M. Night Shyamalan Owes Me 28 Bucks.

M. Night Shyamalan The Happening

It’s bad enough that Arclight Cinema in Hollywood charges $14 to see a movie ($11 on the weekdays!), but to pay even one fucking dollar to sit through “The Happening” is way too much.

On the way out, a woman tried to justify this piece of shit by saying, “everyone compares everything M. Night makes to ‘The Sixth Sense!'”

“It’s not even about that,” I said. “This movie was simply awful. What did you like about it?”

“The relationship between Mark Wahlberg and his wife.”

“Did you hear the people boo when the movie ended?” I asked.

She nodded.

“When was the last time you were in a movie and that happened?”

She couldn’t remember it ever happening; neither do I.

In case you don’t know, The Plants are pissed, cause we don’t pay attention to the environment, and we’ve scared all the bees away, so the plants dump “toxins” into the air, which make people suddenly commit suicide in all sorts of crazy ways.

Somehow The Plants can communicate with The Wind, so whenever The Wind blows, you know it’s time for M. Knight to show off all the gratuitous violence in his “first R rated movie”.

Did I mention that only the plants in New England — where Mark Wahlberg’s character lived — were pissed enough to do this, and apparently they liked Mark, and his wife, and a little girl they rescue enough to leave all three of them alone…even when people are offing themselves left and right.

And after 24 hours (or so) The Plants proved their point enough to stop making people commit hara-kiri…until a few months later, when The Plants in Paris, France, get fed up and start doing the same thing.

I wish The Plants would make M. Knight jump off a building, but not before that fucker gives me my money back…cause the theater refused.

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