I Am The Wizard King.

Max Hardcore

Is it any coincidence that Max Hardcore gets convicted the day before a substitute teacher — teaching a class a few miles away from the very courtroom Max was convicted — was trying to win over his class with a magic trick…and got fired on grounds of “wizardry”?

I wish this was a joke.

What’s going on here? Have I been secretly transported to some weird universe while I was sleeping? Am I really living in a world where George Bush is President, and torture is legal, and gas is five bucks a motherfucking gallon, and we’re in a war for no reason, and Kim Kardashian has a TV show, and everything is just plain fucking wrong?

A place where a substitute teacher is fired cause he’s a Wizard?

Did I ever tell you I was a substitute teacher? For $42 a day, I was told things like “you’re not my real teacher, so fuck off” and I was completely ignored whenever I told my fine students anything at all, and the faculty pretty much ignored me, and once a Principal made me move my car from faculty parking to student parking cause, well, he was an asshole.

At least I wasn’t accused of wizardry. If I was a wizard, I woulda case a spell in which the school district paid all subs $500 a day, all subs got health insurance and a car allowance, and all the 18 year old senior girls blew me until they took a facial — whether or not they were good looking.

Today, I got a massage, and no…no happy ending. But afterwards, I went to log in to my yahoo mail and noticed gas rose $11 a barrel (the highest single day rise ever in the history of oil), the Dow dropped 400 points, Israel says they’re gonna blow up Iran, and one of the stories on Yahoo News was about the top secret, underground concrete bunker, 30 miles from the North Pole, that contains something like 100,000 frozen seeds — solely for the purpose of re-planting the Earth after we blow it to bits.

Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?

But I already know the answer: nothing, of course.

The media knows fear sells — almost as much as sex.

I just wanna know why everyone’s pissed at porn…and not MSNBC.

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