R.I.P. Chef
My Pal, The Minion.
If I remember correctly, the first time I met The Minion was at AVN’s in Vegas — 2005. I could be wrong, and if I asked The Minion he’d know immediately, but he’s not here today.
When I say “here”, I mean here, as The Minion, for the past year, has been my PA. If it wasn’t for him, I couldn’t do the things I do…specifically make a whole bunch of smut.
I’m sure the next time we met up was at a Chico Wang shoot house, and I think it was the one tucked away in some woods over around Chatsworth, and I think I was there to pick up Katie Thomas — but again, I don’t really recall.
I do remember Chico talking up a storm about The Minion, and how excited he was to shoot him. Chico said things like this has never been done before in porn and on and on.
He was right.
This was before I had seen anything starring The Minion, and I doubted Chico, and he said something like, “I’m shooting him tomorrow. If you don’t believe me, come witness it for yourself.”
So I did.
And he was right…nothing — and I mean nothing — prepped me for what I was about to witness.
“HEY FAT FUCK!! GO TO JACK AND GRAB A DOZEN JUMBO JACKS!!!”
I never liked it when Chico called The Minion “fat fuck”. But then again, there were a lot of things Chico did and said that I didn’t like, but I always kept my mouth shut. I think that’s why we remained friends until he imploded.
No, I know that’s why we remained friends.
Soon, The Minion was back with a dozen hamburgers, and Chico managed to have two bottles of maple syrup on set, and the next thing you know The Minion is slamming the burgers and chasing them with syrup and getting fucked by some porn whore. He’s getting blown, too, and I can’t remember who the porn whore was, but I remember Leah Luv and Bella Donna’s brother sitting next to me watching this whole thing go down.
I have to show this to somebody, I thought, so I pulled out my phone, snapped a pic, and sent it to Spring Thomas…with a message that said, “can you believe this?”
Then, I sent her another one.
Almost immediately Spring texted back, “Please stop sending me those!”
I laughed. I didn’t blame her, either. Who’s gonna watch this? I thought to myself. Who knows…maybe The Minion will be every fat guy’s hero. Every fat guy who watches porn. Maybe he’ll be a hero to frat boys across our fine land. Maybe he’ll be a hero to every guy who’s had a girl reject him.
Who knows…
Word spread fast in Porn Valley about Chico Wang’s Minion, but unless you were on set, that’s all it ever was: words. No one had ever seen a thing. No DVD’s. No website. A few pictures were circulating, but that was it. And when I say a few, I mean it — there’s one of him in a Superman outfit, and there’s one of him eating creamed corn out of the can whilst fucking a porn whore doggy style…but that’s about it.
Since I knew about The Minion, I blogged him a few times: he’s the only male talent ever to be interviewed on my blog; he’s done some guest blogging, and I’ve talked about him a lot. Just search my blog…it’s all there.
Over the two years (or so) The Minion was at work as male talent, he went through the cream of the crop of porn whores…and some who are totally forgettable.
Free movies of The Minion and Haley Scott.
Free movies of The Minion and Jasmine Tame.
Free movies of The Minion and Kelly Wells.
I think, in the end, Chico Wang captured The Minion 165 times (give or take), and who knows…maybe someday The Minion will make his triumphant return.
And I’m just the guy to shoot it.
Porn Vending Machines? Or, The Watson Box.
My pal Faceblaster was recently in Italy, and he sent me this pic of a vending machine full of smut.
Faceblaster earned his name by doing just that — blasting girls in the face; in fact, some of the largest loads I’ve ever had the pleasure of burning to tape came from The Man himself. If you don’t believe me, check out Jackie Joy after she cleaned Johnny Fender’s ass. Wasn’t it was bad enough that Jackie cleaned Mr. Fender’s bunghole with her tongue?
No sir!
After Fender unloaded a massive pop on her face, I had Faceblaster walk on set and finish off the job.
It was a mighty pop.
Her expression — priceless.
Anyways, Faceblaster was off in Italy somewhere when he stumbled upon (what I think) is a great idea: porn in a vending machine.
For 5 Euros it looks like you can buy your smut and never once encounter anyone — no nosy sales clerk…which mens no more being embarrassed about your gay porn habit, or the midget porn you love so dearly, or the cuckolding stuff you hold so close to your heart.
But not close enough to let another human being know about it.
Whatever makes your Freak Flag fly…right?
I was hanging out with Ruth Blackwell last spring and we were at a convenience store, and outside there was a Red Box. Same deal as Faceblaster’s picture he sent, but Red Box only contains mainstream flicks, but it was really very easy: drop a buck into the machine and get the flick!
That night we enjoyed No Country For Old Men.
So maybe have something called a “Porn Box” and have them somewhere only adults can be, and fill them full of smut to sell!
First place I’d stick ’em would be at strip joints. Every fuckin’ strip joint across our Mighty Fine Land. Stick ’em right in a dark corner…or near The Champagne Room.
Fuck it — plop ’em right in The Champagne Room; you can look at your new DVD while the stripper beats you off.
How about horse tracks? Casinos? Bars? Bingo parlors? Shuffle board courts?
The opportunities are endless.
Just imagine dropping, say, a 10 dollar bill into a machine, and it spits out an ass eating movie.
Or some handjob movies.
Or some dick sucking movies.
Or something really, really gay.
See! No one has to know that you like to watch men jack off!
Just do me a favor — if you take this idea and run with it, call it a “Watson Box” and make sure I get at least 20% of net sales.
In lieu of the 20% thing, I’d settle with 250K cash. Up front. Right now.
Thank you in advance.
Now carry on…
Interview with a Porn Star (#46) — Ryder Skye
I Shoot Porn: I don’t know much about you. So tell me more.
Ryder Skye: Tell you more! What do you want to know? There’s so much!
ISP: The obvious.
RS: I’m from LA. I won’t tell you how old I am. I’ve been in porn for about a year and a half.
ISP: What was your segue into porn?
RS: I was an executive assistant and I was bored. Miserable. I started dancing at a bikini bar. Cheetah’s.
ISP: Hey! That’s right by my new house!
RS: I started dancing at night, then started doing some modeling on the weekends. I wanted to build a portfolio, so I did a lot of trade with photographers. That turned into topless, and then I discovered The Suicide Girls. I started submitting photos to them. I did two sets, but they didn’t take them. But I found out I was OK to be naked in front of the camera.
ISP: So what was your first porn shoot?
RS: New Sensations. It was a solo.
ISP: No, what your first porn shoot?
RS: I only did solo and girls for the first 3 months. My first boy/girl scene was actually an interracial scene with a penis that was way too large for me.
ISP: Today’s scene for Blacks on Blondes will feature you…and an unusually large wiener.
RS: Well, I’m unusually small. There’s not a lot of room down there.
ISP: Here’s a fan question: Who is your favorite dick to suck on set?
RS: I don’t like dropping names. I don’t wanna give anyone an ego. They already have big enough egos as it is.
ISP: What is your worst porno experience?
RS: I worked with this one guy who asked me what his “no’s” were, just so he could tell me his.
ISP: What are your no’s?
RS: No fingering. No pounding. Fuck…there’s one more. I can’t think of what it is. I just can’t have a guy pound me. And I hate when guys finger me. Men and women. They just don’t know how to do it!
ISP: I do.
RS: I really don’t have many “no’s”.
ISP: How long has your longest porn shoot been?
RS: Sixteen hours. I do a lot of features.
ISP: What the fuck takes sixteen hours?
RS: Dialog. Sex scenes. They do more than one sex scenes in a day, and if you’re a lead, you’re needed sporadically throughout the day.
ISP: What do you do on the set to pass the time?
RS: Homework. I’m a student.
ISP: What are you studying?
RS: My major is Gender and Women’s Studies with a minor in Human Sexuality. I’m going to get licensed for marriage counseling and sex therapy. I’m also a pro-sex feminist and an advocate for animal rights.
ISP: What did you want to be when you were in high school?
RS: An actress. I trained for 10 years. I’m back at it, too.
ISP: What’s your favorite role?
RS: I dunno. I like doing sit com.
ISP: Do you think porno’s gonna help your acting career?
RS: No no. It’s killing me. It already has.
ISP: Example.
RS: It’s very difficult to find an agent and/or a manager when they find out you’re in porn, which is ridiculous, cause every single actress out there, with the exception of a few, have whored themselves out. The casting couch is really prominent. Just a couple months ago it happened to me.
ISP: Tell me about your mainstream casting couch experience.
RS: It wasn’t for a specific job, it was for representation. He was a manager. He knew I’m in porn, and he said he didn’t care that I was in porn, and that he was fascinated by me being in porn. I told me the casting couch is almost non-existent in porn, and he replied that it’s huge in mainstream. It’s funny, too, cause he was making it sound bad…
ISP: And then he propositioned you.
RS: Yep. What a fucking douche. A total waste of time.
ISP: Did I mention that if you blow me right now I can get you a ton of work?
RS: (laughs) Um…No, it’s cool.
ISP: Do you ever feel exploited making dirty movies?
RS: Hell no. I don’t understand. How can I be exploited if I have full control over my career and my life and the choices I make? An expression of sexuality should never be taken as exploitation. It’s a double standard for women…and that’s why it’s such a big deal.
ISP: Well put! Anything to close with?
RS: Check out my official site! Ryder Skye.com!
Someone ripped off The Stooges. And Mike Watt.
I got a myspace bulletin today that really sucks ass. I just blogged about the Stooges — specifically that Raw Power was runner-up on my all-time top 10 record list — so, I felt I’d do what they asked at the bottom of the bulletin: PLEASE FORWARD AS FAR AND WIDE AND AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE!!!
Take a look at some of the equipment the assholes ripped off.
IGGY AND THE STOOGES
EQUIPMENT STOLEN ON AUGUST 4, 2008
OUTSIDE THE EMBASSY SUITES HOTEL
208 SAINT ANTOINE OUEST,
MONTREAL, QUEBEC, CANADA
all equipment was in a rented penske 15 foot yellow truck with u.s. (michigan) license plate number AC46493 and the theft had to have happened in the morning, between 6:30 and 7:30 am
there’s a web page that will soon have pictures and updates to more stuff found missing
Item Country of Origin Serial Number
Red roadcase containing: USA No serial number Red Gibson 1963 EB-3 bass (this is mike watt’s bass!) USA No serial number
Black roadcase containing: USA No serial number
Reverend Flying V guitar – Volcano black USA #08001
Black roadcase containing: USA No serial number
Reverend Orange guitar USA 03416 ZSL7
Black fibre case containg: USA No serial number
Gibson red SG short scale bass USA No serial number
Black roadcase containing: USA No serial number
Marshall Vintage/Modern Amplifier UK M-2007-07-0926-2 RoHS
Black roadcase containing: USA No serial number
Marshall Vintage/Modern Amplifier UK M-2007-07-0927-2 RoHS
4x Marshall 4×12 Cabinets (with Tuki cover) UK #1 Slant:
M-2007-05-0149-0
4x Marshall 4×12 Cabinets (with Tuki cover) UK #2 Straight:
M-2006-49-0380-0
4x Marshall 4×12 Cabinets (with Tuki cover) UK #3 Slant:
M-2007-05-0150-0
4x Marshall 4×12 Cabinets (with Tuki cover) UK #4 Straight:
M-2006-49-0381-0
Orange Calzone road case containing:
Guitar pedal board and pedals USA/Japan No serial number
Assorted leads USA/UK No serial number
2x mic stands Germany No serial number
Assorted strings and spares USA No serial number
plus:
2x Boss TU2 Chromatic Tuner
Boss CH1 Super Chorus
Fulltone OCD Overdrive
Crybaby Wah
Peterson Strobo-Stomp Tuner Pedal
Whirlwind A/B Boxes
Whirlwind Cable Tester
and many many istrument cables
various tools ( screwdrivers, soldering iron, pliers, etc… )
tambourine and maracas
Cardboard box containing:
Assorted replacement drum heads USA No serial number
Gretsch Silver Sparkle Catalina drum kit USA No serial number
26″ Kick Drum No serial number
13″ Rack Tom No serial number
18″ Floor Tom No serial number
4x Cymbal Stands No serial number
1x Snare Stand No serial number
1x Hi Hat Stand No serial number
1x Drum Throne No serial number
Eden D810 Bass cabinet USA D810RP4 0703E5001
Eden D810 Bass cabinet USA D810RP4 0703E5002
Cardboard box containg:
Eden VT300 Bass amplifier USA 0601E5115
Cardboard box containg:
Eden VT300 Bass amplifier USA 0507E5033
Floor Fan CHINA No serial number
Floor Fan CHINA No serial number
Green clamshell suitcase containing:
Yamaha snare drum JAPAN No serial number
Yahama kick pedal JAPAN No serial number
Zildjian Mega Bell cymbal USA No serial number
Zildjian 15″ Hi-Hats USA No serial number
3x Zildjian 18″ 19″ 20″ crash medium cymbals USA No serial number
Brown Epiphone guitar case:
Black Epiphone EB3 short scale bass KOREA F300503
PLEASE FORWARD AS FAR AND WIDE AND AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE!!!
if anyone has information, ANY INFORMATION!
please, please, PLEASE as soon as possible contact
Eric Fischer at:
nycentral13@gmail.com
cell phone: +1 646 932 1907
Wilco at Wrigley on the 3rd! Tweedy Interview, too!!
Super Fun E-mails: (on the cuckold phenomena).
Rufus writes:
You’re an interesting guy with an edgy & exciting profession. My background is in psych. I’m an observer of the interracial phenomena & I’ll be doing work in this area. I’d like to compliment you on your shooting style. You frame the female body well & pay extra attention to their best features. Some of your dialogue with the performers is good – i realize it can’t be too scripted & that some performers are too wasted or lacking. Some of what you encourage really winds down @ my avenue of study. Obviously the “Once you go black” has hit the mark in the jealousy factor with white males. The comments from the girls on the Black Man’s size presses the penis-envy button. The girls who can slyly smile & sell it to the camera are worth their weight in gold I’d imagine.
The cuckold phenomena when combined with the social psychology of the interracial dynamic has to be a winner. Obviously if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t shoot it. It must be difficult to find straight male actors to be the cuckolds – because of the stigma of their prevailing sexual roles as norm. My research shows that visibly feminine males as cuckolds aren’t a turnon to most white & black men & the higher percentage of women. When the cuckold is coerced, particularly by a more dominant female, a “wimpy” cuckold is more acceptable as realistic. If you can combine a fear factor* with the humiliation, you might push the envelope a bit further. Humiliating her boyfriend by laughing @ the Black Man’s jokes or siding with him in his wishes hits the mark (The Cum Eating Cuckolds series does this well, especially Lei Lani, Lorena Sanchez, Chelsie Rae & Samantha Sin) A suggestion for the cuckold’s impact – rather than him cumming on himself or the girl, have the girl make him jerk into the toilet (or a rubber). This will further distance the connection from the white male to the white female. If she pisses on his cum, sprays disinfectant on it etc, she will visually represent her disdain for the white seed while offering acceptance of Black potence.
One particular dialogue you shot had approached the fear factor with Barbie Cummings. The pro- Black Panther, kill off the white man theme is a step up from the “superior” baby concept, as good as that is. She was doing ICE (who many are regarding as the next Mandingo) – reinforcing the superior, mocking the inferior, championing the “natural selection” while opening up the greatest unspoken fear of your target market. If you could find the right avenue to exploit this category, it colud be the “bomb”. What was your feedback from members like on that one ? Too contraversial ?
The Spring / Katie sites are good for what they are – although you’d found a realistic cuckold boyfriend scenario with Spring – this could really be marketed to young females. I don’t know what % of your customers are female, but that approach could be tweaked to expand your viewing base. I could go on but that might be too much for a first contact. Reply if you’re able & keep up the great work …
Summary Of Billy’s Best Work
Best cumshot position – side by side – both the girls face & the ejaculation are featured …
Best internal position – reverse cowgirl – tight shot on Black Male’s testicles & vein (providing that they flex & pulse) (Brandi Lyons)
Best cuckold scene – Aiden Layne or Spring Thomas (museum)
Best conversion Trinity Post ???
Best wad – Ice Cold (Katie Thomas)
Best prayer – Haley Scott – this opens up a whole new front to play with …
———————————————————–
Rufus!
My main most man — and biggest fan. Thanks for the praise, and can I just say one thing?
Um…maybe you’re taking this a little too seriously?
Your pal — Billy
NME names the Top 100.
I love lists.
I think I’ve mentioned this before. When I was a kid, and we’d go on family trips to Florida, I’d lay in the back of my dad’s van and read Wallace and Wallechinsky’s The Book of Lists. It’s funny, cause looking back, I realize reading that book was my earliest exercise in critical thinking. It was more than just flipping through weird lists of odd things. For me, it was wondering: why do people hate Nixon more than Hitler? What are the 10 words you can’t pronounce correctly? And can I pronounce them? Which world leaders were assassinated…and why? And why in the world does it take an elephant so long to have a baby, when it only takes a possum a few weeks to do it?
I was entertained for hours.
And when I was bored with the book, I’d beat my little sister up. Or sit on her face and fart.
Before they went out of business, Tower Records published a totally worthless magazine, but I always picked it up, cause the first few pages featured “Desert Island Discs”, which were nothing more than readers’ top 10 records they had to have if they were stuck on a deserted island. Silly, of course, cause a deserted island would never have a stereo system — let alone an electrical outlet for your record player — but the reader lists made for some might fun reading.
And, for me, the lists always boiled down to a reaction that went something like this: what a dumb ass! He ranked Tusk higher than The White Album!! Fucking faggot!!!
In 1987, Rolling Stone made their first top 100 ever list, and I remember Sgt. Peppers being #1, and Never Mind The Bollocks being #2, and that made sense to me…then they fucked almost everything up.
That Rolling Stone issue also had the famous photograph Bob Gruen snapped of The Pistols…the one where they were ticking straws in their ears at the diner table. Or maybe it was John Rotten sticking his straw into Sid’s ear. (I had to look at that picture one more time to remember it correctly, cause it’s been about that long since I last saw it…and guess what! You can buy a copy!)
Just recently NME published their top 100, and it’s simply god awful. And if you thought NME’s was bad, get a load of this.
Both are bad…to a degree, of course.
Cause lists like this are published to do nothing more than make you read them and think things like what a dumb ass! They ranked an Oasis record higher than Sgt. Peppers! Fucking faggots!! And where’s Jim Hendrix?! And there’s two Oasis records on their top 10?! The Stone Roses?! Are you kidding me? Meatloaf is #25?! Mike Oldfield before Bob Dylan?! The Velvets are where!? Shania Twain!? NO RAMONES!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!
Before I give you NME’s list, I’ll give you mine, and I’ll expect yours when you comment on all this mess. All this mess will, of course, include my list. And while I’m at it, a few words on my list:
1. It changes all the time. Sometimes daily, sometimes monthly.
2. I have different lists for different occasions.
a) A list to try and impress a girl.
b) A list to piss off music snobs.
c) A list to piss off a drunk.
d) A “real” list, in which I employ a certain criterion to judge all art I choose to judge…which is to say everyone has an opinion on anything any artist creates, and the only sure-fire way to accurately judge something beyond your own tastes is to judge it on how said piece of art has influenced other great artists working within a particular field…which is to say Robert Johnson should be in a pop music top 10 list, just as Marcel Duchamp needs to be on everyone’s favorite artist’s list, as Andy Kaufman needs to be everyone’s top 10 comedian…right?
With that said, here’s my top 10 best records ever, as of right now, which is to say 10 am on Tuesday morning, July 29, as I sit in my little brother’s front room in Arizona, stressing over the amount of work I still have to do in order to get the rest of my shit to Los Angeles…and finally, this as a “D” list:
1. The Velvet Underground: The Velvet Underground and Nico.
2. The Stooges: Raw Power.
3. The Beatles: Revolver.
4. Miles Davis: Kind of Blue.
5. The Sex Pistols: Never Mind The Bullocks.
6. Meat Puppets: II.
7. Big Star: Big Star.
8. Van Morrison: Astral Weeks.
9. Nirvana: Nevermind.
10. Liz Phair: Exile in Guyville.
And here’s NME’s:
1. Oasis: Definitely Maybe 1994
2. The Beatles: The Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band 1967
3. The Beatles: The Revolver 1966
4. Radiohead: OK Computer 1997
5. Oasis: (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? 1995
6. Nirvana: Nevermind 1991
7. The Stone Roses: The Stone Roses 1989
8. Pink Floyd: Dark Side Of The Moon 1973
9. The Smiths: The The Queen Is Dead 1986
10. Radiohead: The Bends 1995
11. U2: The Joshua Tree 1987
12. The Clash: The London Calling 1979
13. The Beatles: The The Beatles (White Album) 1968
14. The Beatles: The Abbey Road 1969
15. Libertines: The Up The Bracket 2002
16. The Sex Pistols: The Never Mind The Bollocks 1977
17. Led Zeppelin: Led Zeppelin IV 1971
18. David Bowie: The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust 1972
19. Queen: A Night At The Opera 1975
20. The Strokes: The Is This It 2001
21. The Killers: The Hot Fuss 2004
22. The Beach Boys: The Pet Sounds 1966
23. Jeff Buckley: Grace 1994
24. Manic Street Preachers: The Holy Bible 1994
25. Meat Loaf: Bat Out Of Hell 1977
26. Guns N’ Roses: Appetite For Destruction 1987
27. Kaiser Chiefs: Employment 2005
28. The Beatles: The Rubber Soul 1965
29. Fleetwood Mac: Rumours 1977
30. The Libertines: The Libertines 2004
31. Verve: The Urban Hymns 1997
32. Green Day: American Idiot 2004
33. Coldplay: A Rush Of Blood To The Head 2002
34. Blur: Parklife 1994
35. Michael Jackson: Thriller 1982
36. Pink Floyd: The Wall 1979
37: R.E.M.: Automatic For The People 1992
38. Franz Ferdinand: Franz Ferdinand 2004
39. Mike Oldfield: Tubular Bells 1973
40. U2: Achtung Baby 1991
41. Pink Floyd: Wish You Were Here 1975
42. Rolling Stones: The Exile On Main Street 1972
43. Simon & Garfunkel: Bridge Over Troubled Water 1970
44. Led Zeppelin: Led Zeppelin II 1969
45. Blondie: Parallel Lines 1978
46. Dire Straits: Brothers In Arms 1985
47. Bob Dylan: Blood On The Tracks 1975
48. David Bowie: Hunky Dory 1971
49. Coldplay: X&Y 2005
50. The Who: Who’s Next 1971
51. Keane: Hopes And Fears 2004
52. Coldplay: Parachutes 2000
53. Abba: Arrival 1976
54. Pulp: Different Class 1995
55. The Velvet Underground: The Velvet Underground + Nico 1967
56. Love: Forever Changes 1967
57. Marvin Gaye: What’s Going On 1971
58. The Rolling Stones: The Let It Bleed 1969
59. The White Stripes: The Elephant 2003
60. The Pixies: Doolittle 1989
61. Muse: Absolution 2003
62. Elton John: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road 1973
63. Queen: Sheer Heart Attack 1974
64. Shania Twain: Come On Over 1997
65. Prince: Sign O’ The Times 1987
66. Pearl Jam: Ten 1991
67. Kasabian: Kasabian 2004
68. Green Day: Dookie 1994
69. Muse: Origin Of Symmetry 2001
70. Kate Bush: Hounds Of Love 1985
71. Bob Dylan: Blonde On Blonde 1966
72. The Jam: All Mod Cons 1978
73. Joni Mitchell: Blue 1971
74. The White Stripes: White Blood Cells 2001
75. Suede: Dog Man Star 1994
76. Metallica: Metallica (Black Album) 1991
77. Human League: Dare! 1981
78. Joy Division: Closer 1980
79. Nirvana: In Utero 1993
80. AC/DC: Back In Black 1980
81. Arcade Fire: Funeral 2004
82. Razorlight: Up All Night 2004
83. Madonna: Ray Of Light 1998
84. Bruce Springsteen: Born To Run 1975
85. Led Zeppelin: Physical Graffiti 1975
86. Arctic Monkeys: Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not 2006
87. Queen: A Day At The Races 1976
88. ABC: The Lexicon Of Love 1982
89. Spice Girls: Spice 1996
90. Depeche Mode: Violator 1990
91. Snow Patrol: Final Straw 2004
92. T. Rex: Electric Warrior 1971
93. Alanis Morissette: Jagged Little Pill 1991
94. Joy Division: Unknown Pleasures 1979
95. Radiohead: Kid A 2000
96. Electric Light Orchestra: Out Of The Blue 1977
97. The Smiths: The Smiths 1984
98. Jimi Hendrix: Electric Ladyland 1968
99. Rage Against the Machine: Rage Against The Machine 1992
100. The Eagles: Hotel California 1976
Chayse Evans, Once More.
Since I’ve interviewed her once, and posted a silly picture of her (with an accompanying haiku), why not blog her?
Get an eyeful of Chayse Evans.
To me, the definition of Woman. I mean really…look at her. Those tits. That ass. The curves. Oh, my. Let me add: there’s not a drop of silicone or saline anywhere in her body.
I wanna talk about the day I shot her for Spunkmouth; it was a shoot that went down a week (or so) before I brought her back for Blacks on Blondes…and I brought her back mainly cause I think she’s someone to talk about, and, if I thought it to be a prudent and wise move, I’d do whatever it would take to make her my girlfriend.
At least for an hour or three.
I met Chayse Evans last month. She showed up with Emma Hart, who I had booked for a double Manojob with a couple mopes who were unloading a truck full of lumber for my new studio. I mean what better payment for some light, easy labor than a quick handie till you blow yer load…right? Oh sure, I paid them their hourly rate, but making sure my employees are taken care of is just one of the ways I roll.
I roll hard. And fast.
Most of the time, anyway.
Well, honesty…I rarely roll, and if I do, it’s seldom hard…nor fast.
Anyways, I’ve got Chayse on set for Spunkmouth, and she’s just past the 3 minute mark, which is usually the amount of time I allow for intros and masturbation — in other words, the boring shit.
Stunt cock steps up to the plate, and guess what? In less time then it takes to stick a finger up your butt, The Stunt Cock blows his load.
A mighty load.
Problem was, instead of aiming it at the girl’s mouth (hence the name, Spunkmouth), Stunt Cock does the whole squeeze-the-head-of-my-wee-wee-so-no-jizz-pops technique.
It’s a silly technique that seldom works, and it didn’t this time, either.
It looked like a cum bomb went off in the palm of his hand. And I caught the whole thing on tape. If you don’t believe me, log in to Spunkmouth and check the video.
Now what? We’re 3 1/2 minutes into a 15 minute BJ scene, and Stunt Cock has blown his wad. There’s no one around with a valid AIM test…except me.
Did I mention what I think my definition of a woman is? Or, if I could make Chayse my short-term GF, I would? (Short term, mind you…)
Did I mention those tits?
That ass?
Those curves?
Get an eyeful of Chayse Evans!
The next thing I know, I’m shouting at my PA to grab The Sybian, and Chayse is pulling my pants down, and it’s time for Billy Watson to turn into Stunt Cock.
That’s Mister Stunt Cock to you, my friend.
I don’t like this. Honestly. Not one bit. Oh! The sacrifices I make for my job!
There’s some part-time relief while she’s sitting on The Sybian, and cumming until she’s squirting all over the place, and the original Stunt Cock managed to get his shit together enough to come back on set and drop a second load…this time on target.
Then I followed suit.
I’m such a dirty man.
After the scene, suddenly things got better. As in I didn’t feel like swallowing a bottle full of Prozac, and living in LA might not be so bad after all, and I didn’t mind losing that partner-in-crime, too.
Oh! The things a simple BJ can sure!
Or, more specifically, the things Chayse Evans can cure.
