To Swallow…or To Splatter?

Kelli Kallen

We started The Dick Suckers with $1000 worth of content licensed from a scoundrel whose name I don’t want to mention here, but it’s safe to say not only did we buy 100 scenes that were oversold to a zillion other sites, well…we didn’t even get 100 scenes.

More like 60.

And 10 of those were unwatchable, simple because the moron who was running the camera allowed a fire alarm to go off in the background as he rolled tape. Sure, you could have turned the volume down, but isn’t it fun to listen to the whore slurp on dick while you’re pleasing yourself?

Pay for 100 scenes, get 50. And sure, we knew it wasn’t exclusive content, but you need to start somewhere, and unless you have money to hire talent, and rent a safe place to shoot it, well…then you have to license your content.

Future makers of smut, take note!

Oh, the dilemmas when starting your own dirty website!

We went with a simple name — The Dick Suckers — cause it was available, and we decided to keep it simple: hot girls sucking dick.

But life’s often a complex playground, and life as a pornographer is often filled with ups and downs and sidewayzers.



Yep. Just like your life…sometimes up, and sometimes down, and sometimes just plain sideways.

Some would say naming the site The Dick Suckers was our first mistake, but I’ll stand by it. People like to know what it is they’re buying, and make no mistake about it — when you become a member of The Dick Suckers, that’s exactly what you get.

And to date we’re closing in on 100 of them.

Dicksuckers, that is.

We’ve adapted the so-simple-it’s-almost-shameful approach to directing The Dick Suckers just like we direct the girls at its sister site, keep the dudes’ mouths shut, and let the girl talk like a filthy slut right into the camera.

Two dilemmas left to go: get rid of the rest of the not-so-perfect content we licensed with brand new, top-notch content shot by yours truly.

This means coughing up a bunch of money.

The other dilemma: to swallow, or to splatter?

From now on, in addition to keeping the dicks silent, we’re thinking…do you have the girl swallow her prize, or does she get to wear it all over her pretty face?

I’m a splatter man. Nothing better to me than watching a hot girl take a load directly to the kisser.

Ask Doron Pepperscone, my faithful sidekick, what he likes to see in his dick sucking movies, and he’ll tell ya the same thing, over and over: she needs to swallow!





I was listening to what is, perhaps, one of the finest records to come out of the 60’s (Van Morrison’s Astral Weeks, duh!) when suddenly, it came to me.

It came to me just like it came to me almost two years ago when I shot my first scene for, and I thought, how in the world do I set up a handjob scene? I know…I’ll keep my mouth shut and let the girl talk right into the camera.

So, while Van was crooning “Ballerina” with that wonderful guitar playing in the background and those plucky bass lines all over the place, I realized that every single dick sucker from here on out shall swallow…and then get splattered.

One chick, two dicks.

Swallow, then splattered.

Talking directly into the camera.

All while the dudes keep their pie holes shut.

I hereby declare that I am a pornographic genius.

Which, of course, is something to be terribly ashamed of.

Lena Hawkins

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