My Hero Iggy Pop.

Iggy Pop

If you know anything about “riders”, you know they’re the contracts musicians draw up with concert promoters. They cover all sorts of bases, like the venue the show is going to take place, as well as what kind of yummy food the band gets before (and maybe after) the show, as well as how much they’re getting paid…blah blah blah.

Van Halen became notorious for their rider, which asked for (among other things) a bowl of M&M’s to be placed out for the band, sans the brown ones.

You can read Iggy’s rider at The Smoking Gun, but I’ll save you some time and just highlight some of Iggy’s very favorite things:

Iggy wants a back stage room that looks a little “less like a typical rock & roll dressing room and more sort of…interesting.”

Iggy would like a “homosexual” to add a little “artistic flair” to his room.

Iggy would like a “kettle or water heating device” along with some “fresh ginger, honey, lemons, and a sharp knife”.

Iggy would like an English language newspaper.

Iggy would like “someone dressed as Bob Hope” to do “fantastic Bob Hope impersonations and telling all those hilarious Bob Hope jokes about golf and Hollywood and Bing Crosby”.

Best of all?

The following is a last-page addendum to Iggy And The Stooges current rider, outlining a show Iggy came up with:

Dead Dog Island:

By the way, if there are any Reality TV executives reading this — hardly likely, I know, but — here is my idea for a Reality TV show.

It’s called “Dead Dog Island”, where a group of contestants / dog lovers are asked what is their favorite breed of dog, then whatever they reply (for example, “Poodle” or “Labrador”) they are then presented with a dead dog of that particular breed, which they have to cook in a number of different ways, say about six or seven, and then eat it all up over the course of the next, oooh…two weeks or so.

But just to make it a little more difficult and sort of gameshow-y, all the knives are blunt, and they have to wear a pair of those enormous clown trousers, made out of wood or something, so that they can’t quite reach anything.

The first person to completely eat all his (or her) dog, and not be thrown off the island by the public for being too pleasent, or maybe unpleasant, wins another, live dog of exactly that same breed. And pots of money. And free dogfood for life (of the dog).

This all would take place on some romantic tropical island somewhere, so it would all be very visual and make really super telly.

Maybe there could be a celebrity version, with currently out-of-the-spotlight celebrities in it. Does anyone know if Cher is a dog lover? I think Steve Nicks probably is.

Oh, and no sicking it all up into a bucket every night when the cameraman goes to bed. That would be frowned upon…

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