Everyone knows The Minion. I’ve interviewed him here, and he’s done some guest blogging in the past. And we’re about to clock two years as co-workers. Here’s the funny thing: I dunno what I’d do without him…yet, at the same time, he drives me crazy. Anyways, today The Minion talks about being male talent…as it pertains to him.

So you think you can fuck whores while getting verbally humilated on AND off camera? You have some grand illusion that you can come up with one-liners at the drop of a dime while an inebriated Korean director is yelling at you for who knows what? If you can then you might be the next in line for the Minion Throne. Looking at theminion.com has brought back tons of memories for me. It’s kind of like a fucked up time machine had it been invented by Doc Brown equipped with a VX2000 and not a Delorean. I’m going to tell you schmucks how hard (no pun intended) it is to be male talent. It’s even that much harder when the guy you’re shooting for was a masochistic ex-con who thought he was invincible. However, it was still an interesting journey that saw me run through 125+ porn whores-past and present. Don’t get me wrong, I gobbled up Viagra like it was going out of style. I then moved onto Levitra which was almost as delicious as Abba-Zaba’s. I’d pop one in and hopefully it would get enough blood flow to my miniscule cock (thanks, DAD!) and we were off to the races! First, I had to gather a bunch of food for the whore to shove down my throat as she verbally cut me down to size. Then, after a monologue that displayed my wit, I’d have her suck my dork while a giggling gook would be shooting all this. “Slap him harder!”is what I’d often hear as Chico Wang would capture this train wreck on DV. It was then time for her to ride my 4 inches of raging cock! Now it’s hard enough for most guys to do this in a normal situation but factor in the abuse from all sides and you can see that wood was something I’d pray for as often as I prayed for the double Big-Mac to return. An interesting story I have from one of many encounters on set had to do with this Milf named Lexi. Chico’s friend brought her by Boogie Nights 4.0 and I was already visually underessing her. I was hoping she’d give me the chance to give her no pleasure whatsoever and moments later Chico told me I’d be banging her. I ran off to the local market for some food which included donuts and other shit which fucks up your arteries. I also grabbed the Magnum Condoms (which became a staple of 90% of the Minion Scenes) and I swallowed a bunch of viagra down the gullet. I was so into this geriatric whore that I popped in the first position which didn’t please Chico the CockSucker. He brought her back a few days later to continue where we left off and in the second position is where my cock vomited once again. It was strike 2 and we had to bring her back for a 3rd time so we could get the money shot where it had to go. She fucked me as if I was holding her social security check hostage and I plastered her soon-to-be cosmetically altered face with my ball batter. I saw her in a bar a few years later and we spoke of the scene for a minute before she excused herself to go to the ladies room. She never returned and judging by the free videos you’re getting now it’s hard to blame her. If you’re a chick and you want me to wine and dine you at Popeye’s Chicken then hit me up at DoronPepperscone at yahoo (dot) com.