10 thoughts on “And You Thought My Movies Suck.”

  1. Damn it, I should have used hypnosis to beat up on that no good Kerry Von Erich. Maybe that would have stopped his iron claw.

    Got to love the announcers wondering out loud why they were not hypontized lol.

  2. You know damn well, Freebird Michael Hayes, that the only hypnosis you know about is the one you and your buddies, Terry Gordy and Buddy Roberts, are put under everyday from staring down down those bottles of cheap liquor. Your DDT’s look like an old drunk falling to his feet and I’m telling you, I ain’t afraid of you, Hayes.

  3. Sooooo, lemmie guess… the music used was apparently “Wrestler’s Delight”, instead of “Rapper’s Delight”?

  4. Ol Horseface Kerry Von Erich, calling me out on this blog? Well let me tell you something Von Erich. You may have those idiot 13 year old girls that frequent that dump known as the Dallas Sportatorium fooled, but you ain’t pullin the wool over Freebird Michael Hayes’s eyes brother. You and your no good brothers have every official in West Texas in your back pockets, but Michael Hayes and the Freebirds are gonna overcome that and run the Von Erichs out of Texas forever. Aint no illegal iron claw going to stop me. Because when you come from Badstreet USA, Atlanta GA, you stomp a mudhole in jabronies like the Von Erichs. You bring your discus throw and your iron claw Kerry. Its gonna be Badstreet on your skull, all night long brother.

  5. Look Watson: I have enjoyed your posts for going on 4 years now. YES, sporadically, but all the same: I like updates.

    And yes, they have been very depressing. But they also have been honest.

    I remember when someone commented on a post in which you said you had to cut a big wet fart (or “shart,” if you will), and then that person said they thought you were about to rip off Sedaris and then you went a different way.

    Well, I’m here to say Sedaris is a homo (and we all know he won’t disagree with me, but will misquote and jab at me in a hardly truthful way at worst). Look dude: FUCK SEDARIS. And, Fuck Wilco.

    Honestly, there is a white guy with dreadlocks, and maybe he is only a pianist for Tweedy, but he looks EXACTLY like someone who I have said (and don’t regret aiming) hate speech towards.

    All white guys with dreadlocks should take one big gas-filled shower with eachother (notice I didn’t specify the gas, let your imagiantion pump it in).

    Maybe it is oxygen. Maybe it is floaty hippy gassy love. Probably it is something a little more sinister. Because honestly white guys shouldn’t have dreadlocks no matter who they are, it just doesn’t work out well. Now, I HAVE seen some white dudes with okay cornrows, but that is a different story.

    Overall, I’d have to agree that Wilco sucks. Maybe I haven’t heard the right songs, maybe I am a philistine, and maybe there is just no standard by which to say any musician “sucks” that doesn’t filter out the listener’s biases. I think the latter is what you want, and the latter is what I want, but overall even accepting that I have to say: Wilco sucks dick.

    Man, I’ve been reading your blogs for a while, and I really enjoy them. I always have. One of the saddest/truest things that you ever recorded which had me thinking for a long time was your story about “brandy dallas.” The ones about the “celebrity” were pretty randomly hilarious as well, although I wish you would have straight up named him because a young whippersnapper like myself had to try to piece together who he might be and even then be unsure because there aren’t any video rental places left to check out a move of his which we thought might be the culprit. I know it is probably not needed, but fuck IMDB with an aluminumfoil covered glass-shard dildo.

    I miss the old days. But I’d be damned if I’d pay for them again.

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