Jessi Stone — Don’t Worry, She’s with The Band.

Jessi Stone Digital Leather interracial sex videos
They pulled into my studio around 9pm, beat and weary. I think one of them said, “L.A.’s our fiftieth stop.”


As in fiddy.

Just the thought of spending 50 days in a van with four other dudes for 23 hours a day — just so you can jump out and spend an hour on stage — made me feel gross.

They looked kinda gross, too.

But that’s the price to pay to be in a band.

I asked them, “you guys hate each other yet?” To my surprise, they all said no.

My little bro introduced me to The Lead Singer; he knew The Lead Singer from the indie music scene around my old Arizona neighborhood. We approached him a while back to write a song for No Way Am I Gay. Then he approached me to make their first music video.

“What show was best so far?” I asked The Singer.

“Brooklyn,” he said. “Cause I got drunk and laid.”

I asked, “Did you catch his name?”

We all laughed. And it might have been The Guitarist — or maybe The Drummer — who said, “tell him about The Blumkin.”

Maybe The Bass Player said it. I don’t recall. But The Singer told me he was pooping after a gig and there were people in the bathroom and The Guitarist blew him mid-turd as the crowd watched in disbelief.

I think that’s how the story went.

Of course I screamed, “No way!”

There were laughing hard. I said, “That’s a joke, right?’

I don’t think it was.

They were in LA for three or four days. “I hope you guys don’t mind sleeping on porno furniture. I mean my PA cleans it, and I generally don’t have the guys pop on the furniture. It’s always on the girls, and it’s always when they’re on their knees, over here,” and I pointed to the middle of the floor. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…if I were you, I wouldn’t sleep on the floor. There’s a whole lotta dried-up DNA on that floor.”

One of them said, “We don’t mind.”

For the next few days I went about my business — making smut.

The Band hung out and watched The Smut Show. That’s when I started thinking about how I could hire The Band, cause indie bands making the rounds are always hurting for money. They told me they played one night for $8 — after their bar tab was paid. Since there’s 4 of them and a tour manager, they pocketed a whopping $1.60 for the night.

Plus beer.

I had a way for them to pocket a little cash; they were down.

I booked Jessi Stone for Blacks on Blondes — a two-on-one. You know I’ve professed my love for Jessi Stone more than once.

While she sat in make-up I dreamnt up another cheezy porno scenario…one which would put The Band in a little more than beer money.

That’s when I do it, by the way. Dream up cheezy porno scenarios. How fucking funny is it that people write porno scripts and spend money and time and effort dreaming up shit people are going to ignore? Oh sure, there’s a few twisted fucks who will follow a porno story line…but come on.


I like to massage the Porno Princess’s shoulders when they’re in the make-up chair. It’s also when I spring my pervy, creepy, wholly inappropriate porno scenarios on them. “So here’s what I’m thinking,” I told Jessi. “You’re at a small party. It’s you and the band. Let’s have The Guitarist be your boyfriend. Act bored the whole time. And you’ve invited 2 of your new friends to join this small party — Hooks and Skeeter. You spring this on them right as the black guys walk in. Oh, and when they walk in, act like it’s Christmas Morning. After you introduce everyone, tell Hooks and Skeeter you’re bored, and this is a boring party, cause you’re with boring guys, and you want to take them a big party. Everyone stands up to go to this big party, but you tell the white boys they’re not invited to a big party…cause they’re small. Then, you go to the next room and fuck so the small party can hear what’s going on in the big party. At the end of your big party, come back to the small party and give your boyfriend a kiss for letting you go to the big party.”

And so it came to be.

Oh…and I’d like to add that the finale of Jessi’s Big Party was as big and messy as any party I’ve ever caught on camera. And while I’m talking about finales, Jessi is no longer in the Porno Game. Dr. Phil rescued her from our Evil World with a 4 year scholarship to college.

I’m fucking serious.

12 thoughts on “Jessi Stone — Don’t Worry, She’s with The Band.”

  1. Ahhh thanks for that, Dr. Phil! Not to worry, she’ll probably drop out (she is blonde after all) and come back to the biz. It’s not like the damage isn’t already done – everyone will recognize her. Personally I’d be embarassed stepping onto a college campus if I were her – you know most of those guys watch porn and will recognize her. All it takes is one person to find out and the rumors will spread. Does anyone know any girl who has been in porn who has successfully completed a college degree (not counting before they were in the biz)?

  2. Ah bullshit. Plenty of girls go to Florida on spring break, shoot some “reality porn”, and go back to school. Some get outed, some don’t.
    That’s not the reason people don’t complete college. It’s just some’s excuse.

  3. just wanted to touch base. i did add you to my blog, list of links. i know you weren’t a fan. but i hope you don’t mind. your friend…

  4. HAHAHAHA!!!!….fucking awesome!…….I was laughing pretty hard seeing that preview of the Dr.Phill show w/ jessi……the actual sad thing is that, neither her mother or Phill or the others seem to realize, Jessi being a whore is her nature…nobody put a gun to her head….she wants each cash and likes to suck and fuck……and that’s that. Everybody was treating her like poor victim, when she choose to be a hoor….. 🙂 …..I bet she’ll be back in less the a year…doubt she’s capable of finishing college and get an actual job based on any other skills besides selling herself.

    what would’ve been hillarious is if she would’ve mentioned your name Billy, ass one of the smut peddlers responsable for getting her into the biz….I would’ve been on the floor laughing at that one 🙂 ……

  5. “Ah bullshit. Plenty of girls go to Florida on spring break, shoot some “reality porn”… ” Um, the industry is based on LA, not Florida.

  6. Porn careers do not kill academic pursuits.Coupla’ years ago there was an uproar at frikken STANFORD LAW because some female paid for that crazy expensive law school with money from porn & escorting.Can’t remember girlies name.There’s a MILF chick who occasionally shows up on Naughty America.She’s a lawyer from Texas.If it’s in you…

  7. Mark G,

    Since you seem to be a godless foreigner, I will explain. The DVD porn business is based in LA, the Internet porn business is dominated by companies from Florida. Although in the past year or so the two have merged rapidly.

  8. Jeb… and yet all of Billy’s internet only sites are shot in LA (and always have been). The only sites I know of from FL are those stupid bus bang and monster cock sites.

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