Super fun e-mails.


DN writes:

you may think you’re a “gentleman” because you didn’t fuck Barbie Cummings but she is at this very moment telling her friends that you are too “gentle” and not “man” enough otherwise she wouldn’t have needed to masturbate while in your bed, let alone blogged on myspace. Fifi was right : piss on this!


You guys don’t know this, but DN loves to hate on me and my blog. I get all sorts of hate mail from him. Just got two more today…one calling me a “coward” cause I don’t allow comments on the blog anymore. (I got tired of weeding spam out of them). DN has also taken time out of his day to slam me in past about gloryholes, and the fact they “don’t exist”.

It’s kinda fun, actually, getting hate mail. I wish more of you scurvy bastards would send some.

I try to answer all my hate mail, too. In this particular instance I told DN the truth, which is DN wished he was, in fact, me. DN wants very, very badly to be Billy Watson. I said something like Dude, you wish you were me, and you love my blog, and my life, and you wish it were yours, and blah blah blah. I wanted to goad something out of him, and boy, did it work!

man, I like your blog for the same reason people like to drive by car wrecks. A shameful, if understandable fascination for scenes of human failure. You serve a purpose. You remind us that when we became ungrateful for what we have, we can always look at guys like you and say to ourselves, “at least I don’t have to watch high school drop-outs give each other infectious diseases all day and never get laid myself.” Then we go back to our careers and families and future with a more balanced outlook.


What does this poor sap fail to realize? DN is describing himself. Exactly. To a T.

DN – you do watch high school drop-outs (and graduates…and college drop outs and graduates) give each other infectious diseases all day and you never get laid…huh, DN?

See, like most porn haters, DN can’t stand porn cause he can’t stand himself, and porn controls his life.

I bet DN has a list of porn girls he’d love to bang – all of which, according to him, never even got their high school diploma. Thank God you don’t need to graduate high school in order to have sex!

DN sneaks off to the computer room after Wifey is fast asleep, and he pleasures himself endlessly…and hates himself for it as he wipes his own cum off his fat stomach and sneaks back into bed, fearful he might awaken The Beast.

If DN actually got laid, he wouldn’t be surfing porn. He wouldn’t know about this blog, or Gloryholes, or any such nonsense. His lucky wife would have drained those tiny balls for him, and DN would be snoring next to her, instead of scouring the internet for as much free porn as his hard drive could hold.

And taking time to engage me in debates about gloryholes? I bet DN is – or was – a member of And he loves my work. Your computer is crammed with some of your very favorite scenes, isn’t it DN?

DN loves his hard drive more than that balanced outlook and career and family he claims to have.

Newsflash – pornography doesn’t create an addiction to porn anymore than a pint of Guiness creates an alcoholic. We all know it goes way beyond whatever substance the addict is abusing.

I’m not here to offend anyone – DN included. That’s never been the purpose of I Shoot Porn. I do, from time to time, take a second or two to defend porn. Cause it deserves to be defended. Imagine life without our 4 beloved legal vices: booze, gambling, tobacco, and porn. Imagine how bored we’d all get.

Imagine having to watch a football game without throwing back a few cold ones.

Imagine having to watch a football game without betting on it.

Imagine having to watch a football game without sucking down that nicotine and letting it nestle in your lungs.

Then, imagine coming home to your boring old slice of pie you call a wife and having to either fuck her, or go hide in the closet from her and jack it like a monkey in the zoo…cause she quit fucking you after kid number 3.

Or coming home to no one at all and being alone, again, for another night. And you end up jacking…but not to porn, cause the Conservative Right has ended it all. So, you end up wanking to the same images you’ve been wanking to, over and over…the same ones stored up in your brain for years and years – maybe it was the first girl you lost it to, or maybe spying in on your neighbor’s mom whilst she showered after a long day at work.

The only thing worse than not being able to jack to porn might be actually having to bang your wife.

Or DN’s wife.

How about watching that same game, getting buzzed, covering the spread and winning a few bucks while giving all your pals second hand smoke? Then going home and hitting the computer to watch a brand new scene featuring those well-known high school drop outs like Bella Donna or Spring Thomas or Barbie Cummings, or…well, you get the picture.

DN, do not pity me. My future, my career, or whatever else you may dream up next time you sit down to bang out another hate mail. My future and career are all as balanced as yours. Even more, I bet. And don’t hate me either, dude…just cause you want my life. Oh, and wait till you see what I’ve been having the girls do at the gloryhole – they’re swallowing now!

Swallowing a stranger’s jizz.

Every last drop.


So renew your membership, DN, cause you’re gonna love every second of it.

Your pal – Billy

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