Category Archives: Current Events

Sasha Grey — it’s all about The P.S.E. in The G.F.E.

Sasha Grey gloryhole movies

Last night I was flipping through the pay-per-view movies on Time Warner Cable with a pal o’ mine who was over for a slumber party.

“The Dark Knight?” I asked.

“No,” she said. “I’ve already seen it.”

“Me too.” I scanned the menu more. “Slumdog?”

“Seen it.” Then she said, “I wanna watch Milk! Or The Wrestler!!”

“Seen ’em both,” I said. Then I saw something surprising. Most of the pay-pers cost $3.99, but they had one that was $9.99. Why? It hasn’t been released yet. It’s a premium sneak preview thing…see the movie before it even hits the theaters.

And the movie? The Girlfriend Experience starring Sasha Grey.

We looked at each other, and without saying a word, I shelled out the 10 clams.

10 doll hairs.

10 scheckles.

You get the idea.

I’ve always sat on the sideline when it comes to Sasha Grey.

I interviewed her once.

We took a trip to the gloryhole.

For her 19th birthday, I got Sasha some Big Black Dick.

After all that, I’m still not sure what to make of her.

Some of my friends had no problem stating how they felt about her: the first time I strolled into Adrianna Nicole’s apartment, she had a heavy bag handing from the ceiling, and right where you’d punch the shit out of it the words “Sasha Grey” were scrawled in white letters.

Time to take my stance! Here’s my official take on Sasha Grey: either she’s a genius, or she’s got quite a library of the “For Dummies” titles.

Existentialism For Dummies.

Surrealism For Dummies.

Jean-Luc Godard For Dummies.

That sort of thing.

Really, I want to believe Sasha is the genuine smarty-pants she comes off as. Really, I do. And I have no reason to believe otherwise.

So how come I feel there’s something fraudulent about her?

You probably know this, but whore mongers (AKA “hobbyists”) are always on the hunt for G.F.E. (girlfriend experience) when they’re buying their whore. G.F.E. is exactly that: share a glass of wine and some conversation as she rubs the tension of a long day’s work from your shoulders before a bubble bath and some french kissing and a round of passionate lovemaking.

To me, G.F.E. never made sense. If I’m gonna splurge on a whore, then come piss in my mouth, bitch, right after you tell me I can never please you in the sack. Spank me, make fun of me, fuck me, blow me…but for God’s sake don’t fucking close your eyes and make out with me.

Which is to say the last fucking thing I want from my whore is a girlfriend.

Some hobbyists prefer P.S.E. — “porn star experience” — which is a little more to my liking…if I’m buying a whore.

How did I get off on this tangent?

I was pulling for Sasha and The Girlfriend Experience the second the movie started. I really wanted to see Sasha transcend porn to The Big Time. I really wanted to like the movie, too. Who knows…you might like it. I mean I didn’t hate it…but it wasn’t very good.

The Girlfriend Experience was mediocre at best. I won’t give anything away, in case you do see it…except to say the most powerful part of the movie is the closing few minutes, when Sasha meets her Jewish, diamond-and-gold peddlin’ client.

If only the rest of the movie had 1/10th of the power that scene delivered.

Give Sasha the credit she deserves: she came to LA with a goal she achieved. That says a lot. But, as the credits rolled, I wondered why Soderbergh even cast Sasha? (I found my answer here after writing this). Was he going for authenticity? Cause if that’s the case, Porn Stars and Escorts ain’t even close to being the same Bird. Even though some of them are the same Bird.

I’m not out to shit talk Sasha Grey, but really, The Girlfriend Experience is poor.

Sasha Grey = Traci Lords = Nina Hartley = Katie Morgan.

Or, maybe it’s best to say Sasha’s mainstream acting ability lacks any sort of range…take a look at the pic I posted, and that pretty much sums up Sasha’s big screen acting debut.

It pretty much sums up the movie, too.

Oh well…at least I didn’t have to deal with traffic on Sunset to get to the Arc Light, then pay to park, and then shell out another sawski or two for popcorn.

Tinted Windows, Redux.

Tinted Windows James Iha

Last week I caught Tinted Windows on Letterman, and when I watched them play on TV, I had no idea who they were.

Last night I caught Tinted Windows at The Troubadour; it was their second show…ever. (They played at SXSW last month).

You could make a pie graph from last night’s crowd: I was part of the Bun E. Carlos piece o’ pie, which included pretty much any middle-aged dork in the audience; Gia Paloma, my date, was part of the Hanson crowd — the largest piece o’ pie — which pretty much was any twenty-something girl crowding the front of the stage. The smallest slice o’ pie was the Pumpkins piece.

I’m pretty sure anyone who’s a Smashing Pumpkins fan will hate Tinted Windows simply cause of the Hanson brother.

MMmmm-Bop.

I don’t know what a Fountains of Wayne fan looks like, so they will represent not one single piece in my pie graph.

I love Tinted Windows cause of Taylor Hanson, but No Way Am I Gay.

I love Tinted Windows cause they rock…and No Way Am I Gay.

“I didn’t get bored once during the show!” Gia Paloma said while we People-Watched in front of The Troubadour as the crowd let out.

To which I replied, “Taylor Hanson wore white jeans, which means he’s a Power Bottom. I think that’s an unwritten part of the Hanky Code.”

“He’s married! He has four children!” Gia exclaimed.

To which I replied, “Then he’s a Closet Power Bottom.”

Gia and I walked into the place with James Iha. We aren’t friends or anything…I mean we just walked in the same time he was walking in, and I said hello to him, which is kinda silly, cause, like I said, I don’t know him, and I’m not a huge Smashing Pumpkins fan — but I kinda like them. I like James Iha now cause he was really friendly and he smiled as he said hello back…like he meant it.

On the way out I was hoping to run into Bun E. Carlos, but that didn’t happen.

Goddamn I love catching shows at really small venues.

Taylor Hanson sure did sweat a whole lot, which made most of the twenty-something girls squeal like they were 12 again.

Bun E. Carlos wore white gloves as he smashed on his kit; he’s also lost quite a lot of weight since his Cheap Trick days.

James Iha is kinda boring to watch, but he can play the fuck out of the guitar.

Since I wasn’t standing anywhere near the bassist, and I’ve never listened to Fountains of Wayne, I have nothing to say about him.

Did I mention I scored tickets to both Wilco shows at The Wiltern in June?

Woot woot!

The Diamond Back Terrapin Porno Lecture That Never Was.

porn in the classroom

Everyone look at the two dopes arguing over amending Maryland’s budget to deny any funding to our beloved Diamond Back Terrapins cause they wanted to show a dirty movie on campus.

When I was a Sun Devil frosh, I saw a dirty movie on campus — cause I took O.M. “Organ” Morgan’s class on Human Sexuality. So did everyone else…as in they saw the dirty movie, cause they enrolled in Morgan’s class, cause almost everyone wanted that “easy A”, and Organ Morgan’s class was pretty much that.

I barely earned a B, which goes to show you where my priorities were.

Anyway, they would pack 400+ kids a semester into one of the largest lecture halls on campus, and when we called the good professor Organ Morgan, we’d all laugh. Every single time.

The very first thing Organ wanted on our very first day of class was for someone to yell out a slang term for penis. I’m serious. He introduced himself, and then he asked for a slang term for penis. He didn’t even acknowledge the syllabus his three TA’s were handing out.

Silence.

Remember, this is 1982. Fall semester, too. MTV was in its infancy and almost no one had a cell phone and the internet was a place reserved for Rocket Scientists.

I say this cause I think in the fall of 09 Organ Morgan would have had his request taken care of immediately. But in 1982 we all looked around at each other for a long second or two before anyone said a word.

“Dick!” someone finally yelled, and there was nervous laughter.

A second or two later, “Cock!” — and you’d think Richard Pryor was giving the lecture.

I didn’t think it then, but I do now: are we uptight about our sexuality, or what?

A few seconds later I think I heard every single slang word for penis ever invented…some I had never heard before.

And after all the dicks and cocks and tools and peckers and pricks were shouted out, and after he quieted everyone down, we all got a shot at vagina.

“Cunt!” came almost instantaneously…and again, it brought down the house.

By week two Organ’s 400-person-class was whittled down to the 100 (or so) who would show up. Everyone knew nobody could take roll for a class filled with 400 people, and Organ didn’t even try to fake it. I came and went, and one of the days I made it Organ showed an old film loop, and even by 1982 standards it seemed really old. I’m sure it was at least a decade old, and we all sat there in a kind of stunned silence as the 6 minute (or so) 8mm filmed rolled.

I don’t know where to go with this anymore. I wasn’t even gonna really blog it, but what the fuck? At least it isn’t a blog about some Porn Princess having a melt-down or behaving badly.

Maybe I want to say nothing’s really changed. Not in 25+ years. Maybe Organ Morgan was way ahead of his time?

They decided not to show Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge at Maryland cause the “titillation of porn” overrode the importance of teaching it.

I dunno what’s dumber: that there’s a subject that’s so titillating you can’t teach it — or they wanted to screen Pirates II.

If they woulda shown one of the movies I made, they could have at least added race relations into the mix.

In Memorium: Lux Interior.

Lux Interior

Lux Interior of The Cramps has died. He was sixty.

I managed to catch the Cramps once, and it was at a show at The Devil House in Tempe, AZ, in the early ’90s — but it could been 1989.

In fact, I think it was.

God damnit the Cramps fucking rocked. I mean that show was insane. I dunno what was better — the Kid In The Wheelchair, or Lux spanking his ball sac whilst on the very top of one of the speaker towers whilst on all fours with his ass propped high in the air whilst wearing nothing but women’s underpants whilst simulating fellatio on his microphone.

I was very nervous for Kid In The Wheelchair cause all the punks held him (still in his chair) high about the crowd, passing him all around that pit. How long until he fell out of his chair?

I was very nervous for Lux, cause that speaker tower was way up there, and it was all wobbly and shit, and I was quite certain at any moment it was going to come crashing down into the very same pit where Kid In The Wheelchair was still being passed around (and still hoisted high) above everyone’s heads.

I was very nervous for Poison Ivy — Lux’s wife and his guitarist — because almost everyone in the front two rows were spitting on her, and she had to catch some sort of illness from all that nasty saliva and phlegm that ended up covering her from head to toe.

I wasn’t very nervous for their drummer, who I thought was Kid Congo Powers, but now I’m not so sure, but he was the dude who always wore that silly Silver Medal around his neck while he bashed away at his kit, and there was absolutely no need to worry about him.

Lux wore pants that were about the lowest cut a dude could get away with without his dick popping out.

Lux had one of the coolest names for a lead singer, ever.

Lux wore creepy white make-up a whole lot.

Lux wore women’s pumps a whole lot, too.

I bet Marilyn Mason wished he was Lux Interior more than once in his life…cause, let’s face it, whatever Marilyn pulled off Lux had already done by 1979.

Lux Interior — once in a lifetime, my friends.

The AVN Awards.

Interracial fuck humiliated sissy cuckold eats cum

No one’s in LA right now, except me.

Well, that’s not accurate. There’s about 14 million people in LA right now, but very, very few of them perform in dirty, filthy movies.

That’s cause all those folks are in Las Vegas as I bang this out, getting ready for the Porno equivalent of the Academy Awards: The 2009 AVN Adult Movie Awards.

They’re about to go down right now.

The awards show is the grand finale, so to speak, of the past 3 days…cause for the last three days all sorts of Porno Freaks are in Las Vegas right now trying to score (at least) an autograph from their favorite Porn Whore.

Some might even be able to fuck their favorite starlet (or star) as long as the price is right. From what I hear, that’ll set you back a cool grand for an hour of fun…but only if your favorite gal does privates.

Don’t worry almost all of them do, even the ones who don’t (during the rest of the year).

You might even be able to fuck one for free. (Nothing is free, right? But you know what I mean). Just buy them a whole bunch of drinks and make them laugh, and you’re about 65% of the way there.

(God damn have I mentioned how much I love this Vampire Weekend record? Santa bought it for me all the way from The North Pole, and yes, I know it’s not “new”, but it’s new to me…at least in its entirety. I mean I know about that catchy single, but shit! This whole record rules!)

Anyways, part of the fun of the Howard Stern show is when they make gags about The AVN awards, which usually amount to the title of the award given; for example, (and I didn’t make any of these up, by the way) “Best All-Girl Group Sex Scene”, “Best Anal-Themed Series”, “Best Big Butt Series”, and “Best MILF Release” — among others.

So, for today’s blog, I thought I would list a few of the categories that caught my eye and held my interest, and the only reason why they would do either is cause I have a pal on the list, and I probably shot them, so I’ll link them to some free smut so you cheapies can whack it…oh! And I’ll add here that I want them (meaning my pals) to very much to win!

Best Actress

Monique Alexander, Cry Wolf, Vivid Entertainment Group
Roxy DeVille, The Texas Vibrator Massacre, Loaded Digital/Metro
Jessica Drake, Fallen, Wicked Pictures
Sasha Grey, The Last Rose, Wicked Pictures
Carmen Hart, Fired, Wicked Pictures
Jenna Haze, Not Bewitched XXX, X-Play/Adam & Eve
Jenna Jameson, Burn, Club Jenna/Vivid
Jesse Jane, Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge, Digital Playground
Janine, Pipe Dreams, Vivid Entertainment Group
Devon Lee, Succubus of the Rouge, Spearmint Rhino Films
Kaylani Lei, The Wicked, Wicked Pictures
Marie McCray, Angel Face, VCX
Bree Olson, Roller Dollz, Zero Tolerance/Adam & Eve
Kirsten Price, Mouth, Wicked Pictures
Savanna Samson, Miles From Needles, Vivid Entertainment Group

I am pulling for Roxy here. Bree’s got enough attention for her own good, and I don’t know Marie very well, but she seemed cool when we worked together. Besides, Roxy’s not the obvious choice here, as I hate the obvious…which, if I was a betting man, I’d call it for the very obvious Sasha Grey.

Best Adult Website

1byday.Com
Abbywinters.Com
Alllinternal.Com
Bangbros.Com
Brainpass.Com
Brazzers.Com
Burningangel.Com
Digitaldesire.Com
Ftvgirls.Com
Kink.Com
Met-Art.Com
Naughtyamerica.Com
Onlytease.Com
Realitykings.Com
Videobox.Com

I don’t want any of these fuckers to win. Where’s Manojob? TheDickSuckers? Or, at the very fucking least, Blacks on Blondes?

Best Director – Ethnic Video

Mark Anthony, I Fucked You and Yo Mama 3, Evasive Angles Entertainment
David Aaron Clark, Asia Noir 6: Wicked Sex Trap, Video Team/Metro
Rick Davis, Little Red Rides the Hood 3, Black Market Entertainment
Alexander DeVoe, Freakaholics 2, Alexander DeVoe/Jules Jordan Video
Lee G, All That Ass: The Orgy 6, Black Ice
Jax, My Baby Got Back 44, Video Team/Metro
Jacob Jewel, Horny Latin Mothers 2, Evasive Angles Entertainment
Jules Jordan, Lex the Impaler 3, Jules Jordan Video
Shorty Mac, Cunts ’n Blunts, Black Market Entertainment
Kevin Moore, Asian Fever 34, Hustler Video
Jack Napier, It’s Big It’s Black It’s Jack 4, Vouyer Media
Brian Pumper, Gapeman, B. Pumper/Evil Angel
Justin Slayer, Big Booty White Girls 5, Justin Slayer International
Lexington Steele, Manhammer 8, Mercenary Pictures
L.T., Black Squirt, Elegant Angel Productions

Shorty Mac! Shorty Mac! Shorty Mac! I vote Shorty Mac!!!

Best Educational Release

Breaking Into Porn, Liquid Lust Productions
How to Eat Pussy Like a Champ, Seymore Butts/Pure Play Media
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Great Sex During Pregnancy, Adam & Eve Pictures
Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Hand Jobs, Vivid Ed
Personal Touch, Adam & Eve Pictures
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to the G-Spot, Vivid Ed
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex 2: Fellatio, Vivid Ed

Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino — cause she rules.

Best Fem-Dom Strap On Release

Babes Ballin’ Boys 18, Pleasure Productions
Fem Dom: Mean Girls, Toxxxic/Metro
Mistress Strap-On: Sado Bitch, Robert Hill Releasing
Master Len Presents Intense Fetish: Girls With Strap-Ons 844, Master Len Productions
MeanBitches Erotic Femdom 3, Kick Ass Pictures
Punished By Mommy, Kick Ass Pictures
Strap Attack 7, Joey Silvera/Evil Angel
The Violation of My Boyfriend’s Ass, White Ghetto Films

I just listed this one cause it makes me laugh so fucking hard. The Violation of My Boyfriend’s Ass!

Best High-Definition Production

Alexis Texas Is Buttwoman, Elegant Angel Productions
Bad Luck Betties, Vivid Alt
Carolina Jones and the Broken Covenant, Adam & Eve Pictures
Cheerleaders, Digital Playground
Dark City, Adam & Eve Pictures
The Doll Underground, Vivid Alt
Fallen, Wicked Pictures
Hearts & Minds II: Modern Warfare, New Sensations
High Definition, Club Jenna/Vivid
Icon, SexZ Pictures
Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge, Digital Playground
Roller Dollz, Zero Tolerance/Adam & Eve
Teradise Island 2, Teravision/Vivid
The Texas Vibrator Massacre, Loaded Digital/Metro
The Wicked, Wicked Pictures

I fucking hate this category. That’s the only reason I’m talking about it. No porn should ever be viewed in high-def. Save it for Animal Planet or some shit like that. Besides, all the fuckers involved with all these kinds of movies take themselves so seriously they all suck balls.

Best Male Newcomer

Jarod Diamond
D-Snoop
Chris Johnson
Danny Mountain
Rocco Reed
Anthony Rosano
Johnny Sins
J Strokes
Keni Styles
Eric Swiss
CJ Wright
Prince Yahshua

A few of the dudes on this list are pals, so I’ll just go with the one who let me shoot him in a solo stroke flick, cause, as far as I’m concerned, that’s male talent who’s versatile and not a homophobe. Plus, he knocked up Eva Angelina, so Danny Mountain can’t be all that bad, right?

Best New Starlet

Lexi Belle
Tori Black
Chayse Evans
Jaelyn Fox
Jayden Jaymes
Nikki Jayne
Jayme Langford
Jandi Lin
Meggan Mallone
Priya Rai
Faye Reagan
Ryder Skye
Missy Stone
Stoya
Angelina Valentine

I’m pulling for my very favorite Black Cock Slut here — Miss Fox — but something tells me Stoya’s got this one.

Best New Web Starlet

Ariel, arielsblog.com
Celeste, iloveyouceleste.com
Kara Duhe, karaduhe.com
Cute Joy, cutejoy.com
Maitresse Madeline, madelineiswicked.com
Candy Monroe, candymonroe.com
Mya, iloveyoumya.com
Bree Olson, breeolson.com
Sofia Rain, sofiarain.com
Selina 18, selina18.com

This is a no-brainer. And it’s the last category I’m gonna talk about, cause my pie just got here, and it’s the very best pie in Los Angeles, and I’m hungry! But how can I not vote for Candy Monroe? I shot all that shit! Well, almost all of it, and as we sat there working, we would laugh our asses off, cause the content was so fucking crazy.

Best of luck Candy! You drove me crazy most of the time, but you’re still one of my all-time favs.

In Memorium: Ron Asheton.

Ron Asheton

One of Iggy Pop’s best friends — and his guitarist in The Stooges — died at his home in Ann Arbor, MI. He was 60.

I was lucky enough to catch Ron play at The Wiltern Theater in the Spring of ’07. It was a Stooges show, and Mike Watt was on bass, and Iggy was all over the place, and Ron just stood there and fucking jammed.

I went with Gia Paloma. This was in her crazier days. Days I kinda miss, and I kinda don’t.

I’m sure Gia doesn’t miss them.

I think I blogged it.

Well, I didn’t. I just searched my blog, and nothing turned up. But Gia and I went and caught the Stooges, and I remember getting fucked up. We ate at the Denny’s right next to the Wiltern before the show, and I think we saw Ashley Blue and her dude Dave Naz there. We drank and a few times we had to go outside so Gia could smoke. After the show, we went to some fancy bar, and Gia grabbed a glass off the bar, stuck it in her pants, and handed it to me a few seconds later.

Oh! That golden nectar!

After that, standing on Wilshire and waiting for the bus, Gia asked me to pull my wiener out of my pants — which I did, cause I’m easy like that — and then she proceeded to put her cigarette out on it. I caught this terrible incident just in the nick of time, so there was no ween damage, and then the bus came, and we jumped on it, and ended up at Vons, where Gia demanded Vodka and a bucket of fried chicken, to which I agreed — wholeheartedly.

If I’m not mistaken, that night Gia tried to stick a Hitachi Wand up my butt, but I nicked that, too.

We ate fried chicken and drank some more and then we both passed out.

Yep. Just telling you this now makes me realize Gia doesn’t miss any of that nonsense, and come to think of it, I don’t either.

Well, sometimes I do.

Poor Ron. I hope he passed in a quiet, peaceful way.

I’m on Mike Watt’s e-Mail list (and his band, Banyan), and here’s what he said:

friends,

I’m thinking of ron asheton, a beautiful
man who I learned from much and shared many
joys w/and always played my heart out for
him. he was a pioneer w/a guitar sound all
his own and was very very kind to me…
“you’re a good sailor” he would always say. I
can’t find the words to really put it right
here but he was truly a righteous brother,
much deep respect. I miss him so so much.

big big love from watt