Super Fun E-mails

Super fun e-mails.

January 13, 2006 Billy Watson Leave a comment

it's magick

J. writes:

My name is J., I’m 21 years old. I was born on 2/11/84 and I live in Santa Maria, CA. I’m looking to give the porn star actor job a try. I recently found out that I can have some really good sex. I am eager to give chicks oral pleasure first before anything and I can go for relatively long periods of time without cumming. I can do 2 movements while using my dick. I can do in and out and stirring around at different speeds. I’m willing to do just about anything with some chicks. I can really use the money. I’m sick of being dependant on my damn parents. I’m about to learn more about things like sex magick and tantra. I have an instructional video on it. I think that it would be awsome to do sex magick/tantra like porno.

Why is it that every single dude that e-mails me wanting to be a porn star never mentions the size of their fucking dick?

Hey, J! And the other 15 or 20 guys that have sent me their resumes…I don’t care about how much you like sex. I don’t care about your moves, your parents, your financial situation. I don’t care about magick or tantra.

2 movements while using your dick?

Anyway, I just need to know two things: are you 18? Are you packing 8 inches or more?

That’s it. Nothing else matters.

Now, when you measure your weiner, please go from the base to the head. Don’t start at your asshole, or the base of your sac. Certainly don’t start at mid-thigh.

The base to the head.

8 inches or more.

Then, be able to get yourself to LA, and be ready to fuck brand new, super hot pussy in front of strangers, and no cumming until you’re told to…which will be 20 – 25 minutes after being in the new, fresh pussy and fucking it hard. This, of course, after you get your AIM test.

Finally, if I know anyone that wants to do magic-trick porno, I’ll forward them to you. I assume that’s like pulling a rabbit out of a hat while you’re blasting a girl in the face with your spooge?

Thank you.

Your pal, Billy.

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

My Lazy Ways

January 12, 2006 Billy Watson Leave a comment

Kat

I’ve been slacking here, and that’s no good – cause I’ve got readers, damnit, and I owe ya something, right? I mean you’re coming back – I can see that in the traffic stats – and that’s not gonna last forever, especially at one silly post a week.

I mean I could just post some nudie pics and leave it at that, but it would be too easy. So I guess I’ll just go over my last 2 days shooting Spring Thomas content. You guys seem to like porno stories, especially when they’re true…and all the stories I tell here are true.

Wait! What that fuck am I thinking? I spent 2 days in Vegas last week, for the AVN’s and Internext Conventions! And of course I left my camera at home, and it’s got all my Vegas pics on it…so maybe I should just talk that up tonight.

It’s 9.12 pm, and I’m in Los Angeles, and I just dropped Spring off at the airport for her journey back home. And I’m rambling.

And that’s OK, right?

Vegas. Kat. Chico Wang. The Venetian. Sophia. My pals.

Kat’s wasted, and she’s 19 or 20, and Chico’s greasing the bar maid $100 so Kat can hang with us. There’s a cheezy Vegas cover band playing Journey (I think) and Kat’s all over the dance floor. Her short skirt is hiked up over her ass, and the people in the place have no idea what to think. No one really recognizes her as a porno girl, but there she is, acting like one, doing this stripper routine in front of The Toms, The Dicks, and The Harrys…with their wives sitting next to them, and they’re from Iowa, and Kansas, and places like that, and they’re digging every second of Kat’s dance.

Well, some of them are. The men certainly are. Some of the women are pissed, and they don’t like it one bit that their man actually likes Kat’s drunken girlie show.

Ain’t that the way it goes?

Kat.

Chico Wang. Paying another $100 for a bottle of beer so he doesn’t have to wait in line. Then, it’s 10 shots of Jager – one for everyone at our table. James Dean shows up. He’s got 2 more porno chicks in tow – and they’re both underage, too. So is James, for that matter.

Sophia decides it’s her job to care for Kat, who’s now obliterated. Kat’s on stage, falling into the drum kit, and security is called – although the security dude backs off when the entire place boos his attempt to remove Kat from the stage.

Sophia escorts her out as Chico pleads with Sophy that all is OK, and Kat’s OK, and please stay.

She doesn’t; Sophia drags Kat out of that place and to the escalator. In her old days, Sophia would have partied us all under the table. She’s wiser now, and that’s a good thing.

I want to book Kat for everything I shoot. I don’t care. I’m booking her.

Chico Wang. Now he’s chasing Riley Mason around the casino, and Riley’s having no part in Chico’s reindeer games. Some of Riley’s handlers seem agitated, so me and my bro get Chico’s back…just in case.

Then, out of nowhere, security’s called, and Chico’s being escorted out.

Enough of that! Let’s see. Saturday I shoot Haley Scott for Blacks On Blondes. I think I’ll jump in the car and drive her to the gloryhole, too. Why not?

Sunday there’s this newcomer named Cheyenne Hunter flying out from wherever to try out Porno Land. Should be interesting. Let’s see how she fares in the gloryhole. That should be really interesting. I think I’ll team up Max Black and Rico Strong with her and give it a whorl, too…if she makes it out of the gloryhole in one piece.

Did I mention Bruce Springsteen’s Sirius channel is blasting right now? He got his own channel, and I haven’t listened to The Boss since 8th grade, which, for me, was 1977. Maybe ’78. I think it was right when Darkness on The Edge of Town came out.

As we motored down the 5, Spring Thomas asked me to please turn to channel 50 – the “Jamz” station – and I obliged her…cause I knew the airport was only minutes away.

The Boss? 24 hours a day?! What’s up with that? And why the fuck am I listening?!

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not), Whatever Happened to Her?

Pornstar Elise – rapist?

January 2, 2006 Billy Watson 3 Comments

I shot Elise in late October last year for Blacks on Blondes. A sweet girl, really – for the amount of time I got to know her…which was about the 2 hours or so we worked together. I booked her with Jason Brown, and it was a pretty solid scene. I chose a typical cheezy porno storyline, but you know that’s the way I work.

For some reason it really turns people on – or infuriates them – when I have my black male talent make out with the white girls while they’re fucking. Which has its own term now: GFE. “Girl Friend Experience”.

This term doesn’t just apply to the interracial genre. GFE comes from any john who requests it from the whore he hired. I think the whores made up the term; after all, they’re usually smarter.

Anyway, I had Elise give Jason the GFE treatment – without a word of dialogue. I just start out shooting a hot and heavy make-out session that goes all the way. And then, after the scene was all done, she had to push Jason out the door cause her “real” boyfriend was coming over. Like I said, typical cheezy porno. But hey, it works. And the members love it.

The other day my pal Noah sends me this. He had no idea I had shot her, but since it was porno news making The Smoking Gun, he sent it.

Of course I’m going to blog this – but what angle am I going to take? I’ve decided against the whole “porn girls are dumber than a box of rocks” angle. Also a big fat no to “these girls are so fucked up that they stoop to this”…

Cause really, what did she do? Sure, the cops can write up a sensational storyline to vilify someone. That’s easy. They hit her with “California woman bedded 15-year-old, plied him with drugs”. Which might be true.

Don’t get me wrong, either. Elise fucked up. She needs to get punished, that’s true.

It’s also true 15 year olds have no problem scoring weed, E, and speed; they don’t have to go much further than the school cafeteria. Plying him with drugs in this case is a silly thing to say. In addition, what 15 year old dude wouldn’t bang any good looking older woman? Show me one that won’t and I’ll show you a future fag. When it’s an older woman banging a younger dude, what kind of emotional trauma is being levied on the 15 year old? And isn’t it that emotional distress that plays a large factor in how society bases its punishments?

Now our 15 year old is wearing a badge of honor among his peers. His pals are high-fiving him – and each other – over how he hauled ass across state lines, partying his ass off with a “porn star”. He’ll go to his grave telling his tale over a round at the local pub.

Meanwhile, poor Elise is in a lot of trouble. If she’s lucky, she might get off with probation and/or minimal jail time (and a very big lawyer’s bill). If she can’t afford a good attorney, she might end up in a shit can until 2016.

And won’t that make the world a safer place?

(Mug shots coutesy of the Kiowa County Sheriff’s Department).