Lux Interior of The Cramps has died. He was sixty.
I managed to catch the Cramps once, and it was at a show at The Devil House in Tempe, AZ, in the early ’90s — but it could been 1989.
In fact, I think it was.
God damnit the Cramps fucking rocked. I mean that show was insane. I dunno what was better — the Kid In The Wheelchair, or Lux spanking his ball sac whilst on the very top of one of the speaker towers whilst on all fours with his ass propped high in the air whilst wearing nothing but women’s underpants whilst simulating fellatio on his microphone.
I was very nervous for Kid In The Wheelchair cause all the punks held him (still in his chair) high about the crowd, passing him all around that pit. How long until he fell out of his chair?
I was very nervous for Lux, cause that speaker tower was way up there, and it was all wobbly and shit, and I was quite certain at any moment it was going to come crashing down into the very same pit where Kid In The Wheelchair was still being passed around (and still hoisted high) above everyone’s heads.
I was very nervous for Poison Ivy — Lux’s wife and his guitarist — because almost everyone in the front two rows were spitting on her, and she had to catch some sort of illness from all that nasty saliva and phlegm that ended up covering her from head to toe.
I wasn’t very nervous for their drummer, who I thought was Kid Congo Powers, but now I’m not so sure, but he was the dude who always wore that silly Silver Medal around his neck while he bashed away at his kit, and there was absolutely no need to worry about him.
Lux wore pants that were about the lowest cut a dude could get away with without his dick popping out.
Lux had one of the coolest names for a lead singer, ever.
Lux wore creepy white make-up a whole lot.
Lux wore women’s pumps a whole lot, too.
I bet Marilyn Mason wished he was Lux Interior more than once in his life…cause, let’s face it, whatever Marilyn pulled off Lux had already done by 1979.
Lux Interior — once in a lifetime, my friends.
No one’s in LA right now, except me.
Well, that’s not accurate. There’s about 14 million people in LA right now, but very, very few of them perform in dirty, filthy movies.
That’s cause all those folks are in Las Vegas as I bang this out, getting ready for the Porno equivalent of the Academy Awards: The 2009 AVN Adult Movie Awards.
They’re about to go down right now.
The awards show is the grand finale, so to speak, of the past 3 days…cause for the last three days all sorts of Porno Freaks are in Las Vegas right now trying to score (at least) an autograph from their favorite Porn Whore.
Some might even be able to fuck their favorite starlet (or star) as long as the price is right. From what I hear, that’ll set you back a cool grand for an hour of fun…but only if your favorite gal does privates.
Don’t worry almost all of them do, even the ones who don’t (during the rest of the year).
You might even be able to fuck one for free. (Nothing is free, right? But you know what I mean). Just buy them a whole bunch of drinks and make them laugh, and you’re about 65% of the way there.
(God damn have I mentioned how much I love this Vampire Weekend record? Santa bought it for me all the way from The North Pole, and yes, I know it’s not “new”, but it’s new to me…at least in its entirety. I mean I know about that catchy single, but shit! This whole record rules!)
Anyways, part of the fun of the Howard Stern show is when they make gags about The AVN awards, which usually amount to the title of the award given; for example, (and I didn’t make any of these up, by the way) “Best All-Girl Group Sex Scene”, “Best Anal-Themed Series”, “Best Big Butt Series”, and “Best MILF Release” — among others.
So, for today’s blog, I thought I would list a few of the categories that caught my eye and held my interest, and the only reason why they would do either is cause I have a pal on the list, and I probably shot them, so I’ll link them to some free smut so you cheapies can whack it…oh! And I’ll add here that I want them (meaning my pals) to very much to win!
Monique Alexander, Cry Wolf, Vivid Entertainment Group
Roxy DeVille, The Texas Vibrator Massacre, Loaded Digital/Metro
Jessica Drake, Fallen, Wicked Pictures
Sasha Grey, The Last Rose, Wicked Pictures
Carmen Hart, Fired, Wicked Pictures
Jenna Haze, Not Bewitched XXX, X-Play/Adam & Eve
Jenna Jameson, Burn, Club Jenna/Vivid
Jesse Jane, Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge, Digital Playground
Janine, Pipe Dreams, Vivid Entertainment Group
Devon Lee, Succubus of the Rouge, Spearmint Rhino Films
Kaylani Lei, The Wicked, Wicked Pictures
Marie McCray, Angel Face, VCX
Bree Olson, Roller Dollz, Zero Tolerance/Adam & Eve
Kirsten Price, Mouth, Wicked Pictures
Savanna Samson, Miles From Needles, Vivid Entertainment Group
I am pulling for Roxy here. Bree’s got enough attention for her own good, and I don’t know Marie very well, but she seemed cool when we worked together. Besides, Roxy’s not the obvious choice here, as I hate the obvious…which, if I was a betting man, I’d call it for the very obvious Sasha Grey.
Best Adult Website
Best Director – Ethnic Video
Mark Anthony, I Fucked You and Yo Mama 3, Evasive Angles Entertainment
David Aaron Clark, Asia Noir 6: Wicked Sex Trap, Video Team/Metro
Rick Davis, Little Red Rides the Hood 3, Black Market Entertainment
Alexander DeVoe, Freakaholics 2, Alexander DeVoe/Jules Jordan Video
Lee G, All That Ass: The Orgy 6, Black Ice
Jax, My Baby Got Back 44, Video Team/Metro
Jacob Jewel, Horny Latin Mothers 2, Evasive Angles Entertainment
Jules Jordan, Lex the Impaler 3, Jules Jordan Video
Shorty Mac, Cunts ’n Blunts, Black Market Entertainment
Kevin Moore, Asian Fever 34, Hustler Video
Jack Napier, It’s Big It’s Black It’s Jack 4, Vouyer Media
Brian Pumper, Gapeman, B. Pumper/Evil Angel
Justin Slayer, Big Booty White Girls 5, Justin Slayer International
Lexington Steele, Manhammer 8, Mercenary Pictures
L.T., Black Squirt, Elegant Angel Productions
Shorty Mac! Shorty Mac! Shorty Mac! I vote Shorty Mac!!!
Best Educational Release
Breaking Into Porn, Liquid Lust Productions
How to Eat Pussy Like a Champ, Seymore Butts/Pure Play Media
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Great Sex During Pregnancy, Adam & Eve Pictures
Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Hand Jobs, Vivid Ed
Personal Touch, Adam & Eve Pictures
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to the G-Spot, Vivid Ed
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex 2: Fellatio, Vivid Ed
Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino Tristan Taormino — cause she rules.
Best Fem-Dom Strap On Release
Babes Ballin’ Boys 18, Pleasure Productions
Fem Dom: Mean Girls, Toxxxic/Metro
Mistress Strap-On: Sado Bitch, Robert Hill Releasing
Master Len Presents Intense Fetish: Girls With Strap-Ons 844, Master Len Productions
MeanBitches Erotic Femdom 3, Kick Ass Pictures
Punished By Mommy, Kick Ass Pictures
Strap Attack 7, Joey Silvera/Evil Angel
The Violation of My Boyfriend’s Ass, White Ghetto Films
I just listed this one cause it makes me laugh so fucking hard. The Violation of My Boyfriend’s Ass!
Best High-Definition Production
Alexis Texas Is Buttwoman, Elegant Angel Productions
Bad Luck Betties, Vivid Alt
Carolina Jones and the Broken Covenant, Adam & Eve Pictures
Cheerleaders, Digital Playground
Dark City, Adam & Eve Pictures
The Doll Underground, Vivid Alt
Fallen, Wicked Pictures
Hearts & Minds II: Modern Warfare, New Sensations
High Definition, Club Jenna/Vivid
Icon, SexZ Pictures
Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge, Digital Playground
Roller Dollz, Zero Tolerance/Adam & Eve
Teradise Island 2, Teravision/Vivid
The Texas Vibrator Massacre, Loaded Digital/Metro
The Wicked, Wicked Pictures
I fucking hate this category. That’s the only reason I’m talking about it. No porn should ever be viewed in high-def. Save it for Animal Planet or some shit like that. Besides, all the fuckers involved with all these kinds of movies take themselves so seriously they all suck balls.
Best Male Newcomer
A few of the dudes on this list are pals, so I’ll just go with the one who let me shoot him in a solo stroke flick, cause, as far as I’m concerned, that’s male talent who’s versatile and not a homophobe. Plus, he knocked up Eva Angelina, so Danny Mountain can’t be all that bad, right?
Best New Starlet
I’m pulling for my very favorite Black Cock Slut here — Miss Fox — but something tells me Stoya’s got this one.
Best New Web Starlet
Kara Duhe, karaduhe.com
Cute Joy, cutejoy.com
Maitresse Madeline, madelineiswicked.com
Candy Monroe, candymonroe.com
Bree Olson, breeolson.com
Sofia Rain, sofiarain.com
Selina 18, selina18.com
This is a no-brainer. And it’s the last category I’m gonna talk about, cause my pie just got here, and it’s the very best pie in Los Angeles, and I’m hungry! But how can I not vote for Candy Monroe? I shot all that shit! Well, almost all of it, and as we sat there working, we would laugh our asses off, cause the content was so fucking crazy.
Best of luck Candy! You drove me crazy most of the time, but you’re still one of my all-time favs.
One of Iggy Pop’s best friends — and his guitarist in The Stooges — died at his home in Ann Arbor, MI. He was 60.
I was lucky enough to catch Ron play at The Wiltern Theater in the Spring of ’07. It was a Stooges show, and Mike Watt was on bass, and Iggy was all over the place, and Ron just stood there and fucking jammed.
I went with Gia Paloma. This was in her crazier days. Days I kinda miss, and I kinda don’t.
I’m sure Gia doesn’t miss them.
I think I blogged it.
Well, I didn’t. I just searched my blog, and nothing turned up. But Gia and I went and caught the Stooges, and I remember getting fucked up. We ate at the Denny’s right next to the Wiltern before the show, and I think we saw Ashley Blue and her dude Dave Naz there. We drank and a few times we had to go outside so Gia could smoke. After the show, we went to some fancy bar, and Gia grabbed a glass off the bar, stuck it in her pants, and handed it to me a few seconds later.
Oh! That golden nectar!
After that, standing on Wilshire and waiting for the bus, Gia asked me to pull my wiener out of my pants — which I did, cause I’m easy like that — and then she proceeded to put her cigarette out on it. I caught this terrible incident just in the nick of time, so there was no ween damage, and then the bus came, and we jumped on it, and ended up at Vons, where Gia demanded Vodka and a bucket of fried chicken, to which I agreed — wholeheartedly.
If I’m not mistaken, that night Gia tried to stick a Hitachi Wand up my butt, but I nicked that, too.
We ate fried chicken and drank some more and then we both passed out.
Yep. Just telling you this now makes me realize Gia doesn’t miss any of that nonsense, and come to think of it, I don’t either.
Well, sometimes I do.
Poor Ron. I hope he passed in a quiet, peaceful way.
I’m thinking of ron asheton, a beautiful
man who I learned from much and shared many
joys w/and always played my heart out for
him. he was a pioneer w/a guitar sound all
his own and was very very kind to me…
“you’re a good sailor” he would always say. I
can’t find the words to really put it right
here but he was truly a righteous brother,
much deep respect. I miss him so so much.
big big love from watt
James Beltran, an Associated Press Writer, reports Bettie Page has had a heart attack and is in a coma. Her management company, the Curtis Management Group, says she’s “critically ill”.
And a friend of hers says she’s in a coma, which her managers aren’t denying.
Which totally bums me out.
Bettie Page is 85 years old.
I dunno if you caught the Bettie Page biopic, but I did, and I liked it. I especially liked the way the film makers captured creepy dudes behaving totally creepy around her while she was out in public places…which, not long after she retired being a model, was something she seldom did.
In fact, I don’t think she went out much while she was a model, but I’m not too sure about that.
Here’s a porno history lesson, so listen up, especially if you don’t already know this:
In the 50’s, amateur “camera clubs” would hire models; cities all over the US had their own club. Which is to say a bunch of horny perverts, much like myself, with their cameras in tow, would haul ass to whoever in the camera club was hosting the model that weekend (don’t you know it was the dude whose wife was away), and the pervs would crowd around the model and request certain wardrobe; they’d ask her to strike various poses, and if they had really big balls they might have even asked her to nude up and show a little bush, and then they’d haul ass back to their amateur dark rooms in their basements and develop the pics, and then look at their “work” and beat off like a monkey in the zoo.
Ain’t it grand to be a pervert in the 21st century! No more dark rooms and developing and crowding around a model at your local camera club. Oh, thank you Lord for the wonder that is the internet!
Irving Klaw was based out of New York, and he was a pervert, much like myself, and he sold smut, much like myself, and he was one of the very first fetish photographers. This is post-WW II, when almost everyone was uptight, and The Pervs were just starting to surface. Klaw sold nudie pics out of the back of magazines like Titter, Beauty Parade, Eyeful, and Wink. A lot of Klaw’s work featured women in bondage, and Bettie Page was his most popular model. Eventually, Klaw got into all sorts of legal hassles over the smut he produced, and it got so bad he quit the biz and destroyed a ton of the negatives he had shot over the years.
What a shame.
Bunny Yeager was a former model turned photographer, and she lived in Florida, and she took lots of classy nude shots of her most popular model — Bettie Page. She’s still alive, by the way, and, from what I hear, she’ll be happy to take your portrait.
I want a Bunny Yeager portrait!
Anyways, I’m no Bettie Page expert, but I’m a big fan. Her look is an archetype — nothing less. And I don’t have to tell you that’s something very, very rare.
Even though I just told you.
Someone told me Bettie was most recently living somewhere in Santa Monica and was a recluse. Again, I don’t know this for sure, but it wouldn’t surprise me. She also found Christ.
If you’re ever wondering whatever happened to your favorite porn girl, don’t ever count out becoming a recluse — after finding Christ.
Adrianna Nicole introduced me to Eric Kroll recently, and we’ve become fast friends. Probably cause we’re both perverts who like to take pictures of naked girls, only his are art and mine aren’t. He also collects a lot of the same stupid shit I like to collect. Kroll is known for his fetish work, but don’t tell him I told you that…he doesn’t like to be pigeonholed. Anyways, for a spell he was Bunny Yeager’s agent. And when I first met him, I was totally blown away by all his vintage Bettie Page prints. I ended up buying a few from him, too. Actually, I’m still blown away by lots of things about Eric, which sounds kinda gay…but No Way Am I Gay.
Where am I going with all this now?
Oh, I remember now: Listen up, bros! If you happen to run into a porn star — or a model — while out doing whatever it is you do during your day, don’t be a creep.
Always remember this smart saying from your pal Billy Watson the Smut Peddler: creepy behavior gets absolutely nothing accomplished.
If you’re in absolute need to say something, just say “Hi!” and that you’re a fan, and then move on.
Before she reaches for the mace.
A self-described gangsta-porn actor was sentenced Monday to more than 6 years in federal prison for gun and cocaine charges.
Duane Moore Reed, 37, a San Fernando Valley man whose nom de porn was “Tony Eveready”, plead guilty to being a felon in possession of a firearm.
The self-styled “thug of porn,” was sentenced Monday in U.S. District Court after pleading guilty to the felony charge. He was also found guilty of possessing cocaine, but acquitted of charges of possession with intent to distribute.
Moore, who lives in Winnetka, also has appeared in two documentary films with the rapper Snoop Dogg.
At trial, investigators testified that during Moore’s post-arrest interview, he said he sold drugs when he was hired for fewer porn appearances.
Before his latest case, Moore had reportedly been convicted of spousal abuse.
Tony Everready pulled off what is, perhaps, the greatest sexual feat I’ve ever shot.
No, he pulled off The Greatest Feat I’ve ever shot…and maybe one of the best I’ve ever even heard about.
We were in Dogfart’s Secret Mansion on a cliff high above The Pacific Ocean.
We booked a girl named Alisha.
And in one of the few movies I’ve ever appeared in, I try to break her “Black Cock Addiction”. That’s the scenario! I was her older brother (I think, but I don’t recall now). It’s really funny to see me act, even though the only thing you see is my back.
Of course Alisha resists my pleas, so I remind Alisha about the time grandpa (I think it was our “grandpa”, but I don’t recall now) caught me smoking a cigar. I told her how upset Grandpa was, and how he asked me not to do it again, but I couldn’t promise that, so Grandpa made me smoke 10 cigars right then and there…and that made me sick, and I never smoked cigars again.
I ask Alisha again, please don’t do black guys, but she can’t make that promise.
So I march out a bunch of black dudes in order to make Alisha sick of black meat.
Think it worked?
Of course not!
And towards the middle of her scene, Alisha gets DP’d.
DP’d = double penetration = a cock in her ass while there’s one in her pussy.
DP’s aren’t really that big a deal…but what if there was only one dude? And that one dude stuffed his balls into Alisha’s ass, and then he stuffed his cock in her pussy?
Enter Tony Everready.
Then enter Tony’s testicles in her anus.
And then his shaft into her vagina.
Now fuck her hard until your balls pop out of her ass!
Then yell BOO YA!
Enter a video that’s become (in)famous all over the net…the “Boo Ya!” video.
Now go to jail for 6 years and hope for the best.
Mickey Rourke, shown here in mug shots, was arrested for driving under the influence on a green scooter, in Miami Beach, Fla., authorities said.
Billy: What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when I show you this picture?
Supa Dupa Slut: Fuck you.
B: That’s not very nice.
SD: Every guy that’s had some sick fantasy of fucking me in all my holes has just lost his boner. I betcha you still got yours, you sick fucker.
B: Actually, I simply cannot beat my meat to any porn I’ve made. In fact, I don’t beat it to porn at all.
SD: That’s bullshit. I know for a fact that you jerk it to No Way Am I Gay.
B: Why are you such a silly slut? Have you always been this way?
SD: Silly? Maybe not. But slut? Yes, definitely. I strongly agree.
B: You just scored a 45 out of 100 on an online self-esteem quiz. A total failure. How do you feel about that?
SD: At least I’m good at something — failing…and sucking dick, I guess.
B: You’re just OK at sucking dick.
SD: (Loudly laughing) That’s cause you get all your oral sex from men, and I can’t compete.
B: Why are you such a silly slut? Have you always been this way?
SD: Um, I have nothing to say. I say, good day!
B: Why do you get to my studio, jump on my computer, and look at things like self-esteem quizzes and IKEA furniture?
SD: Cause you do nothing for me. I have to preoccupy myself with something, or else I go into a deep state of depression. You make me sick.
B: That’s not nice. But then again, neither are buttercups. You love the smell of my ass. Admit it. And my musky ball sac. I love sneaking behind you and forcing my foul odors upon you.
SD: (Sighs). Billy. Do you realize lots of people read this? And you’re admitting, in every aspect, that you stink? Do you have low self-esteem?
B: Only when it comes to the size of my penis.
SD: It’s no one’s fault but your own that your an old, pervy cameraman with a wang that cannot compete with the Negroes that fill my cunt with cum.
B: Aw, just the girl I want to take home to mama.
SD: I have met your mom. And she liked me!
B: That’s true. You did. And she did!
SD: Your dad liked me too. I think a little extra.
B: That’s cause your enormously large, fake fun bags were hanging out of your shirt like they always do.
SD: I want to let everyone who reads your blog know that former school teacher Billy Watson just gave me a grammar lesson on the sentence above, and why there’s no comma between “fake” and “fun”. What a fucking tool you are! No wonder you whacks it to No Way Am I Gay.
B: “You whacks it”??
SD: God bless. I give up.