A Few Things I Love in my Life, Lately.

Molly O'Dell
Molly O'Dell
1) Tim Timebomb & Friends: I was never a Rancid fan, nor did Operation Ivy do anything for me. Tim Timebomb is another story. Just go check out his site, scroll down a bit, and then look for “songs”. He’s posting one a day, and I dare ya to find a dud. Click on the “mix tapes” to stream some while you work. Or jerk. Or work ‘n jerk.

2) Fart Sniffers: “Eproctophiles are said to spend an abnormal amount of time thinking about flatulence, and have recurring intense sexual urges and fantasies involving flatulence.” This from Professor Mark Griffith’s blog. While I can’t vouch for Dr. Griffiths, recently the “world’s recorded case” of so-called ‘eproctophilia’ has been recorded in a 22-year-old man from Illinois. This from UK’s The Metro. The Metro quotes “Brad” — the Fart Sniffer — picked up his fetish after “he heard that a girl that he had a crush on in school had passed wind during a lesson.” The Metro also pointed out Brad was pursuing his degree in the Fine Arts — so sniffin’ farts makes sense. I could have saved the British psychologist who interviewed Brad a lot of time by showing him the FARTING section over at Clips4Sale. My old pal Cinnamon Love made a nice chunk of change blowing big ones for her C4S clients. Urban Legend has a VHS tape featuring none other than Chuck Berry (Roll Over Beethoven) taking direct blasts from a blonde girl’s ass. Cause, as Professor Griffith’s blog points out, “Most people probably view flatulence as a disgusting behavior yet eproctophiles do not.” I always found farting kinda funny…unless they stunk up the joint too much. Then, I’d usually punch The Farter in the arm…and the worse it smelled, the harder I’d swing. You know…just like you.

3) “Just Drinkin’ Beer and Wastin’ Bullets“: Don’t ask me how, but Saturday night I wound up at a Luke Bryan concert. Florida/Georgia Line and Thompson Square opened. Collective audience IQ hovered around 85. I’m sure most spent their entire week’s pay on a ticket, parking, a tee, and a couple tall boys. The only thing that enabled me to endure the night was hanging out with my old high school pals. Wanna get 20,000 Country and Western fans to scream in delight? The lead singer just needs to mention whatever town they’re playing, followed by how big the titties of all the towns’ female inhabitants are. (I guess that goes for a Metal show, too, except instead of a mason jar full of moonshine (to the audience, no less), a Metal band would’ve passed around some blow.) Just when I thought it couldn’t get any dumber, I spotted a cute girl wearing short-shorts, a cowboy hat, and a tee that that read “Just Drinkin’ Beer and Wastin’ Bullets”. A day later I discovered it does get dumber…as she’s quoting the lyrics from one of Luke Bryan’s biggest hits.

4) Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me: From the site: “Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me is a feature-length documentary film about the dismal commercial failure, subsequent massive critical acclaim, and enduring legacy of pop music’s greatest cult phenomenon, Big Star.” I love this film, because I love this band. I love this band cause they’re great, no one paid any attention to them when they were playing together, and did I mention they’re great? If I had to get somethings inked into my skin, it would be the band’s logo off the first record.

5) Molly O’Dell: Last month, my porno pal Siri introduced me to a barely-legal girl who was calling herself Molly. Siri said, “you’re gonna love Molly…and when you do one of your interviews with her, you’re gonna discover something you’re really going to like!” Well, during the interview, nothing really came to light that I would call a “discovery”, so my last question to Molly was, “Is there something I didn’t ask that you think I should know about?” Turns out there was, and Siri was right. Turns out Molly’s mom is none other than Kelly O’Dell, a Porno Princess from the early 90’s. After our interview, I highly, highly recommended that Molly make her last name “O’Dell” and follow in her mom’s footsteps. And for once, a Porno Princess took my advice.

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