I Shoot Porn

It all started with Kitty.

The first time I shot her, back in the summer of ‘03, it was for Spunkmouth. I remember being totally freaked out when she showed up at the cheesy motel I shot at back then, cause she looked like she was 12.

I booked Kitty through her agent, and I knew when I booked her she was a barely-legal Asian, cause I saw her pictures, and she looked really cute, and I know barely-legal Asians are a big hit with pervy surfers.

But I had no idea how young she really looked until met her at the door. My heart skipped a beat, and if I didn’t book her through an legitimate agency, I wouldn’t have gone through with the shoot…even though all her ID’s were legit.

Anyways, the shoot went great, I made a new friend in Kitty, and after the scene wrapped, we went along our merry way, and since then she’s shot hundreds of scenes…and so have I.

Fast forward to the fall of ‘05. I get a fan mail for Kitty. He wants to shoot pictures of Kitty, and was there any way I could set it up?

I get silly e-mails like this all the time, and they always get sent to the trash after they’re read (and I get a laugh or two out of them). I took a look at the person who sent this e-mail, and his name was familiar. It looked familiar because it was an actor’s name, and I knew this particular actor’s work.

This wasn’t an A-List guy or anything, but he’s been in enough stuff that you would know him.

Trust me, you do.

And even though he didn’t say he was an actor when he wrote that initial e-mail, I spotted it right away. I thought — for a split second — that maybe whoever it was that really sent me the e-mail was pretending to be this actor in order to get his precious photo shoot with Kitty. Either way, it made me curious. So I did something I never do when I get e-mails like this: I replied.

And almost immediately I got my reply…it was The Actor. Or at least someone who claimed to be The Actor. I called my brother up and asked him if I should meet The Actor, cause I was dying to know if it really was The Actor, and even if it was a crank, I’d like to at least see a jerk that claims to be a relatively obscure actor in order to take a few naked pics of a porn whore.

My bro suggested a public place, and I already knew I was going to meet him in that sort of arena before I even asked my bro, so I set up a meeting at (where else) Starbucks, my very favorite corporate entity.

Sure enough, The Actor showed up. Kinda weird to meet an actor, I’ll admit, especially when it’s in this sort of circumstance. Besides, we hold celebrities ridiculously high in our society — any society, I believe — so unless you’re in the movie-making business, I’d imagine most anyone would be kinda weirded out and/or excited to meet an actor, especially if you’re a fan of the work.

I’ll be the first to admit nothing gets me giddy like a celebrity sighting…giddy like a little girl: once Kevin Spacey and Sean Penn walked right by me while I was in one of my very favorite used bookstores in Berkeley — searching the new arrivals pile — and I got so excited I thought I was gonna make boom-boom in my pants; once I was at James Frey’s book reading, and I sat near Kirsten Dunst, and I got so excited I thought I was gonna make boom-boom in my pants; once I watched Forest Whittaker sitting in his director’s chair when he was shooting a movie on the street near my studio, and I got so excited I thought I was gonna make boom-boom in my pants; recently, Dennis Rodman visited my studio while he was shooting his latest movie about a bunch of midgets that play basketball and he’s their coach, and I didn’t get very excited at all cause Dennis Rodman doesn’t do much for me; and, in fact, he didn’t even let me take his picture in my studio cause he thought it wouldn’t be “good for his image” to be in a porno studio, which is about the dumbest thing he could ever say, so now I could really give a shit about Rodman or his skillz.

Back to The Actor: I was — and still am — a fan of his work.

Over the next few months, we built up a friendship. We talked about the movies he’s been in, and the people he’s worked with, and the actresses he’s banged, and all his substance abuse issues; we talked about the stuff we have in common, and the stuff we don’t have in common, and for the first six months or so we got along quite splendidly.

Well, most of the time. It kinda weirded me out when he’d be in mid-sentence with me and suddenly turn to chase a little Asian girl who happened to walk by.

Or when he’d grab his binocculars while we were sitting in his Benz to oogle at an Asian girl.

But other than that he seemed OK to me…and then, Kitty.

Posted in: stories from porno land (some amusing, some not) by Billy Watson /