I Be Google’n

Spring Thomas and Shane Diesel

From time to time I check out my stats. When I refer to them as “my stats” I mean traffic stats, as in who is coming to my blog, how they’re getting to my blog, what other websites they’re coming from, and what they’re typing into search engines in order to wind up at — you guessed it — my blog.

I’ve done this before, I’m doing it now, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. I don’t do it as much as I used to, but damn…I laugh my ass off when I read what people actually type into Google. I’d like to reiterate I don’t make this shit up. These are all real, unedited search engine phrases that were typed into Google and resulted in a hit for I Shoot Porn.

I’ll take the time and respond to them as well. But you know that already, don’t you? And with that said, let the Google fun commence:

“how much does it cost to fuck a porn star” — Good question! Some porn stars do what’s called a “private”. I think I’ve mentioned privates here before. They’re kinda funny, too…not the privates themselves, but the porn stars who do — and don’t — do them. Some Porn Whores love the side cash, and they realize they’re a whore (as defined), which means they’ll have sex for money. Where they (the Porn Whores) get confused is this whole idea of whether a camera is actually capturing the sex on tape. See, some Porn Whores don’t do privates cause they “are not” a whore. To these Silly Rabbits, they’re “actresses” who have sex on tape as part of their job. They reject the idea that they’re a whore, which means they’ll never do a private, to which I say, More Power To Ya, Whore!

“how much cash do porn models make” — Currently it’s $100 an hour (or so) for “solo” work (masturbation / toys); $250 – $400 to suck cock; $700 – $900 to lez out; and $900 – $2500 to fuck a boy. This is the girlie rate; I won’t get into what dudes make, and I could get more detailed, but I won’t. Search my blog for more complete information on Pay Days in Porno Land.

“easter porn stories” — Sometimes I wonder how much people have to drink when they sit down at night to Google various shit.

“ebay porn penis sucking cumshots” — Sometimes I wonder how many drugs people have ingested when they sit down at night to Google various shit.

“girl started crying in the middle of a porno scene” — I’ve been on set when this has happened. In, like, 500+ scenes, it’s happened maybe 3 times. It’s always a little weird and really uncomfortable, cause of the business we’re in, and how everyone automatically thinks females are victims in my line of work, and honestly, every single time a girl’s cried on set in front of me it’s always been about being a crybaby and not being a victim at all. But you’re never going to believe that one, are you?

“big titted slutty porno whores” Gianna. Kylie G Worthy. Natasha Nice. Adrianna Nicole. Eve Lawrence. Barbie Cummings. I could go on and on…

“naked porn birthday comments for myspace” — What do you think for this one…too much booze? Drugs? Both??

“phone numbers to horny girls creagslist” — When I was 18, me pal and I drove up Sunset Strip, from about Fairfax east to the 101, and it was Whore Alley. Apparently, they’re all on Craigslist now. I dunno how many of them are horny, but if you’ve cashed your payday check, you might wanna check out all the whores there. Just go to your local Craigslist and click on “erotic” under “services”.

“shane diesel porn star history” Once upon a time there was a man named Agustus. It was a silly name, and he knew that, so he changed his name to Mr. Thick. He stuck with Mr. Thick for a while, cause it made sense, and it was a pretty cool name. I’ve always told Shane it’s my favorite of all his names. It’s kinda tough without being corny, you know? When I shot Shane for the first time, it was with Spring Thomas, and he had just changed his name to Shane, and my friend Silvio made the introduction. That’s it. Shane. He kept that for a while, and I shot him a bunch of times with Spring, like when he brought his friend Dre over, and one time Shane even flew to where Spring and I were living and fucked the living daylights out of her, and one other time when Shane and Spring Thomas fucked on a mink bed. Not too much after that he turned his name into Shane Diesel, and the rest is history.

“knoxville nude moms” — This is a good one for Barbie Cummings to reply to. Hey Barbie! Where are you? In San Francisco, doing a private?!

“free porn without having a membership” — Cheap bastards! Hey…remember the old days? When you paid $7.95 for Hustler, and you got 3 pictorials with about 6 pages a piece of stroke material…and a WHOLE bunch of ads? And let’s face it…nothing EVER was worth reading in that shit mag, except maybe Chester The Molester, and that wasn’t even reading. It was a fucking cartoon. Today, if you join, say, Blacks on Blondes, or Manojob, you get literally thousands of pics and movies! If you adjust accordingly for inflation, joining a porn site today is a bargain.

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