J. writes:

My name is J., I’m 21 years old. I was born on 2/11/84 and I live in Santa Maria, CA. I’m looking to give the porn star actor job a try. I recently found out that I can have some really good sex. I am eager to give chicks oral pleasure first before anything and I can go for relatively long periods of time without cumming. I can do 2 movements while using my dick. I can do in and out and stirring around at different speeds. I’m willing to do just about anything with some chicks. I can really use the money. I’m sick of being dependant on my damn parents. I’m about to learn more about things like sex magick and tantra. I have an instructional video on it. I think that it would be awsome to do sex magick/tantra like porno.

Why is it that every single dude that e-mails me wanting to be a porn star never mentions the size of their fucking dick?

Hey, J! And the other 15 or 20 guys that have sent me their resumes…I don’t care about how much you like sex. I don’t care about your moves, your parents, your financial situation. I don’t care about magick or tantra.

2 movements while using your dick?

Anyway, I just need to know two things: are you 18? Are you packing 8 inches or more?

That’s it. Nothing else matters.

Now, when you measure your weiner, please go from the base to the head. Don’t start at your asshole, or the base of your sac. Certainly don’t start at mid-thigh.

The base to the head.

8 inches or more.

Then, be able to get yourself to LA, and be ready to fuck brand new, super hot pussy in front of strangers, and no cumming until you’re told to…which will be 20 – 25 minutes after being in the new, fresh pussy and fucking it hard. This, of course, after you get your AIM test.

Finally, if I know anyone that wants to do magic-trick porno, I’ll forward them to you. I assume that’s like pulling a rabbit out of a hat while you’re blasting a girl in the face with your spooge?

Thank you.

Your pal, Billy.