I’ll keep this brief: I want to say I cast girls based on their looks, but I learned long ago that’s a losing proposition. Why? Cause my “10” is your “7”, and your “10” is my “2”. And while I’m sure we can all define ugly, and we might be able to point out the ugly girl in the crowd, not all of us are gonna point to the same girl.
Where am I going with this?
Well, I don’t shoot ugly girls.
How about this: my old partner at Spunkmouth loves peroxide blondes in lingerie with huge bolt-ons.
I’ll take my Porno Princess looking like she’s about to go out on a first date.
But that’s just me.
Anyways, there’s a zillion cliches about what I’m trying to say, and I’m not going to bore you with them. Instead, I’ll say it again: Natalia Rossi is a piece of ass.
I like Natalia Rossi more than I like Indie Pop Rocks on SOMAFM.
I like Natalia Rossi almost better than the new Wilco record. (Buy the vinyl and get the CD free).
I like Natalia Rossi better than the blueberry/ricotta cheese pancakes Little Dom’s serves up at their Sunday brunch.
I like Natalia Rossi almost better than Wilco’s Monday night show last month at the Wiltern.
I like Natalia Rossi as much as I like Katie St. Ives.
And that’s saying a lot, cause Katie St. Ives is super fucking hot. She’s got the kind of look that says “Return to Witch Mountain” way more than, say, “I wanna jerk you off.” That’s way hotter, right? Well…wait. That might not sound appropriate. I’m thinking now it’s not too wise to cite a Disney flick on a porn blog, and while I should just highlight the majority of the paragraph and hit the DELETE button, I’m gonna go ahead and stand by it.
Just like I’m gonna stand by this: Wilco’s Monday show last month at the Wiltern might have been one of the greatest live shows I’ve ever seen. Seriously. Now, you know I’m Gay For Wilco, so you’re thinking this something along the lines of this dude can’t be serious…but I am. I bet I’ve been to hundreds of shows since my very first one (Van Halen, Celebrity Theater, Summer of ’78) to my very last one (Wilco, Wiltern, June 22 2009) and I’m gonna say those guys are doing shit that not a lot of musicians can pull off. They’re just six dudes playing as one, and that’s something really special.
Let’s digress. Wilco was way better than the Sonic Youth show a few years back, and they’ve been playing together for 20+ years; Wilco ruled over Johnny Thunders circa ’86 (but probably not circa ’76 (who was he playing with in ’76?)); Wilco was way better than the Chili Peppers / Pearl Jam / Nirvana show, but that’s mainly cause I caught that show in the parking lot cause I wouldn’t shell out $30 to the scalpers; Wilco ruled over The Who show I caught in 1980 that was stopped 1/2 through due to an electric outage during a summer monsoon for over 2 hours…and when they walked back on stage they fucking absolutely shredded Baba O’Riley; Wilco might not have been as good as Karen Finley jamming yams up her cootchie and screaming all sorts of disturbing things at her audience; Wilco walked over almost any Meat Puppets show I ever caught (20 or 30 of ’em between ’84 to ’92); Wilco was way better than Annabella belting I Want Candy in her purple mini and Indian moccasins; and Wilco’s encores were better than when the Chili Peppers used to put tube socks over their weens for their encores (which, almost every time, was Hendrix’s “Fire”); Wilco’s encores were even better than Eels covering “La Grange” after almost everyone had left the building and the house lights had come back up (a haw, haw, haw, haw, a haw)).
A haw, haw, haw, haw, a haw.
A haw, haw, haw.
Well, I hear it’s fine if you got the time
and the ten to get yourself in.
A hmm, hmm.
And I hear it’s tight most ev’ry night,
but now I might be mistaken.
hmm, hmm, hmm.
Ah have mercy.