Introducing Janie Jones

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When I first met Janie Jones, she wasn’t Janie Jones. She was Jane Doe, and she’s from the mid-west, and she was fresh off the bus and doing go-sees that day.

(A “go-see” is Porno Speak, and it’s all about taking the girls around town and showing them off to producers and directors. It’s really nothing more than a cattle call, something akin to the Howard Stern show — when Howard and his Gang “evaluate” girls for Playboy. It goes something like this: a suitcase pimp (or an agent, if the girl is lucky enough to have an agent) stops by, parades the girls in, has them strip, and then I shoot a pic or two or three and send them to the folks at Blacks on Blondes, and if they’re approved, they get a job. And no, before you ask, I don’t Casting Couch them.)

(Casting Couch is Porno Speak for having a girl suck or fuck you to get the job. Wait a sec — this isn’t really “porno speak” at all, cause it happens every day in Hollywood. You don’t really think your favorite starlet got her first job based on acting ability…do you?)

I booked Janie Jones immediately, and the next day she was in The Manojob make-up chair, ready to do her very first scene. But she still wasn’t Janie Jones.

We usually shoot BTS, and it’s usually shot in the make-up chair. “We” being myself or The Minion, and I usually let The Minion roll on BTS, cause he’s way better at it than I. This time The Minion was off at his girlfriend’s house — which he never wants to admit. He’ll tell me things like “I’ve got a lot to do today and I can’t stop by” or “Hey Billy I gotta go get my brakes looked at so I won’t be in today”.

The Minion’s had his brakes “looked at” about 17 times since Yom Kippur ended.

And I have no idea why he won’t man-up to having a chick. Kinda weird if you ask me.

Anyway, I’m shooting BTS, and the first question I ask is, “tell everyone at home your real name.”

“Jane Doe,” she said.

Any time a porno chick gives up her real name during BTS (or shooting the scene), you know you’ve got a first-timer on your hands.

I stop camera. “Um, Jane, you don’t want to use your real name. I mean there’s nothing wrong with using your real name as your porno name if you want. Dana DeArmond and Julia Bond are perfect examples. Remember, use your stage name. I’ll start over.”

“But I don’t have a stage name.”

I love giving girls stage names. Off the top of my head, I’ve named BJ Swallows, Anna Von Trapp, Kimmy (I know…boring), Keesha Knight — and now I get a shot at Jane Doe.

This is a serious thinking process. One I don’t take lightly. And fuck the Name-Your-First-Pet-and-Street-You-Lived-On-When-You-Were-A-Kid process…although that can work out rather nicely (the process used for Keesha Knight).

My porno name would be Dino Birch. If I could add about 3 more inches to my ween, I’d be Dino Birch, and I’d be painting the town white.

But I’m not.

I looked at Jane Doe and thought hard: “You’re so mid-west…and I hate to say this…so girl-next-door, I’d really, really say you need to have a name that matches your look. For example, when I blog this story, I’m gonna call you “Jane Doe”, cause I won’t use your real name. But that’s your look. Total Jane Doe. Which isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s really good if you ask me. I like to watch girls you’d never think do porn, doing porn. You know? The whole bleach-blonde fake titty tatted up girl that’s gone though lipo and had her teeth veneered and her hair isn’t really her hair but it’s a weave is so dumb…if you ask me, of course.”

“Well, I was thinking of naming myself Zaylen Skye.”

“Ugh. With a name like that, you’d be just another one of about 30 thousand. Besides, it doesn’t fit.”

She frowned.

I thought. I couldn’t shake “Jane”, and there’s no way “Jane Doe” would work — although Jon Doe did pretty well with that name — until he offed himself.

And then there’s John Doe, the bassist for X, a favorite of mine. Well, up til ’83 I really liked X, then they kinda faltered, and then Billy Zoom quit…and then I quit paying attention.

By the way, this was going through my head. What I just wrote. About Jane Doe and Jon Dough and then John Doe and then punk rock and how much I loved to catch X play back in the day and how much I like punk rock and how much I miss how new and raw punk used to be and how it is no longer…and then…suddenly…it hit.

“Janie Jones!”

Janie Jones looked at me. I looked at her.

Closely. “Yes. That’s a perfect name! Your new name is Janie Jones!”

“Janie Jones?”

“Janie Jones! Do you know about The Clash?”




He’s in love with rock ‘n’ roll, woah
He’s in love with getting stoned, woah
He’s in love with Janie Jones, woah
He don’t like his boring job no…

An’ he know what he’d got to do
He know he’s gonna have fun with you
Lucky lady!
But when the evening comes when his job is done
He’ll be over in his car for you

He’s in love with rock ‘n’ roll, woah
He’s in love with getting stoned, woah
He’s in love with Janie Jones, woah
But he don’t like his boring job no…

In the in-tray lots of work
But boss at the firm always thinks he shirks
Be he’s just like everyone he’s got a Ford Cortina
That just won’t run without fuel
Fill her up Jacko!

He’s in love with rock ‘n’ roll, woah
He’s in love with getting stoned, woah
He’s in love with Jaine Jones, woah
But he don’t like his boring job no…

An’ the invoice if don’t quite fit
There’s no payola in his alphabetical file
‘Cept for the government man
This time he’s really gonna show the boss
Gonna really let him let him know exactly how he feels
It’s pretty bad!

He’s in love with rock ‘n’ roll, woah
He’s in love with getting stoned, woah
He’s in love with Janie Jones, woah
But he don’t like his boring job no…
Let them know
Let them know

Janie Jones said, “I like it!”

And so we rolled BTS.

36 thoughts on “Introducing Janie Jones”

  1. Great genius porn interracial, Billy Watson!

    Now Misti Love girl loved colleague Raf doing interracial. It would be a big girl for Dogfart, perhaps the new queen of the cuckold??
    I hope the scenes of this beautiful girl in and


  2. be it jane jennifer jackie jananna alabama honestly , this chick here got beat with an ugly stick. looks like a horse i once rode in the back alley in texas.

    billy im still waiting on the new whore you talked about proxy page to be put in 1 on 1 situation with byron long, west pipes, or ice cold…or use richard mann for first time… no shorty or rico..sit dem muthuphuckas on the side for a second.

  3. You’re really showing your age Billy. Why do you keep making posts with references to 1970s bands. Nobody cares about the 1970s (and those that do are becoming a minority). I was born in ’81. I ‘kinda’ know the Clash as well, they made a god awful video clip where some arab and a Jew were dancing around a swimming pool. I think they had another song in Transpotting. They’re OK… not great, but not bad, but why ask a Gen Y about them? You are only making yourself sound old. Get with the times.

  4. By the way Billy, don’t take everything I say too seriously. I just hate people who live in the past, and continually talk about it and bring it up. As if we all care? Shit, I grew up listening to “Kriss Kross” when I was a kid, but I don’t shove it down people’s throat. Oh, and on the topic of British bands, U2 are TEN times better than the Clash.

  5. Mark G,

    You are an idiot. Get with the times??? Music and art are timeless, made for eternity. Do you slag off Da Vinci, Mozart, and Chopin too just because they are “before my time?” Besides, who do you think buys porn and reads porn blogs, young guys? Nope, it’s old guys. If you were so “of the time” you would be stealing your porn like all the other 20-something know-nothings.
    At least those people who “live in the past” have an interesting past to discuss. What do you have to contribute, the golden days of MMA and reality shows? Piss off, Ya Wanker!

  6. It’s funny you mention that, Ahmet…cause I recently saw Bono on Elvis Costello’s brilliant show “Spectacle” and Bono said how much they loved The Clash.

  7. Blackmagoo, what are you talking about? A quick scroll of the main page as it is situated right now and Janie Jones is the hottest girl featured. Hotter than Tweety Valentine, Raylene, Victoria Lawson (by a longshot), Addison Cane and Vicki Chase.

    Although Addison Cane is pretty close to matching her for good looks.

    And Billy, like you’ve said in your blog numerous times, you have no idea why people keep coming and read your stuff, so I know you don’t worry when people come and bash a post. Bottom line, if your style bothers them, then they should simply stop reading it. I like the blog — wish it were updated more often.

  8. I do steal porn, “Doomed to Repeat it”. It’s illegal to sell pornography in Australia so my only option is stealing. As for music and art being timeless – SOME is, and some isn’t. Whether or not the Clash are timeless is a matter of opinion, but talking about it with an 18 year old and expecting them to know what the bloody hell you’re on about, is just showing your age.

  9. Oh, and Ahmet, according to Wikipedia, U2 and the Clash formed in the same year. The Clash disbanded in 1986, while U2 are still going strong today. And you say U2 wish they were the Clash?? They wish they were out of work and living off royalties? LOL. My bad about the British thing, though. For some reason, I thought Ireland was part of the British Isles. I was wrong.

  10. Actually, it turns out I’m right. Thank you Wikipedia… Ireland IS part of the British Isles, and therefore U2 ARE British. In your effing face.

  11. “We usually shoot BTS, and it’s usually shot in the make-up chair. “We” being myself or The Minion, and I usually let The Minion roll on BTS, cause he’s way better at it than I.”

    Unfortunatley, sir, you are flat wrong. You are a master of BTS. I infinitely prefer your interviews & BTS to his. Tell him its not the feather in his cap that he thinks it is to prove himself smarter/funnier than a porn chick.

  12. I would love–LOVE!-to hear Mark G walk into a pub in Dublin and call the locals “British.” He’d get the stupid beat out of him. But perhaps not–he’s got an awful lot of stupid (I love the idea of Mick Jones being “out of work”).

    Anyway, blackmagoo is way off as well–this gal is a cutie.

  13. i beg you billy 100 black men on that white girl PLEASE i beg you i be a BOB member for over 3 years now

  14. Mark G said…”I do steal porn, “Doomed to Repeat it”. It’s illegal to sell pornography in Australia so my only option is stealing.” So porn is illegal in Australia but it’s legal to steal? Wow! That’s your “only” option huh?

  15. If you live in a country where porn is outlawed, your only option is to steal. I’m not saying it’s justified, I’m just giving my motive for stealing. Living an entire life without viewing any porn would be very boring indeed.

  16. always wanted to get into porn. What can a guy like me start with, any advice on where and whom to contact ? 🙂

    Thanks for reading, hope you can point me to the right direction 🙂

  17. Oh and Billy before you go getting all high and mighty, we all know you’ve smoked weed before. Guess what – you broke the law too! Wouldn’t want to go and be a hypocrite now would you?

  18. Janie is a cute girl! Also, mentioning the infamous casting couch — still does one for their Hogtied site. They tie women up, let them wriggle and writhe for a couple of minutes and then bring them to orgasm with a industrial-built vibrator (if being tied up for the first time doesn’t do the trick all by itself). At least one Casting Couch is done weekly. There is one deviation from tradition, though — the models are paid for their role in Casting Couch, and if they do well they may get cast for a full Hogtied scene, sometimes within a couple of days.

    As for music, I have you and most of the other posters beat in the age department. Just today, I was listening to Jackie DeShannon, Charlene Duncan, Jerry Butler and Blondie. That puts me back at least ten more years than you — so don’t feel bad about posters not liking your music or not even knowing who they are.

  19. Billy, first off I applaud you for keeping this site up & posting onto it often. It’s great to have and hopefully you will keep it going as you have been doing. We share a lot of the same taste in music & when I saw this post earlier when you wrote it I was Jazzed and/or jealous when you could name someone Janie Jones. Congrats, Truly. Seeing the lyrics written out & knowing Joe won’t write another bums me out but still have plenty to enjoy. Linking a Janie jones clip on YouTube, sure you’ve seen it but it’s solid.

    P.S. – I live in Chicago & I can’t see jeff tweedy play acoustic in his wife’s old bar for eight bucks anymore, but that was 1998. Still bitter? Me? Glad for their success but man I miss those times…

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