Super fun e-mails: the Manojob lineup.

Jessi Stone
Emmit Coolbaugh writes:

Been awhile since I checked in and gave you this one man’s opinion on the Manojob lineup. As you know, it’s my favorite site on the Net.

Hope you’re enjoying the summer. Ah fuck, you live in Cali so it’s summer all the time….Here on the East Coast, it’s been rain, rain, fucking more rain and….well, you get the picture. Worst economy in 25 years. Worst weather too.

Thank God for porn.

Anyway, here we go……….

Jules Sterling: Is this cupcake as dumb as she looks? She puts forth a modest effort but the last time I seen a haircut like the one she’s sporting was in the early days of “Friends”. And what’s with the bags under her eyes? I’m guessing this gal slept through her 6 year stint of high school, so there’s really no excuse. Dumb bunny.

Laci Laine: This cherubic filly has the creepy look of a 3rd tier British Royal. Married to Big-Ear-Charles’ 3rd cousin twice removed or something. Tragically overmatched in this career choice, she needs to get that funky patch of something between her eyebrows fixed. It’s fucking distracting.

Callie Dee: Impressive. Callie has an exotic, enthusiastic manner that gets me going. She blends it well with a sweet wifey look somehow. Some girls walk that delicate line of whore/Madonna thing. Maybe it’s the Italian in me, but I’m not sure if I want to screw Callie or bring her to meet my Nana.

Chastity Lynn: In a previous life, Chastity was the 80’s pornstar Bunny Bleu. Or was it some teen angst TV series I’m thinking of? Whatever the case, Chastity is the ultimate wingman of porn sluts. She doesn’t quite have the chops to headline her own show. But she gets the job done quite well anyway.

Katie St. Ives: Great peepers. Like a ninja, this dame sneaks up on you with stealth. The hairstyle has to go. And watching her in action is a little like watching a kid ride their first bicycle. Shaky and have the Band-aid’s handy. But don’t be fooled; there’s a slut here deep down. A sleeper.

Sammy Grand: Personally, I don’t see it. Too bouncy. Too skittish. And her eyebrows are too goddamned bushy. I see her standing in a mall at one of those pushcarts, selling cellphone holders and Worlds-Best-Daddy tee shirts and mugs.

Lina Paige: I hate this broad. Truly.

Christy West: Sweet Jesus this girl has it! Okay, the tattoos are a little sloppy and lack theme, but this cutie has everything it takes to do well in the biz. The acting will come in time. The body is already there. The look is fantastic. Now excuse me, I gotta hit the men’s room and rub one out. (Note from Billy: for you Christy West fans out there, she’s now calling herself Ashton Pierce).

Missy Woods: Long, cool and giggly. Missy is a very pretty gal who looks just a peep too clean for the biz. Very good Manojob scene; still she’d probably do better focusing on work that would highlight her legs and overall length. Fetish and hose, maybe? Oh yeah, and lose those Frisbees you’re wearing for earrings, honey.

Kiarra Lynne: I’m a big Michelle Sweet fan, and Kiarra sort of channels her. Sometimes a gap-tooth girl will just distract the shit out of you, but Kiarra makes it work in a most lovely way. She’s a real gal you might find standing outside your local sports bar, smoking a butt and smirking your way. You have to buy her a beer and make a run at her, at least. Don’t you?

Sarah Vandella: I genuinely love this gal. Great tits. Pretty face. Super charm. XOXOXO

Karrlie Dawn: I’ll bet at one time Karrlie set the world on fire. That was probably about 12 years ago though, and porn is a young sluts biz. It’s a game effort and this brunette knows her way around a bedroom quite well, but she’s carrying around a little too much wear on the treads, and too many pocks on the face for this fan. Bukkake, anyone?

Lexi Diamond: This brunette has a hot look to her. Sincerely. Very good potential. I just wish she’d pay a little more attention to her 9-inch costar at SOME point along the way. She’s got the camera-gaze down pat, but this ain’t modeling sweetheart. It’s porn. Apply yourself.

Jasmine Jolie: Just an all-around, quality gal. She’s got an exotic look, fantastic lips and an easy going attitude on-camera, from the looks of things. Elegant too; seems like she’d be equally at home at a fine restaurant or dancing on a table somewhere shady. Primo.

Tina May: Great eyes. Bad complexion. Tina is a future public service announcement on the dangers of sniffing paint. A little disjointed and slow on the trigger; Tina’s life looks like a blur.

Faye Runaway: Colorful. Eclectic. Fun. A cuter version of Scarlett Pain (who I already adore!).

Dana DeArmond: A physically gifted gal. Great lips. Great nips. And we all know the braces are always good for bonus points in the jizz biz. I just wish this broad’s eyes weren’t set so far apart. Seriously, she looks like that cartoon hammerhead shark on Finding Nemo. Strange.

Ashton Pierce

8 thoughts on “Super fun e-mails: the Manojob lineup.”

  1. This guy likes the girls that are the most average-looking lowest common denoms. So boring. I see about 8 girls in desperate need of rhinoplasty. The only beautiful girl on this lineup is Lexi Diamond, hands down. She is stunning.

  2. Sorry Mark, but I disagree. Guess I can observe a little more depth and range in porn performers and their work than you.

  3. Depth? Range?! We’re talking about porn actors, not Academy Award Winners! They aren’t much more than glorified call girls, really.

  4. Dude, these chicks (and porn) are something you and I obviously enjoy. It’s supposed to be fun, for crissakes. Dissecting their performances works for me. Whatever works for you is cool, too.

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