Super fun e-mails.

A fun toon

Actually not an e-mail, but a comment on one of my Riley Mason blog entries from a Mr. Dennis Moore:

Dear Mr. Piece Of Shit I Shoot Porn Man,

Where do you think you get off, calling us Indy Rock Dudes “a nutty bunch?” You don’t know the first thing about Indy Rock. Sure, you might could convince a dumb prostitute you do, but that kinda trick won’t turn on us. I know, I know; you were only saying those things to keep your hooker happy, and it probably worked. She probably smeared mayonnaise on some dude’s cock, and he probably ejaculated, and there’s probably some other dude doing the same thing to himself while he watches it right now. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a fuckin’ cockroach. Name dropping Death Cab? Mighta been Indy… six years ago, dumbass.

And yeah, go ahead, come back at this with a remark about how often I get laid, as if you getting laid is anything special. You either A: pay a prostitute to have sex with you, or B: trick prostitutes into thinking you’re cool for having sex with other prostitutes to the point where they wanna give you a freebie. You really know how to play “the game!” Fuckin’ idiot. Your shit isn’t even good. OMG, JOMG! Bet you feel like a regular marketing genius for breaking into the semen-on-spectacles niche. Or was that Cum Covered Glasses? Either way, die of AIDS.

Dennis Moore

PS. Keep up the good work!

Poor Dennis. Such an angry man. Imagine walking around all day with that much anger builing up inside. So much that you wish a fatal diesease upon someone. Sometimes I think people who hate went through some serious psychological trauma as a child…like, maybe, getting caught beating the meat by momma and poppa in junior high.

By the way, did I mention I’m starting to practice Tibetan Buddhism? I’m very serious here. I was baptized, made my first confession, and took communion as a Catholic, then my parents quit dragging me and sis to church. We went for Midnight Mass and Easter for a few more years, but that was it. I thought about returning to the Church in 97 while in grad school, but nah…The Pope as infallible just didn’t do it for me.

Now, every morning, I get up and try to remember to recite my daily Buddhist prayer: “May all living beings be happy. May they not suffer. How wonderful it would be if they could find permanent happiness. May everyone attain liberation. May I help other beings reach enlightment.”

I know. What a hypocrite. How in the world can someone spiritual create something so awful and dirty like pornography? It’s really one of the dilemmas in my life.

Little Brother, on the other hand, doesn’t care about Buddhism. This is his reply to “Indy Rock” Dennis Moore:

Tell him Indie Rock is for pussies whose older brother used to listen to the Cure. They wanted to be so much like their older brother, that they went out and bought the “Garden State” soundtrack cause it was Indie. As soon as you get your ass to a TurboNegro show with Eagles of Deathmetal opening, then you can have this chat in person. Fuck Indie is gay. Let me ask you this, Dennis? Where is your Compass Star tattoo? Prolly above your ass crack, to make a nice bullseye when your boyfriend ejaculates all over your back while those pussies the Shins are playing on your super cool turntable… n00b

and GBV suck too… fucker

May all living beings be happy. May they not suffer. How wonderful it would be if they could find permanent happiness. May everyone attain liberation. May I help other beings reach enlightment.

8 thoughts on “Super fun e-mails.”

  1. Your site just looks like a poorly written Tucker Max story. Even the pornography is just one trite idea after another.

  2. It’s so easy to be a hater these days. A pity, really. Isn’t Buddhism a great panacea for the haters?

    Also Billy, I think you should help propagate a change in popular culture by referring to facials as “Cheneys” from here on forward.

  3. I don’t know Tucker Max. Does he write children’s books?

    And sure, that’s all porn ever is…in fact, I think I blogged that once – one trite idea after another, that keeps everybody cumming back for more.

    Eeek. A horrible cliche. Does Max write those, too?

  4. Fnord – you’re so right. Here’s my take on it – haters – especially porn haters – and the porn haters who happen to be men – have very small penises. Now, I can’t be sure Dr. Socc is a man, but he sure sounds like one. But who knows…I’ve been wrong lots in the past. Probably am now, too.

  5. (for the bibliography)

    “…Not in the history of HIV has there been one documented case of HIV transmission via a BJ.

    I’m 100% serious. Go look it up yourself.”

    I just looked it up myself, and found documented cases. There is a lot of literature pertaining to this subject.

    “Billy Watson Says:
    February 26th, 2006 at 10:18 am
    Funny. Did you read this pdf file? They call contracting HIV from a blow job a “theorecital risk�…LOLOL

    Thanks to the very good Doctor Socc for confirming my post. You’re a hero.

    Billy Watson Says:
    February 26th, 2006 at 10:24 am
    I’m even reading more of your pdf file, Doctor! I’m now going to print it and show it to the girls who decline the work as a matter of a health issue, and after I show them the part about thier gums not bleeding and all that – and it’s a “theoretical riskâ€? and the government can’t really confirm HIV through a BJ…well, you’ve just made my job easier! Booking these will be a breeze now…and somehow, I think that was really your agenda! Thanks bro!!!”

    I guess reading comprehension isn’t really your thing.

  6. I just got back from a trip, so sorry for not responding sooner. I guess I didn’t really miss much. I wanna keep reading your attempts at describing me, ’cause they’re funny and you’re an idiot, so maybe in a bit I’ll try to really reply.

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