Super Fun E-Mails: “Meatpuppets and Mopes and Woodsmen and Cocksmiths”

Trisha Ray Interracial Gangbang

(Not the Real) Ron Jeremy writes:

The male porn performer is an interesting, lowly specimen. They appear to have the dream job yet if you look at any of them there is no way in hell I would trade places with them (unless it was for a limited time, like less than a month). I imagine that one who chooses to sling cock for a living has a very lonely life. No civilian chick that has anything going for her is going to want to date you, thus you are relegated to dating porn whores, who bang others for a living. I am guessing most of these dirtbags have criminal records and/or drug issues. I have a few questions regarding meatpuppets/mopes/woodsmen/cocksmiths:

1. Quite a few of them seem to have done gay porn in the past and have crossed over to hetero. Why do you think this is, is there something about banging chicks on film that predisposes you to being a homo, whats the connection?

2. Most look as if their IQ would be in the 50 range. Are most of them dumb as a box of rocks? Who if any have surprised you with intellect/intelligence?

3. Are my presumptions above (lonely, criminal/drugs) accurate when describing 75% of mopes?

3. What is the craziest/funniest/holy shit thing you have experience with these mopes?

I hope you are well and can answer my questions.


(Not the Real) Ron Jeremy brings up an interesting issue, and one that I haven’t really talked about too much: Male Talent.

A lot of my friends are male talent. Well, I take that back. A lot of acquaintances of mine are male talent, and they are, in fact, an interesting breed.

Obviously, I have to watch what I say here, as I have to work with them, and I don’t want to piss anyone off; furthermore, it’s always dangerous to sum up a group of people — even though people always do it — whatever that group may be: frat boys, jocks, stoners, punk rockers, goth girls, fat girls, black girls, porn girls, or male porn stars.

In general, male talent are sex addicts that have figured it out. This isn’t a bad thing. Let’s face it: most men are sex addicts. I know I am. It’s God’s way to insure the propagation of the species.

A lot of girls are sex addicts, too. Some of them are called “Porn Stars”. Some are called “dental assistants”, and some are called “attorneys”, and some are called “teachers”, and very few are called “nuns”.

Before I digress any further, let’s answer your questions, in your order:

1) Back in the day, gay porn was nothing more than a segue into straight porn. It was that simple. The internet and today’s mass production of smut has pretty much ended that, although I will say most of the male talent working today are bisexual, or, at the very least, bisexual.

2) I can’t really speak to anyone’s intelligence, at least in a public forum. I think, for the most part, the pool of male talent could land a mean score on the SAT.

3) I’ll speak for myself, here: no civilian chick with have anything to do with me, and I’m not even a mope. Which means I’m relegated to dating porn chicks, when I date anyone at all. Which means life can be a lonely game, my friend. And some of the dudes I hire have criminal records, and a history of drug use, but then again, when I was a stockbroker, EVERY guy I worked with had an arrest record and was on coke and fucked whores and strippers and then went home to their wives…so go figure.

In fact, the last time I saw a person die, it was on the floor of the brokerage firm I worked at. Poor sap went into the bathroom after the market closed, did a bunch of coke to prepare himself for a long night cold calling, and BAM — dead.

Crashed like a tree to the floor, flopped around like a fish for a bit, foamed at the mouth for a bit, pissed himself, and then he died right as the paramedics arrived.

3) I see so much funny shit in my job that I could start another blog and just recant the funny shit I deal with on a daily basis. Well…I’d have to lump in weird shit, and aggravating shit, and interesting shit, and frustrating shit, as well as infuriating shit, into the lump of shit called “Funny Shit”. I could also start a whole blog just on my personal experiences with Mr. Brian Pumper, which would cover all of the above, but I won’t.

But I will tell you I recently shot an amateur dude trying to break into the jizz biz for the world’s greatest handjob site — He did a great job, too, until it was time for The Money Shot. His dick was hard, but he couldn’t cum, so he took a smoke break, and then another smoke break, and then he just hauled ass without telling anyone he was hauling ass. I guess he was just embarrassed he couldn’t pop. Maybe it was the Viagra, or the Cialis, or the Levitra, or that he was freaked out about what he was doing, or all of the above.

Maybe if a dude was jerking him, he woulda been able to pop.

Who knows, really.

Which is where I’ll end this.

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