I make these dumb resolutions after I’ve neglected my blog for a while; they start something like this:

Well, it’s been a couple weeks since I last updated, and I’ve been a lozt sod about updating since about 2005, so what I’m gonna do is every Monday morning I’m gonna wake up an hour early, brew up some tasty java, make an English Muffin and slather it with butter and jam, and write a whole bunch cause my readers deserved the very best I’ve got to offer each and every time they come to my blog.

Then, the next Monday, I’ll set my alarm early, and it’ll go off, and I’ll shut it off, think a bit my day and what I have to do and make up a time to blog later, and then turn over and go back to Snoozy Land.

I love Snoozy Land.

In Snoozy Land, sometimes I dream I’m married to Adrianna Nicole, and we’re this real cool Porno Couple and everyone wants to be just like us, or else they simply want to be us.

Sometimes in Snoozy Land I dream I’m the greatest lead guitarist in all The Land, and my fingers can do stuff only Eddie Van Halen’s can do…or Jimi Hendrix’s once did.

Then there’s times in Snoozy Land I set bench press world records without using steroids, or Jeff Tweedy comes over after a long day (for both of us) in our respective studios, where we’ll crack open a few beers and talk about his days in Uncle Tupelo and my days when I had a job which commanded respect and was full of honor and courage.

Often times I wake up from Snoozy Land hours after my alarm screamed at me to get up, and Maggie will be looking at me in this weird way that says wake up Master for I have to pee.

What now?

Oh! — Annette Schwartz.

Last Monday, which is to say just three short days ago, I was gonna wake up early and follow my new found formula for blogging success and consistency and write about the scene I shot recently for Blacks On Blondes featuring my new German Porno Pal Annette, cause I knew when I shot that motherfucker it was gonna be a gold medal winner, not cause I was shooting it mind you; nor cause my Homies Ice Cold and Jason Brown filled her butthole and vagina with their black monster dicks at the very same time; I knew it would end up being a top 5 ranked scene on the world’s greatest fucking interracial website simple because Annette Schwartz is the greatest fucking living porn star working the circuit today, and that’s the absolute truth.

I want to write poems about Annette Schwartz:

Oh Annette!
German Goo Girl Who
Drinks Cum and Piss at the same time
And can swallow Ice Cold’s
11 inch black dick
Much to His Amazement.

or maybe I’ll write Annette Schwartz haikus like:

Annette Schwatrz swallowed
52 loads in one scene. Will
You marry me Annette?

Of course I just cheated on that last line, cause if I remember my middle school education correctly, my haiku must have a first and last line of 5 syllables with a 7 syllable middle.

And finally, I just realized I’ve admitted to (somewhat) fantasizing about marrying two Porn Whores in today’s entry.

There’s something terribly wrong with me.