Another One Bites The Dust.

Billy Watson and Austin Taylor
I had a new guy with tons of potential fail on my set today. It’s such a shame. He’s a strapping young lad with a dick that’s about the size of your forearm and when he pops it’s like Old Faithful over at Jellystone Park…such a tremendous gusher Yogi and Boo Boo and Super Gay Park Ranger ran for cover!

Now, I’m not saying his Porno Career is over, but odds are it is.

And I wish I had a dollar each and every time some knucklehead e-mails me looking to be the next Peter North. I get maybe a half dozen of these a day.

In fact, I’m gonna go to my inbox and do some cuttin’ & pastin’ —

hi my name is tj i read your blog and you were also looking for people i must say i was very intersted thst why i wanted to join up with your company,
am 23 years of age
my date of birth is 20/09/1985
and i live in united kingdon/ east london
my contact number is 0798323—-

hello mr waston i want to be a pornstar i know u say no men i have a nice size peins im 28 birthday 12-19-80 i live in tallahassee florida i have no problenm of get up im good look and i have a nice body i just need a shot

im a male of 20 years of age birthdate is 10/25/1988 and i live in joliet ill

Wats up Billy my name is Chris and I’m 17 years old will be 18 in November but we can lie and just say im 18 now the media won’t know unless we tell…Born 11-30-91 and heterosexual, i have a 12 inch dick so it will be easy for me to attract the best pornstar women……..PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK PLEASE!!!!!!

hey billy? im a male i just turned 18 in may i was born 5/17/1991 and im gay and i have always wanted to be in still frame porn so basicly nude modling but here in casper wyoming there is nothing that could help me and you guys are not looking for males right now and i was just writing u to see if u have any advice that i could adhear to? id even get into video porn if i had to but ya…just wondering if u have any advice that i could use. would like to hear back from you.

Hello i saw your call and it came to me as a drzeam come true bzecause for some time now i’ve been trying to be a pornstar but i never knew where and how thatnks to your offer i’ll be one.
I’m Nkongho Emmanuel from Cameroon
21 of age and a black
well build up young man
a god dimension of penis
and powersul sex engine
please get back to me

That’s just today.

And to which I reply:

Dear So and So. Sorry, I’m not looking for single males right now, but read my blog!

Your pal — Billy.

Listen all, cause here’s how it works: New male talent with big dick walks on to a porn set for the first time and kicks ass. He kicks ass cause he’s fucking new pussy, and he’s excited cause he’s finally made it to a porn set, and he’s getting paid to fuck new pussy, and Life is Good.

But during that first scene, it dawns on him that this is work. He needs to open up for the camera. He needs to put on a show. This isn’t making love with a girl in your bedroom with the lights out…this is fucking for sport in front of a bunch of people you’ve never met before in your life.

He does it again one or two more times. It’s work. Maybe he gets with a shitty director who thinks he’s Steven Spielberg. Or the girl doesn’t like him. Or the lights are hot and he’s starting to sweat a whole bunch. Or the girl doesn’t like him. Or he fucked his girlfriend the night before his scene and he’s lost his edge. Or the girl doesn’t like him. Or the director thinks he’s making the next Schindler’s List.

Whatever it is, Stunt Cock is now thinking about all sorts of different things except the one single thing he needs on his mind: there’s some new pussy in front of me, and I need to fuck it.

He fails.

Once he fails, there’s a cancer now in his brain. He knows if it happens once, it can happen again.

Some run to the doctor’s office; most go away forever.

Ever wonder why (before the age of Viagra) there were maybe 7 dudes in porn banging a million different girls?

Now you know.

This, too, means today no one made their money. Sure, I doled out a kill fee or two, but I lost money, and I didn’t get into this fucked up crazy biz that I love Oh! So Much! to lose money.

This is why I keep Porn Stars like Austin Taylor at my studio at all times. It’s expensive, but worth every penny.

So just rub my back a little harder, Austin…cause, as David Byrne sang so eloquently:

I can’t seem to face up to the facts.
I’m tense and nervous and I… can’t relax.
I can’t sleep, cause my bed’s on fire.
Don’t touch me I’m a real live wire.

4 thoughts on “Another One Bites The Dust.”

  1. You would figure if you were gonna ask for work you could at least construct a real sentence. I mean cmon, in the age if spell and grammar check there is really no excuse.

    Question though Billy, why not take these one load wonders and put them in a movie anyways? I mean A) you get to make the dudes dream come true. B) You could probably pay them almost nothing C) you would get some variety in your flicks.

    Or is it just too much trouble to even bother?

  2. Building on Mike’s point, this could be an incremental revenue stream for you. Why not have them pay you for taking on the risk of hiring a new guy? Granted some of these guys may not be able to afford it but let the market filter those out. Also with that money you could dig out your educator hat and hold a remedial English class after the shoot. Just a thought.

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