Deep Thoughts by Bill Watson.

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What makes a man fart in the face of a cop? And what makes that cop arrest the farter on battery charges?

What really makes a US Senator “suspend” his bid for the White House? And what really makes that Senator choose an imbecile as his running mate?

I’m fairly confident I know what makes a bunch of frat boys vomit milk off a bridge. But did they know it would cause a car wreck? Ah, my alma mater — Go Sun Devils!

What makes a man buy a beer for his 4 year old son, and then encourage his son to share it with his little brother…who’s 2? And what was the state of Wisconsin thinking for not calling in CPS?

What makes a man die of alcohol consumption? Maybe a bad marriage, or being lonely…or maybe the fact that Chris Jericho is now WWE Champ. What makes him keep his 80-year-old mother in the freezer? (The cops found her after they found him). He needed her Social Security payments to continue, so why fill out a silly death certificate?

What makes a girl paint her face like a whore and commit to eating man ass on camera? And what kind of a person would actually film such atrocities?

What makes a man take off his pants before heading out to the Dunkin’ Doughnuts and expose his wiener to the poor doughnut lady? And what’s his preferred tasty treat? Apple Fritters? Chocolate Olde Fashions? Or just the doughnut holes?

What was God thinking when he made the spotted hyena, which was described by Bloomberg News: “(B)oth the male and female have penises. The female, it turns out, has a scrotal sack, too. For reproductive purposes, the male transfers his sperm through the female’s penis, which doubles as her clitoris.”

Doesn’t that sound hot?

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Speaking of God, how about the New Orleans pastor who stole his congregation’s hurricane relief funds? Pretty typical Christian behavior, huh?

While I’m on a roll with whacky Christians, some poor foolio felt he was the Anti-Christ and walked into a church in Rome and stabbed the poor priest repeatedly.

The funny thing is, if he really wanted to meet The Anti-Christ, all he’d have to do is spend a day in my porno studio.

Any day would do.

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