An Open Letter to Modern Day Pirates by Kayden Kross

Modern day Piracy
I think I’ve only done this one other time, and that’s when Chico Wang wrote about Porno Princesses. I posted his work and gave him credit for it, and here I go again: Kayden Kross aims her gun at the folks who are decimating not only the porno biz, but mainstream music and movies as well. Kayden’s letter was originally posted in a bit torrent forum, and, as you can imagine, she got flamed hard. I know you’re not gonna shed a single tear for a smutty, filthy degenerate like myself (or others in my biz); and, in fact, you’re probably gonna leave shitty comments here, too. And I’m not gonna even try to school anyone on the effects pirating is having on content production (and I’m not just talking about smut), but I will say this: I bet there’s not many pirates who’ve ever created anything worth stealing — and that includes the biggest pirates of all…the mighty fine folks at Brazzers.

An Open Letter to Modern Day Pirates by Kayden Kross

You’re not cool. Admittedly this is a weak opening, and more of an understatement than anything, but you’re not. Piracy has never been cool. But there was a time when it was manly, back when men were so dirty that Hollywood still thinks they wore black eyeliner, and scurvy was a very real risk, and there were swords, and missing limbs. There was danger and intrigue. You pirates today have none of these things.

Granted, the world has really cracked down on the likelihood of piracy in real life (RL) ever being a successful venture again, and, let’s face it, no one wants to live in Somalia, but taking your craft to the internet is a new low. You’ve changed the game, see.

When your ancestors stole ships and buried treasure there was a wealth to be gained, and a fair amount of notoriety, and that rebel freedom. They stood for something. And it sucks that these things came at the risk of having your neck snapped in a noose or being marooned somewhere, and if you managed to avoid those things, probably going blind and insane from the late stages of a lifelong case of syphilis, but real life has consequences.

You modern day pirates are pussies, hiding behind your computer screens and outside of jurisdiction, speaking some foreign language, or pretending to, in your mother’s offshore basement that maybe isn’t offshore at all (it’s very piratey of you not to have a known address), wiping grease stains off your unbearded faces with cease and desist letters and probably showering regularly and missing the symbolic irony of how completely out of touch you are with your pirate roots.

And I’d maybe understand it if you were rolling in gold coins and required large suited bodyguards with tiny earpieces to protect your pirate interests, but you’re not, because you’re not even really monetizing it. Pirates never did get the monetization thing down. That’s why they raped and pillaged and kept it simple. Then they waltzed off with tangible goods, and it didn’t matter that they didn’t really invest in much, because when they ran out of goods they could rape and pillage some more. But what are you waltzing off with? Increased broadband usage? Some redirected traffic? This is nothing. You don’t even instill fear.

But you do annoy the fuck out of us content owners left standing with our thumbs up our butts wondering why all of our profits are being siphoned off if they’re not being siphoned into some other account, maybe a nice Swiss one, or maybe into a virtual treasure chest. Maybe Paypal. Something exciting. It’s like you’re taking the gold and throwing it in the ocean. Don’t throw away the fucking gold, man. You’re doing it all wrong. And I have to wonder about your social standing, with all that time you have to throw into keeping your tube sites up for the measly return of a few advertising dollars, if that. Pirates should be fierce.

But my real problem with your habit of throwing the gold all over the place is now the rest of us are standing around with the remaining gold that we worked so hard for and you’ve rendered it worthless. That’s the worst pillaging strategy I’ve ever heard of. And here’s the kicker, pirate — we didn’t actually work that hard for it back in the day. You know some solo sites pulled down six figures? Monthly.

You could have been in on that! But instead you chose to pull an entire industry into a race to the bottom. And what’s your little tubesite bringing in for all that time and effort you’re expending screwing everyone over? But I don’t think you’re dumb and shortsighted. I’m sure you’re a rational pirate making rational decisions, and if that’s the case, then you’re aware that you’re bringing down an entire industry and hurting your own ability to rape and pillage in the future.

And if you continue to engage in this pirate behavior with clear knowledge of the consequences then you are doing this on purpose. So if you’re not dumb and shortsighted, then maybe you’re not a pirate at all. Maybe you really just hate porn. Maybe you’re a moral vigilante using backdoor methods to hollow us out and turning a few bucks in the process is just a perk. That’s smart, if despicable. Cal OSHA’s got nothing on you.

22 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Modern Day Pirates by Kayden Kross”

  1. Don’t you think this girl is a little misguided? Instead of taking out all her frustration on people dl’ing porn from their mom’s basement why doesn’t she worry about the producers in the industry that participate in it? I recall reading an article about Brazzers owning a bunch of tube sites but I don’t see any girls refusing to work for them. I think your industry is eating itself from the inside out and nobody knows who to point the finger at. It will be a sad day when Brazzers, bangbros, naughty america and the like are the only ones putting out scenes. Most of their shit is garbage. Boring, vanilla scenes, directors that don’t direct, performers who don’t perform.

  2. Well i think that we are all going trough a phase in which piracy becomes an important issue in our industries, i know in mine it is, much less than your industry, but still what has helped us is getting together, creating strong bonds with our clients to prevent them from buying from pirates. And as a group(industry) attacking pirates, i guess thats what you guys have been missing, see, even music and movies, they have gotten together to a certain pint at least to fight and isolate pirates. Isolating them i think is the most important tool against them, but if you are not together you are not going to be able to make it happen, but again i am sure you are aware of this and know that is what is bringing you guys down, not getting together as an industry.


    (everybody i apologize for my english i know i am not really good at it)

  3. The girl is just reminding us she needs dick too, dont feel sorry for here condition and assume that her pussy is crippled. We all have done it – seen a chick in a wheelchair and imagined all the freaky/weird sex we would have with a legless bitch. She’s here to tell you that she wish you would.

  4. Jesus christ. (And don’t get offended people by my saying that.) This chick is seriously retard*ed. She basically went off on a rant about literal “arr matey” pirates. For most of that. And then at the end, instead of not condoning piracy and pirates, she basically berated them for “throwing the gold away” (i.e. sharing freely, instead of making money off of it). I am literally shocked by what she said. I love a good rant (emphasis on good), but this was just horrible. I’m not even entirely sure what she said or meant at the end. The “pirates” have rendered their (the pornstars) gold (money) worthless? Wtf does that mean? The money they have isn’t money? Or it has no worth now? Wtf.

    I give her a 2 for execution (she did at least stick with the literal “arr” pirate thing for that whole thing) and a 10 for sheer “wtf is this chick talking about” brilliance.

    And it’s funny that this whore is questioning people’s social standing. She thinks she’s smart because she went to college and dropped out to pursue a respectable career like sucking cock on film for a living. Her fucking scenes suck anyway, fucking contract girls are the worst; at least embrace your sluttiness to the fullest.

    Now watch Billy, as soon as her contract with Adam&Eve is up who do you think one of the first sites that she shoots for is going to be? That’s fucking right, Brazzers. You think this spoiled bitch is going to turn down a paycheck out of principle? She threw away her principles the minute she walked on a porn set. The only thing this letter is going to serve to do is make every pirate that reads it go out and download her shit, just out of spite. You can almost feel her petulance in that letter, stuck up little cunt. She’s still pulling in more than the average American, a LOT more. Bitch needs to learn a little humility. I been laid off for six fucking months and I ain’t whining down at the union hall everyday because I know there’s plenty of guys who got it worse.

    OK, sorry……i’m done ranting

  5. At first I thought she was talking about the modern day pirates the navy seals shot just awhile back and thinking what an interesting story how patriotic she must be? Can you belive it? HA!

    The (WHOLE) entertainment industry does not really play well with the internet does it?

  6. @Shannon — I don’t mean to be rude but go ahead and click on the link below this one to post there, you dumb bitch.

    @10th&o — It’s not about quality, it’s about profit. Men don’t give a shit that the porn at Brazzers is vanilla and boring and awful or whatever. It’s essential FREE porn, which Brazzers capitalizes on. Brazzers could focus on quality all day long and probably end up alienating the average viewer since the site would not supplying him with as much cheap, anonymous, one-size-fits-all porn. And as for your strategy of attack the coach-potato jerker instead of the webmasters, that idea is ineffectual. As with prostitution and whores or street-level drug dealers and suppliers, to end those practices, you should stop the top-level guys. Cut off the head of the snake and the body dies — much more efficient than targeting the little guys.

  7. A rant by someone who stole a veteran’s home. At least she knows the topic – stealing.

  8. That’s the best thing I’ve read since the Bible.

    This whole thing is like Lee Perry setting Black Ark ablaze except The Upsetter was a genius and Brazzers is unimaginative smut. For being such high-rollers girls generally only make 1k per shoot and unless Jon Jon’s working the camera they get felt up.

  9. The world moves on. It doesn’t stop just because you used to make more money for less work. You guys can’t look at the record industry and see that? You think Ma and Pa farmer circa 1955 didn’t want to avoid the Monsanto mess we’re in now? Of course they did, but that shit just fucking works. It’s more efficient. Low rent, ugly, trashy, free (stolen) porn works for about 95% of your customers and if you can’t make enough off the remaining 5%…

    Get on the train or get off the fucking tracks.

  10. Billy –

    I like your writing and blog but do you seriously believe this garbage? Honestly, I don’t know how the porn industry has survived this long with the rampant tube and torrent sites out there. I haven’t paid for porn since the pre-internet.

    Bottom line IMHO is this: The music and main stream movie biz figured out a price point/business model that kept them alive. Porn needs to do the same.

    Business is always changing: Look at Borders Book Store for example they didn’t adapt to digital media and now they’re done. I think porn has a different dynamic just cause guys will always look at porn but it’s just really hard to pay for something that is given away for free everywhere.

  11. People don’t feel like paying to watch other people fuck. They’ll gladly watch it for free. Disappointing to hear, I know, but that’s the consequence of putting a video camera in everyone’s hand. Now they can do the shit themselves.

    Adapt or die. A Darwinian concept anyone should be able to grasp.

  12. Hmm. The odd thing is, from reading other stuff written by Kayden, she is obviously pretty smart. Probably one of the more intelligent performers in porn. So I’m somewhat perturbed by how stupid and infantile she comes across as in this “open letter.”

    Actually “broadstreetbully”‘s post above is pretty much akin to my own opinion (albeit with a slightly harsher tone, perhaps). Especially regarding that shit with the constant references to actual sea-faring pirates. Seriously, WTF? Apart from the shared name and VERY loosely similar attitudes to ownership (i.e. they both sometimes steal shit), internet pirates and real pirates have nothing in common. Whatsoever. Nor do I think that interwebz pirates particularly care about being “cool” or “tough” or whatever. It’s all about the money (and judging by the production values of many of Brazzers’ scenes, they’re rolling in the Benjamins). If she HAD to make the comparison with “arrr where’s all me rum gone arrr” pirates, she should have made it once. The opening paragraph as it is would’ve sufficed.

    Also, once again this “you all live in your mom’s basement” bullshit – probably the #1 most abused and pointless online insult evar (I’m sure a lot those guys DO live with their parents, just as many of them probably ARE overweight and greasy, but as an argument it’s useless and cliched). Someone should also let Kayden know that if she’s trying to change people’s actions and attitudes by appealing to their better natures, it’s probably not a great idea to insult them at the same time… Hell, many of these “pirates” are likely to respond to this by stepping up their efforts!

    It’s definitely an issue that needs to be tackled, and I (mostly) agree with her sentiment, but Kayden Kross is probably not the one who’ll save your industry.

    And anyway, Ms Kross is hardly one to denounce stealing, considering her own recent actions.

  13. Dear Kayden-

    First off, I wanna let you know how deeply impressed I am by your letter. Your narrative tone and voice are superb, and compared with the other ‘guest’ posts I’ve read, your a veritable Mark Twain. I say Twain because he was infamous for his satire and subtle use of allegory, which you haven’t used so subtlety, and not near the level of Twain, but compared to the rest it’s fucking brilliant. I have to say, I’ll appreciate seeing you naked so much more now that I know there’s a sharp point behind those soft features. And sweet baby jesus are they soft. There’s only one problem though, I’m a broke college student, so I can’t really afford to pay the monthly fees on the (relatively) expensive porn sites your found in. Or for that matter, not found in. You want to deprive me of that? You mean after reading this sublime piece of writing and a quick google to see that divine face (and the rest) I have to fork over X$ to see it covered with splooge? At this point, I’m sure you’re screaming “YES!” and I’d have to agree with you, to an extent. You are beautiful, and sweet titfucking christ my toes curl when I cum to that pretty little voice moaning to get fucked harder. But the reality of the matter is that as beautiful and cum inspiring as you are, you’re no Helen of Troy. You’d launch a fleet, aye, but not the whole armada. Don’t get me wrong, after this, I think your hands down the most gorgeous thing out there, outside and in. Even still, your price is high, and rightfully so, but there are others that do something magical to my nether regions as well. For example, Briana Love. For some reason that little mole, her huge ass, her mousey features, and squeaky little voice get me ever fucking time. I don’t know the exact figures, but I’d imagine she makes a little less than you per shoot. Which also translates to me seeing her more often, and being a bigger fan of hers. Then there’s that lovely suburban girl with her cam. I could have swore I saw her in the mall, or the library, or the campus for that matter. I didn’t know they made bodies that good. How is she not rolling in money? What is she doing on a cam site? Ask yourself that. I doubt she makes a fraction of what you make per shoot, yet there she is, and there I am stroking my one eyed pirate. Or my lovely classmate in ECON, who loves taking it up the pooper (thank god for daddy issues) and doesn’t mind me whipping out the phone to take a picture or video clip for later, she’s trusting and makes sure her face isn’t anywhere to be seen (I said trusting not stupid). As you can see I have alot of different venues to get off, yet of all these, I want you the most. Literally and figuratively. But like I mentioned before, I’m broke. That money I’d spend on watching a clip of you, leading to a load in the trash, could actually go to food for my stomach, or wine for Econ girl’s ass. So actually, I’m very grateful for the pirates that bring me clips (or whole movies) of you. My cock can’t thank them enough. Or you for that matter. I know you must think that’s terribly unfair, and your right. You worked hard to get that paycheck, and exposed parts of yourself you might not want to expose if not for that amount.

    I’ll tell you what’s also terribly unfair. When I was a horny adolescent, the internets were completely different. To get off we’d go online and download pictures (imagine that!) from websites like and elephantlist and what have you. They had pictures of random girls, but those of Silvia Saint, Jenna Jameson, or Asia Carrera were the ones I’d go after. These pictures would take an agonizingly long time to download, especially with a 25K or 56K connection – if you were lucky to have one. Not to mention the fact that you had to do it at 2am so you don wake everyone in the house with the modem screaming bloody murder (only later did we learn about the mute option.) Anyhoo, some enterprising souls (such as your truly) would download these pictures and compile a floppy disk of categories to sell to friends. You want to guess which ones sold at a premium? I made quite the killing. The pictures were up for free, and lo and behold, Playboy, Hustler, Club, and all that other jazz is still around and kicking. I could talk about the medium of porn, and the paradigm shift the industry is now facing, vis-a-vis the integral role mobile porn is going to play for survival, but I won’t delve into that. It would be un-Twainlike of me. Anyway, my point is I can’t sell those floppies any more. Hell, no one even has a floppy drive, and for that matter, half the people I know don’t even know what a fucking floppy drive is. I now sell stocks. But alot of people know who Silvia Saint is, or obviously, JJ.

    Kayden, my dear new obsession, those pirates and tube sites aren’t so bad. Yes they make your wallet shrink, but in the end they’re just playing a role that ever other industry has suffered. Pictures sites were before tube sites, yet PlayBoy and the bilk is still around, and making a killing. Actually, those sites bring me closer to you, and you want that, because if your smart, you’ll learn that the more popular you are, ultimately, the more money you can make. Ask Jenna Jameson. Learn to adapt my dear, Darwin was on to something. Those pirates aren’t throwing it into the ocean, they’re throwing it out to public. They’re make the inaccessible, accessible, and you can use that to your advantage. You’re intelligent enough to figure out how.

    Either way, you have a new fan for your blog. =P


  14. Oh and another thing… I know pirating (theft) is doing a fuckload of damage to the industry and must be dealt with, but aren’t there slightly bigger fish to fry right now? Like Donkey Long and his fellow P**n W**i L***s scumbags? I’m probably wrong, but from what I can see that site has arguably caused more harm in the last 6 months than piracy has done in the last 6 years (obviously such statements cannot possibly be quantified, but go with it).

    Is there any particular reason that Steven Hirsh or Jules Jordan or any of the multi-millionaires in porn who are pumping so much money into anti-piracy measures can’t throw a little time and effort into combating PWL and kicking Donald Carlos Seoane’s shitty, unwiped, woman-beating ass? Aside from the fact that piracy probably affects their profits more than PWL does, so no matter how many lives it literally ruins it won’t affect them personally, so of course they don’t give a shit. Maybe if someone lets them know that PWL is actually a tube site too (just in case it wasn’t repulsive enough) that streams their content, they’ll get off their asses and do something about it?

    Or maybe I’m just being overly cynical?

  15. Billy first off I love your blog…

    Now about the demise of porn due to tube sites..NOT!

    Anyone tech savvy enough to have been around the internet for the last 10 years or so, should know the dispicable character Shaun Fanning said: “Information wants to be free”. Indeed it does. So the GAME CHANGED when the internet was created and brought into the living rooms of all us chronic masturbaters. It means that you porn purveyors better change your game or you won’t have one.

    Akin to the forest fire that sweeps through the forest, it is killing off many things, making way for new things. Sure many innocents lose their lives, and homes, and whatever in such a fire….but thats life! It provides OPPORTUNITY for NEW growth.

    I mean should we blame Facebook for ruining MySpace?

    Porn is not dead, in fact it’s more alive than ever. Lets face it though MOST PORN content stinks….it’s poorly made by people with little concern for their customers. I would say that 80% of all content is worthless.

    There is a healthy market for QUALITY porn. I am a good example of that, I routinely PURCHASE porn. I routinely RENT DVDs. I have and do subscribe to Internet porn sites. The tube sites DO NOT satisfy the demand for quality.

    So it’s up to all of you in the industry to figure what people want, and how to deliver it to them in such a way as to make a profit. Yeah its HARDER NOW, Boo Hoo Kayden Kross! now you actually have to work, and think and be creative…OH NO…not that!

    Ask Steve Jobs what he thinks about the DEMISE of the music business. How many BILLION music downloads has Apple sold? Apparently Mr. Jobs was able to THINK, and be creative and MAKE A PROFIT.

    Adapt or DIE….

    That’s nature…

    Thats capitalisim!

    Long live PORN !!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. > I bet there’s not many pirates who’ve ever created anything
    > worth stealing

    Hi Billy.

    I’ve worked in the music industry for ten years as a producer, a DJ, an engineer and as a musician. Every single musician I know pirates music. Every single one. They download it from the internet, they pass around CD-Rs (or back in the old days tapes and then MDs) to each other, they buy bootlegged records and DVDs.

    The musicians I know who didn’t first learn to play their instrument because someone made them a mix tape or a CD-R or posted them a link saying ‘Man, you gotta hear this!’ play in orchestras or recitals. They play music written by and for dead white men from hundreds of years ago that, unsuprisingly, sounds old and dead and which nobody listens to. Including yourself. And for which, I might add, there is no longer any copyright.

  17. The pricing model, content quality and things like recommendation engines will have to continually evolve if those in porn want to make money and stay competitive.
    It’s taken me several years to realize it, but digital piracy is not really theft. Theft implies that the owner has lost something substantive. Do you truly believe the type of person frequenting torrent or tube sites would have signed up for your site if these technologies were not an option?
    When it comes to piracy there is a lot of gray area, but intelligent business people realize they cannot fight the technology and figure out a way to use it to their advantage.

  18. Just thought I’d stop in and commend member “Shenanigins” for his brilliant contribution above.

    Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect everyone’s here, but it was refreshing to see at least one poster “got” the equally brilliant contribution by Kayden. Yes, she holds onto the pirate allegory throughout, which has obviously annoyed a fair amount of commentators, probably due to their taking the literary device, well, too literally.

    As for the issue at hand, I’m in agreement with Shenanigans’ point of view of the situation. Another point to consider is notice how porn is one of only a few things out there that there could never be enough of? I’ve watched what is probably thousands of scenes in the several years that these tube sites have been up and operating and there are scenes that drove me wild a few years back that I can’t even look at anymore nowadays.

    The point is, “new” is really where it’s at. A good site that updates frequently and bows to their customer’s needs and interests will reap enormous gains, whether or not those scenes eventually turn up on free tube sites. I’ve paid for membership access just to get to series of videos that feature a current porn starlet crush or action that is of interest to me. I also pay for huge compilation sites–there’s nothing like browsing and picking and choosing what you want to see.

    As for Brazzers, I won’t engage in disrespect, but will offer a bit of constructive criticism on their content (which I, unfortunately, find wholly unexciting)–they seem to focus heavily on fostering and promoting this celebratory “hell, yeah, sex ROCKS *high five*” juvenile type attitude and misses one very important, key ingredient that is a feature of all great, lasting porn–lust. Not “Aye, man, look at them fuckin’ titties! *high five*” but real, heavily lustful people who are beside themselves with the very reality they are engaged in the acts they’re engaged in.

    Fortunately, it’s one of those things that can’t be accurately conveyed by the spoken word and is still the one thing you either “get” or goes over your head. These modern porn scenes with their models behaving as if what they’re doing is an everyday thing, expendable, and more a way to show off and be rowdy about in front of a camera.

    Not saying their stuff sucks. I don’t find it to my liking, but I’m sure it caters to the needs of many, many others out there. I do wonder, though, if it has similar staying power to what I consider to be quality porn.

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