My Pal, The Minion.

The Minion

If I remember correctly, the first time I met The Minion was at AVN’s in Vegas — 2005. I could be wrong, and if I asked The Minion he’d know immediately, but he’s not here today.

When I say “here”, I mean here, as The Minion, for the past year, has been my PA. If it wasn’t for him, I couldn’t do the things I do…specifically make a whole bunch of smut.

I’m sure the next time we met up was at a Chico Wang shoot house, and I think it was the one tucked away in some woods over around Chatsworth, and I think I was there to pick up Katie Thomas — but again, I don’t really recall.

I do remember Chico talking up a storm about The Minion, and how excited he was to shoot him. Chico said things like this has never been done before in porn and on and on.

He was right.

This was before I had seen anything starring The Minion, and I doubted Chico, and he said something like, “I’m shooting him tomorrow. If you don’t believe me, come witness it for yourself.”

So I did.

And he was right…nothing — and I mean nothing — prepped me for what I was about to witness.


I never liked it when Chico called The Minion “fat fuck”. But then again, there were a lot of things Chico did and said that I didn’t like, but I always kept my mouth shut. I think that’s why we remained friends until he imploded.

No, I know that’s why we remained friends.

Soon, The Minion was back with a dozen hamburgers, and Chico managed to have two bottles of maple syrup on set, and the next thing you know The Minion is slamming the burgers and chasing them with syrup and getting fucked by some porn whore. He’s getting blown, too, and I can’t remember who the porn whore was, but I remember Leah Luv and Bella Donna’s brother sitting next to me watching this whole thing go down.

I have to show this to somebody, I thought, so I pulled out my phone, snapped a pic, and sent it to Spring Thomas…with a message that said, “can you believe this?”

Then, I sent her another one.

Almost immediately Spring texted back, “Please stop sending me those!”

I laughed. I didn’t blame her, either. Who’s gonna watch this? I thought to myself. Who knows…maybe The Minion will be every fat guy’s hero. Every fat guy who watches porn. Maybe he’ll be a hero to frat boys across our fine land. Maybe he’ll be a hero to every guy who’s had a girl reject him.

Who knows…

Word spread fast in Porn Valley about Chico Wang’s Minion, but unless you were on set, that’s all it ever was: words. No one had ever seen a thing. No DVD’s. No website. A few pictures were circulating, but that was it. And when I say a few, I mean it — there’s one of him in a Superman outfit, and there’s one of him eating creamed corn out of the can whilst fucking a porn whore doggy style…but that’s about it.

Until now.

Since I knew about The Minion, I blogged him a few times: he’s the only male talent ever to be interviewed on my blog; he’s done some guest blogging, and I’ve talked about him a lot. Just search my blog…it’s all there.

Over the two years (or so) The Minion was at work as male talent, he went through the cream of the crop of porn whores…and some who are totally forgettable.

Free movies of The Minion and Haley Scott.

Free movies of The Minion and Jasmine Tame.

Free movies of The Minion and Kelly Wells.

I think, in the end, Chico Wang captured The Minion 165 times (give or take), and who knows…maybe someday The Minion will make his triumphant return.

And I’m just the guy to shoot it.

The Minion

3 thoughts on “My Pal, The Minion.”

  1. I hate you for posting that. But not so badly that I’ll never read you again….

    I mean, train wreck? Mountain of self-confidence? Mountain of Self-Confidence exposing the weakness of others? Mountain of Parental-Resentment and/or self-loathing? Your daily quandary I presume.

    Just plain gross?

    Just plain fun?

    Just plain un-hung, unsightly, and uncouth?

    Who gives a shit if it sells?

    My guess: The Minion is as mentally fucked as any porn whore, and deserves all the ridicule or praise he gets.

    I’m just in no position to judge.

    Alright. I need a shower. I now hate all humanity even more than before.

    Thanks for the post, I guess.

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