My iPod Kicks Your iPod’s Ass.

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As of this writing there’s 4,224 songs on my iPod — and not one of them sucks.

I’m serious.

Serious as a heart attack.

I’m so fucking serious, I’m gonna prove it: right this very second, as I convert Katie Jordan’s hi-def MP4’s to WMV’s for my awesome members (the ones who are still on a slow internet connection) at the world’s greatest hand job site — Manojob — I’m listening to Delroy Wilson croon “My Baby is Gone”. And even before I could type that last sentence, Wilson faded out and Serge Gainsbourgh’s “L’Hotel Particulier” from Historie De Melody Nelson faded in.

Since I can’t speak French, I have no idea what Serge is singing, but that really doesn’t matter, cause he does it so well. I’d bet it has something to do with a relationship that went south. Delroy just sang about that, too, and if you take a look at all the art that’s ever made, I’d say 90% of it is either influenced by — or directly concerning — unrequited love.

Ugh…what a hassle the conversion from SD to HD has been. It started with buying an HD camera and not having the post-production equipment to handle HD files. Oh, I thought I did, but that wasn’t the case at all. Toss in tax season, software issues, and a totally apathetic, overweight editor, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Honestly, I’m still amazed I have any members at all. Speaking of The Editor, he spent a whole lotta time time figuring out how to lie to me about where he was going and what he was doing, so he could spend time with his girlfriend. In fact, I no longer refer to him by name, as he walked out on me without any advance notice after almost three years of employment…and without even offering up to stick around til I found his replacement. Citing “I’m dangerous to be around right now”, he handed me his keys and walked out.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. And what’s that supposed to mean, exactly? I’m dangerous to be around? I mean…really dude? Dangerous? Just when we were getting back on track with the HD updates.

“Still the One”, by Orleans, is up now, and it reminds me of the Chicago suburbs, cause when I was a kid I’d listen to WLS AM-890. WLS was the place for all the bad pop that come out of the 70’s by bands forgotten almost immediately — for, example, Orleans.

A quick Google search turned up the following play list from WLS, week ending July 19, 1975:

1. “Love Will Keep Us Together” — Captain & Tennille (their old home is now a notorious porno shoot house).

2. “Magic” — Pilot

3. “Wildfire” — Michael Murphy

4. “The Hustle” — Van McCoy

5. “Listen to What The Man Said” — Wings

6. “I’m Not in Love” — 10cc

7. “Sister Golden Hair” — America

8. “Take Me In Your Arms (Rock Me) — The Doobie Brothers

9. “Please Mr. Please” — Olivia Newton John

10. “Hey You” — Bachman Turner Overdrive

(Elton John’s “Pinball Wizard” would have cracked the Top 10, but as noted on WLS’s list, it wasn’t available as a 45, so no dice.)

I was 10 or 11 and I lived in a foul place called Calumet City and at that time in my life I loved me some WLS radio. I also stumbled across my first porno: a paperback original called “Come Swim in My Hole” found in a dumpster as I was looking for beer cans for my super bitchin’ beer can collection. Which brings me to another total digression, but at that time I had a crush on a girl whose name I can’t remember, but she asked me, “hey Billy, do you listen to AM radio or FM radio?”

“AM! WLS!!” I said.

She quit talking to me after that.

Ah — the splendors of unrequited love!

The Los Angeles band Eels are highly underrated and need to be paid some more attention. “I’m Going to Stop Pretending That I Didn’t Break Your Heart” is proof.

Ah — the splendors of unrequited love!

And how about that? Back to back LA bands on random play: X’s “Johnny Hit and Run Pauline”.

I’m even surprising myself now with the Power of My iPod.

Johnny Hit and Run Pauline — the splendors of unrequited love.

I’ve got a newbie in the studio today. Her name’s Ameila Rose, and she used to go by Emily Rose. When I asked her if she got the name from the movie “The Reincarnation of Emily Rose” she laughed and said no, “but people used to ask me that all the time.” She’s the quintessential IR girl with her red hair and pale skin. The Blacks on Blondes fans are gonna love her. They’re gonna love the scene, too, cause I booked two pale-skin redheaded girls for a scene with Flash Brown. Ameilia and I are gonna head out to the newest, greatest gloryhole that was just discovered in an adult bookshop somewhere on the way to Rancho Cucamonga…just in case you’re ever headed that way, you might wanna poke around a few places and see what turns up.

The Scorchers — “Uglyman”.

OK Go — “Return”

The Smiths — “Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others”.

Jolie Holland — “Tiny Idyll/Lil’ Missy”.

All in a row, back to back.

Don’t ya just hate music snobs?

Do you give up yet? Go on — admit it.

I just got a text — literally seconds ago: “Metal Legand [sic] Ronnie James Dio dead at 67”. I worked security for a Dio show. I think it was ’85. The only thing I really remember is roaming the parking lot and coming across a dude finger-banging a chick who was passed out in the front seat of a Toyota 4-Runner. He was standing right outside of the passenger’s side door; she was spread eagle all over the front seat. The other Security Goon I was working with that night first spotted that hot, hot action, and we did our duty and rescued the damsel in distress. Usually, I hated working the parking lot shifts — especially at shows when I actually cared about the band playing that particular night — but for some reason I had no problem roaming the lot that night looking to bust dope dealers at a Dio show. Dio definitely wasn’t part of Sabbath at that point…or was he? And if you’ve been a headbanger the majority of your life, living to 67 ain’t too bad, I suppose.

There’s absolutely no Dio on my iPod.

There is, however, all of Zeppelin III, as well as some Foghat, a wee bit o’ Sabbath (circa ’71 or so (Sweet Leaf!)), and a whole lotta Wilco, yo.

But you already know that.

10 thoughts on “My iPod Kicks Your iPod’s Ass.”

  1. FM radio didn’t exist here in ’78. Yet another reason I’m glad I wasn’t around in the 70s.

  2. hey bro,

    i didn’t catch a mention of The Black Crowes, The Stones, Mini Riperton w/ Rotary Connection, Afrika Baambata, Beastie Boys,………

    wow, im trying to narrow the list and there are way too many awesome artists to mention. i see why maybe some of these artists were omitted from your list.

    Can you recommend some ROCKIN Wilco tracks? the few tracks i have heard didn’t float my boat.

    gotta mention Buddy Guy also.


  3. Dude, I would pay a membership fee just to get some good music reccomendations from you per month. Kick ass taste in tunes. Anyway, I’m here ’cause I was watching some old Spring Thomas stuff not too long ago. And from what I’ve seen on here, the two of you are still friends. And if you are, please pass along the message that her fans still miss her. I swear, that girl didn’t even have to get naked. I could sit and watch her goof off for hours and still be entertained as hell. (Although the getting naked part was awesome, too.) I realize that there’s a limit to how much you can get to know someone from a few minutes of interviews before a sex scene, but she seemed like such a fun, crazy chick. Awesome personality. Which makes a girl so much sexier, in my opinion. Anyway, I just wanted you to pass along that she still has fans, and we wish her luck, and hope that she’s happy and doing well….

  4. i kno this is off topic but my name is ebony spruilland i looking for some sex and i am super horny…i will fuck girl or boy..i give great head and will please your pussy super dont have to pay me just fuck me super hard like its your last looking for good time and someone who wanna fuck call me ASAP [phone number deleted by Billy]…IM WAITING FOR YOU…

  5. Hey Billy, love your work. I’ve been a member of BOB for quite some time now, but man, you fucked it up with the latest Chastity Lynn scene. She’s like, one of the best dirty talkers around, and instead of hearing her dirty mouth we get to hear “what’s ___ in spanish?” asked by Jack to that old hag. What’s hot about hearing random shit in spanish? Like me, that was FUBAR, but your 1on1 scenes, dude, they rock.

  6. funny…travis beat me to the punch on that porno dude killing spree story….
    seems like your talent is breaking under pressure Billy…. 🙂

  7. Good musical tastes in deed!
    L’hotel particulier is about a brothel and it’s atmosphere such as there was in france in from the 19th century till the 1940’s in a luxuous Hotel Particulier, but its maybe supposed to be after the ban because he talks of knocning one, then three times, as if it was a code to get in, alone or with a Lady,
    He then describes the brothel and recommends a room, the 44th, named cleopatra’s room, describing its baroque or roccoco interior and the sculptures of the bedposts, soon to be the mute witneses of Serge and Melody’s love,

    The atmosphere is melancholic and elegiac as often with Gainsbourg’s songs but not a sad song about a bad breakup at all..

    On a different but related subject matter, If you havent seen it, I cant enough recommand seeing Serge Gainsbourg – une vie heroique, a biopic wich is at times surreal and not a true biopic at all, but a blasting good movie!

    Ah, and nice blog! I hope you’ll find a girl that is not rebuked by what you do for a living! (the nurses an the girl in the bar stories are quite sad…)
    (And the blog article where you explain to your granma the meaning of dp is hillarious!)

    Greetings from a french perv!

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