Super Fun E-Mails: “I Don’t Believe You!”

Jada Stevens

Dutch Dave writes:

Mr. Watson,

Although I would never question your veracity, I question your statement regarding the existence of glory holes at least as far as heterosexual, taking all comers variety of glory holes.

I don’t dispute that gay glory holes exist, the inventive, unsanitary risk taking of our gay brothers always astounds yet never surprises. However the glory holes you photograph, although entertaining, strains my credulity and lacks a feeling of verisimilitude even while it tickles my risibilities.

The well know requirement for blood testing of all participants in what is a fantasy scenario performed for money raises doubts. Its a job and it seems unlikely a pro would risk unemployment even for what is undoubtedly well remunerated work. They would be unemployable while being re-tested or being treated for any STDs they acquired. Perhaps there’s a
fetish site I am unfamiliar with: Amateurs on antibiotic IV drips after a visit to a public glory hole.

A dividing wall in LA require at least a 2×4 thickness plus two thicknesses of 5/8 dry wall for a total thickness of 5 inches. As you have noted most dicks come in the 6 inch range which leaves a total of 1 inch of penis available for the girl. Even one of your fabled Mandingo love bludgeons would only present a paltry 3 to 6 inches through the standard wall.

I suppose you could knock out one side of the drywall and if the male performer could squeeze his pelvis between the the 16oc studs on either side he could present more cock although this begs the question of how do you find black guys with big dicks and narrow hips, which begs the question if such a person would even be interested in heterosexual glory holes at least as a pitcher.

The amount of rough abrasive material around the tender skin in that area calls into question whether a man would tolerate much contact with the hole. If you’ve ever hung dry wall, you know what a mess it makes of your hands, imagine getting that dust on the head of your penis, no amount of udder balm is going to sooth it. I see you protect the edges with duct tape, the medical and cosmetics industries first choice for effective, comfortable, skin protection, but the simple act of cutting and presumably the occasional widening of the hole for assorted comers means a dusty, irritating work place for all comers.

This of course leads us to the question of height of the hole. People come in different sizes and while men will make generous accommodations to facilitate fellatio, what about seven footers or dwarfs? I see only one hole in these glory holes you present, if its a public glory hole, open to all comers, someone outside the normal range of human height must occasionally stroll by and think: “Ah a glory hole, just the thing to pass a rainy afternoon! Oh drat, I am far too tall for the hole I have to use if the attractive adolescent girl on the other side of the wall is to accommodate me. I know! I’ll punch another hole in the wall so myself and my big and tall brothers can also enjoy the young lady’s courtesy.”

Based on the fact that you can take head to toe shots of the glory holee as she scampers around getting naked and warming up for some quality knees time with a glory holer, even if you use a perspective corrected 24mm lens, the glory hole has to be about 15 or 20 feet square to accommodate a photographer and his lights which means its not so much a glory hole as a glory arena. It seems a little architecturally spacious for a room devoted to a girl’s journey of discovery to see how many dicks she can drain at a sitting.

I won’t bring up the commodes mounted on plywood boxes or non existent goose necks and drains under the wall sinks. Is it possible you do some exteriors and maybe some cutaways on location and then repair to the studio where conditions are more capacious, convenient and convivial? Where a flat with some foam core on it doubles for the wall?

I of course know that you are being perfectly truthful when it comes to glory holes, who can you trust if you can’t trust a pornographer? I await your reply that will explain away my naive questions, as I have no life.

I also await the publication of your collected memoirs and observations, you must have enough material from your blog by now. Keep up the good work.


Dutch Dave!

I wanna tell a story. It’s a story I’ve told more than once, so if you heard it, skip the next paragraph.

I was an undergrad at Arizona State University, and I was pulling an all-nighter, studying for mid-terms, and I had to make a poo, and I hate pooing away from home, but I had to poo badly, so I went to the 4th floor of the Hayden Library, where I found an acceptable poo station, and in right in the middle of my poo, I looked over my shoulder, to the left, and saw a big hole drilled in the stall’s wall, and I had absolutely no idea what it was…until, years later, I scored a job at The World Famous

Since it was in a men’s room, I’d call it gay, which validates what you said — gay glory holes exist.

So why not hetero ones?

Why limit filthy, disgusting behavior to the gays? Do you really think “inventive, unsanitary risk taking” is a Gay Thang?

It’s really tough to catch anything from a BJ, and, while the girls at are fucking now…well, they visually inspect each ween. That should do!

And listen to Dutch Dave, the Los Angeles building inspector! “A dividing wall in LA require at least a 2×4 thickness plus two thicknesses of 5/8 dry wall for a total thickness of 5 inches”…who says I’m shooting these in the city of Los Angeles? Or even LA County?!?

I do know that in LA midgets and dwarfs and giants are NOT allowed to partake in Glory Hole Shenanigans. That is a fact.

I could go on and on, and defend myself to the end…but I shan’t. All I’ll say is sit back, relax, an watch super hot chicks do super filthy things.

Your pal — Billy

PS: Collected memoirs and observations! From a pornographer! What would I call it?

From Enriching and Improving Young Peoples’ Lives to Wrecking Them: The Story of Billy Watson.

Billy Watson: The Story of a Terminated College Professor to a Wildly Successful Smut Peddler.

Is It OK on The Face? The Story of Billy Watson.

I Can’t Use Your Bus Pass As An ID: A Pornographic Tale by Billy Watson.

Don’t Eat The Macaroni Salad on Set! — A Porno Fable by Billy Watson

Pissing Off Christianity One Baby Wipe At A Time

One Man, One Missionary Position

Billy And Maggie Watson — The Early Years

I Shoot Porn: The Tragic Tale of Billy Watson

That’s the best I can do…any more ideas?

Jada Stevens

3 thoughts on “Super Fun E-Mails: “I Don’t Believe You!””

  1. Yeah Billy, your claim that the girls really don’t know who is on the other side of the Gloryhole is about as beliable as the notion of Mike Von Erich as the NWA World Heavyweight Champion. When you shot Rae Rodgers in the Gloryhole, you can clearly hear Tone Capone on the other side barking his instructions, trying to do his best Wesley Pipes impression. And how come when there is a black girl at the gloryhole there is always a white guy on the other side, but when a white girl is there, then there is always a brotha on the other side? Drop the Kayfabe my brother, that crap went out in the 1980’s. We all know Tone Capone, Justin Long, Ice Cold, and your other regular cast members are on the other side of that gloryhole.

    “Now I am not saying that Kerry Von Erich is stupid but it takes him an hour and a half to watch sixty minutes”

  2. I meant to say “reliable” instead of the typo “beliable”

    “We live on BadStreet USA brotha, and the further down the block you go the badder it gets, and we live on the last house on the left!!

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