Top 10 Things You Need On A Porno Set

Lube

I’ve added a new category to ISP, cause, well, I get a lot of e-mails asking about the technicalities of making a dirty movie. So my new category will address just that – and cover everything from cameras and stuff to things you’d never think about, like today’s top ten list:

1) Lube. And not just any lube. Better have 3 or 4 different brands. Across the board, I’d say Eros is the number one pick when I ask the talent what lube they prefer, especially if someone’s getting something shoved up their poop chute. As far as the others, people either love or hate KY. There’s usually no inbetween. Wett is somewhat popular. ID is OK. A few – but not many – reply “I don’t care,” when I ask them what lube they want. And finally, I know I have a true porn whore on set when she gives me a silly look and says, “Spit works best!” then hocks one into her hand and rubs her pussy with it…then spits all over the guy’s dick, too.

2) Baby wipes. Best thing ever to wipe cum off her face. I get the unscented ones, too. And no, paper towels and toilet paper don’t work…but they’d do in a jam, I suppose.

3) Refreshments. Bottled water and some cold cans of soda work wonders…both diet and regular. Fruit sodas – like Orange and Grape – are inexplicably popular. Add some sort of snacky-snack, like a meat/cheese tray you get at the grocery store with some chips and salsa score lots of points, and if you order pizza, then you’re the hero of the day.

4) A fan. And no, not you. I mean the type of fan that moves air around in a room. One with a silent motor is best…those turbo fans, or whatever the hell you call them. And no, you can’t be on set, waving your arms around to move the air, so don’t ask.

5) A model release. Duh. I’ve actually forgotten them, too. Can’t publish the pics and movies without a signed contract stating so.

6) An ash tray. Somewhere on set. Cause almost all of them smoke…which brings me back to an old saying we had in high school: “If they smoke, they poke!”

7) Spare lights and batteries. Cause it’s gonna happen – you’re all set and ready to go, and the talent’s there, and your lights are set, and you flip them on to start, and one of them dies. Of course there’s no extras on set, and everything dies, right then and there. Or the flash you use on your camera dies, and you have no batteries…then, you have no pictures.

8) With spare lights and batteries comes DV tapes. Better have a box of them. Two’s better.

9) With DV tapes come memory chips that are empty and formatted and ready to go. Make sure you’ve got plenty of room on them, as you don’t want to run out and not have any room left for the money shot pics.

10) A good attitude, even when the talent forgot theirs at home. If a porno star comes in with a shitty attitude, and you reply in kind, your shoot is fucked. If you end up actually shooting the scene, it’s almost worthless. Kill them with kindness, even when they’re shitty to you, and it’s amazing some of the things you’ll accomplish.

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