Super Fun e-Mails: “Voracious Joie de Vivre!”

super fun e-mails

D. writes:

I’m a short time reader of your blog, and a long time viewer of porn. I’m 26y/o female and I guess I wanna do porn. I say “I guess” because I really wanna work on your side of the porn industry. Not filming with the cameras per say, but whatever else like booking, becoming a not-so-sleazy agent, drop shit off at UPS, accounts payable, on-the-set design/mgmt/cleanup, whatever! I’m currently on hiatus from completing my dbl-BA degree in Business Mktg and Fashion Design. The reason I’m on hiatus is b/c university is so freakin expensive, I don’t qualify for loans (does anybody anymore?) and I guess I’m not good enough for scholarships. Sooooo what all that cums down to (hehe…. cums) is I REALLY like porn and I REALLY need money.

Okay I know, you’re gonna say, “well you’re a girl, you need to be getting fucked on camera to make the dough” Well yeah and no. I’m super sexed-up but I have a b/f, yes the dreaded b/f. And I’d much rather fuck females on camera, than males, but I know you already have tons of girls that only do g/g scenes, so like enough is enuf! But, he’s considered porn too. So maybe we can do stuff together, if we must? We’re both 50/50 Bisexuals (we don’t prefer 1 over the other) We are also an interracial couple btw, I read something about us types getting paid a premium? That sounds promising… So I don’t really wanna get whored out and end up on Blackie Abuse (I’ve seen Latina Abuse, and I kinda hate that type of porn) I like the stuff where you can tell everybody is enjoying fucking who they’re fucking, ya heard!

So my faves are Belladonna (fave!) Tory Lane, Delilah Strong, Sandra Romain (fave!) there’s others too, just can’t remember all the names right now.

So with that said, I’m totally down to be in a scene, but that’s not my main objective. Do you need an efficient, detail oriented secretary/assistant? Gawd Billy, don’t leave me hanging here! I live in Bakersfield, CA, not too far a drive to LA or the Valley. I used to live in LA and danced at VIP Showgirls and Blue Zebra in my earlier 20’s. So I’ve always liked nastiness in my life, and at this point, I need more than just makin love to the ole’ b/f if ya know what I mean? So Billy, Mr. Watson, don’t brush me off. You won’t be disappointed. I’m a very passionate and hard worker. Both my tenacity in administrative and organizational matters and my voracious joie de vivre towards sexual matters are great American Resources that have yet to be tapped and put to good use.

So what else can I tell you about me to get you to bite at my offer??? My ethnicity is Mexican/Black/Filipina, 5’7″ tall, 150 curvy lbs, short black hair straight or wavy depending on mood, big bright smile, self-defined guys-girl, Grace Jones/Josephine Baker/Nicole Ritchie a la The Simple Life (in regards to raunchy, debaucherous behaviour, not so much intelligence) I’m an amalgamation of so many eccentric characters all rolled into 1 undiscovered talent!

Oh p.s. I’m a Leo, and they always say I’m the Queen of the Sexual Jungle over all other zodiac females in astrology. Sooooo, c’mon already: How can I be of Assistance to You????



Hands down one of my very favorite e-mails. Thanks! If you can get your super sweet, very black booty to Los Angeles, I would love to put you to work.

First, we’d get in a van and head straight to a very secret place where’d you suck and fuck a white dick. This white dick would be anonymous and come straight through a hole in the wall. Is there any sweet gloryhole action in Bakersfield??

I bet thee not!

Afterwards, I’d shoot you for a top secret site (or two) featuring more super hot interracial action.

Talk about some oracious Joie de Vivre!

Do Leos get along with Sagittarians?

While I’ve never heard of “blackie abuse”, you can come down here anytime and give me some whitey abuse…cause lately, that’s about all that makes my Freak Flag fly.

And, since you took the initiative to write such a superb letter, and to follow it up with some Yahoo! IM chat, I’ve given you my cell number, and I’m looking forward to your call.

So, let’s make some filthy, dirty movies!! …just as long as you’re who you say you are, and not some 300 pound dude with a handle-bar mustache in a black leather jock strap and a fuzzy back.

Wait a sec…if you’re a 300 pound Leather Daddy in a smooth black jock strap supporting a fuzzy back, I will put you to work!

Just remember — No Way Am I Gay!

Your pal, Billy.

super fun e-mails

6 thoughts on “Super Fun e-Mails: “Voracious Joie de Vivre!””

  1. Ah, William, you’re a poon magnet, you are! Do let us know how she gets on. And, tell her not to pose on a filthy carpet next time

  2. I just re-read this (how sad is that?) and she’s from Bakersfield! Bill you have to make her a star!

  3. I second that as well. I’m quite interested to see how it goes. That was a superb letter. Anyone who can use ‘amalgamation’ in a letter earns my props.

  4. Billy, why do you continue to insult our intelligence and pretend that the dicks that come through the gloryhole are anonymous? This is not pro wrestling dude, you don’t have to kayfabe.

  5. OK Bill time to ‘fess up. As you no doubt remember, the first time I ever wrote to you was to complain about the continuing charade regarding Glory Holes, i.e., that it is fake as hell and that you seem like a bright guy, and not everyone who reads your blog is a total cretin, so why not drop the pretense about the girls having no idea whose semen it is which they are swallowing, but are happy to do so, whereas in every other of their professional engagements they have final say on whom they do or get done by, and everyone must have an up to date certificate stating they have no STD’S, if not too much good sense. I even earned myself the moniker “DN The Hater” for pressing you on the matter, but yet you continue to underestimate the intelligence of your readers and bely your own. Since then, I have seen others make the same complaint. latest of all, my estemed colleague in porn blog reading, Mr. Freebird-something-or-other (sorry, can’t scroll up now. I might lose my train of thought, such as it is)and there have been others ( I am DEFINITELY not going to search your archives for proof!!).

    We can’t ALL be haters Bill. And you know that I, for one, have proven my highest regard for you and your blog many times and I just want some GODDAMNED JUSTICE!!! I may be a whoremonger and a pervert and have a beer belly and spend way too much time typing these damned tirades when I should be earning some money to put my kids through university, but I am NOT a hater, GODDAMIT! FUCKING HELL!! ASS SUCKING MOTHER FUCKING SHITEATING TWOGIRLSANDACUPI’MJUSTSOPISSEDOFFTHATYOUCOULDFUCKSASHAGREYANDDON’TWHILEIDEFINITELYWOULDBUTCAN’TFORPETE’SHAEMORRHOIDINFESTEDASSHOLE’SSAKE!!!!

    OK, maybe I do have an anger management or two, but I’m not a hater.


    P.S. If I yelled I am sorry. Can’t remember anymore. Everything went sorta black like there for a moment. Besides, I can’t be bothered to scroll up. I’m just so sleepy…

  6. Isn’t it amazing that every time a black girl is in the gloryhole that there just happens to be a white guy on the other side? And that every time there is a white girl in the gloryhole that there happens to be a black guy on the other side? And everyone give a big shout out to Tone Capone. When the Rae Rodgers scene was shot for Gloryhole, you can hear Tone Capone on the other side of the wall doing his best Wesley Pipes impression. Hey Billy, next time you use Capone for talent in gloryhole scenes, make sure he keeps his trap shut, so as not to spoil the illusion of anonymous cock sucking.

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