The Girl in the Panda Mask (and other stories).

Penny Brooks in a Panda Mask

I’ve been making time to practice photography. There’s times I’m super gung-ho about it, and other times I think it’s just a waste of time. These days everyone’s a photographer; yet, making pictures is a great creative outlet, cause I’ve got a very short attention span, and the time it takes me to toss a mask on a Porno Princess, have her do something silly, snap it, fix it in post then print it out, takes almost all the energy I’ve got left after a day of making smut.

Goldie Loxxx smokes

I’ve tried to smoke three different times in my life, the first during the 8th grade. We discovered an empty pool in the backyard of a neighborhood house that was up for sale, and after hopping the fence and attempting to skate it, someone pulled out a pack of Marlboro Reds. Who’s the coolest in the pool? Not Billy Watson. A few years later, I returned to Chicago (where I grew up) to visit two of my very earliest childhood friends, Peter and Pino (say Pee-no). A reunion of sorts. Peter became my best friend in kindergarten, and we remained pals til my family picked up and moved to Arizona five years later. Peter and Pino were brothers, and their dad had figured out a way to escape the Iron Curtain to come to America and put himself through med school. He was an anesthesiologist. By now we were sophomores in high school, and since I’d seen them last, Peter and Pino got rich. Super rich. And both smoked like they were on fire. Minutes into our happy reunion, Pino was shoving a cig in my face and lighting it. Who’s the coolest at the reunion? Not Billy Watson. Then, a few years later, I drove out to Los Angeles to watch the Summer Games. Me and Biff, my very best pal in high school. Oh, the summer of 1984! Zen Arcade, The Los Angeles Olympics, Double Nickels on the Dime, no one would even imagine Michael Jackson was a gay pedophile, Meat Puppets II, and Djarum cloves. Who’s the coolest in the summer of ’84? Not me.

Alysha Rylee

I’ve never really paid attention to Nada Surf, but their new record — The Stars Are Indifferent to Astronomy — is kinda fun. Matthew Sweet-y (when he was good) with lots of catchy hooks and smart lyrics. You may wanna take some time out of your busy day and check it. Same with M83’s Hurry Up We’re Dreaming, Matt Pryor’s May Day, and anything on Portland, Oregon’s Mississippi Records label. Anything.

Casey Cumz and Pressley Carter

Porn Girls, by nature, are narcissists. Which isn’t to say all Porn Girls are egomaniacal, but almost every one I’ve ever met is. They love their own image, and will capture it at all costs, whenever they can. No matter how (un)flattering the image will be. And when they’re not taking pictures of themselves, they’re spewing (mostly inane) information about themselves (or what they’re thinking) on Twitter…with the sole purpose of gaining more attention (and self-worth) via the number of people following them.

Casey Cumz and Pressley Carter

The thing that drives me nuts the most as a pornographer? The Wait. Waiting for Porno Princess to show. Waiting for her to get out of the bathroom. Waiting for make-up. Waiting for the end of the cigarette. Waiting for Stunt Cock to show. Waiting til they’re done with their blunt. Waiting for Stunt Cock to get wood. Waiting for Stunt Cock to pop.

The Wait.

6 thoughts on “The Girl in the Panda Mask (and other stories).”

  1. Girls like Casey Cumz and Pressley Carter are absolute retards on Twitter. I followed them for awhile, but their twitter posts became so unbearably retarded that I had to quit following both of them to retain my sanity.

    And you are right Billy. Porn girls are incredibly arrogant and narcissistic. Example A are those stupid Amazon wish lists they always post a link to, hoping some loser guy out there will buy them stuff. And I am sure that there are plenty of loser guys that actually go to that list and purchase their items, in hopes that “Hey, maybe she will notice I bought that for her, and maybe she will like me, and maybe we will somehow meet”. Get a life dude. If I ever come across any of these dudes who feed these girls’s ego’s by purchasing stuff for them off of their Amazon wish list, I am going to beat the shit out of them, Horseman style.

  2. Billy, were you there the night your buddy Biff almost broke Marty McFly’s arm at the enchantment under the sea dance?

    Nada Surf? The one-hit wonders from the late 90’s who sang that “I’m popular” song? Why would you even think to pick up one of their albums to begin with? Must have got a good review on Pitchfork, ahahahahahahaaa.

  3. Aww, dude, I should have told you not to publish that okcupid url in your comment’s section, it was only meant for you to view. Should have made a note of that in my comment. I don’t know if that girl would appreciate having her profile plastered in the comment section of a porn blog; although, judging by her profile, she might not mind it at all.

    Do you even read the comments here? I’m beginning to feel a little under-appreciated as a loyal follower of your blog; you never respond to my ridiculous comments and questions.

  4. @The Bully — I read and then approve each and every comment personally. I’ve since removed the profile — sorry. And I really do appreciate that, as well as all your comments, too. I’ve always maintained a kind of “hands off” approach to the comments area, and left it as my readers’ turf…you know?

    I’ll do a better job of replying to your “ridiculousness”. 🙂

  5. Nice blog. I love in porn forums where guys say that would love to go out with a porn star, There is no way any sane man would want want if he had half a clue what he’d be getting into.

    Weren’t your childhood friends jealous because u get to see hot naked women every day? Interspersed with waiting.

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