon?
Daryn Darby: Mmm-hmm. Oh! You’re actually interviewing me right now!
ISP: Yes I am. The reason I bring up this Mormon thing is I know about The Mormon Thang. They shove so much kooky theology down your thoat it almost preps you to get into porn. Thank you, Joseph Smith, for all your brilliant insight!
DD: They’re so weird they make you wear garments, and your bra goes over your garments so it doesn’t touch your skin, and they tell you no sex until you serve a mission, and marry in the temple, and, really, I don’t think Mormons even have sex. But that wouldn’t be true cause they populate like gerbils.
ISP: I’m a part-time Arizona resident, and they’re everywhere.
DD: I lived in Arizona for a week. My mom sent me away to live with my aunt, cause I threw a party at her house after she sold it, and she was away, and it was a 2 day party cause I was pissed we were moving, and the house was trashed. 10 grand to fix it. So I was shipped away, first to my dad’s in California, and I was there for only a week cause he had a heart attack. I didn’t give him his pills in time and he almost died. So I got sent away again, and my mom didn’t want me, so I ended up in Arizona.
ISP: Were you a problem child?
DD: Wait a second. I wanna talk about my mom dropping me off at the airport to send me away. The bitch dropped me off 10 hours early with no money so I’d just have to wait there. Then, the flight ended up getting cancelled, so I had go back home, and she wouldn’t let me sleep in her house, so my sister (the “favorite child”…even though my mom won’t admit it) made me sleep in her toy room, on the floor.
ISP: I feel sorry for you.
DD: Yes. Me too. Anyway, I got sent to boot camp in Mexico for four months after I lost my virginity to a Satanic priest named Smokey. I was 14 and he was…um, way older than me. On my 14th birthday I got drunk and smoked weed for the first time and lost my virginity to Smokey and we would get all wasted in motel rooms and he’d read Bible scripture to me. It was totally weird.
ISP: Um…I don’t know what to say about Smokey. What was Mexican bootcamp like?
DD: It was called “High Impact” and they shut it down two years ago cause there’s no abuse laws in Mexico and a girl died from exhaustion. They beat the shit out of me. Dislocated my shoulder, and I had to go through a year and a half a heat-rash therapy cause the sun’s so hot. Pretty much all you do is walk around in circles and listen to a priest talk about how he was an alcoholic and we were quizzed on his lectures. It was brain-numbing. Eat the same food everyday: oatmeal for breakfast, beans and rice for lunch (it was fucking gross, too…no seasoning…nothing) and boiled chicked thigh for dinner. Gross! And excercises after you ate. It sucked.
ISP: Were you rehabilitated?
DD: No, I was even more fucked up after I left, but I can count to 1000 in Spanish and understand when someone yells at me in Spanish. You know the old saying “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” Well, I’m hardcore in the gym, now. I’m a drill seargeant.
ISP: You’re hardcore in private life?
DD: Yea, pretty much. I think more like a guy now.
ISP: Like in sex, too? Do you think like a guy in sex? Or, does being in this biz make you think more like a guy?
DD: No. I just get what I want when I want it.
ISP: The dumbest thing a director’s ever asked you to do?
DD: Um…let me think. After three years in porn I’ve done some stupid shit….oh yea. Run around a pool table with balls in my ass. You know, the balls you play pool with.
ISP: Billiard balls? Were they in your asshole?
DD: No…that’s gross! I have a big ass, so they fit in my ass crack. Just one though. My ass isn’t that big!
ISP: What’s one thing no one’s ever asked you in a porn interview?
DD: No one’s ever asked me to give them a blowjob.
ISP: Will you give me a blow job?
DD: Will you pay me? Wait! I’m gonna give you a blowjob…not you, really.
ISP: Who?
DD: I dunno. We’re going to the gloryhole, and that’s the whole point of the gloryhole, right? I have no idea who I’m blowing.
ISP: Yes we are my love. And you’re right…you won’t have a clue who’s behind the wall. And neither will I.
DD: Rock on! And tell people about my site. It’s almost ready to go…lots of lesbian action! I also had sex on a rock. It’s Daryn Darby XXX.
Me & The Pogues & The Wiltern Theater
I’ve never been a huge Pogues fan, but I’ve always respected them. So when they played down the street from my studio tonight, I took it upon myself to see them. I’ve always wanted to see the inside of the Wiltern Theater, too…so off I went.
Actually, I almost didn’t go, but when my pal Jimmy 3 Way typed “what is your other choice…ICQ-ing with us morons?” that closed the deal for me.
It’s tough to go to a show all by yourself in a city in which you know almost no one, and I was quite certain I wouldn’t be running into Mandingo or Amber Rayne or Barbie Cummings at a Pogues’ show.
Before the band played, I was the geek walking around by myself and reading the historical information from the plaques on the walls and admiring the art deco masterpiece that is The Wiltern while everyone else mingled and drank way-too-expensive booze.
I’m glad I got to see poor old Shane MacGowan before he’s dead and gone. But that old duffer is such a tough motherfucker he’ll probably be alive and not-to-well a decade from now, despite what you might have read lately…assuming you even give a shit about the Pogues. I was lucky enough to watch him stagger around, only hours ago, drunk on stage and not missing a beat…just like I was lucky enough to watch Joe Strummer do the same thing before he died.
Fake snow fell onstage while he sang Fairytale of New York with Katie Melua singing along side him…and it when then I realized this is the kind of show I think I’ll brag about seeing 10 years from now.
My Ex-Student Is A Cuckold
I shit you not.
You know I don’t talk too much about my past, but a long time ago, I taught high school seniors how to write. No, I didn’t take perverted pictures of them, nor did I behave inappropritately around them – ever. And if someone would have told me then that I’d be shooting porn now…well, I wouldn’t have believed them.
Not for a second.
Think it’s weird an ex-teacher is shootin’ porn? Ron Jeremey used to teach…special kids, too. So there. Plus, I’ve told you no one really aspires to be a pornographer…it just sorta happens. But yea, it might be weird, but oh well. Take me for what I am, but let’s not digress.
There was one student who was a real pain in the ass. Actually, I had lots and lots of Pain In The Ass Students. Tons. This particular student was in my class for the two or three weeks he actually showed up one semester. If he didn’t ditch my class, I gave him the boot most of the time, mostly cause he was a discipline problem.
Then he dropped out forever.
Let’s fast forward about a decade. Eight and a half years to be exact. I’m now the main guy shooting for Blacks on Blondes, and Erin Moore calls me. She’s excited, cause she’s kinda seeing this new guy, and he’s down with watching her get plowed by a big-dicked brother.
I’m serious.
I book the scene with my main most man Boz The Animal. He’s been known to tear a white pussy to shreds, especially when Hubby is watching.
I’ll cut to the chase: Erin walks in with her boyfriend, and it’s that Pain In The Ass Kid. To reiterate, I shit you not. If that wasn’t weird enough, here’s where it gets weirder: I actually remembered him. I taught for a few years, which tallies up to hundreds and hundreds of students, most of which were a pain in the ass, and I don’t remember 98% of them. In fact, to this day, I remember less than a dozen of them.
But I remembered Erin Moore’s cuckold.
The second he walked into my studio.
Thank God, Allah, Jesus, Buddah, The Pope, Joseph Smith and George W Bush that he didn’t recognize me.
I shot the scene. I didn’t mention a thing. Not a word to anyone, except maybe Spring Thomas, and, I think, Erin…a few days later, when she broke up with the guy. The whole thing was so fucking weird it’s painful to talk about even now, years later – my ex-Pain In The Ass Student who gets off watching his chick fuck a big-dicked brother.
Nice, huh?
But I got the scene. And that’s all that counts.
Right?
Interview with a Porn Star (#20) – Bree Olson
Bree showed up at my studio today to shoot her scene for Blacks On Blondes. She was pissed.
I Shoot Porn: You’re pissed at me. Why?
Bree: Because you made me out to be something I’m not.
ISP: Explain in detail. Did I lie about our day and dinner?
B: Well, I’ll put it like this – just because I don’t know what a caper is doesn’t mean I couldn’t tell you everything about molecular biology or advanced geometry.
ISP: See, this is perfect. Now we can hash this out. So, the reason you’re pissed is cause you feel I made you look like a typical dumb porn whore.
B: Not only did you make me look like that, but you said I looked down at my food like any other porn chick and made a stupid comment.
ISP: But here’s what I said: “Bree looked at me for a long second, and then down at her food. Like most of the porno chicks I’ve had dinner with, she really didn’t eat a thing. “Hey, what are these little green thingys in my food?”” So, to me, that doesn’t make you sound dumb.
B: OK. I have a reply. My bad…whatever. Still, you commented on this guy that I’m so severly hurting. But I totally deserve anything I get out of him cause I’m giving him the best years of his life.
ISP: I said – at dinner and today when you arrived and we were talking about this – that you’re the most brutally honest person I’ve had dinner with in a long, long time, and I admire that. It’s even why I quoted William Vollmann’s comment about prostitution being the most honest form of love. My only hang up with you, and it’s a tiny one, is that you need to tell him you want a sugar daddy.
B: OK. Well…
(Suddenly, Bree’s phone rings. She talks to a dude, and she’s super sweet. Listening to her talk to whoever it is, I almost kinda caught myself developing a crush on Bree. She talks to him for about five minutes.)
ISP: Who’s that?
B: That’s the infamous Sugar Daddy.
ISP: Wow! It almost sounds like you really like him.
B: Well, what you failed to mention in your previous blog is that I DO like him, and there was a CHANCE I might get divorced, but there’s a chance I might stay with him…and even have a baby with him.
ISP: Will you have a baby with me?
B: (laughs) Hmmmm. No. And I’ve got one more thing to say. There are four types of fish in the sea…there’s mean guys with no money, and there’s nice guys with no money. Then there’s mean guys with money, and nice guys with money. So…what’s wrong with with being taken care of with a nice guy with money?
ISP: See. That’s the way you should have put it at dinner last month…when you were trying to figure out what those little green thingys were in your food.
B: You fuckin’ bitch. Plus, I didn’t feel the need to defend myself.
ISP: Why are you in porn?
B: Money.
ISP: How’d you get into it?
B: SexyJobs.
ISP: Do you like me better now than you did when we started today?
B: Yes.
ISP: Can I grope you?
B: For money.
ISP: Can I fuck you?
B: For more money.
ISP: Can I piss in your mouth?
B: For a LOT of money! Can I pee on you?
ISP: Bree baby…I will let you piss all over me for nothing.
Tuesday Cartoon Madness
Amber Rayne Christens My New Studio
Joe hit me up on ICQ around the first of October for a favor – he’s working with Amber Rayne on her site, and he wanted me to blast off some content for him. He wanted a new look for some of her scenes, and he wanted to know if I was interested. I was flattered, and I took the gig.
Turns out the gig was a lesbo anal fuck fest with Naudia Nyce.
I hadn’t met Amber until that day, but I have a history with Naudia. She was Sophia’s pal, and whenever I’d see Naudia – and it was usually when I was hanging out with Sophy – she’d always refer to me as “Sophia’s Friend From Arizona”, and I always thought that had kind of a nice ring to it. And of course I’d ask her when we could work together, and the answer was always “soon” – which never happened…until just this week.
I love Sirius Radio. I really do. It kicks a whole bunch of ass, from Howard Stern – who’s practically reinvented himself on satellite – to The Underground Garage and Left of Center. I blast the radio whenever I’m working in the studio, and my Amber Rayne / Naudia Nyce day was no exception. I should have known the girls wouldn’t be digging Wilco or Sonic Youth or Ben Kweller, so when Amber asked if I had any Motley Crue, I bolted to my radio and tuned in Hair Nation.
Ever see what happens to porn girls when The Crue is turned to up to 11? Or G n’ R? It’s a lot like George Romero’s zombies in his latest masterpiece Land of the Dead. Remember when the zombies get distracted by fireworks? So much so they stare into space and leave The Living alone?
Don’t believe me? Next time you’re hanging out with porn stars, blast “Sweet Child O’ Mine” and watch, in pure amazement, as the girls suddenly lose all train of thought in whatever it was they were doing to start prancing around the room like they’re working a strip joint for 20 dollar bills. It’s amazing, it really is. One second Naudia and Amber are filling out model releases, the next it’s just like the front stage of your favorite club, and they’re looking into the air like Romero’s zombies, strutting their stuff and leaning up against anything that’ll hold them up. The only thing missing were brass poles.
OK – I’ll skip to the good part – where each girl had a glass dildo shoved up their butt, and they were racing to see who could cum first. It was a close call…really close. But I’ll give it to Amber. After both girls busted a nut and gave each other a gentle kiss on the lips, I flipped off the camera, said the same thing I always say at the end of a good scene, and started off to unload content.
Do you think the girls stopped what they were doing?
Fucking Amber started heavin’ and shakin’, and I sat there for a second, foolishly thinking she was just goofing, and when it dawned on me she wasn’t, I ran and got my camera and flipped it back on. Naudia was going nuts too – working her butthole – as Amber pounded on her clit. Naudia moaned and groaned and so did Amber, and I said, more than once, “but girls, the scenes over! Time to get paid!!” and they told me – in unison – to shut the fuck up, and the next thing I know Amber really busted a nut…all over my brand new studio floor. They kissed again, looked up at me, and smiled.
Wrap scene.
That’s about the time Cherry Poppens walked in, looked at the floor, then looked at me and said, “Don’t expect me to clean that.”
Fair enough, Cherry. Fair enough. She grabbed my cameras and unloaded content while I did the dirty work…loving every second of it.
My Pal Phyllisha Anne
The very first porno gal I ever met was Phyllisha Anne. It was August of 1999 in New Orleans at an early Internext show. The Internext show is a national convention for scurvy porno bastards like myself who push their dirty movies over the internet.
I knew Phyllisha Anne from a scene she shot with Jake Steed. This was back in the day when I whacked to porn. She took Jake’s massive load directly to the kisser, and after watching it, I took a load all over myself…from myself. Fun, huh? I often wish I could get off watching porn again…but now it’s just weird. Don’t ask me to explain why.
Anyway, I walked on to that Internext floor in New Orleans, and there she was. I recognized her almost immediately, and I walked up to her and told her I was a fan. It was almost a surreal experience – talking to a porno star – and it’s a feeling I lost long ago. Sometimes, I kinda get that feeling again…the last time I think I got kinda “fanish” was when I met Aurora Snow at her agent’s house. I think I’d act kind of fanish for Kacey, too, if we ever get to meet.
Maybe not.
Phyllisha Anne was super nice on that convention floor in New Orleans, and she was super nice when she walked into Dogfart’s Secret Mansion high on that hill in Malibu, three years later. I was really surprised when I saw her, and I said hello, and brought up New Orleans, and she remembered, and then we went to work. First, I drove her to that secret gloryhole near Oxnard I’ve told you guys about (she got a big kick out of the gloryhole action), and then we headed back to the mansion for Blacks On Blondes.
Take a look at these free Dogfart pictures. Note the guitar in the back, leaning up against the sofa? Well, my friend S.S. worked a song into the cheezy porn scenario that day, actually singing a song to Phyllisha right before three brothers pounded the shit out of her. When S.S. walked into the room with that guitar, I thought he was going to sing a nice song to her – a stupid thought on my part. I don’t remember the lyrics to S.S.’s song, but the opening lines went something like “You’re a filthy whore / and a dirty, dirty slut” and he sang them sweetly, and of course Phyllisha Anne was a sport, and we all laughed afterward, and then I lent her my flannel PJ’s cause it was cold outside when she left and right then and there I developed this kind of schoolboy crush on her.
I never saw those flannel PJ’s again.
I won’t tell you about the time Alec Metro called me to shoot a girl he knew…a girl who was in dire need for money – such a dire need that she was willing to commit the most intimate act we do as humans to film. I won’t tell you about that cause the shoot didn’t go down, cause, to be honest with you, she wasn’t shootable…not physically or mentally. But I went to the house Alec and his girl were at, and guess who’s house it was?
Phyllisha Anne’s.
And we talked about New Orleans, and Malibu, and gloryholes and S.S.’s song, and it must have been 2 years ago since Alec Metro made that call to me.
How does time work? Why is it that the older we get, the faster it goes away? How did Charles Bukowski put it?
The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses Over The Hills.
Just a few days ago, my pal Nicky Milo was shooting a MILF scene, and I was running around, stressed to the max, trying to make my new studio work, and there she was – Phyllisha Anne.
And we talked about New Orleans, and Malibu, and gloryholes and S.S.’s song, and Alec Metro’s girl I wouldn’t shoot, and the shape our lives have taken since then.
Because our days do indeed run away like wild horses over the hills.
Either / Or with Cherry Poppens
In case you’ve been wondering what’s become of her lately, Cherry is now my personal assistant. She’s also going to manage my new studio, which you have no idea about, since I’ve never really mentioned it…until now. Cherry hasn’t shot a scene in, uhhh, maybe 3 weeks ago with my main most man John E. Depth – a boy/girl for some website that isn’t up yet.
So she’s laying on my bed right now, as I type this, and instead of the typical porno interview I usually do, I’m just gonna blast out a few “Either/Or” questions for Cherry. I’m calling these either/or questions, and you’ll know what I mean when you read the first one.
By the way, Cherry’s trying to ease out of being in front of the camera to being behind it. So far, she’s kicking a whole lot of ass. Which doesn’t mean she’s retired by any means…she’s just slowing down.
And finally, Cherry’s been a vegantarian for 13 years. Over half her life she’s only eaten veggies. She’s also the pickiest eater I know…for example, she’ll pick the “meat juice” off her vegan patty before she stuffs it in her pie-hole.
With that said, here we go:
ISP: Would you rather do a double anal scene, or eat a turkey leg at your Thanksgiving table next month?
Cherry: Well, I’d never do double anal, and I wouldn’t eat a turkey leg.
ISP: You gotta answer. Either turkey or Double A.
Cherry: I’d try double anal.
ISP: Either a 5 man cum swallow, or a quarter pounder with cheese?
Cherry: Is there money involved, too? Like I get paid for the 5 man swallow?
ISP: Of course. Money. Either swallow the jizz or swallow the Royal With Cheese.
Cherry: The 5 man swallow.
ISP: Either dine at a C rated restaurant in LA, or an ass-to-mouth scene.
Cherry: They’re both pretty much the same, really.
ISP: Either/Or.
Cherry: What kind of food would it be at the place?
ISP: Whatever’s fresh on the menu.
Cherry: This is hard.
ISP: Either/Or.
Cherry: I’d rather eat my ass than bugs in my salad in a C rated place…and then just not eat for a few days.
ISP: Makes perfect sense. Either a nice filet mignon and lobster tail…you know, Surf and Turf, or going out on a date with Lil’ Pimp Hand?
Cherry: DUDE! DUDE! Where would I have to go? And what does a date mean?
ISP: You hold his hand, have dinner, then go to a movie, where he may or may not try to french kiss you, and then he takes you home, where he does, indeed, french kiss you.
Cherry: How can I hold his hand and walk? How is that possible? He’s no bigger than my torso…my mom said I have a long torso, but it’s not that long.
ISP: OK – then you carry him around like a baby.
Cherry: Can I throw up the lobster and steak after?
ISP: Yes, you can throw up.
Cherry: I might try the steak.
Super fun e-mails.
JA writes:
Are there any girls out there you haven’t worked with, that you wish you had worked with? Is there ever any chance of seeing the unbelievable Aurora Snow again on one of your sites? I am so in love with her.
Hey JA:
Yea, there’s one, and it may – or may not – be a surprise.
Kacey.
Here’s why: Just before I got into this crazy biz and I was still actually pleasuring myself with dirty movies, I flipped over Kacey in one of her first scenes…I think it was with Mr. Marcus and Eric Everhard. I thought she was the hottest porno chick, ever.
(I’m a sucker for brunettes, by the way.)
Not too long later, I got the gig shooting 2nd camera for Blacks On Blondes in Dogfart’s secret mansion way up on the top of the hill in Malibu. And I got there just days after the Blacks On Blondes Kacey scene went down, and I was so pissed I missed out on not only shooting her, but meeting her, too.
Fast forward two years, and I’m at my pal Chico Wang’s, and he’s telling me this crazy story that went down only days earlier, about a crazy girl who got really wasted and a whole lotta drama went down at his pad, and when I asked who this girl was…well, you guessed it – Kacey.
Again, I was totally pissed I missed out on a meeting (and witnessing the drama).
Not too long ago, one of the agents who has my e-mail sends out one of his mass mailers – featuring Kacey. I’m booking and shooting and directing, and of course I wanna shoot her, and I call, and try try try to hook it up…but she’s far away from LA, and doesn’t have much desire to return, and even though I got to chat (briefly) with her about coming out.
It never happened.
So after shooting like 400+ scenes and being in this whacky game for 4 years, Kacey’s the one. And no, she doesn’t read my blog (at least not to my knowledge)…I just got lucky with the fan sign she made for me, and in exchange for the picture she sent me, I’d send her some traffic. So, click on Kacey’s pic and check out her new site. It’s Kacey’s official site, and it turned out really, really nice.
As for Aurora Snow, well, she’s out, again. Aurora was bookable for a spell after her contract expired, and I met her at her agent’s, but she’s gone again, and, from what I hear, she ain’t coming back…not until she’s out of money.
Cause that’s how it works with all these silly girls.
Your pal,
Billy