Introducing… Cum Bang!

Osa Lovely

I don’t know what to say.

Honestly, I don’t.

So I guess I’ll just start from the beginning.

I love to chat with the models I work with while they’re in the make-up chair before we walk on set. It’s always interesting to hear what they have to say about whatever it is we’re talking about, and sometimes the conversation gets so good I’ll turn it into a blog interview.

A recurring theme was happening with the black girls I talked to before we jumped in the white van and headed out for their Gloryhole Initiations.

They were upset.

At “Snow Bunnies”.

“Um, what’s a Snow Bunny?” I’d ask.

They’d say, “a white bitch that steals my man!”

I’m serious. Just when I thought I knew all about filthy vernacular, I was wrong: Snow Bunnies steal the Black Man.

And it seemed like that’s all they were ever pissed about. So one day I’m telling The Producer about this phenomenon, and, that course, set his Evil Genius Porno Mind kicking into gear.

“Next time a black girl tells you this, I want you to hire her for a new site!”

Um…OK, I said.

“And I want you to get on the phone and find as many rednecks as you can!”

Um…OK, I said.

“I’m ordering some socks online. They’ll be in your studio tomorrow! Make sure the rednecks wear the socks!”

Um…OK, I said.

“I’m ordering some shirts online. They’ll be in your studio tomorrow! Make sure the rednecks wear them!”

Um…OK, I said.

“Make sure the black girl dedicates her scene to her shitty boyfriend that cheated on her with the Snow Bunny!”

Um…OK, I said.

“Make sure the rednecks refrain from all sexual activities in their double-wide! No sex with their toothless girlfriends! And tell them not to beat off for days before The Event!”

Um…OK, I said.

“And in the end, have the rednecks invite the girls into their Dixie Whore Club!”

By now, you know what I said to The Producer.

And so it came to be: Cum Bang: from the same evil genius mind that invented Blacks on Blondes, Blacks on Boys, Candy Monroe, Spring and Katie Thomas; from the evil genius mind that turned Barbie Cummings into a black cock slut in need of a negro baby…and convinced Ruth Blackwell to actually have one; from the evil genius mind who figured out how to turn gay culture straight with gloryhole and gloryhole-initiations; and the evil genius mind that got wives tagged up worse than a freshly-painted wall in the ghetto — ladies and gents, sit back and relax, cause it’s time for a cum bang.

Osa Lovely

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