Repeat: this is an entirely made-up thing. A thing I that came directly from my own head. Like fiction. In fact, I’m categorzing this interview under “Fabulous Fiction” as well as “Interview with a Porn Star”, cause, well…that’s what it is. However, I know Spring pretty well; in fact, I think I know her so well, I bet I can pull this off just like it was the real thing. Pretty cocky, huh? But after shooting her for 3+ years, I think I can back my shit up.
I Shoot Porn: Wow! Spring Thomas giving up an interview. That’s a pretty rare thing.
Spring Thomas: It is. In fact, I’ve only really done it one other time, only it was over internet radio.
ISP: I remember. You were really nervous.
ST: I know! Right?
ISP: Yes mam. Like when you did your very first scene ever. That BJ scene. At that amatuer site.
ST: I don’t want to talk about that.
ISP: Um, ok. Wanna talk about Sweet Apples? That was really the first time you were on camera, ever.
ST: I know! I like Sweet Apples! I was Ryan. I had fun. It was solo stuff, and some girl-girl stuff. Really innocent. And fun.
ISP: Then I found you.
ST: Or I found you.
ISP: That’s right. You called the ad we placed looking for talent for Spunkmouth. Remember?
ST: How could I forget? We met at Starbucks. It was summer, almost fall. Going on four years now.
ISP: Can you believe it? And we haven’t murdered each other yet. Well, I almost murdered you once.
ST: Yea, I remember. I think I almost murdered you like three or four times.
ISP: Maybe. You brought me doughnuts to fend off a beating once. Remember? You and Sophia did, actually. At like 10 in the morning. I shoulda still killed you two. Or maybe at least spanked you guys really good. Silly rabbits. Why don’t you bend over now and let me take a few whacks at that ass?
ST: Shut up!
ISP: Enough of this. Let’s talk porno. Who’s your favorite guy to work with?
ST: Shane Diesel. And lately, Jason Brown.
ISP: What about Mandingo?
ST: Eh.
ISP: Jack Napier?
ST: Eh.
ISP: Mr. Marcus?
ST: Yuk.
ISP: Double Yuk. Billy Watson?
ST: I won’t work with you. You’re white. And you have a really small dick.
ISP: Excuse me! I have an average-sized penis. 6 inches, no cheating, either. That’s base to tip. Not measuring from my butthole, and certainly not measuring from San Diego.
ST: Like I said. You have a really small dick. I’m a Size Queen sweetie. You should know that by now.
ISP: So size matters?
ST: Um, yea. Duh.
ISP: What’s the craziest scene on your site?
ST: This new boyfriend of mine and the scenes we’re shooting with him are hands-down the craziest stuff ever.
ISP: Yea, it’s gonna make people rip us off even more now.
ST: Totally.
ISP: Your poor boyfriend. You’re so mean to him.
ST: But he loves it so.
ISP: I know, huh? So what do you like to do in your spare time?
ST: I’m not answering that.
ISP: Wanna talk about your family at all?
ST: Nope. Not going there.
ISP: Your best friend?
ST: Sophia.
ISP: School?
ST: No thank you sir. Won’t talk about that.
ISP: The kind of guys you date?
ST: None of your business, man!
ISP: Can you tell me if you’re dating anyone at all right now?
ST: No sir-ee.
ISP: Do you party a lot?
ST: I like Saki Bombers and Bud Light and Kettle One. That’s about all I’ll say there.
ISP: Favorite color?
ST: Pink.
ISP: Who’s your favorite porno director?
ST: Um, wow. That’s a hard one. Lemme think on that.
ISP: Favorite song?
ST: Well, I dunno if I have a favorite. I love country music. I love pop music. I liked that Ashlee Simpson CD when it first came out. And 50 Cent, but that was a long time ago. I know I love to drive you crazy with my CD’s when we drive to LA. I like Napster and my lap top.
ISP: Remember when you wanted to be J Lo?
ST: I never wanted to be J Lo.
ISP: Favorite food?
ST: Beer. Fried rice. Beer. Sushi. Beer.
ISP: Beer isn’t a food.
ST: Says who?
ISP: Um…well, let’s see. What else…hmmm. What day is it today?
ST: You know what day it is today.
ISP: I do. How could I ever forget? May I?
ST: Of course darlin’.
ISP: (drops to his knee in song) Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happppy birrrthday dear Spring…happy birthday to you!
ST: Awww. Thank you hun.
ISP: Did you get the flowers I sent?
ST: I did! I love them. Thank you sooo much!
ISP: OK. Now just admit 6 inches isn’t small.
ST: Not on your life, shrimpy.
Spring Thomas sounds like she has absolutley nothing going for her.
She Said 6 inch is Smal 🙁 i have six Inches when its Hard. Its very Hard for me. Cause i thought my cock is very Big 🙁 i jerk Off to her and i wish she woud Suck my dick
How surprising
Family issues
Bad a school
That explains a lot
You would need to have 18 Spring Thomas’ to equal one brain.
How many Spring Thomases would you need to have to figure out how to correctly write out the plural of “Spring Thomas”?