When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records on one of those small turntables you’d get from the A/V department at the school’s library, while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst” of…until now.

I have no idea what became of Zoie and Tonya and Solé after our day together. Like most of the girls and suitcase pimps in this biz, they disappeared not long after I shot them. If you ever wonder what happens to girls after porn, I’d say most stay in the sex biz, mostly escorting or stripping, but some manage to move on to other things. As a matter of fact, someone claiming to be Zoie left a message here a while back, and I kept it up…just so you could e-mail her and hook up a tryst at her brothel.

Let’s just hope it’s really Zoie.

This blog’s original air date: April 23, 2006.

It’s not everyday that two teen sisters get on their knees, jack my winkie until I make a mess, then nibble it off each others hands like a tasty treat, but such was the case not too long ago.

Who knows, maybe I do have a great job; I should quit complaining so much.

I booked Zoie for a full day: first, we’d get in the white van and head out to Abe’s adult book shop and one of the secret gloryholes I use from time to time, then it was back to the studio to fuck Mandingo and his 15 inch dong for the world’s greatest interracial website, Blacks On Blondes.

Zoie showed up, right on time, with her suitcase pimp Solé (pronounced soul-lay) and her big sister Tonya. I was a bit nervous about Solé, as all suitcase pimps could cause potential problems — but he turned out to be a cool cat.

I had only booked Zoie; I didn’t know Tonya was in the biz, so when I saw her, and discovered they were, in fact, sisters, and Tonya was down to get dirty, my pervy mind began to wander.

Solé and Tonya went with us to Abe’s, which isn’t really called Abe’s, so don’t go running to the yellow pages looking for Abe’s under the adult bookstore section of the yellow pages in a silly attempt to get your ding-dong blown.

The yellow pages. I can’t believe I just wrote that.

Let’s rewrite that, mainly cause I’ll try and sound more like i’m living in 2006 — and not 1976. Solé and Tonya went with us to Abe’s, which isn’t really called Abe’s, so don’t go Googling for Abe’s in a silly attempt to get your ding-dong blown. (In fact, if you’re EVER at a glory hole – ANY glory hole – I’d seriously think twice about sticking your weiner through the hole, unless you’re gay or bi-curious, cause I’m telling you it’s a dude on the other side; in other words, there is no “chick guarantee” that comes with a glory hole.)

Zoie blew a black dude while I shot the scene and Tonya and Solé watched/kept lookout. Zoie likes black guys (duh) and she too was amazed at how seedy and dirty gloryhole dick sucking can be.

Then, it was back to the studio…and Mandingo’s enormous dick. I think, for a paragraph, I’ll tell you about Mandingo. He’s got the biggest dick in porn, hands down, and maybe the biggest, consistently functional dick ever in the history of porn. That’s a big statement – I know – but it’s true. For a while there was a cat named “Mr Biggz” who had a longer dick, but it hardly ever worked, and he was in and out of the biz quick, just as “Dick Rambone”, a one-or-two-timer from the 80’s…and sure, there’s Jack Napier and Shane Diesel and The King John Holmes…but for my money Mandingo wins. Take a look at Spring Thomas and Kelly Wells and Mandingo just to see what I mean.

In porn, dick size is everything, and I’ve seen people say that Mandingo’s dick isn’t real, or it’s been surgically enhanced, or other such bullshit. None of those claims are real; Mandingo’s cock is real, and that’s the only reason I just spent three minutes writing about a dude’s dick…cause No Way Am I Gay.

Anyways, Zoie takes one look at Dingo’s 5XL-sized dong and really doesn’t know what to do. I mean she’s amazed by it; she’s cautious, and at least she didn’t throw up the white flag and walk off set. (I’ve heard of that happening, by the way). She did a great job, too, and the scene turned out great, cause as far as I’m concerned any scene with Mandingo is a great scene, and that’s why he’s the highest paid guy in the game right now.

But here’s where it got fun for me. Mandingo gets paid and hauls ass, and I ask Tonya if she feels like working. She does, of course, cause as long as it’s after 2 in the afternoon almost any porn girl feels like working, so I grab Zoie and Tonya, and I ask them how would both of them like to give me a handie for my new site, ManoJob, and I ask making sure Solé can hear my offer, cause that’s kinda how it works with Suitcase Pimps.

“But I don’t really give good hand jobs,” Tonya stuttered in her broken English, which, of course, almost had me jumping up and down like a game show winner…cause it naturally lead me to my next pervy question: “Um, how about Zoie kinda teaches you how to give a hand job while I roll the camera?”

Then, I look at Solé and say “kinda hot having little sis teach big sis how to jack a dude off.”

Solé loved my idea.

So I jumped up and down like I won the motherfucking double showcase right then, and as I jumped up and down, the Russians laughed, and Solé The Suitcase Pimp thought I was a freak, which is OK…cause I am.