David Duchovny Loves My Blog.

Happy Borthday ISP

Well, I can’t really say that. I have no idea if Mr. Duchovny reads I Shoot Porn. But I’m sure you know he’s checked himself into rehab for his “addiction to sex”.

Specifically porn addiction.

Specifically an online porn addiction.

I was never an X-Files fan. Never watched a single episode.

I’m not a Californication fan. Never watched a single episode.

From what I’ve read, he plays an oversexed writer on Californication.

Art imitating life.

Life imitates art.

But wait a sec…porn isn’t art!

Never was, never can be…and the poor saps who continue to fight me on this will never figure it out: if said object (in this case, film) was created with the sole purpose of making a dude take his ween out of his chones and pull it hard til it erupts, then it ain’t art.

But I digress.

I was listening to Howard Stern when I first learned Mr. Duchovny likes to beat his meat to online adult entertainment. I didn’t know his wife — Téa Leoni — nor did I know she was super hot, but that makes sense…on two fronts: gay or straight, successful actors marry hot chicks, and then they learn: no matter how good the pussy is at home (or even how good it looks, cause I’m thinking the hotter a chick looks, the worse she is in the sac), you eventually tire of it, right?

If you don’t believe what I said, just ask Hugh Grant.

Or, if you’re married, just ask yourself.

Oh! And it works both ways, too — no matter how good the dick is, you eventually tire of it, right?

No Way Am I Gay.

Even Ms. Leoni admits this. In an Elle interview, she says, “Men are like bulls….They gotta get the new cow.” And then she said, in the same interview, “Maybe you’ve got to get the bull after he’s had a lot of cows, so you might just be the last new one.”

Now she knows, the show ain’t over for this Bull. Unless, of course, it’s “OK” for a dude to beat off to porn. Meaning that it’s part of the green light in their relationship. Something like, you can look at porn, but that’s it. No going to strip joints!

I know a couple where it’s “OK” for Dude to get blown (and only blown) — as long as he doesn’t get her phone number.

I know a couple where it’s “OK” for Wifey to fuck — as long as Hubby gets to watch.

I know a couple where Dude keeps new clothes hidden in his trunk, so when he leaves to go out on “Buddy Night”, he’s dressed in a particular outfit his wife (obviously) recognizes, then when he gets to the strip joint, he changes into New Outfit (usually purchased at Target), then enjoys all the $20 lap dances he can afford…and then, before he leaves to return to Wifey, he takes those clothes off and tosses them into Strip Joint Dumpster.

He reasoned with me that Wifey had the ability to “smell” the strippers on him.

I countered with, “then find a Goodwill drop box for those clothes, you fucking dope!”

Isn’t porn is the safest way to cheat on your significant other? This is why my profession is so important in our modern society; porn is doing its part in saving a crumbling institution.

Hence, I am more important that John McCain…but not as much as Barak Obama.

Howard Stern said being addicted to sex is a lot like being addicted to champagne, and I agree.

Artie Lange said something like, “so, in other words, he’s [David Duchovny] just being a dude!”


I heard a rumor that Duchovny was male talent once. In a dirty movie. I Googled this, but after about page 4 I gave up. Nothing in the Rumor Mill about Duchovny as male talent, but if he was in a skin flick, I wonder if David managed to keep wood ok? Was it an anal scene? Maybe a DP! How did Ducovny’s pop shot end up? Was it big and messy? Did he manage to blow it all over Porn Whore’s pretty, pretty face? And what was his stage name?

If he managed to hold wood and deliver a good pop, then he pulled off a great scene…but only if Porn Whore managed to show all of her discomfort, distress, and disdain for that big, messy, face full of X-Filescalifornication cum.


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