Super Fun e-Mails: Sharp & Snarky

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A Concerned Reader writes:

Maybe it’s the sad state of the economy, but your blog seems to have lost its sharp and snarky edge. Have you become a Booster of your industry? You used to really be down on it – now you appear to be toeing the party line in order to prevent further collapse…
I just consulted to make sure “snarky” was indeed a word. Not only is it legit, but it’s British in origin. At least that’s what my quick, cheap & easy internet research tells me.

Remember what a pain in the ass research used to be? Driving to the library. Card catalogs. Periodic guides to literature. Microfilms & microfiche.


Being a pornographer is really weird. There’s no sugarcoating it. I kinda hit on this briefly in yesterday’s post — about leaving my body while I shoot it. It’s creepy and fucked-up and great — all at the same time. That’s why I say it’s weird. It’s a profession in which almost everyone enters…just to get out of.

“I’m just doing this for a little while,” they all say. “Just to pay off my car” or “til I graduate from college” or “until I pay off my (insert the family member here) medical bills.” (I’d like to add they never pay off the car, graduate, or take pay off momma’s cancer bills).

I did the same, too; my “little while” will turn 8 this August. My mom reminds me of this all the time. I told her, when I got in, that I’d do it for “a year or so”.

All this rhetoric is nothing more than a segue into being sharp and snarky. I dunno about how sharp the blogging is…but snarky? Do I really come off as snarky?

When Audrey Elson and I hung out, one night we were catching a movie together, and I asked her how other people perceived me. It was something I really didn’t think much about, but for some reason I did that night, and every once in a while I still do.

When I was teaching, a lot of my students perceived me as gay. “No way!” I’d exclaim. But I really don’t blame them. Funny how students behave. Once you dig into the first few weeks of the semester, students ask all sorts of personal questions. First, they want to know how old you are. Then, they want to know if you’re married. So, I’d answer them, and then, when I told them I lived in San Francisco, they’d give me this look. It’s hard to explain, and even harder to write about. Maybe if I italicize “look” — as in, they’d give me this look.

In a nutshell, I was their gay English professor.

I don’t recall what Audrey said, but I’m certain “snarky” was no where to be found. In fact, no one has ever called me snarky, but I kinda like it. I wouldn’t say I’m a “booster” of my biz; however; I am a booster of intellectual property, whether it’s tangible or not. This means I buy the things I like: music, software, and movies. Don’t get me wrong — I have no problem if people trade some files. But the same people who rip everything off scream and cry when they get ripped off, and that bugs me to no end.

The other night I was having dinner with some old friends, some of which play in a band. A gigging band that could break out someday…once they decide they’re good enough on their own and stop trying to be U2. I mean really…why be U2? I actually wanted to grab the lead singer by his shoulders after their gig at The Viper Room and shake some sense into him: if you’re gonna rip off a band, become The MC5, or The Stooges, or The New York Dolls, or T. Rex! I didn’t do that, of course, but I did listen to them complain about the state of the music industry, and how the fans are nothing more than thieves, and how bands can no longer make a living off CD sales and are depending on tangible things to sell, like t-shirts and posters. As I listened, all I could think of is, if you pulled the word “music” and inserted “porn”, they’d sound just like me!

Imagine that sorry state of affairs — sounding like me.

Speaking of swapping out “music” for “porn”, let’s have some fun: Hunter S. Thompson once said, “The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.”

Just like my pals and U2, I’ll steal from The Good Doctor right now: The porn business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.

Snarky, huh?

And I’d like to think I’m one of the good men…but we all know better.

5 thoughts on “Super Fun e-Mails: Sharp & Snarky”

  1. hi billy, i was wandering, that now that wesley pipes is free even is in hall of fame in some award, why dont try to put a escene with him with sasha grey, you know the girl who has read some books an likes jazz, and feel that she belong to the bit generation, well she selfproclaim, that she is the rough girl in the bussines, well let see if she can handle al the gansta, and this nigga is real gansta no like those rappers,he is gansta and a bad mother fucker ,well you know him right.tell to wesley to be a real gansta with this chick to take some lesson that she can not control this ni@@a.why wesley well because is the only one that a think she can be scare,for his past and gansta fame,besides this gay really crack me up with all the shit that he talk, and i bet he is going to talk about more shit with her you will see. i know is gonna be difficult to put this two, more because of her schedule but try men, is gonna be out the hook belive me.
    thank you for read this.
    take care.
    p.s:think about it, please is my fantasy.


  2. Sometimes the comments on your blog are more entertaining than the actual posts (not to say that I don’t appreciate your work). I simply feel that the lyrical genius that is commenter ‘somebody_out_there’ should be recognized.

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