Super fun e-mails.

To whom it may concern:

My Name is Ralph (single male) and dude I always wanted to try getting into the porn business but never got the balls to come forward until now. So how does this work? What can i do to make a flick and fuck the shit out of one of does nice and gorgeous ladies on spunkmouth? I was born 08/19/1982 I’m 23 and live in Miami (Hispanic). Let know the way or secret towards starring in a flick with the ladies from Spunkmouth.


Dear Ralph –

I wish I could help ya out, but you’re up against some tremendous odds.

First off, I don’t care what you look like (for the most part) just please have an 8 inch dick, or bigger. And please, don’t lie to me. Oh, and if you haven’t already (which I’m sure you have) make sure you measure your dick from the base to the head…no starting the tape around your asshole. If your dick is indeed 8 inches or more, pat yourself on the back…one in about 100 guys are packing as much heat.

But that’s not all, and before I get into it, I want you to ponder this: ever wonder why there’s been like 10 dudes in porn (Peter North, John Holmes, Marc Wallice, Ron Jermey, Randy West…etc etc) and like a million chicks?

(I know, I know…there’s been more dudes, but I’m talking about the ones who’ve made more than 3 movies.)

One of the very hardest things to do (and I’m taking into consideration things like climbing a mountain, running a marathon, flying a plane around the world by yourself) is fucking a super hot chick in front of a camera with really hot, bright lights glaring in your face while a bunch of strangers watch you.

Oh wait…before you get to fuck her, you get to pose with her for a bunch of pictures. Most of these pictures call for doing things you don’t do at home, with your gal, while the lights are out and you’re making love.

These stills can take an hour or so, depending on lots of different variables I won’t get into now. Oh, and by the way, don’t lose your hard-on, and you can’t shoot your load…just stay really, really still while a bunch of strangers take pictures of you.

Then you get to fuck – but not how you like to fuck. You have to fuck however the director tells you. And whatever girl he sends you, whether you like her or not. In whatever position he tells you, whether you like it or not. And if you don’t like it, tough shit. And better stay focused. Better not lose your woodie. And god forbid you cum…until told.

Once you spend about an hour fucking in ways that really aren’t too comfortable, you get to cum. In a certain place. Doing it a certain way.

Can’t do it? Oh well….next dude please! Or, hire dudes I know can do exactly what I just described.

If you’re still interested in fucking really hot chicks for and you meet the above requirements, please let me know if you can get to LA anytime soon.

Your pal – Billy

4 thoughts on “Super fun e-mails.”

  1. hi im ken,
    i was wondering what do i really need to try to break into the the directing/producing/making of porn. ok i know i need a camera but what else. see i have a few willing people to do the 1st shoot on purely what we can get out of the 1st movie. so what all more do i need and where do i go to get some one that is for real to help me with like getting a web site. cuz here in the midwest i just get laughed at, and moving to cali or anywere else is 100% out of the question. any and all help will be great thank you for your time

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